Soft Sounds and Hard Impacts

How could the world have turned so ugly?
I am dying.
Could you touch me again?
Touch me again.
- Swan Song, A Fine Frenzy

Jill was first aware of sounds. She could hear a steady beeping, someone breathing, and the sound of people moving around, but muted. Next came sensation. She could feel a blanket over a majority of her body. She had something taped to her right hand. And her left hand was being held. A dull ache occupied her shoulder. Then came the ability to move. She shifted only a little at first, her hand twitching a bit. Eventually, she opened her eyes and managed to look around. Her hospital room looked almost identical to the one Chris had been in.

Speaking of Chris. He was seated in the chair beside her, his hand holding to hers. "Jill!" he spoke happily, a smile lighting up his face. "Thank God you're awake." He leaned forward and brushed his hand over her cheek. She leaned against it as she fought to think back to the reason.

"I... I was shot."

He nodded. "Yeah."

"How badly?" She could feel where, but she didn't want to risk looking down at the area to see the bandages.

"It'll take a while to heal. The stitches will be out in a couple weeks, but the bullet hit your bone. That will take a lot longer, but as long as you don't put too much strain on it, it'll be fine."

Jill held his hand against her face. "How long have I been out?"

He moved his thumb back and forth under her eye, rubbing gently. "About three days. Once we got you to the hospital, they put you in surgery."

"And Cuilter?"

"Arrested. As well as Hannah."

Jill's eyes grew wide. "But Hannah shouldn't be. She tried to help me!" Jill held Chris's wrist tight in her grip. "She tried to stop the bleeding!"

He shrugged, looking down at his lap. "She's considered an accomplice to the crime. The trial on them both starts today. She refused to be grouped with him, though, because she didn't have anything to do with you being shot."

"He'll be convicted, right?"

"Well, he's already got a two-year term for selling drugs within 1,500ft of a place that deals mainly with children as costumers."

"That's not long enough!"

"Wait a second, you didn't let me finish." She rolled her eyes but remained quiet. "He's on trial for shooting you, and for the kind of drugs he was dealing. Hannah is only being charged with the selling of drugs and the usage of drugs. She'll have a much shorter sentence than him, don't worry."

Jill dropped his hand and frowned. "I suppose that's better. How long will the trial last?"

"They want it to go as quickly as possible. They don't want it longer than half a month." He trailed his hand down her arm. Once he reached her hand again, he picked it up and kissed the back of it before releasing it. His face lit up as he remembered something. "Oh! I've got to go get Betty. Or would you rather wait until she shows up on her break?"

Jill glanced around the room. She saw her cellphone on the nightstand and wondered if anyone had thought to call Payton. "You can go get her... Please."

He nodded and was out of the room in half a second. She reached for her phone, cringing as her stitches were tugged a bit by the effort. Her finger tips grazed it, managing to bring it closer enough so she could pick it up. It took a moment to find Payton in her contacts. She hit talk and put the phone to her ear. It rang and rang until voice mail picked up. She sighed and redialed the number. It stopped ringing after just three times. She swore and gripped her phone tight in her hand, wishing she could crush it.

She looked down and pulled back the hospital gown she was in so she could see the bandage on her chest . It looked just the same as any other bandage she had gotten, though much bigger. She hesitantly touched the outside of it and cringed. She gently placed the thin fabric back over the bandage and shook her head. She had thought that the bullet was going to kill her. She had expected to die and had embraced it. She had tried to say her last words to Chris before passing out, but she wasn't sure if she had or not.

Did he know?

No, he couldn't know.

He would act different towards her if he did. But he acted as if everything was the same as before. He was affectionate, but hadn't been anything other than that. That was who he was. Well, towards her at least. Towards others, he was different. He had anger issues, she knew that. She had been lucid when he had hit Cuilter and was sure the dealer had been left with a harsh bruise. She also knew, had she not been bleeding out on the ground, Cuilter would have gotten more than just one punch. Chris wasn't easily calmed by anyone but Claire and Jill.

Claire. She hadn't spoken to the woman since Chris was still in the hospital. Jill had seen the redhead in the vague dreams that had floated in and out of her head in her days of unconsciousness. Along with Claire, Chris made frequent appearances, sometimes awake, sometimes back in his coma. Her father had been there too. Payton had barely even registered in the dream. Chris was really the only constant in the dream, and Jill knew exactly why.

She had already admitted it to herself, but she didn't want to. She could never tell him either, not with what she had done. If she had just stopped that damn bomb from blowing, she would've already tried to get in a relationship with him. Payton was nothing to her. She felt mean thinking it, but it was true. He was a distraction, an excuse. If Chris knew she was in a relationship, he wouldn't attempt to get closer. She couldn't handle that, not when she felt responsible for the accident that had taken away over two years of his life and sent him into a dark dream full of monsters.

She was in love with Chris Redfield.

