Chapter Five- Forgive, Forget, Regret

The school bell rang loudly signaling first period was close. I held my books to my chest and was quickly on my way, but not before smoothing down my red fleece sweater. Oh how I dreaded mornings. Most days I just wanted to dig my eyes out with a spoon because they burned from trying to resist my eyelids from opening. As I walked, dodging people here and there, I noticed Cory and Topanga, hand in hand and as happy as could be. How romantically typical. Love was an iffy subject for me but I truly did envy their relationship and I knew that they would be together probably forever. If there ever was a relationship close to perfect and one that I'd want mine to be similar to one day, it was definitely theirs. I couldn't wait to watch her walk down the aisle, a beautiful wedding down closely hugging her skin while he goofily grinned at her, knowing no other guy would ever be a threat again. Oh boy, did I ever need to lay off the old cheesy romance movies. My parents were the living proof that happily ever after was more or less hardly the case. It was all just too cliché. However, of course Cory and Topanga weren't them, nor was I, but it was the bases I decided to live off of, for a while anyways. I watched them disappear into their home room and rolled my eyes with a smile. Knowing Shawn wouldn't be far behind, I scurried to my own and luckily made it with no intervenes. That morning I decided I would just avoid him all together. If he couldn't give me a good reason or at least notice that he wasn't going to show, that he had changed his mind, then as far as I was concerned, he deserved no explanation as to why I wanted nothing to do with him. I sat at my desk and placed my binder, textbook and writing notebook neatly in front of me and waited for our teacher to arrive. I looked around and noticed that besides one other student; a very nerdy looking boy whose studies were almost more important than air, the only person in the room was me. At my last school, I should have been given an award for the world's most tardy. I had never once made my classes on time. Hell, I was even late getting to lunch most days. This school was the complete opposite. I wasn't sure if that was something to be proud of or not but I suppose I wasn't complaining, considering it gave me extra time to catch up on anything I felt too lazy to do the night before. I looked through my binder and then let out a frustrated grunt. Of course I didn't have a pencil. I hardly ever did and had to resort to a random classmate to lend me one, which in turn, made me owe them one as well because I would also lose theirs. It was to the point where if I needed one and had to borrow one, they would make sure they got it back at the end of the class. I'd have probably lost my head if it wasn't attached.

"Minkus," I called to the boy softly. "Um, do you have a-" Before I could even finish, he had gotten up, handed me a pencil and then walked back over to his desk.

"For the last time Sarah, my name is Stuart. Please, call me by my name. I was called Minkus throughout all of elementary and I grew to dislike it because of it." He explained, his nasally voice pitching here and there.

I picked up the sharpened pencil he had handed me and nodded. "Sorry Stuart, I'll try to remember for next time. And thank you by the way."

"No problem. I always have an extra of everything, just to be safe; even underwear!"

"That's a little too much information, Stuart." I giggled. He frowned but then smiled when he realized I wasn't laughing to be mean. As if on cue, the second bell alarmed and the crowd of kids that I spent an hour or so with in the morning began to pile in, sitting in their normal seats. Five minutes passed before the teacher came in and it took me a minute to realize it wasn't even our regular teacher. It was Mr. Feeny; our principal and Cory's neighbor. I found it very strange but was glad it was him and not me. I wasn't sure how I'd react if a teacher lived beside me, let alone the principal. I probably would have watched my every move and then some in fear of them using it against me and flunking me just because they could.

"Hello class," he said, walking up to the blackboard. "Mr. Anderson is out sick today, so I will be filling in for him," when the class remained silent, he chuckled slightly. "Well don't get too excited about it."

I couldn't help but smile. I had only met him a handful of times, if that, but he seemed like a decent guy and one hell of a principal. It didn't surprise me that he was probably a good teacher as well. Mr. Feeny placed his paper-thin briefcase down on the and then walked over to the blackboard and began to write down what seemed like a large jumble of numbers that made no sense.

