T-Dog stopped by Carol's cell one afternoon shortly after her return, knocking on the wall to alert her to his presence. "Carol?"
"Oh hey T-Dog, come on in," she said with a smile. "Do you need something?"
"Nah, not really," he said, leaning against the door frame. "I just wanted to check up on you, make sure you're ok. I haven't had a chance to talk to you much since you got back."
"Thanks, T-Dog, I'm doing great, actually. I'm just so relieved to be out of that garage."
"I'm sure that was pretty scary."
"Horrible," she said, shaking her head.
"I don't want to make you think about it or anything. That's not really why I'm here." T-Dog said. "I just. . . well. . ."
Carol cocked her head to one side. "Come on. Spit it out, T-Dog. It's just me."
"I was just wondering if you and Daryl are ok," he finally said.
"Daryl?" She looked away, busying herself with a stack of clothes, folding and refolding. "He's fine, I guess, right?"
"You know what I mean, Carol. I'm talking about the two of you. Together. Are you ok?"
Carol sat down on her bunk and looked up at T-Dog with tears in her eyes. "No," she said in a voice so quiet he barely heard her. "We're not."
He took a seat beside her. "I didn't think so."
"He blames himself for Lori and Andrea," Carol said. "He thinks if he hadn't gone off looking for me right away he could've saved them. He always thinks he has to save everybody."
T-Dog chuckled. "Yes, he does. I can't complain too much about that, though. He's saved me more than once. He didn't do anything wrong that day. Nobody did. It just happened."
"I know, but he can't see it that way," Carol said. "He keeps trying to prove he's a good man. But we've all known that for a long time."
"Guess he's tryin' to prove it to himself," T-Dog said. "Everything that went down that day was just as much my fault as his. I could've been looking Andrea's way when that walker grabbed her, and I could've run in the house to make sure Lori was ok. Everybody did the best they could that day. We always do. The best Daryl could do was to look for you, and hey, he ended up finding you, didn't he?" He smiled and took Carol's hand. "And we're all grateful to him for that." Carol leaned against T-Dog and let him hug her for a moment, grateful for his friendship.
"He'll come around," T-Dog said, releasing Carol and standing up to leave.
Carol wanted to believe it, but Daryl showed no signs of changing his mind. The two of them caught each other's eyes here and there, even gave each other little smiles, but they barely spoke to each other beyond whatever was necessary. She had decided to give him the time and space he needed, but every passing day seemed to push them further apart.
The days passed slowly in the prison. Everyone was busy making a home, adjusting to life with a newborn, and tiptoeing around Rick, who was not handling his grief well. Carol tried to keep herself busy, which wasn't difficult since she cared for Judith most of the time. Beth cared for her as well, but Carol obviously had more experience with a baby and the group relied on her to act as a substitute mother. Rick was barely able to look at Judith, and they all had an unspoken agreement to give him time to deal with Lori's death before expecting him to step up as a parent. Carol had noticed Daryl spending more time with Carl as well, and she knew he was trying to keep the boy's spirits up, which only made her love him more. Her love hadn't diminished at all in the time they'd distanced themselves from each other; in fact, it only seemed to grow. She watched him when he wasn't looking, and then cursed herself for breaking her own heart. When she did the laundry, she buried her face in his sleeveless shirts to live in his scent again for a moment. She tried to believe that he would come around, as T-Dog had said, but she was beginning to lose hope.
A few days after her talk with T-Dog, the group explored more of the prison and came across two survivors in the cafeteria. A tense confrontation eventually led to mutual respect and an agreement to coexist and share the living space, food, and supplies. The survivors were prisoners who had been trapped in the cafeteria for nearly a year, with no idea what was going on in the outside world. Carol felt sorry for them and did her best to make them feel welcome in the group, particularly since their leader Rick was less than friendly these days.
Oscar was a big, quiet guy whose strength would clearly be an asset to the group. Axel was small and friendly, with a handlebar mustache and a mischievous glint in his eye. He took an instant liking to Carol, following her around and chatting with her as often as he could. She didn't mind the company. In fact, when the chatting turned to flirting she was almost grateful. Axel kept her mind off Daryl for a little while every day. She wasn't attracted to him, but he made her feel pretty and desirable again, and she needed that. She tried to make it clear to Axel that they would only be friends, but she couldn't deny that it was nice to get some attention. If Daryl noticed her growing friendship with Axel, he did a good job of hiding it. She couldn't help hoping he would be a little jealous, but she saw no sign of it until the night of the party.
