Soft Sounds and Hard Impacts

Got bubble wrap around my heart
Waiting for my life to start
But everyday it never comes
Permanently at square one
When it's late at night-ight
I'm so dissatisfied-ied
In the wait for a empty life-ife
- Living Dead, Marina and the Diamonds

Claire froze at the steps of the hospital. She was paralyzed by the fear of Jill's reaction. What if the brunette was viciously angry at her? To the point where she never wanted to see Claire again? Claire couldn't help but think of the worst case scenarios that could happen when she want to apologize.

"C'mon, Claire. You can do this. Jill needs you," she spoke to herself. She had to be there for the brunette, absolutely had to. She stepped into the hospital, walking briskley to get her visitor's pass and then to Jill's room. The brunette was sitting up in bed with a book in her hands. Claire stood at the doorway and took a deep breath. "Jill?"

To her surprise, the brunette looked up with a soft smile. "Hey, Claire. Chris said you might stop by." She placed a bookmark in the pages of her book and closed it. "You can come in." Claire did so, standing awkwardly in front of one of the chairs before actually taking a seat. "What's on your mind?"

Still hesitant, the answer came. "I want to apologize."

Jill shook her head, frowning. "That's not needed."

"No, I want to-"

"Claire, it's fine. I'm over it." I've accepted it, was a better phrase.

"Jill, I need to apologize." Claire gripped the ends of her jacket, emphasizing her point. "I can't not apologize to you!" Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, but she wiped them away before they could fall. "We used to be such good friends! Before Chris's accident, before I pulled that stupid crap..." Claire stared down at her lap. She couldn't stand to look up at the brunette. "I never should have said that, I never should have avoided you after Chris didn't wake up..."

She pinched her arm and bit her lip.

"Claire... It's okay. I understand." Claire looked up at Jill to see that she was also trying not to cry. Jill didn't bother to say things such as "I know it's my fault" or "you were right to blame me". Then Claire would fight against that point with the stubbornness she was born with and try to convince Jill otherwise.

"But, Jill..." Claire's face contorted as she tried to stop the tears, but to no avail. "Chris told me the troubles you've been having and I can't help but feel I helped to get you those troubles!"

Jill shook her head. "Claire, come here." Grey eyes found blue and Jill made a small motion to the spot beside her. Claire moved to it and Jill pulled her into a hug. The younger woman cried against her shoulder as she spoke. Jill gently brought her hand over the back of Claire's head in a comforting gesture. "It's fine, Claire... I'm okay, Chris is watching out for me. He's making sure I don't do anything stupid. And you had every reason to blame me; I wasn't able to neutralize the bomb and Chris got hurt by protecting me from it." Jill's face was sad, only a few tears slipping down her face before ceasing all together. "You have no part in how down I've fallen. Nothing that's happened to me is your fault, okay?" Jill squeezed the woman in a tight hug, feeling the pain in her shoulder as she did. "We've all been stressed lately. Don't worry about me, okay? I'll be... I'll be fine."

After a few minutes where the only sound came from Claire, she pulled away, wiping at her eyes. "F, Friends?" she asked, hopeful.

"Of course." Jill smiled. "Friends."

Chris hid a bouquet of flowers behind his back as he stepped into Jill's hospital room. His other hand was occupied by a plastic bag with a few changes of clothes in it, brought so Jill didn't have to stay in her hospital gown the entire time. "Jill," he spoke, capturing her attention. "How're you holding up?"

She smiled when she saw him. "Hey! And I'm fine, I guess. They've got enough pain killers in me to keep my shoulder from hurting."

He smiled and stepped further into the room. "I brought you some clothes, as well as," he pulled out the bouquet instead of actually saying it. Her eyes and smile widened when she saw it; about ten lovely white roses, her favorite. He handed her the flowers and she caught his hand, pulling him in so she could give him a quick kiss.

"Thanks, Bearfield," she spoke, squeezing his hand. "I love them!" She set them down on her lap and looked over at him. "How was your day?"

"Fine," he answered. "I was informed I have to attend the trial tomorrow. I'll be a witness because I was on the case with you and was the first inside and so on."

"What time does it start?"

"It'll last all day, but have a break or two during it. I think at around twelve there's a two hour break or something. I'll come visit you then." He sat on the edge of the bed, threading his fingers through hers.

"Do you have time to stop by in the morning?" She wanted him there as much as possible, if she was going to have to stay there for a week.

He nodded. "Yeah, definitely. And in the evening too."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Claire visited."

"How are you two now?"

"I think we're good. She's gonna try and come back later in the week."

Chris put his arm around her waist and nuzzled his noise into her hair. "I might've found an apartment to rent." She tensed up. "It's close to yours. About a block over actually." He brushed the hair out of her face. "But I wanted to ask you first. I know when you're able to go home, you might want me to help out until you're all healed. But if you think I should get the apartment, I will."

She was slow at answering. She knew he couldn't stay with her forever, but she wished he could. "You should get the apartment. You can visit me whenever you want. I really want you to."

"I will. Everyday if you want me to." She nodded.

"And we'll have to have movie night every week. Just like the old days." She gave him a weak smile. "I'll bring the movie if you bring the snacks."

"It's a deal. Skittles like always?"

"And popcorn."

She let herself relax again, trying to focus on the positive. He kissed her forehead as she sighed, settling against him. "I love you, Jill..." he murmured.

Later that night, after Chris, disappointingly, left, Jill was alone. Betty stopped by before she clocked out and went home, but it was only a small comfort in the cold emptiness of her hospital room.

It seemed everyone had something to do but Jill. All she could do was sit in a hospital while Chris went to serve as a witness at a trial and as Betty stayed home with her boyfriend on her day off. She couldn't even go back into work when she could escape from the hospital. She'd have to sit at home and wait for her stupid stitches to heal.

It wasn't really worth it to wait, but what was the point in rushing it? She didn't have much to work for. Her relationship with her current boyfriend was a lie, only there to protect her heart (as well as Chris's) from further pain. She had tried calling Payton again earlier that day, but it had gone straight to voice mail. She was a little irritated with it, but it wasn't the main focus in her mind.

Jill stood from the bed and walked over to the window. All she saw were the dark silhouettes of buildings.

She sighed.

She wanted to go home, curl up on her bed, maybe next to Chris because he was still there at her apartment. There, she'd be safe from her thoughts for the most part. The hospital just reminded her of death. She had spent too many days there, fearing the eternal sleep befalling Chris. Now she was the one trapped in the too clean halls, the pristine white walls.

She simply wanted a life that didn't come with so much... crippling sadness.