Soft Sounds and Hard Impacts
Please, don't tell me any more.
There's a weight in your eyes.
And it weighs on my heart.
- Have We Lost?, Flyleaf
The beep of the heart monitor was a constant sound that Chris was thankful for. Jill was motionless on the bed before him. She was hooked to an IV that pumped nutrients into her system. She hadn't woken up for the past day after having surgery directly after arriving at the hospital.
The bullet had entered her chest at a diagonal, knicking her sternum and burying itself deep into the flesh on her lower shoulder. The fact she hadn't bled out back at the park was a miracle. He had ridden in the ambulance with her, following the instruction of both Rebecca and the operator in the ambulance.
The entire time his heart had beat frantically, praying to every being that ever existed and every god that had ever been believed in for her to be okay. So far, she hadn't moved other than the steady movement of her chest as she breathed.
He was positioned in a chair beside the bed. He couldn't help but wonder if what he was feeling right then was what she had felt like while he was on the hospital bed; hopeless and scared and so very much in pain.
He reached over and slipped his hand under hers, gently bringing his fingers over her palm. "Jill…" he murmured. "I love you…"
There was no response from the woman.
Someone entered the room and Chris turned to see who it was, but he refused to let go of his lover—his partner's hand. "Hey, Betty…"
She looked at him with a deep frown on her face. "You two weren't supposed to be back in the hospital. Especially not for something like this." She sat in the second chair in the room. "How'd this happen?"
Chris gritted his teeth. "We were undercover for a drug bust… She was our main player and she was the one who went in first as the buyer. The dealer ended up being Cuilter, that shrink that they sent in for me when I first woke up from my coma. He recognized her and… shot."
Betty's expression grew dark. "I wish I could hurt him. I really do. She's such a great person and he…" Anger boiled up in a noise of frustration. "This… Freaking sucks."
Chris nodded. "Yeah. It really does."
Betty stood and grabbed the clipboard off the end of the bed. "She's in stable condition... But it doesn't say when she might wake up."
"The doctor said anywhere from a day to a week."
Betty didn't say anything, simply pretended that she was examining the words on the clipboard closer. In reality, she was holding back the want to cry. When Chris had first been admitted, the doctors had said a day to a week. She bit her lip. A few short days into that week, they changed it to much longer. What if Jill didn't wake up in a week? What if she didn't in a month or longer? The common sense part of Betty's brain was telling her she was over-reacting. It wasn't very likely that Jill was in a coma like the one Chris had, not for a bullet wound. But the side of her that was Jill's friend was worrying incesantly for the brunette on the bed, not to mention Chris. The marksman had only just woken from a coma and now his best friend had the chance to fall into one. That wasn't fair. It wasn't right.
In Betty's opinion, the two should've gotten together already (she knew she was that friend, the one that always tried to find the best person to fit with another). Chris was perfect for Jill, as far as Betty was concerned. He was sweet to her and gentle and protective too. Simply perfect for the private, depressed, but boundless brunette.
Betty set the clip board back down and returned to her chair. She planned on spending her break waiting for Jill to wake up. Hopefully it would comfort Chris too, to have someone there.
Claire stepped into the hospital room, completely hesitant. Chris was sitting in his usual chair (work had no use for him in the state he was in).
"Hey," she spoke softly, catching her brother's attention.
He smiled, though it was half-hearted. "Hey, Claire. I'm glad you got to visit."
She nodded and stood awkwardly. Her eyes went between Jill's unconscious form and Chris's slumped shoulders.
"When's the last time you were out of the room?" she asked.
He thought for a moment. "Yesterday morning."
Claire frowned. "You should get up and walk around a bit. Stretch your legs."
He shook his head. "I have to be here when she wakes up. I have to." He sighed. "She was there for me, I have to be there for her."
Claire bit her lip. "Chris, you'll be here when she wakes up. Trust me."
"But-"
"No buts. Just get up and walk around a little. Maybe find a vending machine and get some juice. You can't just sit here, big brother."
He frowned. "Fine..." He stood and with a glance at Jill, he left the room.
Claire took his seat for the time being. Jill looked tiny and fragile on the hospital bed. She didn't know why, but a shiver passed down her spine. She squeezed her eyes shut.
"I'm so sorry, Jill!" Her voice cracked. "I should never have said that horrible thing I did. You didn't deserve it..." Tears started to fall. "But you can't hear me say this! Why am I so stupid..?" She let out a sob. "You have to be alright, Jill, you have to be... For Chris, for me, for all of us. Please, Jill, please." The sobs took over as she looked at the unmoving figure of Jill on the bed. She felt so horrible about the last thing she had said to Jill; that horrible remark placing blame on Jill for Chris's accident. Her sobs increased. What if Jill never woke up? Claire could never really apologize...
Outside the door, Chris stood, eyes closed and back against the wall, listening to his sister sob. He let his back slide down the wall and rested his head in his hands. Why did everything insist on being so messed up?
He waited until Claire had quieted before returning to the room. Claire was wiping away the last of her tears when he entered. He didn't comment, not at first . But when she looked up at him, a look of pure sorrow on her face, he had to speak.
"When she wakes up," When, not if. "You should talk to her. She needs as many friends as she can get."
Claire wiped under her eye with the sleeve of her jacket. "Is something going on with her?"
He frowned. "She's told me things I've never wanted to hear, not from her. I don't like leaving her alone and I think she feels the same way about it. She scares herself when she's alone." He brushed a hand through his hair, eyes on Jill's face. "Something almost happened, she almost..." he trailed off. "I'm staying with at her place as long as I can."
Claire could tell what he meant by "something"; he didn't need to say anymore than that.
Jill was suicidal.
Had Jill's mood really fallen to that low place?
Claire tensed, eyes falling on Jill's sleeping figure. She held back another bout of tears. She felt guilty for shunning the woman for the past two years. Horribly, achingly guilty. Chris's accident hadn't been Jill's fault... Claire knew that. She hadn't thought before speaking before and since then had been overcome with regret. No one but the bomber was to blame for Chris's accident.
Claire pulled her legs up onto the chair and hugged them. She had been a cause. Not the cause, but a cause. After Chris had fallen into his coma, she had looked for someone, anyone to blame. That blame had fallen on Jill. Jill had been the one Chris had protected from the blast. But that didn't prove Jill's guilt, only Chris's commitment to her. No, Claire had been wrong to say or think such things. And by abandoning Jill after the temporary loss of Chris, she had helped the depression take over in the brunette. She remembered being close friends with the woman, visiting her often and teasing her about Chris. So much had changed now, to the point that Jill might never open her eyes again.
A crippling wave of anxiety washed over Claire. What if Jill never woke up? What if her eyes were doomed to stay closed, her mouth to never speak, her lungs never to breath? Chris would be crushed, as would Claire.
She gritted her teeth and looked at her watch. She'd have to rush to make it back to work. She stood and hugged her brother. He held her tightly, enough so she could feel the sadness in his body. "I've got to get to work," she mumbled as she stepped away. "Call me when she wakes up."
He nodded. "I will."