The party was Beth's idea, a few weeks after they'd settled into the prison. They weren't calling it a "party," exactly, because that seemed a bit disrespectful in light of the grief they all felt for their lost members. Rick, Carl, and Michonne were particularly suffering, of course. Michonne had been quiet before, but now that Andrea was gone she never uttered a word. Carol was worried about her but she wasn't sure how to help her. Beth came up with the idea to have a little celebration in honor of Judith, just to welcome this new life into the world, and Carol thought it was a wonderful idea. Maggie and Glenn had picked up the bottles of wine that Andrea and Michonne had left in their house, and the group planned to drink them with a decent dinner made out of food from Axel and Oscar's stores in the cafeteria. Carol had never been much of a drinker, but she looked forward to having a drink and trying to relax for a few minutes and forget everything. She thought they could all use some forgetting.
Carol flipped through the piles of clothes that had been brought back from the houses, looking for something reasonably nice to wear to their dinner. When she found the dress, she closed her eyes and sighed. She thought she'd thrown it to the back of the closet after Daryl had ripped it during their lovemaking. She'd intended to sew the tears if she could, but hadn't gotten around to it. In the garage after this dress had shown up in her dream, she'd actually felt a little sad that she wouldn't get to wear it again. Now was her chance. The thought of Daryl seeing her in the dress and remembering that time on the couch, the way his need for her had rendered him more animal than human, made her shudder with desire. Only a few weeks had passed since they'd been together, after all, so surely he still remembered how it felt when their bodies joined. He couldn't possibly have forgotten what that was like. She decided to put the dress back together the best she could and give him a little reminder.
Later that evening she slipped into the nicest underwear she could find, skipped the bra, and slipped into the dress after mending the tears in the bodice. She decided she couldn't wait until the party for Daryl to see her in it, and she set out to find him. He was up in the watchtower, and when she entered his eyes widened and he nearly dropped his crossbow. He recovered by placing it against the wall, pretending he'd intended to lower it, then he glanced up at her. "You headed to that little celebration?"
"I am," she said, leaning against the wall across from him. For a long time they were silent, her gaze steady on him. She began to wonder if she should just leave. She hadn't thought up a reason for being in the watchtower or for seeking him out.
"Thought I tore that dress up," he finally said with a smirk, his eyes on her body.
She raised an eyebrow. "You did," she said in a slightly husky voice. An image of the last time she'd worn the dress passed through her mind, nearly making her gasp. Her on his lap, straddling him, his hands tearing the dress and his mouth on her nipples. "But I can sew."
"Guess you ain't wearin' it for me anyway," he muttered, looking in her eyes now.
"No," she agreed. "I'm wearing it for myself."
"You can wear it for anybody you want. You ain't mine no more."
"Daryl." She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his face. "You know better than that."
His eyes raked over her body and he breathed in deeply through his nose. "God, Carol, you're. . ."
"What?" she asked, smiling a little.
"Sexy," he said in a quiet voice. "I miss—"
"Me too," she whispered, taking a step closer to him.
"Can we just. . .I don't know. I just – I want you—" he began.
Carol took her hand off his face and stepped back. She put one hand on her hip and gazed at him, incredulous. "Can we just what?" she asked, a hint of anger in her voice. "Just fuck? Just your body and my body, fulfilling our needs?" Daryl hung his head and sighed. "I'll never fuck you with just my body," Carol continued. "My heart is always involved. I thought yours was too."
"It is. Carol, god. . .It's just, that dress. . ."
She decided to go a bit easier on him, so she gave him a little smile. "Hey, I get it. Look, I'm sorry you're um, all worked up now. . ."
Daryl smiled, raising an eyebrow. "You're kind of a tease," he said.
Her eyes flashed with another hint of anger. "I may be a cocktease," she said, "but you're playing with my heart. That's much worse." She turned then, walking out before he could say another word.
A/N: This chapter was a little weak, in my opinion, but it's the best I can do while I'm out of town, guys! You'll notice I didn't include Tomas or the other two prisoners that they found when they first got to the prison. I really don't want to deal too much with Rick's moral quandaries (like killing Tomas in the Sick episode) and I don't need to leave the other guy (Jimmy?) as a loose end because things aren't going to go down like they did in the Killer Within episode, since I already killed Lori off! My story is all about the Carol/Daryl thing, so even though the other characters are there I'm not dealing too much with their big moral questions. I want to keep it all about the drama, love, and sex between Carol and Daryl. I hope that's ok with you guys! I'm not saying I won't have other stuff going on, but that's my main focus here.
As always, thanks for the reviews and the love, especially to those of you who consistently give me encouragement. It's truly appreciated.