Carthus was the first to appear on the other side of the portal, the thing giving off a faint purple glow against his skin. He landed carefully on the damp cloth of a small alcove to the side of a large courtyard, and was immediately greeted by a raging monsoon. The water and wind blasted against his skin, and his jacket flapped around his body. He could barely hear the sound of footsteps landing behind him, and only turned when Matt tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to face him, and saw Matt with his arm in front of his eyes as a makeshift shield.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Matt called at the top of his lungs, though Carthus could barely hear it over the whipping sounds of the wind around them.

"SSSSSSHE DID SSSSSSAY HER PLANET WASSSSSS ANNOYING, DIDN'T SSSSSSHE?" Carthus replied. He stepped back a bit, letting his back hit what used to be a fruit stall. The fruit was long gone, and the small cover that presumably was to protect it from rain had fallen around it.

"YEAH, BUT I THOUGH IT WOULD'VE BEEN SOMETHING LIKE 'OH HEY, IT'S A LITTLE HOT.' NOT WHATEVER BULLSHIT THIS IS!"

Carthus blinked the water out of his eyes, and took Matt's hand. Matt let out an audible 'HEY,' but Carthus had no time for his human bullshit. The two jogged outside of the alcove and out into a large courtyard, filled to the brim with dilapidated market stalls and strangely shaped skeletons. Matt felt his foot stomp on one, and would've shuddered if he weren't cold from the monsoon that blared around him. Carthus led him through the courtyard, towards the largest building in the area, and busted the door open to get them both inside.

Once inside, the two began to pant, and Matt wriggled his hand from Carthus' grasp. "Dude, don't hold my hand. That's weird."

"How the hell issssss that weird?" Carthus grunted at him.

"'Cause I ain't into dudes, man."

Carthus straightened his jacket and cap, turning away from Matt. "God you guyssssss are weird. Issssss Tara not 'into dudessssss' assssss well?"

Matt shrugged. "I dunno. She seemed pretty into dudes before she met Tarlia."

"Oh yessssss, that fiassssssco." Carthus sighed, and turned to Matt again. Matt realised that Carthus' face was dripping with a liquid that wasn't water. It was grey face paint, and behind it revealed a pair of burgundy bags below his eyes.

"Uh, Carthus, do you wear make-up?" Matt asked, pointing at his face.

Carthus reached up and dabbed a pair of fingers on his face, the soggy grey make-up staining his fingers. "God damn it," he sighed, "guessssss it'ssssss out now. Yessssss, I do in fact wear make-up."

"Are those bags make-up as well?"

"No, you mong, they're an actual part of my face. Troll geneticssssss and all that." He wiped the rest of the make-up off with a nearby piece of clothing he found on the ground, undoubtedly owned by the skeleton underneath.

"Oh, so it's like your eye colours!" Matt explained.

"What? No, nothing like that. How'd you even know that anyway?"

"I dunno. Kind of just guessed that from the fact that, what was it, nearly seven months ago when I met you? You guys had no eye colours. It was actually kind of freaky. But they've been slowly fading in, and you guys all have these weird colours as well."

"Well, they do color in as our resssssspective blood colorssssss."

"That's pretty neat. But it makes doin' stuff with Hysees weird, what with those freaky purple eyes. I mean, I still do the stuff, and it's actually really metal and awesome and…" Matt trailed off. "Huh. Thinking about it, I'm kind of digging her eye colour. Where was I going with that anyway?" He turned to Carthus, who had narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"Your relationsssssship with that rage-aholic bitch issssss taking a weird turn. You guyssssss have really toned down with the hating each other bit of the Kissssssmessssssissssss. If I'm not misssssstaken, you guyssssss may be heading for a Matesssssspritsssssship."

Matt scoffed, "So what, you're saying I'm in love with Hysees?" Matt chuckled. "That is ridiculous. Just because I enjoy spending time with her, learning about her, telling her jokes, teaching her to play the guitar, and oh my God I'm in love with Hysees." Matt slid his hands down his face. "How the actual fuck am I in love with Hysees? Oh my God. How am I supposed to tell her?"

"Calm down, I know sssssshe'ssssss an almighty bulgelord, but it'ssssss not like you have cancer or ssssssomething."

Matt sighed, "I know, but what if she's not in love with me back? She's still so aggressive in private, and I don't want to end up in a state of quadrant turmoil like you and Pially! Christ, I still don't understand Quadrants that well, I still call it hate-love!" He rubbed his forehead with two fingers. "God damn it, I have a lot to think about. Anyway, how's 'bout we move back to the topic at hand. The bags?"

Carthus snapped back to the previous conversation. "Oh yeah, well, there issssssn't much there, other than it issssss a very unique feature among trollssssss. Like, one in a couple hundred thoussssssand have them. And I am unfortunate enough to be that one."

"Well why do you hide it then if it's genetics?"

"Becausssssse it'ssssss embarressssssing!"

"You really shouldn't be insecure about something you can't change. Like your height!"

"Thankssssss Matt, glad you brought up another inssssssecurity. Really."

