Soft Sounds and Hard Impacts

It's dark in here.
Visions are flashing into my head
as I reminisce my reoccurring dreams and you said,
"I'm falling, falling for you, babe.
My feelings are getting stronger."
So, why don't you stay with me for a little longer...
- Come Here Boy, Imogen Heap

Truth be told, Jill was nervous about hearing Chris's dream. She knew the beginning and the ending, but nothing in between. She had some suspisions, such as what she was to him in The Dream. It was more than partners, if she guessed right. It took her about fifteen minutes for her to reach the hospital (she hadn't gone far, only to get some tea). When she stepped in the room, the only light came from outside. It was dim light due to the rainy conditions. The chair that was often in the room wasn't there. She stood uneasily by the bed. Her unease came from how she was chilly, how she had felt for the past two years, one month, and three days before his waking, and how she was about to uncover that which was a mystery to her.

"Jill..." He looked up at her, happy just to see her again.

"Hi, Chris." She gave him a soft smile as she pulled her jacket tighter around her. He offered her a seat besides him on the bed and she took it. Like two pieces of a puzzle, their sides fit together. He put his arm around her to provide some heat. She leaned her head on his shoulder. Both were quiet and comfortable. For him, the silence was fear of admitting his love to her through the telling of his dream. For her, the silence was normal. She rarely talked to anyone any more.

He conquered his fear and spoke. "I don't want you to think of me any differently after this..."

"Chris, I wouldn't-"

"Let me finish. I don't want it to affect how we are as partners. No matter what." He looked her in the eyes. "I don't want to lose you. Okay?" She nodded, taking in how serious he was. After taking a deep breath, he began to tell his story. He started from the beginning, where most stories start. It was slow going; he had over ten years to tell. She learned of their relationship almost immediately. In fact, he began with it. He told her of the first time they made love, of when they formed the BSAA, and of even the smallest happening between them. She listened, even cried at some points. She wasn't sure what she was crying for; the sad events that took place in his mind or the lost relationship they had been in together. When he told her of the mission to apprehend Spencer and the two years and a half he spent alone as an alcohalic, he too began to cry again. She placed a hand on the side of his face and wiped them away as he talked. He leaned against her hand and told of her return to society. Then came the years after. Their engagement, more missions with the BSAA, and the disscusions of retiring to start a family. He ended with the end, as it should be. The end where he stood over her unmoving body as bullets dug into his flesh. "That... That's it."

She wrapped her arms around his torso and pressed her cheek to his shoulder. "Chris."

His slack grip tightened around her. "I love you, Jill."

She began to shake with the effort it took to not sob. Slowly, she raised her head from his shoulder. She looked him in the eyes and without warning, kissed him. It was a passionate kiss, led by her. She allowed him entrance to her mouth and was pulled deeper into the kiss. They pulled away breathless. Tears were at the edge of Jill's eyes. "That's all I can give you..." He nodded, sad.

"Visiting hours are over," Betty spoke as she stuck her head in the room. "Sorry, Jill, but you'll have to leave. I promise he'll be okay for the night."

"Okay, Betty. I'll be right out."

The nurse nodded. "Thanks, dear." She left.

Jill gave Chris one last long hug before leaving. "Bye... I'll be back tomorrow."

"Goodbye. I love you."

Jill had been able to hold in her sadness on the way home. She bottled it up in order to appear normal to Payton. He was easily fooled.
She turned her head when he tried to kiss her. "Not now..." she mumbled. Not while she was still trying to preserve her kiss with Chris.

Payton huffed and left her alone. She watched the sky darken further as she ate her dinner, a cold salad. Her mind didn't stray from Chris. The kiss was something more than she'd had in a while. He was caring and passionate and did something she had trouble believing anyone could. He loved her. Love wasn't a word Chris used lightly. She could tell he wasn't lying by the look in his eyes, the emotion in his voice. She was inadequate. She'd never be enough for him.

Not after the incident. Chris's accident.

They had been on a mission. Someone had planted a bomb in a mall. Though it was evacuated, Jill had been sent in to defuse it. Chris, as her partner, went with her.

That was the first mistake.

He came with her and watched her back as she tried to disable the bomb. It was ticking steadily down from an hour, originally set at four. With only fifteen minutes left, she had been able to cut off most of the supply of energy that would create the blast. But she wasn't able to diffuse it entirely. When it reached the last few seconds, Chris pulled her away (in her stubborness, she refused to leave). The blast only hit him. They were thrown a little ways away, but only Jill was able to get up again. Chris was unconcious, a cut on his cheek and a bruise on his forehead. She thought the worst. She blamed herself for the event at first and still did over two years, one month, and three days later. She'd never be worthy of a relationship with him, not with what she did to him. Besides. She was with Payton.

