AN: Just a heads up to my readers who are Korea fans. Don't worry! I promise he won't be all obsessed with breasts in the future chapters. In fact, he gets badass later on, so please don't be offended!

Child Raising Arc Part 2
"I Can At Least Say This..."

That same day when our other relatives arrived at Uncle Yao's house, it wasn't long before Zhu and I were at the table once again. At 7:00PM, everyone was gathered for supper, which included rice (of course), roasted duck, Buddha's delight*, stir fried vegetables, and pan-fried turnip cake*. Dad was sitting across from me this time, while Uncle Yao was at my left and Uncle Yong Soo at my right. At one point, when Dad and the others were lost amidst their chatter, Uncle Yong Soo leaned towards me, whispering, "Hey, Kiku, make sure you eat a lot of food and grow big and strong, okay? That way Uncle Yong Soo can claim your breasts!"

I tilted my head to the side and put down my chopsticks. "What are breasts?" I asked.

…Oh, God… Even today this memory embarrasses me to no end. Since it was only Dad and I living together and with my mother having also been a man, I did not have much contact with women during my early childhood. (Not to mention that Dad never talked about a woman's anatomy let alone sexual references around his five year old son.) The only females I knew at that time were my aunts and my cousins.

Uncle Yong Soo gave me a long stare before he tapped his chin with his finger. "Well, breasts are basically your chest area," he said to me, still whispering.

"My chest?" I asked innocently.

"Yeah, yeah! Promise that when you're older you'll let me claim them!" his face brightened as he spoke. "Yours will probably be as good as your mom's!"

"Mama's?" I tilted my head again. Whether Uncle Yong Soo knew it or not, back then, if you wanted to be certain that I listen, all you had to do was mention my mother and I'd be hooked.

My uncle nodded again, but more eagerly this time. I simply smiled at him before picking my chopsticks back up and then proceeding to shovel rice into mouth. Uncle Yao was the first to notice my sudden quick-eating pace.

"Kiku, I know that you are your father's son, but that does not mean you have to copy his eating habits too, aru." he whispered to me.

I swallowed all the food that was in my mouth before I said happily (and loud enough for everyone to hear), "But I need to eat lots of food so Uncle Yong Soo can claim my breasts!"

Dad choked on whatever he had in his mouth and started gagging. Aunt Anming, who was sitting at his left, struck him on the back repeatedly, but she looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh; Uncle Aran looked down at his lap, blushing; Uncle Jia just stared at Uncle Yong Soo and me; Aunt Thi seemed to have a dark shadow over her eyes; Ivan looked at Dad with an amused expression while his first born covered her mouth with one hand to hide her giggling. Her three younger siblings seemed awfully confused about the situation all together.

I suddenly saw Uncle Yao's arm shoot out over my head and towards Uncle Yong Soo, grabbing that one hair that stood out from the rest.

"YONG SOO, JUST WHAT SORT OF THINGS HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING THIS CHILD?" he roared.

"N-Nya! Come on, Hyung-nim! Not my hair!" Uncle Yong Soo writhed and squirmed in his seat.

Dad's gagging finally ceased as the food went down his throat. He rubbed away the tears that had formed in his eyes before glaring daggers at my Korean uncle.

"Hey, Yong Soo, do you want a repeat of what happened whenever I caught you touching my spouse?" Dad cracked his knuckles as he spoke.

In return, Uncle Yong Soo shook his head immediately, still squirming under his older brother's grasp.

I, a poor five year old child, blinked, confused by everyone's reaction. "But I made a promise to Uncle Yong Soo!"

"No, no, Kiku. You cannot make those sort of promises, aru." Uncle Yao said to me.

"So… I should break the promise, then?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

Dad nodded his head and Uncle Yong Soo was finally released from the iron grip. Once that was settled, things at the table reverted back to the former calm atmosphere pretty quickly, but that was the last family dinner where Uncle Yong Soo was allowed to sit next to me.

Now, as much as I would love you tell you all that the rest of the evening was all fun and games, it was not. By the time I was dressed in my pajamas and had just finished brushing my teeth, that was when it happened. I had been feeling a bit lightheaded since the rest of my relatives arrived, but now my head was spinning, as was the room. Dad, who was present with me, noticed how I was stumbling around and he was at my side right away, holding me still by the shoulders.

"Kiku, what's wrong?" he asked me, worry written all over his face.