"Alright class, today, we're going to learn some trigonometry. And then, we'll have a pop quiz about it," he said clapping his hands together joyfully. "So make sure to pay attention,"

The whole class groaned in unison. I suddenly didn't like him as much as teacher. I should've known that since he was older, he would have been old fashioned about the work and the amount of it we did. Ironic, isn't it? I looked around and noticed that everyone, especially Minkus, were paying attention like it was the end of the world if they didn't. I figured I should probably do the same. Thirty minutes in, his teaching methods were actually quite interesting. He was old school, yes, but boring? Not entirely. Stretching, I looked around again. The other kids were either jotting down notes as quickly as they could or were listening intensely. I wasn't sure if I was just awfully bored so I had an urge to stretch my legs, or if it was because I actually had to pee, but I knew I needed either or. I timidly raised my hand.

"Ah, yes, Sarah?" My. Feeny pointed towards me.

I gave him a halfhearted smile. "Um, I was just wondering if I can go to the bathroom."

"Well, I don't know. Can you?"

Knowing what he was getting at, my halfhearted smile turned into a full on smile. Despite teaching us something completely different from what we had been learning for the past few days and being what I imagined my parent's teachers were probably like, he really did seem like a good guy. I got out of my seat and silently made my way out of the room, shutting the door behind me. Yep, it was definitely more boredom and wanting to get out more than needing to pee. I felt really lazy for being thankful that the bathroom was pretty well right down the hall from the classroom but at the same time, didn't. I was a very complex person; when I wanted to be.

Shawn's POV

I felt really awful. Not the kind of awful that made you not want to crawl out of bed in the morning, but the kind of awful that gave you a deep sunken feeling in your gut and that tugged at your heart strings a little. I had gone out with probably at least half of the girls in school and didn't regret a single date. I was a ladies man, sure, but I was respectful; in most cases anyways. Blowing Sarah off was something I never had any intention of doing, but I also never had any intention of joining the gunk on the bottom of Harley Keiner's sneakers either. She seemed really sweet and like a nice girl, something I often didn't stumble upon due to who I was. And knowing I probably hurt her upset me. But hey, maybe she herself didn't show up herself. Maybe she had a change of heart and realized I wasn't her type. However, it wasn't like she knew I was a trailer park kid, so really, she didn't have a reason that I was aware of. I wasn't ashamed of who I was. I had come a long way in the past 15 years that I had been alive, but I was on the fence of where I came from. Being Cory's best friend was difficult at times, mainly only because he had parents who loved each other endlessly and had never had to worry about cooking some of his meals on a trucks radiator. He lived in a house, he had a family. I had a Dad who was drunk more than he was awake and a Mom who took off every chance she got. Not to mention, my bed was more of a cot then it was a bed. I didn't claim to have it horrible because really, I could have had it a lot worse, but I also could have had it better, which is probably why I strived to be better than most people ever expected I could be. I refused to be just another typical, "trailer trash" Hunter. I pulled my books from my locker and glanced up at the clock. Late, as always, but was that really a surprise? Not at all. Shutting it, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and began walking but was quickly stopped by the sight of Sarah walking right past me. I stopped for a moment, not sure if I should say something, explain what happened, and make up a lie; anything, if I should have just let her come to me or if I should have just left her alone all together. I didn't have much time to decide, however. Sarah and I made eye contact and with a glare, she rushed off into the washroom, the door slamming behind her. I flinched at the sound and then sighed. I blew it and I was well aware of it. Harley was definitely to blame, along with being the fact that I was afraid of him and too much of a coward to stand up to him when he was in the wrong, which was pretty well always. By the looks of it there obviously wasn't much I could do to change it, so giving up seemed to be the only option. With a sigh, I held my books and backpack tighter and then trudged off to my first period class, but not before one last glance towards the bathroom door. I was half tempted to just walk inside and at least apologize for being a such spineless jerk but I knew better. Man, it was going to be a long day; I wished it was over already.

Back to Sarah's POV

I stood in front of the bathroom mirrors and frowned. What a- grr. Just the look he gave me made me even angrier than before. But I didn't want to let it completely ruin my day; let him know he got to me. I felt like such a sellout to my own gender. I didn't know why it bothered me as much as it did. I hardly knew Shawn; therefor it wasn't really possible to like him. Maybe it was just an ego thing, I wasn't sure. Flattening down my frizzy hair, I then thinned down my blue long sleeved shirt, unwrinkled my white jeans and made my way out of the bathroom and on my way back to class. For a large school, there really wasn't much to it. The walls were pretty plain, covered in a few random posters here and there and besides that, rows and rows of lockers ran down them. I'd swear if it wasn't for them and the doors leading to each classroom, bathroom and teachers room, there really WOULD be nothing to John Adams. Mind you though, the multiple schools I had been at before were all pretty well the same, except the others never felt quite as; welcoming, as if to say the least.

