COWBOY BEBOP #22
A shopping center. A serial bomber by the name of Teddy Bomber (TB) sets up a teddy bear bomb at the middle section of the two buildings.
He laughs out loud on an escalator. From behind, Spike puts the bear on his shoulder with Amber standing next to him.
SPIKE: You forgot something.
TB: A-As you can see, I'm just some old man. Unfortunately, I don't have any children, either...
SPIKE: I never said it was yours.
TB: Oh, was it a customer's? I will hold it, then –
AMBER: Okay, cut the crap. No use hiding it.
TB reaches for it. Spike puts the bear on the hand rest of opposite escalator.
SPIKE: How about it? Wanna go somewhere? It's a little too early to go to bed...
AMBER: Or your one of those sick old people upsets with little children, you make me sick to my stomach.
TB: Not me, no! And besides, I'm an early riser... I sleep early.
SPIKE: If you want a prim and proper life, I have just the place for you. A hotel where you get three meals and a bodyguard, all for free.
TB: I'm sure that's impossible without a reservation.
Spike smiles and amber draws her gun out.
SPIKE: I'm talking about Hotel PRISON, Teddy Bomber.
AMBER: Alright! Drop it, freak!
TB: I'd rather not, Spike Spiegel and amber Rose.
SPIKE: Oh, you know us?
TB: It's a popular story among criminals that we never want to be caught by you, your girl, or by Andy.
SPIKE: Andy?
AMBER: Who's this Andy person?
TB: I will fulfill my objective!
TB ducks in a corner and pushes the button. Nothing happens.
SPIKE: It won't blow up. I took out the ignition pin.
Amber starting firing on the ground next to Teddy to move around so much.
AMBER: We got you now. Spike, get him!
Spike gives him a beating.
SPIKE: Your gun still out?
AMBER: He's not going anywhere.
SPIKE: Three million Woolongs, graciously accepted.
TB: That's not the only bear.
TB rolls up his sleeve to reveal several more detonators.
AMBER: You're kidding me!
SPIKE: You'll die, too.
TB: I love them to death.
SPIKE: Why do you want to blow stuff up so much?
TB: Ya wanna know? I am giving a warning. I am ringing a bell of warning! All right, be mindful of what I say!
Whistling. Suddenly a horse and a rider crash through the glass window. It is a man dressed in the guise of an old-fashioned cowboy, Andy. He looks right at Amber digging her hot looks changes his whistle tone from entrance into attraction.
TB: Andy!
SPIKE: Andy?
AMBER: This guy's Andy?
ANDY: Call me Wyatt Earp.
Andy points a pistol at Spike.
ANDY: YOU! Teddy Bomber, serial bomber!
SPIKE: ME?!
ANDY: The fact that you'd plant a bomb here today was easy for ME to figure out after calculating YOUR criminal cycles.
SPIKE: You don't think that's him?
ANDY: He's a security guard!
SPIKE: Just look at his face!
ANDY: In this day and age, a face means nothing.
SPIKE: Then what is the basis of your theory?!
ANDY: That is... my gut instinct. Yes, INSPIRATION!
AMBER: He's not Teddy! Get your eyes check!
Andy walks up to Amber kisses her hand for she didn't like and made Spike mad.
ANDY: My we got ourselves a fighter. A very hot one I might add.
AMBER: Excuse me?
ANDY: The name's Andy, I hunt down wanted bounties in the galaxy even now as we speak. May I ask who you are, my dear?
Amber pulls her arm away from Andy wiping it off with her skirt.
AMBER: Amber Rose, I'm a bounty hunter like my partner and 'boyfriend' next you Spike, and I'm taking. We're after Teddy too so please leave us and me alone.
ANDY: I see… Well, don't mind me; I'll bag this guy out for you to go out with me.
AMBER: I never said that!
TB escapes. Spike chases after him.
SPIKE: Hey, wait!
ANDY: WAIT! