Behind the Mask

FIFTEEN: We Shouldn't Be Friends Anymore

.:::.

The next day, I made a terrible mistake.

I had spent days striving to regain control and order in my life without making those terrible mistakes, but it turned out I was never cut out to fix anything in the first place. My specialty was making things much, much worse.

I was doomed from the start.

I woke up in my bed, frozen with a fear I'd never known before. I knew if I'd slept another few hours I would have been hungover just as badly as that one morning. But I wasn't afraid of the hangover.

I could already feel the bareness of my body against the sheets. I felt it without even moving. I stared in horror at Chase's back, facing me from across the bed.

I moved my fingers first. They were curled up tightly in my chest. I felt the fabric of my bra, and my bra alone. It allowed a bit of relief to flow through me, but not much. I was lying in bed wearing only my bra and underwear after a drunken night I barely remembered. I wasn't out of the woods yet.

I knew I wouldn't agree to sleep with Chase while sober, but I didn't know what I was like while drunk. One beer turned into three. It didn't take much for my fragile body to succumb to the alcohol.

I was stupid. So, so stupid...

Chase stirred in his sleep, almost as if he sensed I was awake. He turned to face me. I stayed silent in my frozen state.

He opened his eyes, slowly and carefully, noticing the fright in mine. "What?" He mumbled.

I had to call up enough bravery to answer. "What happened?" I asked in a small and controlled voice.

It appeared that he'd gotten slapped across the face with the memory, and he covered it with his hands in a soft groan.

"I asked you a question." I reminded him in the same voice. "What happened last night?" He looked over to me again, his eyes trailing down to my chest. I covered myself sensitively with the sheets. "Answer me!" I nearly growled at him.

"Nothing." He gave in to my hostility. I was using it to mask my fear. "Nothing happened."

"You're lying." I suspected, watching the regret grow in his face. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not." He insisted. "Nothing happened, I promise."

"Then why the hell am I almost naked?"

"Because," He looked uncomfortable, caught in the filthy lie. "You wanted to...it was your idea, but I stopped you after you - you know, stripped yourself down. I knew you were drunk, way worse than me. You got in the bed and passed out right after, that's all."

I tried recalling the series of events, but I couldn't make the connections. Something else was telling me that he wasn't lying after all. I still didn't care. I closed my eyes and cuddled myself close, praying that the tears would hold off until I was alone.

He touched my arm. "Liv, baby, don't be upset."

I whispered it first. "Get out."

Chase waited for it to sink in. "What?"

"Get out!" I screamed now, and the sudden, loud volume caused him to flinch.

"Why are you mad at me? I stopped you before you tried to -"

"Chase, you better get the hell out of my apartment or so help me I will -"

"I don't see why I'm the bad guy here!"

I sat up in the bed, holding the sheets to my chest as protection. "You did this to me! I was never like this before, I was never so drunk in my entire life that I couldn't control my own actions, let alone remember them! This is all your fault, so get out of my life! Get out!"

He actually had the nerve to chuckle. "Jesus, Liv. You really do need help."

"You're one to talk!" I barked.

He rolled out of the bed, wearing a pair of shorts. "What will you do, huh? What will you do when I'm gone? Give yourself away to some loser?"

I scrunched my nose at the thought. "I'd give myself to anyone but you."

He laughed again, but without humor. "Okay. You know, the only reason I stayed with you is because I felt bad you lost your brother that way, but now I see what you really are."

"And what's that?" I shouted, certain that any of my neighbors could hear. "What am I to you, Chase? Because I'll tell you exactly what you are to me!"

He grabbed his backpack and threw on his t-shirt. "You're just a helpless little girl lost in the big city without her brother here to protect her, and you try to act tough and scary, but you're not. You're too afraid of the world and of yourself to live your life anymore. You push everyone away and expect us to come back for you! Why should we?"

The tears arrived earlier than I had planned. Not because his words hurt me, but because they were completely true. "Get out! Get out now!"

"Gladly." He spun on his heels and headed for the door with the impression that he was the one that ended the relationship. "You need to grow up, Liv. Greg isn't here to hold your hand anymore."

I became so infuriated that I clutched the sheet around my body and raced after him. I caught the door with my foot and stood halfway in the hallway. "You better not come back here! I hate you, and I never want to see you again!" The screaming and crying drowned out most of it, but I knew he got the picture. He never looked back.

It took me a few seconds to realize I was exposed in the hallway. I almost didn't care, but I assumed someone might call the police if they saw me. I watched at the end of the hall as the elevator opened for Chase. Someone stepped off as he stepped on. The doors closed, and I watched helplessly as Peter approached me.

Why did he have to make an appearance every time I lost my mind?

"What are you doing here?" I snapped at him.

His head was down, verifying that my camera was as good as new, just like he promised. He was stopped a distance away, viewing my situation from afar. "Your camera." He said hesitantly.

I took an extra deep breath, reminding myself not to take my anger out on Peter. I held the sheet with one arm and shakily reached for the camera with the other. "Thank you."

He made sure to keep his eyes elevated. The left one had a dark ring beneath it, a product of his crooked and broken nose. "Is everything okay?"

I brushed my hair back and away from my face with a sigh. Was everything okay? I had just permanently and selfishly ended whatever it was that I had with Chase, the only other man in the city that knew Spiderman's secret identity.

"Oh, god!" I collapsed against my door, holding a hand to my clammy forehead. The fact that he knew didn't even cross my mind. I was just plain sick of the man, sick of the way he made me feel. I hadn't thought of what it would mean for Peter in the slightest.

He noticed me watching the elevators with bulging eyes. He looked back himself at the closed doors. "Did he...did he do something to you?"

"It doesn't matter." I told him, debating whether I should hide under my bed for the rest of my life gathering dust or suffer through the consequences.

He reached for one of my arms to support me. "What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything. He didn't do anything at all." I finally admitted. "I'm an idiot. God, I'm such an idiot!"

"You're not an idiot. Don't say that." Peter used a soft and soothing tone, but I was well past being soothed.

"Peter, he hates me for dumping him on his ass! Don't you realize what that means?"

A strange little light flickered in his eyes. "You dumped him?"

It was a nightmare. "He's probably already spilling his guts to the press. It's my fault. It's always my fault! You shouldn't have trusted me the way you did. I've destroyed your whole life. Everything is ruined because I couldn't keep your secret. Chase is right, I'm just a coward. I thought I would be able to help you, but I've done the complete opposite. We shouldn't be friends anymore, Peter."

I was too caught up in my self-loathing to notice his thumb running over the tender spot on my jaw. I discouraged my desire to kiss him. I might have been a coward, but I wasn't going to rebound that quickly.

Peter invited himself to lean right in and kiss me anyway, like it was the most causal occurrence in the world. It really did feel natural, effortless. I even kissed him back.

He stepped away just as suddenly, still caressing that bruise on my jaw. "You're right. We shouldn't be friends anymore."

I kept my eyes closed. "You shouldn't do that if you agree with me."

He ignored my request and leaned close again, close enough to ghost his lips over mine. "I really can't be your friend anymore, Olivia."

I understood what he meant, how he was playing with his words. It only made me want him more. "But Chase will be so angry if he sees us. Who knows what he'll do if he finds out. He can hold your secret over our heads and get us to do whatever he wants."

"He doesn't have to find out, does he?"

If I couldn't keep the first secret from Chase - the more important secret - then I had to keep this one. It was the least I could do, since I was already agreeing to the most dangerous relationship I ever imagined.

Peter spun his finger around the ends of my hair. "You don't seem very enthused."

I squinted my eyes a bit. They were still somewhat sensitive to the light. "I am, I'm just...not in the best shape right now."

He nodded, finally able to put some of the pieces together. "Do you need anything?"

"Not really." I felt somehow at peace with myself, even though I'd been insulted and humiliated by the fool that had just walked out. "I just need some time alone. I have to throw all of his things out the window."

Peter smiled, but bit his bottom lip. "Should I feel guilty?"

"Not at all. He had it coming." I told him, redirecting my attention to my camera again. "Thank you, though, for fixing this. It means a lot to me."

He waved his hand in the air.

"How much do I owe you?"

"How much do you owe me? Nothing."

"No, I have to give you something for this." I peeked inside the apartment to see if I had spare dollar bills sitting on the desk near the door.

"I don't want any money," He said, fighting another smile. "I have you."

I practically snorted in laughter. "Can you get any cheesier?"

"Is it working?"

"Peter, please let me pay you."

"Fine." He pretended to count up the numbers in his head. "You owe me about four billion dollars."

I dropped my eyebrows and gave him a look, the sort of look my mother gave me when she knew I was being mischievous. "Really?"

"Really."

I rolled my eyes and pulled at the collar of his shirt, connecting his lips with mine when I could reach them. I wrapped one arm around his neck and held him there for a while, relishing in the fact that he was officially mine and I was officially his.

It thrilled me to know we were finally together. I still needed to be healed after Greg's death, and I knew Chase had only caused more damage. Peter would be able to get me back to normal and eventually start healing me, something I never imagined possible before I met him.

And when he kissed me this way, slowly and certainly , I stopped feeling so hopeless. I didn't regret dumping Chase; I only wished I had done it sooner. I didn't worry about Spiderman or what Peter would do about the escalating problems that were surfacing. Being with him gave me something I was sure I would never get back: hope.

Peter broke the kiss but pressed his forehead against mine, the tips of our noses still touching. "You're sure you're okay?" He asked one more time.

I nodded, slowly coming back down to earth and becoming conscious of myself. I stepped backwards into my apartment and held the door knob in my sweaty palm. "I will be."

Yaaaaaaaay finally! :) Sorry if this is a little too dramatic...I don't know I guess it's just more fun to write dramatic scenes rather than dull ones :) I hope you like it either way! I probably won't be updating for a little while now (senior class trip to DISNEY WORLD) but I still want to thank all of you for reading! This story would be nothing without you :)