She had only admitted it to herself when he was suddenly there over her, trying to keep her blood in her body. Seeing him made her somehow okay with her own death. She felt okay in knowing that her last moments would be composed of seeing his face, as long as she could say her last words to him; "I love you".

But the words must not have formed well enough to be understood, or maybe she just hadn't said it loud enough. Or maybe he was just acting like he hadn't heard it and would ask about it later.

"Jill!" Betty stood at the doorway. "Jill, sweetie, why'd you have to go and get shot?" She entered the room and Chris followed behind.

Jill couldn't help but smile at her friend's words. "I didn't mean to. It's not like I wanted it to happen."

Betty sighed. "Hun, you gotta be careful."

"I know, I know."

The blonde looked back at Chris. "Oh, Chris. I'm gonna pull some strings so you can stay here tonight. Someone needs to watch Jill and make sure she doesn't get into anymore trouble."

He chuckled. "I'd be happy to stay here tonight. Is that okay with you, Jill?"

She nodded. "Yes," she answered quickly. "Please."

Their eyes met for a few seconds, something Betty took notice of. She didn't interrupt it.

Jill closed her eyes after a few moments. When she opened them again, they were directed at Betty. "Betty, when can I be released?"

The blonde nurse snatched up the clipboard off of the end of the bed. "It says next Wednesday on here."

"But that's almost a week away!" Jill exclaimed. "I don't want to be here that long!" She frowned, almost angry.

Betty shrugged. "You've got to heal up. It'll be another two weeks until you can get your stitches out." Jill huffed and threw her hands down on the bed. Betty rolled her eyes. "Oh, get over it. You've got this hunk of man here to keep you company." She gestured to Chris before making him sit back down in the chair beside the bed.

Jill smiled a bit, hoping he'd take her hand or something where they made contact. She wanted him close... He did indeed take her hand, holding it firmly in his grasp.

Jill squeezed his hand before speaking again. "But can't I get out of here in a couple of days? I mean, even if I can only do paperwork at work-"

"Jill, you aren't going back to work for another week and a half at least. As for getting out of here, I'm pretty sure that you'll have to wait until Wednesday."

Jill made a sound like a growl. "I hate hospitals."

Betty chuckled. "So does everyone. Now, I have to get back to work. I'll check in on you later." With that, she made her exit.

Jill and Chris talked for hours about everything they could, even the Dream. He was honest in all his answers and detailed. Her questions included details on where they lived, who they knew, and their inside jokes. He asked if she had dreamt anything in the short time she was unconcious. She told him of the faded images that had floated through her mind and how he had often been among them.

After dark, she began grew tired. Chris was reassured by Betty that he could stay, so he did, settling himself down in his chair.

Jill looked at him, tired eyes wide and hopeful. She wanted him to be close to her again and snuggle her.

"Chris?"

"Yeah, Jill?"

"Will you lay down with me?" He nodded and moved to her uninjured side. There, he settled in on his side, an arm over her stomach. She turned her head to kiss him, briefly. He nuzzled against her and her voiced sounded again. "Chris?"

"Hm?"

"Do you... Did I say anything before I passed out after being shot?"

He was half asleep already. He shrugged. "I think you tried to, but couldn't quite..."

She nodded, feeling an odd mix of relief and disappointment at his statement. One half, the side of her that wanted to live, wanted him to know what she had tried to say. The other part of her, the one that wanted to die, was glad he didn't find out. "Oh, okay."

"Why, is there something you wanted me to know?"

"I... Can't remember," she murmured.

He kissed the side of her neck. "Goodnight, Jill."

"Goodnight..."

Claire's phone startled her as it started ringing. She recognized the ringtone as Chris's. She picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Claire." It was indeed Chris. "You said you wanted to know when she was awake. She woke up yesterday, but I didn't want her overwhelmed. I hope you don't mind that I waited until today to tell you."

"No, it's fine." The redhead bit her lip. "Is she... Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Still in some pain, but they've got her on medicine."

"Well, today's my day off. I'll have to go and see her."

"I told her you might. And I don't think she's angry with you. I'm not really sure what emotion she feels towards you."

The redhead gritted her teeth. "She probably is angry with me, with what I said..." She had no right to say something like that to her brother's partner, her lost friend.

"Claire?"

"Yeah, Chris?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, big brother."

They both said a short goodbye before hanging up their phones.

Claire sat up in her spot on the couch and held her head in her hands. "Oh, how am I going to do this?" She wanted Jill back as a friend and she wanted to right her wrong words.

She remembered how nice it was, being Jill's friend. The two women had been close before Chris's accident. They'd go out to lunch, go shopping, tease Chris. They had been best friends. But because of what Claire saw as her own stupidity, she and Jill were no longer friends.

She needed to apologize, badly.

"I'll simply go in, say I'm sorry, and wait for her response," the redhead said to herself. "I really hope she's not too mad at me..."