"Sarah," I heard a deep, familiar voice speak, derailing my train of thought almost instantly. Dreading to see who it was, I slowly turned around. Harley Kienner; the exact butthole I didn't want it to be. With a sigh, I stood for a minute and waited while him and his two lackeys, who never seemed far behind, caught up to me and stood not even five feet away. I remained in silence which gave him a pretty good signal to continue and tell me what the heck he was obviously itching so bad to do.

"Sorry to hear your date flaked on ya, if you had gone out with someone like me," he then popped the collar of his shiny leather jacket. "It wouldn't have happened."

I frowned. "How did you know Shawn didn't show up?" I knew his crowd and Shawn's crowd were entirely different people so it didn't make sense to me.

"Around here, ya gotta have ears everywhere in order to survive," he winked.

I let out a sigh. I really wasn't in the mood for any games. I never thought I'd actually WANT to be back in class as bad as I did then. I still couldn't quite place just what it was about Harley I didn't like, but whatever it was, it definitely didn't go away. "Well that's interesting and all Harley, but I really need to get back before Mr. Feeny gets annoyed by my abstinence," I then turned and began walking away but was quickly stopped by a strong hand grabbing my arm and stopping me. I turned my head and glared at him.

"Just give a guy a minute, jeez," Harley let go of my arm and took a step back almost as if sensing it wasn't a good idea to keep holding on. I pulled my arm away at the same time and continued to glare.

"I know I kinda came across as a bit of a jerk before but hey, it's just my nature I guess. I just wanted to ask you again, on better terms, if you'd maybe wanna go out? Your pick." He grinned.

"As lovely as that offer is," I said sarcastically. "No thanks. See you around, Harley." I then acknowledged his two lackeys. "You guys too I'm sure." And at that, I turned away for the second time and sped walked to class. I didn't even give him a chance to respond and that was how I intended on keeping it; as long as I could anyways. I opened the classroom door slowly and crept my way back in. Shockingly enough, Mr. Feeny didn't even notice and went on teaching the lesson for the day. Glancing up at the clock every two minutes it seemed definitely didn't seem to defuse my boredom; it just made me realize how much further away lunch really was.

The few hours that seemed to drag on, finally faded away and it was lunch. I was the last one to class but the first one out. The lunch room always seemed bigger every time I entered it. I wasn't sure if it was because every face was a strange one or if it was because the school and everything in it was still fresh and brand new. Either way, I felt so out of place. After getting my lunch slopped onto my lunch tray, I awkwardly made my way over to an empty table and began to eat. Before me sat a large pile of mashed potatoes, corn, a juice box and what I assumed was meat loaf. It sure didn't smell or look anything like it though. All those horror stories about awful cafeteria food were already becoming true. Grimacing, I pushed it away from me. I regretted not packing my own lunch. I was hungry but not hungry enough to get sick.

"I know, cafeteria food makes me feel nauseous too." A voice suddenly came. I turned and met eyes with a smirking Jason. I noticed he had a tray of the exact same thing in front of me which caused me to raise an eyebrow at him and return the smirk.

"Yeah? Then why eat it, Einstein ?"

He looked around and then leaned close to me. "Well see Sarah," he said in a low tone. "I pretend to like it just to, you know, fit in." He said trying to sound serious as he looked around again.

I let out a giggle. "Hasn't worked so well yet, has it?" I teased.

Jason took a step back and acted as if he were appalled by my comment. "Ouch; way to crush a guy's ego, Sarah. Sheesh." I giggled again.

"Jason!" I heard Eric call. "Welp, there's loser number one. Better go before my secret is let out for the world to hear," he winked. "See ya," and at that, he walked off. Rolling my eyes, I couldn't help but smile. What a tool, a cute tool, but a tool none the less. I sat by myself for a few minutes until deciding to go and do something, anything, besides sit there alone and wondering if my "meatloaf" was going to suddenly attack me or not. I pushed myself to my feet, grabbed my school books and then made my way, to anywhere but there. Just as I reached the cafeteria doors , the right one swung open and hit me. I flew backwards and landed on my butt, soon followed by the loud banging of my books. I groaned; whoever hit me was about to get hit ten times harder and not by a door.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry!" As he began to help me up, I realized it was Shawn. I pulled my arm away and then got to my feet by myself.

