Soft Sounds and Hard Impacts

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell him a hookah-smokin' caterpillar
Has given you the call
And call Alice when she was just small
- White Rabbit, Emiliana Torrini

Chris stepped into Cuilter's office. He smelt the too familiar scent of cigarettes. He knew the shrink smoked, and knew it was a bad habit to get into. Jill had been the one to make him kick the habit when she first became his partner. Truth be told, it was tempting to start smoking again. Jill would flay him for it, though. It wasn't like he needed cigarettes. They were just a stress reliever. Chris was very stressed out with all the changes that had taken place in his life.

"Morning, Mr. Redfield," Cuilter greeted.

Chris didn't bother to correct him with "Chris" instead of "Mr. Redfield". "Morning," he mumbled. The marksman took his seat and faced the shrink.

"Anything you want to start with?"

Chris shook his head. All of these talks went to Cuilter claiming Chris's love for Jill wasn't real. That was bullshit. Chris loved Jill more than anything. He had since STARS. He had been attracted to her the first day, though made no moves. They fell into a comfortable relationship where flirting wasn't uncommon. He had been just about to ask her out when he fell into the coma. That was horrible luck. Horrible. Instead, he asked her out in his mind as they sat on a helicopter, moments before she fell asleep, head on his shoulder.

"Okay. How are your current living arrangements working out?"

"With Jill? Fine. She's been helping me look for my own apartment. We're going today, actually. After she gets out of work."

"Are you looking forward to moving out?" he asked.

Chris rolled his eyes. "What do you think? No. Because that'll leave her alone and with how she's felt lately, I'm scared of what she might do if she's left alone with her thoughts. I have nightmares about it."

"What happens in them?"

The marksman sighed. "I don't want to think about it."

"It'll be beneficial to your mental health."

Yeah. Sure. Chris thought. Cuilter always pulled that line. Chris never believed it. He didn't see how the man had his degree in psychology. "It's beneficial for me to think of my partner being dead or maimed or something similar?"

The shrink sighed. "If it's possible, bring Jill in to our next appointment tomorrow."

Chris nodded. "Fine."

Jill left work early, before three. She needed to get home, eat something, and start hunting for Chris's next apartment. They had planned to visit a few of the places they had found online that day in hopes one of the apartments would fit. They had already phoned ahead to the landlords and made sure that it was okay for them to go.

Upon entering her own apartment, she caught the smell of something cooking. "Chris?"

"In the kitchen!" he called. She dropped her jacket and keys on the couch and entered the kitchen. He was at the stove, cooking what appeared to be grilled cheese. He turned to her and smiled. "Hey, Jill." He had a plate with a few grilled cheese sandwiches on it. "Made us some food for before we go."

She smiled. "Thanks, Chris."

"It's the least I could do when you're letting me live here until I find my own place."

She gave him a kiss on the cheek and sat down at the island counter. "I'm gonna be sad when you go. It's quiet here without anyone else."

"I could stay," he offered with a grin.

She smirked and rolled her eyes. "I wish." She picked a sandwich up and took a bite. "This is good. You should cook more often."

"I'll cook whenever you want me to." She smiled at him and continued eating. "Oh, Jill. Cuilter wants you to come to my appointment tomorrow."

She tilted her head. "Why?"

"He didn't say."

"Okay. What time is it at?"

"Around eight in the morning."

"Good. I don't go in until ten tomorrow."

"They've got you working shorter weeks," he pointed out.

She nodded. "It because they know I've got you here. Once you go back to work, I'll be back on my normal shift."

"I'm hoping to be able to go back to work tomorrow. I think Cuilter will sign the papers that say I can."

"Good. I need my partner back. And it'll be just in time for the big mission we've been planning. Well, we haven't got much of a plan yet. It's more like we've researched the place a lot."

"What is it? Where are we going, what are we doing?"

"It's a drug bust at an amusement park." She finished her grilled cheese and stood to get a drink.

"At an amusement park? That's unusual."

She nodded, pouring both him and herself a glass of milk. He thanked her when she handed him his. "I guess an amusement park is unexpected. I mean, who thinks about drugs when they think about kids on rides?"

He shrugged. "That's the point then."

Jill glanced at the time. "We should probably head out to the apartments. As much as I'd love you to stay."

He smiled a soft smile and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "I love you, Jill." She blushed and looked down before turning away.

She didn't know how to reply to that. Not when if she replied "I love you" it'd be cheating on Payton, and if she replied something less, it'd hurt Chris. She didn't want to hurt Chris. He was her partner and someone important to her.

"C'mon, Chris. We've got to find you an apartment."

Jill didn't sleep well that night. Not at all, really.

She was almost afraid of Chris moving out. She'd be left alone in her apartment again, just like every time Payton left on a business trip. She and Chris had found an apartment that would suite his needs. One bedroom, one bath, and cheap enough that he could live there on his current salary. He was about five minutes away by car, fifteen by foot. He was going to be able to move out within the week and Jill would be alone at the apartment again and left to her thoughts. Her terrifying thoughts. They had agreed to have plenty of movie nights, but that didn't comfort Jill much. She'd rather he was a room over than a few blocks over.

She stood from her bed and wandered down the hall. Peeking into Chris's room, she saw he slept soundly. He often had nightmares where he'd toss and turn and mutter in his sleep. She didn't know what the nightmares were about, but she hated how much he was tormented. She closed his door and continued down the hall.

The living room floor was cold on her feet. The cold travelled up her legs in the form of goosebumps until she was shivering. She sat down on the couch and put her feet up. Her line of sight went straight to the window where she could see through the open curtain to a waning moon. The stars were invisible do to the light of the city.

She didn't fall asleep until the moon had moved passed the window and only blackness showed in her part of the sky.

"Jill? Babe, wake up." She felt a hand settle on her shoulder. She opened her eyes slowly. "Jill, why'd you sleep out here?" Chris asked.

She shrugged and sat up. Rubbing her eyes, she answered him. "I don't know... I couldn't sleep."

"You can always wake me up if you can't sleep," he said. "I'll talk to you, sing to you, whatever you want."

The brunette smiled, though softly. "Thanks, Chris. But I'm fine." She paused. "What time is it?"

"About seven. I made some breakfast."

"I'm not hungry. Besides, I should shower."

He nodded. "Okay. You're still good with going to the shrink appointment, right?"

"Yeah. Definitely." She gave him a quick hug. "I'll be out by seven thirty, then we can go." Jill made the shower scalding hot. It left her skin a little raw, but she felt awake. It was better she was awake with a little bit of pain, than painless and tired. She wasn't getting any sleep anyway. After the shower, she got dressed and returned to the living room. "Chris? Are you ready?"

His voice came from his room. "I'm getting dressed, hold on!" She sat on the couch and waited for him, leaning her head back on the couch. A yawn died in the back of her throat, stifled by her want not to. "Jill?" She was startled by the sudden proximity of his voice. She jumped and he set his hand on hers. "Hey, calm down. It's just me. If you're too tired, you don't have to go."

She shook her head. "I'm fine. Let's go."

By the time the pair had arrived at Cuilter's office, Jill had woken herself up for the day.

Chris opened the door for her, guiding her in with a hand on the small of her back, a habit picked up in the Dream.

"Good morning, Chris. And I assume this is Jill?" The marksman nodded. "Nice to meet you." She dipped her head towards him as form of greeting before sitting down besides Chris on the couch.

Cuilter started off asking Jill questions. How she felt about this or that, how easily she slept, her opinions on work, ect. She quickly grew to dislike him. He smelled of cigarette smoke and acted like a jerk. After a while, he switched to asking Chris questions. Where he was living, how he was feeling, how his check ups at the hospital were going, ect.

Eventually, they reached the subject of Chris's love for Jill. Cuilter asked Chris to step out of the room so he could talk to her. "Okay, Jill. I wanna know how you really feel about Chris claiming he loves you."

Her eyebrows went up. "Claiming? Chris isn't claiming he loves me. He does. I know that sound cocky for me to say, but Chris means every word he speaks. He's the only one that cares for me and I care for him as well. I may be confused to why he'd love someone like me, but I'm thankful for it."

The shrink sighed, seeing he'd get no where with her. He called Chris back into the room.

This time, only a few more questions were asked. Vague questions that were barely answerable.

When the appointment was over, Cuilter took a pad of paper from his desk and wrote something down on the front page. He then ripped off that paper and handed it to Jill.

"What's this?" she asked.

"A prescription for anti-depresants."