She finished her dinner, put the plate in the dishwasher, and retired to bed. Payton followed her. "Jill..." he murmured, setting a hand on the inside of her thigh. She pushed it away.

"I'm not in the mood," she stated simply. He pushed it, trying to kiss her. "No, Payton. I don't want to!" she hissed.

He huffed. "Fine." After a moments pause, he spoke again. "I'm leaving on a business trip soon."

She rolled over to face him, frowning. "Again? How long?"

"A month and a half," he answered.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"And your just telling me this now?"

"I was hoping it'd be cancelled." His reply was smooth. Flawless. Practiced. But she had no proof that he was lying.

"Fine." She rolled over, far from him, and went to sleep.

Work was slow. She felt emotionally exhausted. Between her current commitment to Payton and Chris's love, she wasn't sure what she'd do. Her pen scratched at her paper, a monotonous sound she had gotten used to. She didn't talk to the others and didn't really want to. She didn't really want to do much.

Barry approached. "Hey, Jill."

"Oh. Hey, Barry." She didn't look up.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" The older man was worried about Jill and had been for a while. Now that Chris had awoken, she seemed a bit better, but Barry still wasn't sure. She had regressed since the previous day.

"Yeah." She finally looked up at him, no emotion in her eyes. It was all locked behind a mask.

Barry looked at the time. "You know what? You can go ahead and get off early. Go visit Chris."

Surprise appeared on her face. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'll make sure to cover for you if Tony asks."

She smiled softly. "Thanks, Barry."

She was gone in a moment. She was thankful to Barry for allowing her to leave over an hour early. Chris was really one of the only things that brightened her day. With no family, few friends, and no pets, he was really the only thing to brighten her day.

Arriving at the hospital, Jill was surprised to find Claire already visiting with the eldest Redfield. The brunette stepped awkwardly into the room. Chris's face lit up, but Claire's... Well, her's contained the opposite emotion of her older brothers.

"Hey, Chris," Jill greeted with a smile. It fell when her eyes went to Claire. "Claire."

"Jill."

"How was work?" Chris asked, happy to have the two women that meant most to him near.

"Boring. Too quiet."

He gave her a grin. "I'll change that when I come back."

Claire frowned. "You're going back to STARS?"

He nodded. "Why wouldn't I?" Jill pulled up a chair beside the bed and he grabbed her hand, another reason for Claire to frown.

The redhead gave him an incredulous look. "You got hurt in STARS. You should get a different job."

"Claire, I'll be fine back in STARS. It's a lot safer there than in my head," he joked. "Besides, Jill will protect me." Jill's smile turned sad and she squeezed his hand.

"But Chris-"

"Butts are for sitting, Claire. I'm going back to STARS." He looked at his partner. "You'll help me train to get back up to strength, right?" The brunette nodded. "Thanks, Jill." Claire huffed, angry at her brother's pigheadedness. Chris turned to Jill.

"How're you feeling?" she asked him, rubbing her thumb along the back of his hand.

"Great. What about you?" He would've kissed the back of her hand, had Claire not been in the room.

"Fine. But how you're feeling is important than how I am."

"Yeah, no kidding," Claire thought to herself. She was sitting back in a chair, frowning. After a few more minutes of talk, Claire stood. "Jill, can I talk to you outside of the room?"

Both Chris and Jill looked up at her, surprised. "Uh... Yeah. Sure." The two women exited the room and Chris felt his stomach drop a little.

"What are you doing?" Claire hissed after closing the door. They were to the side in the hallway.

"If you're going to yell at me, at least step where Chris can't see you. He wouldn't want us fighting." Jill's tone was flat and could be mistaken for uncaring. She and Claire both took a step further down the hall, out of Chris's line of sight.

Claire repeated her statement. "What are you doing?"

"What?" Jill asked in the same toneless voice.

"Supporting Chris in his insane idea to go back to STARS!" Claire exclaimed in an angry whisper, not wanting their argument public.

Jill snorted. "I'm sorry, was I not supposed to be supportive of him?"

The redhead gritted her teeth. "If he goes back to STARS, he'll just get hurt again!"

"I'll be there to protect him!" The lock expert replied, anger getting the better of her. No one was taking her away from him.

"You're the reason he was hurt last time!" The outburst was loud. Claire had lost control in her anger, a trait she and her brother shared.

Jill's breath caught in her throat. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, which were wide and filled with hurt. Before Claire could amend what she had done, Jill was fleeing from the hospital.

Claire returned slowly to the room, taking a seat without looking at Chris's face. Her anger had dissipated to nothing.

"Where's Jill?" he asked, wanted to see the brunette again. He wanted one of her hugs.

Claire just shook her head, ashamed at her own words.