Disclaimer: I do not own Ed Edd n Eddy or Trailer Park Boys. They both belong to their respectful owners.
A/N: Will contain spelling and grammar mistakes for Rickyisms.
Double D didn't know how much more he could take. He was currently seated in the back of Ricky's car, which the man had labeled The Shitmobile, alongside Ed, Eddy and Bubbles, while Julian sat in the passengers seat as Ricky drove. The car itself was an accident waiting to happen, but as long as it got his friends and himself back to Peach Creek in one peace he would have to endure it, but that was not was bothering him.
The source for his discomfort was that in the back seat Eddy was seated on Ed's lap due to lack of seats (much to the shorter boys displeasure) while Ed himself was in the most ridiculous debate he ever had the displeasure of witnessing with Bubbles.
The hoarse voiced man and the loveable oaf had gotten along when Ricky first started the little road trip back to the United States, which he still assumed was a different country than America despite Double D's efforts to convince him otherwise. However their conversation about wrestling had taken a drastic turn when each brought up their favorite animals in the world: chickens and kitties.
"No fuckin' way," the glasses man said. "Chickens are not better than kitties!" Bubbles seemed to forget his previous aversion of swearing in front of kids if it concerned his kitties.
"Uh-huh they are!" Ed argued.
"Fuck your chickens!" Bubbles hoarsely yelled. "Kitties are a man's best friend."
"Evil Tim is afraid of the mighty chicken," Ed countered.
"Evil Tim ain't real Ed," Eddy grumbled from his clearly uncomfortable position on Ed's lap.
"That's because chickens defeated him Eddy," Ed said to the other boy. "Silly dickens." Ed poked Eddy on the top of his head unknowingly aggravating him.
"You're just lucky I don't have my Green Bastard outfit with me," Bubbles told Ed. "I would have unloaded one on ya."
"And you are lucky Lothar is not here with his flipper," Ed said with his trademark dumb grin.
Bubbles grumbled. "You agree with me right Ricky? Kitties are better than chickens."
Ricky who had one hand on the wheel and the other holding a smoke looked back at them in the rearview mirror. "Ah fuck I don't know buddy," Ricky said as he took a smoke from his cigarette. "I mean cats are great an all, but chickens you can eat em, they got wings so some of them can fly, and they got fingers somewhere on em, I don't know where but their fuckin' tasty."
"Actually," Double D spoke from his seat in the back, "while chickens are a member of the avian family they are incapable of flight due mainly in part to-,"
"Hold up," Ricky cut him off. "Of course chickens can fly. Birds live in the sky fish live in the sea, manamals live on land. Simple fuckin' social studies. You don't need a grade ten or eleven to know that."
"He's right Ricky," Julian said in support of Double D, something the boy was grateful for. "When's the last time you saw a chicken fly?"
"Chickens aren't smart like you and me Julian," Ricky tried to defend his argument as he rested his arm holding his smoke on his car door. "You can't expect them to go flyin' round like one of those hawks on the American flag or some shit."
If this was the kind of stupidity Julian had to deal with every day, then the straight edge Double D could see why the man always had glass of liquor with him.
"I mean chickens are small enough to fly not like those huge fuckin' Emo's that live in Austria," Ricky said as he continued driving.
Does he mean Emu's in Australia? Double D thought to himself but he refrained from saying anything as it would probably fall on a deaf ear knowing Ricky.
"Victory for chickens!" Ed yelled as he threw his arms up in celebration nearly denting the roof of the car from the force he had applied.
"Quit shouting in my ear ya big lug!" Eddy snapped at Ed. "I'm gonna go deaf before we-,"
"Fuck!" Ricky shouted from the driver's seat as he suddenly slammed on the breaks. The momentum from the sudden stop caused Eddy to go flying out of Ed's lap and plant his face on the front window.
"What the hell's your problem?!" Eddy angrily asked Ricky. Double D would have scolded Eddy for his use of profanity, but given Ricky's abrupt stop he let it slide. That and it would have gone unheard anyways.
"Dropped my smoke," Ricky said as he parked the car in the middle of the road. "Move Julian," Ricky said as he climbed over the passenger seat to the missing door.
"For fuck's sake," Julian said as he was forced to climb out. "It's just one smoke Ricky."
"Yeah and it's my last fuckin' one and I'm not leavin it for some raykin!" Ricky shouted as he picked up the fallen smoke from the street. Much to Double D's disgust Ricky put it back in his mouth like nothing had happened.
"That's highly unsanitary!" Double D told him as he climbed back in the car.
"It's no big deal," Ricky said as he put the car back in drive. "I mean I can't get sasperilla, or maninjesus from smoking something that fell. If I could it would have happened by now."
"Smoking a cigarette that fell on the ground, that's greasy Ricky," Bubbles said to his friend.
"Like gravy," Ed said before smiling at the thought of his gravy filled tub.
"It's not that greasy," Ricky said. "Right Julian?"
"No it's pretty fucking greasy Rick."
That didn't seem to please Ricky. "Well I'm real fuckin' impressed your smart and I'm dumb then Julian. Your smart and I'm just the fuck-dummy."
"Look Ricky you're not a fuck-dummy," Julian said. "You just do a lot of dumb shit is all."
"Understatement of the millennia," Double D muttered under his breath so no one would hear him.
"We all do dumb things and fuck up Ricky," Bubbles said from the back. "I mean I listened to Conky when I was a kid and that puppet was fucked."
"Yeah, you did," Ricky said as he began to cheer up.
"I ate my bellybutton lint," Ed said without any shame as he too tried to cheer the man up. It would appear to Double D that Ricky knew very well that he was dumb but hated he was too dumb to change.
"See Ricky?" Julian said. "We all do dumb things you're not alone man."
"Thanks boys," Ricky thank them as he visibly cheered up. "How about next restaurant we pass we stop and order some chicken fingers, cus I am fuckin' starving."
"Yeah let's get some grub," Eddy seconded the idea.
"Eat… Chicken… YOU MONSTERS!" Ed yelled in horror at the thought of eating one of his beloved animals.
"Don't see people eatin' kitties," Bubbles said. "I believe I won."
"Pardon me Julian," Double D spoke to the glass holding man.
"What is it?" Julian asked as he turned his head to look back at the sock head.
"If I perish on this trip due to an excessive migraine please leave a sticky note for my parents," Double D requested. He had been right this trip was going to be a long one.