"Thanks but no thanks. I've been stood up enough by you." I growled out. Shawn frowned and then picked up my books and handed them to me. I snatched them away and looked around, some people were giggling still over the fact that I was knocked nearly head over heels; literally. Luckily though, some weren't even looking our way when it did happen. Great, this is just what I needed. A reputation already and not a very nice one either. I had a feeling people would say my name but wouldn't actually know who I was unless the comments "You know, the girl, Hunter hit with the cafeteria door?" "Oh, that one!" were used. Yeah, not something I wanted to live with 5 days out of the week.

"Sarah, I'm sorry. Can I explain?"

I shook my head and attempted to move past him. "Nah, I've heard enough excuses all my life. I don't need to hear anymore."

Shawn stopped me. "Please," he said. I glared but didn't try to leave again. Shawn sighed, lightly grabbed my arm and led me outside the cafeteria doors. "Look, I wanted to come. I really did but,"

"But what Shawn?" I asked. A tall blonde haired, blue eyed beauty who I was guessing was a year or so older walked passed us and went into the lunch room but not before winking at him. "Someone like her came up instead? I get it, okay."

Shawn shook his head. "That isn't it. I have a reputation for dating half the school and everyone knows it, yeah. But I'm not that selfish and I'm not like that."

I continued to glare. "Then what is it?" Shawn sighed for the second time.

"Do you know who Harley Kiener is?"

My glare subsided a bit. "What about him?"

Shawn looked around. "Ask anyone if you don't believe me, but he wants you. And he threatened me if I went through with the date." He shuffled his feet a bit and frowned as he ran a hand nervously through his thick brown hair and continued. "I was a wimp, okay? I'm sorry." For some strange reason, I actually believed him.

"Why didn't you just tell me that instead of making me sit there like an idiot then?"

Shawn looked to the ground. "Because I was afraid of your reaction. I didn't think you'd believe me. You can even ask Cory how bad Harley is and can be. I've got enough problems as it is; and I guess I was selfish and stupid for not wanting him to be one of them."

I gave him a half smile and suddenly my anger and hurt towards him faded. "Friends?" I asked holding out my hand to him.

Shawn's eyes lit up and his head immediately snapped up from facing the floor. "You mean it?"

I smiled. "Yeah, life's too short to hold grudges ." Shawn grinned back at me and then shook my hand.

"Friends it is, Sarah. And I'm sorry again."

I gave him a nod of approval. "So do you want to go back inside? I won't eat but the company sure would be nice."

Shawn laughed. "The food isn't terrible. I mean, if you have ever lived where I have, this would be angel food cake to you." he teased. I then remembered seeing Shawn at the trailer park, trying to help his mom out the best he could. I gave him a warm smile.

"Well, regardless of where you live or have lived, I'm glad it's in Philadelphia," Shawn looked surprised at first but then returned the smile. We made our way back into the lunch room and ended up sitting at the table I had sat at prior to our mini confrontation. And oddly enough, my tray was still there and everything. "You can have my lunch if you want. It'll save you some money and me a belly ache." I joked.

Shawn laughed as I slid him the tray. "You sure?"

I nodded. "Believe me, I'm sure." Shawn then dug into it like he had never eaten before. I smirked at him when he looked my way with a mouth stuffed full of "food". "Wha?"

"Oh nothing." I continued to smirk. Shawn shrugged and then continued to eat until the tray was pretty much bare. After Shawn finished, we talked for a few minutes about nothing at all before Cory and Topanga finally entered the cafeteria as well, tray in one hand, each other's hand in the other. I rolled my eyes at them and within few seconds, they spotted us and made their way over.

"Hello little cousin," I greeted her.

Topanga smiled widely. "Hello big cousin!" She pushed back her beautiful golden hair and then leaned forward. "Did you guys hear Mr. Feeny is going to be pulling a pop quiz on every grade he teaches?" All three of us grimaced.

