When they were out of the neighborhood where Carol had been trapped, Daryl pulled the motorcycle over and turned it off.
"Why are we stopping?" she asked. She was so tired, she couldn't wait to get home to her bed.
"I have to tell you somethin'," he said, turning his head slightly toward her. Her arms were still wrapped around his waist and he made no move to get off the bike so she stayed put. "We found a prison."
"What? A prison? What do you mean?"
"I mean we're livin' in a prison now," he said. He still wouldn't look at her.
"A prison? Why?" She felt panic rising within her, her nerves jumping.
He turned toward her a little. "When that herd came and we all got away, we were on the road for a little while. Rick and me, we went out lookin' for food and we found this prison. Took us a day to clear the walkers out, but now that's where we're stayin.' There's a cafeteria with some food, there's some medical supplies."
Carol choked back a sob. "I – I can't—"
"It's not that bad," he said. "I just. . .I guess I wanted to warn you in case you thought we were goin' back to the house."
"Of course I thought that!" she cried. "I want to go home! Home!" She was wailing now, and a part of her was embarrassed, but the rest of her was so tired and so disappointed that she didn't care. A prison? How could that possibly be better than their houses? "Why can't we go home, Daryl?"
"The prison's safer."
"Is – is everybody ok?" she asked. She was afraid to hear the answer.
There was a long pause before he spoke again. "Not everybody. Let me just take you to them."
She wanted to demand that he tell her what had happened, but she was too exhausted to push it. She would find out soon enough, and if she could have a few more minutes of just resting her head on his back and not knowing who else she had lost, then she would take it. He started the bike again and they rode on in silence.
When they reached the prison, Carol was alarmed at how huge it was. She was also surprised by the number of walkers that surrounded the fence. How is this safe? she wondered. Then she saw Maggie, Glenn, and T-Dog banging on the fence to draw the walkers' attention while Michonne opened the gate for the motorcycle to cross through. Where was everyone else?
Daryl led her into the prison and took her to the cell block where they had been sleeping. The first person she saw was Beth, holding a newborn baby. A huge smile spread across Beth's face when she saw Carol.
"The baby," Carol said. "Oh my god. Lori—"
Beth's smile faded and she shook her head. "She didn't make it."
Carol's hand clamped over her mouth and she started to sob. "No," she said. "Who – who else?"
"Come with me," Maggie said. She and the others had come in from outside.
Maggie led Carol to a cell where Hershel and Rick were talking quietly, their heads lowered. The sadness on Rick's face was unbearable to see. Carol rushed to him and threw her arms around him immediately. "Carol!" he cried, returning the hug.
She stayed in his arms for a long time, unable to pull back and see that sorrow on his face again. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"You're alive," he said, finally pulling back and giving her a little smile. "Daryl found you."
"Yes, he—" She turned to look for Daryl, but he was no longer there. "Yes. I was trapped in a garage, but. . . I'm ok. He found me." She marveled again at the miracle of it, that he had searched all those houses and had finally found her, just in time. But had she really been in danger? She still didn't understand why there were no walkers outside the garage when he showed up. She didn't want to believe it had all been in her head, that she would've died because of a hallucination, but she put it out of her mind for now and tried to enjoy seeing the faces of the people she loved. She hugged Hershel and the others, and she spent a long time holding Carl and letting him sob in her arms while she stroked his hair. She wanted to hold the baby but she insisted on getting cleaned up first, so Maggie took her hand and offered to help. She looked around for Daryl, but he was still nowhere in sight. Neither was Andrea, but she must have been on watch.
"Come on, you need to get cleaned up and get some rest," Maggie said. Carol was still weak and exhausted, so Maggie helped her get clean and gave her a change of clothes, then took her to a cell and helped her onto the bottom bunk. "You need to rest. All your stuff's in here. We did a run back to the houses and picked up clothes and stuff, and Daryl got your things. He always believed he would find you."
"Was he the only one who believed?"
"After a while, I guess," Maggie said, looking down. "We all wanted to think you were still out there. Rick, he just. . . he's kinda lost hope, Carol."
"What happened to Lori?"
Tears filled Maggie's eyes. "Oh Carol, it's so awful. Daddy was with her when the herd came. She'd been havin' those contractions, you know, those fake ones or whatever, and she was so scared. A walker got in the house and Daddy tried to fight him off, but he got to Lori and bit her arm before Daddy killed him. Then Lori started screamin' at Daddy to take the baby, take the baby, and—" Maggie put her head in her hands, and Carol reached out to take her hand. "Daddy cut the baby out of her, and then he had to—to—"
"Oh my god," Carol whispered. "And Carl? Was he. . .?"