Matt shrugged. "Well why are embarrassed by it anyway? I think it makes you look bad-ass."

"I jusssssst don't like it. It makessssss me look like I wear make… up… God damn, I'm fucking sssssstupid."

"Dude, you got a lot more problems than you let on. Kind of insignificant as well. I mean, I've been having to worry about accidentally making a weird troll-human hybrid baby with Hysees. I mean, that'd be really weird."

Carthus threw the clothing down, and began walking away, further into the building. "I don't think you'd have to worry about that. Trolls can't actually make wrigglers themselves."

Matt followed him, talking as the two made their way through the rotten wooden building. "So there's no chance of getting her pregnant? Well that's a relief. Why the hell can't you guys reproduce yourselves anyway? I mean, you got the parts. The lady ones at least."

Carthus opened a back door, leading to a roofed alleyway that covered them from the rain. He looked both ways, one of them being a dead end with a couple of trashcans knocked over, the other leading to a street where the monsoon continued. Instead of heading either way, he simply jogged across the alley and opened a door on the other side, gesturing Matt through and closing the door behind them.

"Well, that'ssssss the thing, I think we actually might have once upon a time. Both partiessssss had the organssssss, but at ssssssome point during our hisssssstory, I guessssss we musssssst've devolved to how we reproduce now."

Matt's whole body shook from the cold. "Devolved? Don't you mean evolve?"

"No, I meant devolve. Would it really be an upgrade if we had to have a third party to birth our wrigglerssssss? What if they dissssssapeared? We'd have no way of continuing our race."

"So you guys aren't going to be able to continue your race if we lost the game? I mean, at least me and Tara could do the dirty out of an obligation to the human race, but you guys?"

Carthus stopped dead in his tracks. "I… guessssss not. Even if we win, would there be a new troll race in the new universssssse? If not, after Pially diessssss, we'd be extinct."

The two stayed silent for a moment, before Matt spoke up again. "That's kind of scary man. I'm sorry for bringing it up. But, are you guys sure you actually physically can't make babies?"

Carthus lifted his head up. "I don't actually know. Maybe, if by some miracle, our productive systems could start up again, but the chances of that-"

"Why don't you try then? I mean, I've seen the shit that comes after a troll has sex, and it ain't really that different from cum. Maybe you and Pially could try and make a royal slash peasant baby sometime in the future."

Carthus began walking again, examining the house that the two had entered, with its surprisingly decorative wooden carvings and paintings depicting happy families of what looked like velociraptors. "I don't know. I jusssssst really don't know, and that sssssscares me. Right now, I guessssss we'd have to try."

Matt nodded. "Good plan. But going back a bit, what did you mean by 'after Pially dies?'"

Carthus perked up, trying to get the thoughts of extinction from his mind. "Oh, yeah, I ssssssupposssssse it'd be important to tell you. Depending on a trollssssss blood color, a troll could live a very long life. Like, out of everyone, Pially issssss going to live the longesssssst, probably going to be nearly a thoussssssand ssssssweepssssss due to her having the highesssssst blood casssssste. Meanwhile I, assssss the lowesssssst, would live a couple of dozen at mosssssst."

"Jesus dude, that's sad. I mean, aren't you scared of dying that early? Knowing all your friends are going to live long after you?"

"Not really. It'd probably affect them a lot more than me. I'll be dead, remember? But I jusssssst worry for Tarlia. Sssssshe'll be unpredictable. I'm the only thing keeping her from murdering ussssss all. But sssssshe sssssstill caressssss about me a lot, and I…" He paused for a second. "Maybe you can assssssk them about that. I can't really sssssspeak for them."

"So how long is Hysees gonna live?"

"A hell of a lot longer than you, probably. Maybe sssssseven to eight hundred ssssssweepssssss? Or one and a half thoussssssand human yearssssss."

"Damn, that's kind of sad to think about. Especially now that I know I'm in love with her. How old are you guys now anyway? Never got around to asking."

"Mosssssst of ussssss are almosssssst ten now. Ssssssweepssssss, that issssss."

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Ten sweeps? Isn't a sweep like two years? So you guys are-" His eyes widened in realisation. "You guys are nearly twenty years old?!"

Carthus nodded. "Yessssss. Why, issssss there ssssssomething wrong with that?"

"No, it's just weird to know that I'm dating a girl who's nearly four years older than me! And it's weird to think that you guys, you and Pially especially, are older than me. You know, 'cause you were, what? Five foot four? And Pially's just barely shorter than you. I mean, Jaloon and Hysees I can definitely see as twenty year olds, and Tarlia could pass as one, but you guys? Eh."

Carthus looked at him unimpressed. "Thank you. Really, I love it when you mention me being sssssshort. How would you like it if I mentioned your humannessssss?"

"That'd be more of a compliment, if anything."

Carthus groaned, "Fuck you. Let'ssssss jusssssst be quiet for the resssssst of the trip."

Matt nodded, making a zipping motion over his lips. He obediently followed Carthus, as they made their way further into the desolated town located in the Land of Beaches and Monsoons.