"What for? It's not like our brains aren't already racked with all this.. nonsense, we call work." Shawn complained.

"Shawn, how do you ever expect to be anything, go anywhere without all this "nonsense" being programmed into your brain?" Topanga wondered.

Shawn shrugged and then stole a spoonful of potatoes off of Cory's plate. "I'll figure it out when I get there," he said easily brushing it off.

Topanga rolled her eyes. "It's your life, Shawn."

"It won't be for long." Harley placed a hand roughly on Shawn's shoulder and pulled him to his feet. "Hey Hunter, how you doing? Good?" His sidekicks weren't far behind. "Frankie, Joey, let's take this outside."

I looked around at everyone who just seemed to turn a blind eye away , probably in fear of getting whatever Shawn might be. Cory was taking a drink from his juice box when Harley made his appearance but quickly put it down. "Hey, let him go. What did he-" Cory went to stand up but was quickly denied by Frankie, who shoved him back down like he weighed nothing. There wasn't much too Cory and having someone has large as Frankie Stikieno shove you, regardless of your size; well there wasn't much of a fight or defense for that matter . Topanga and I exchanged looks for a second. That was the first and probably the only time I had wished a teacher, even the principal, had been there. Harley wasn't even that big or intimidating yet everyone seemed to be afraid of him and let him rule. I despised him even more for that reason alone. I compulsively decided I was going to take matters into my own hands and refused to sit down for a second more. I stood up quickly, moved past Frankie and Joey and put myself between Harley and Shawn. "Why don't you back off, Harley. Don't you have other pockets you need to go and empty ?" I snarled.

Harley stared at me for a moment and then let out a chuckle, while holding his hand to his chest. "Ha-ho, you are very amusing, Sarah. I knew I liked you for a reason. Feisty girls are my cup of tea afterall." I continued to glare at him. "And although I enjoy being amused, I have some business to attend to with Hunter. Now if you'll excuse us," He went to grab at him again but I quickly shoved his arm away, which of course quickly caught the attention of all of the kids in the cafeteria, who weren't already paying attention at that point.

"Sarah, don't. I'll be okay, I swear . I can handle myself. They're not worth the hassle." Shawn whispered.

"You hear that Frankie? We isn't worth the hassle." Joey mocked, bouncing on the spot a little bit. Harley grinned in response. "Oh but I'm about to be."

He went to grab at Shawn again but the compulsion inside of me took a hold of me once again. Except this time it was angrily. Without a word, I pulled back my arm and right hooked him in the face. Harley went flying backwards and hit the floor with a loud thud, but not before desperately trying to grab at the tables or chairs, anything he could, to try and brace himself but failed to do so. Frankie missed him by a second. I glared down at him and clenched my fists tightly. "Not so tough now, huh?." I said gritting my teeth. Harley stared up at me, holding his eye, while his two minions rushed to his side. After they helped him up, Harley looked at me and gave me a death glare through his good uncovered eye. He pointed crookedly at me.

"No one hits Harley Kiener; no one."

"Looks like I just did, now didn't I?" I retorted. And at that, he stormed off out the cafeteria doors, with Frankie and Joey hot at his heels. I took a deep breath and then looked around at my gaping audience. Quickly, I grabbed my books and made my way out of the other set of doors, leaving a stunned Shawn, along with everyone else, alone with their thoughts. What the hell had I just done? If I didn't get suspended, I was sure Harley and his posse would get me back some way. I didn't regret doing it though, simply because he had it coming; for more than one reason. I came to John Adams not only to find myself but to start over fresh. And so far, I had done neither. I reefed my locker open after putting my combination in, shoved my books inside and then slammed it shut. Breathing deeply, I rested my forehead on the door and then looked down at my knuckles, which were red and hurt like hell. Harley was the first person I had ever hit and it felt pretty awesome. I figured I had better turn myself in before someone else did. That was one thing about myself I sometimes disliked; my honesty and the need (mostly) to do right. I had never been suspended but had a feeling that was about to change. I was usually really good when it came to that sort of thing, mainly because I knew I'd never hear the end of it if I wasn't. Inhaling deeply, I then made my way to Mr. Feeny's office. I mean after all, only he was the true one to bestow my fate; figuratively speaking of course. Better sooner than later, right? I wasn't looking forward to it one bit.