Maggie nodded sadly. "He saw it all. Daddy had to get the baby so fast, you know. He was afraid the bite would affect the baby too. We've been keepin' an eye on her, makin' sure she don't have a fever. We're all infected anyway, right, so I guess it didn't make a difference when Lori got bit, but Daddy got Judith out fast anyway. We still don't know if Judith is really ok, but so far she seems healthy. We got some formula at that little pharmacy down the road and we need to go out and get more soon. Beth's been takin' care of her mostly." Maggie paused, squeezing Carol's hand. "But you need to rest now, really. We can talk more later."
"Maggie, wait. I didn't see Andrea when I came in. Is she—"
Maggie shook her head. "She didn't make it either. I'm so sorry."
Carol was speechless. As much as she'd struggled with Andrea lately, as much as they all had, she could never have imagined losing her. Andrea and Lori, both gone in the space of one afternoon. And the group had thought Carol was gone too. She was amazed that they'd all found the strength to enter this prison, clear out the walkers, and make a new home for themselves after all the loss they'd suffered. She released Maggie's hand and laid her head back on the thin mattress. "I'm ready to rest now," she said, her voice flat and emotionless. She was too tired to feel the overwhelming sorrow that she knew was coming. She wanted to be back home in her bed, with Daryl, with Lori in the next house waiting for Carol to check on her and Andrea rolling her eyes and whispering with Michonne. She closed her eyes and drifted into sleep, hoping to wake up in a different life.
When Carol woke up, Daryl was sitting on the floor next to her bunk, working on making arrows. "Hi," she said, a little shyly, sitting up as much as she could in the small space.
"You ok?" he asked.
"I've been better. Lori. . .and Andrea. . ."
"Yeah. I didn't know how to tell you."
"It's ok. You found me. You believed I was alive, and you saved me," she said. "You have nothing to apologize for."
Daryl scoffed a little, looking away. "I have a lot to apologize for."
"What do you mean?"
"It's my fault Lori got bit. Andrea too."
"That can't be true," she said, shaking her head. She wanted to reach for him, to hold him, but something stopped her. Something felt off between them.
"When the herd came, I didn't care about nobody else," he said in a quiet voice. "Just you. And me. We headed back to the houses and as soon as I saw you weren't there, I lit out. I didn't care what happened to anybody. Not Carl, not Rick, not. . .Lori. I saw Andrea fightin' that walker, and I didn't even help her. I coulda shot an arrow into that walker's head and she'd still be alive, Carol."
Carol didn't know what to say. She twisted the blanket with her fingertips, nervously waiting for his next words.
"I couldn't do anything until I found you," he continued. "I was useless."
"I'm sure no one blames you, Daryl," she said. "Of course you were looking for me."
"No, I know," he said. "Nobody has to blame me, though. I know what I did. I left them to fend for themselves, and all I thought about was us. This is what I said would happen if we did this."
"What do you mean?"
"I ain't been any good to anybody since you disappeared."
"Well, what was the alternative, Daryl?" She felt a flash of anger. "If you didn't look for me all that time, you wouldn't have found me. I'd be dead by now."
He started to speak, then hesitated. She worried that he was going to accuse her of being crazy, of imagining the walkers. She was afraid it was true, but she couldn't stand to hear him say it. She couldn't stand to know that he spent all that time looking for someone who wasn't even in real danger.
He finally spoke. "You know I'm glad I found you."
"Are you?"
"Carol, come on. . ."
"Then what's the problem here?"
Daryl sighed heavily. "I'm just. . .I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do anymore. Everything makes more sense when I just stay focused on survivin.'"
"That's exactly what I'm doing," she said. "Because I can't survive without you." She went to him then, crouching on the floor beside him and laying a hand on the side of his face. "Look at me."
He looked up at her with the saddest eyes she'd ever seen. His arms finally moved around her and she settled into them, letting him hold her in silence for a moment.
"You said – you said you loved me," she whispered into his neck.
Daryl sighed, his mouth against her hair. "And I ain't saying I don't."
"Then what's changed? I don't understand." She shook her head against him, closing her eyes against the tears that were threatening to spill.
"I just—" he started, then paused for a long moment. "I need some time to figure all this out."
She nodded, drawing back so he could see her face. She gave him a brave smile, then pressed her lips against his. She would give him time, whatever he needed. She had to believe they would be together the way they were before, even if she had to wait for it.
After he left, she tried to forget that when she'd kissed him, he hadn't kissed her back.
A/N: Sorry I had to kill off Lori and Andrea. I very nearly kept Andrea alive, but I really wanted two people to die during the herd attack, and I couldn't do it to anyone else! I know there was a potential for drama with the angry Andrea I'd been writing, but I felt like it would be too soap opera-y to have Andrea make a play for Daryl, and I couldn't figure out where else I could take it. Part of me didn't want to go to the prison, either, and I can't guarantee I'll keep them there for long. We'll see what happens! I'm going out of town for a few days and I'm not sure how much chance I'll have to write, but I'll update when I can. As always, thanks for reading/reviewing!