I tried to speak, but I suddenly felt my dinner rising up my throat. My father saw how much I paled and he heard me choke, so he grabbed the nearby waste basket and held it up for me. I bent over, vomiting right into it. The taste in my mouth was beyond nasty. My hands flew to hold the waste basket on my own as I felt my legs give way, forcing me onto my knees. Dad tried to help me by rubbing circles into my back.

"Does your stomach hurt? I have your medicine in my suitcase." he said in an urgent voice.

I made another attempt to talk, but the vomiting left me feeling weak. I remained on my knees as I put the waste basket down. After a couple of tries, I was able to get at least two words out of my mouth, "I'm tired."

Things faded into black shortly after I mumbled those words. I don't know exactly what happened after I passed out, but when I regained consciousness I found myself on a bed in the hospital, with an IV giving me fluids through one of the veins in my arms. I still had a slight headache, but at least the nausea was gone. I heard the door open and I saw Dad, Uncle Yao, and a doctor at the doorway. All three looked surprised to see me awake. The doctor said something to my uncle in Mandarin before taking him back outside. Dad stayed and walked towards my bed like a moth to flame. He pulled a nearby chair for him to sit in and he began to stroke my hair.

"Kiku, how are you feeling now?" he sounded sad. When I looked into his face, he seemed broken.

"I'm okay now, Papa. I still feel dizzy, but it doesn't feel like I'm going to puke." I said.

Dad said nothing in return, he only continued to stroke my hair. We stayed like that for some time, not talking, just breathing. That forlorn look never left his face and I was thinking about asking him why he was like that. Right when I was about to open my mouth, however, Dad spoke.

"Your Uncle Yao called an ambulance and we followed in his car. Everyone else is home," he said, "The doctor looked at you and he took some blood so he can find out what's wrong with you. It-It will take a few days, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna stay right here. Okay?" he forced a smile onto his lips.

I smiled back at him and gave a nod of my head. He nuzzled my hair only to go back to stroking it soon after. The door opened again a minute later and Uncle Yao came in, except now he looked sad too.

"You," the doctor appeared from behind my uncle and spoke to my father in English, "have to leave. Visiting hours are over."

Dad just stared at him and said in an almost pleading voice, "Can't I just stay here? My son is very young, I don't want to leave him alone."

It was Uncle Yao who addressed the doctor in Mandarin this time, probably trying to convince him into letting my father stay. Whatever he said, it worked, for in the end my father was granted permission to stay with me, he was even allowed to use the hospital showers. Uncle Yao promised to bring him more of his clothes the next day when he visited. Dad smiled for real and he thanked them both.

Uncle Yao walked to my bedside and put a hand on my head affectionately. A gentle smile grazed his lips. "Get better soon, aru."

I smiled back and nodded. "Un!"

He and the doctor left the room, leaving my father and I alone once again. I was unable to stay awake for much longer, though, for my eyes soon grew heavy. I remember Dad watching me fall asleep and when I woke up the next morning, he himself was asleep in his chair, holding my hand in his own. This was how the next few days at the hospital went. I'd wake up in the morning to find Dad sleeping in his chair, Uncle Yao and the others would visit me, and Dad would only leave my side to shower, to get something to eat, or to use the bathroom that was within my room. Yet despite my situation, I was not scared. My dad was right there, my family visited me every day, and I didn't feel sick to the point where I turned green. Zhu would bring his toy soldiers and we would play with them together, Anya would read to me, Nikita and Lien-Hua would simply cuddle with me on my bed, and the rest of the family would sit around me and we would talk about anything we could think of. Despite all these distractions, however, I was worried about Dad. By the third morning dark circles were beginning to form under his eyes and every now and then he'd look at me with the same broken look (though he'd soon cover up his sadness with a smile).

When the test results of my blood came in at last, the doctor had Dad follow him out of my room. I was alone for ten minutes and during that whole time I had my eyes on the door, waiting anxiously for my father to come back. When he did, I saw that his eyes were red and glazed over. He fell to his knees at the side of my bed and put a hand on my cheek.

"Kiku," he sounded as though he was trying not to cry, "I… The doctor just told me that you... have radiation poisoning, just like your mother."

I was quiet for a moment. I was trying to figure out what he meant by that. "Does that mean I'm going to go to heaven?" I finally asked.

Dad's eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. "No, no," his voice cracked at the first 'no', "You're not…You're not."

At that age, I didn't know the real cause of my mother's death. Dad had told me that Mother contracted an illness shortly after I was born and died, or as Dad put it, 'went to heaven,' a few days later. I was under the impression that this radiation poisoning was the same illness that caused Mother to die.

Dad inhaled through his nose sharply and moved his hand away from my face, only to take both of mine into his own larger ones. "When your mom was still carrying you, that's when you contracted it. Because, you see, Kiku, when a baby is inside its mother they get certain things from both their parents. Their looks, some of their characteristics, and sometimes the babies can get sick too." he tried explaining genetics in a way that a five year old could understand.

"So then, Mama would get dizzy and puke? Or get warm like me sometimes?" I asked, looking down at my bedsheets.

Dad nodded his head at my question. "Yes, he would. Then at rare times, he'd faint."

What happened at Uncle Yao's house that night was not the first time I had experienced such symptoms, but it was the most serious. In the two years before this recent family reunion, there would be times where I'd feel nauseous and end up vomiting into the toilet. At other times, I would get either a fever, a headache, or pain in my abdominal area. Usually Dad would give me children's medicine for most of the symptoms, but when that wasn't enough, he'd take me to a doctor to get a prescription for a stronger medicine. The newest medicine had been working just fine, until a now.

"Papa… I'm sorry." I said after a moment of silence. I was trying not to cry myself, for I was scared now. I don't really know why, I just was.

Dad shook his head and his eyes went downcast. "No. I'm the one who should be sorry, Kiku. It's not your fault that you're like this and it's not Mama's fault either, it's… it's mine."

I sent him a questioning look. "I don't understand."

Dad released my hands so he could remove his glasses and wipe at his eyes.

"You're too young to understand, but I can at least say this," he took a deep breath and put his glasses back on, "A long time ago, way before you were born-" He paused there for a few seconds. "I... hurt your mother and that's when he got the radiation poisoning, which made him very sick. I felt so sad afterwards, but by that time it was already too late to take back what I had done. Though I had no choice except to return to Japan, I pulled through my sadness so I could help him and his country. He was never cured of his radiation poisoning, but he did improve in health."

Dad's eyes were growing glassy again. It was as though telling me that story was killing him on the inside.

I shook my head at him. " I don't understand," I repeated, "I thought you and Mama loved each other—"

"We did—do! I do. God, I still love your mother even today. And I love you too."

I was startled to see a tear roll down his face.

"Listen, Kiku, when you're older, I'll tell you everything. Right now, though, you just focus on beating that radiation poisoning. Don't let it hold you back! Also… I want to ask you something in advance. Um." he bit on his lower lip.

"What it is?" said I.

My father's shoulders were trembling and he could no longer hold back his tears. It must have taken him all his strength to looked me straight in the eye. "Can you ever forgive me?" it sounded more like a plea than a question.

I was shocked. "Of course I can forgive you! You're my papa! I think you're the best!" I smiled at my last sentence, hoping it might help cheer him up.

It didn't. Dad buried his face into my bed sheets so I wouldn't have to see his tears any longer and his hands clawed at the fabric. My smile shattered and I felt even more scared. To see my father so sad, it filled me with fright and made my own heart hurt. I put a hand atop his head, but I said nothing since I didn't know what to say in a situation like that. I was too little to understand what was wrong with me at the time, or why Dad had hurt Mother, or why Dad was expressing such grief. Now that I'm grown up, though, I can see why he didn't want to tell me at that age... I was so innocent.

AN:

That dinner scene with Kiku and his family was inspired by a similar scene in the First Visual Novel of Umineko No Naku Koro Ni.

*Buddha's delight - a vegetarian dish well known in Chinese cuisine. It consists of various vegetables and other vegetarian ingredients (sometimes with the addition of seafood or eggs), which are cooked in soy-sauce based liquid with other seasonings until tender. (wikipedia)

*turnip cake - A Chinese dish made of shredded radish and plain rice flour. Surprisingly turnip is not an actual ingredient! A more accurate name for it would be 'radish cake.' This dish is usually served in Cantonese yum cha and is cut into square-shaped slices. In this case, with Kiku and his family eating it pan-fried, the turnip cake will have a thin crunchy layer on the outside from frying, and soft on the inside. A non pan-fried cake would be soft overall. (wikipedia)

Symptoms of radiation poisoning can vary due to the severity or mildness. Mild to moderate symptoms include fatigue, weakness, and leukopenia. Moderate to severe, leukopenia, purapura, hemorrhage, infections, and hair loss. Immediate symptoms of radiation are nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, headache, and fever.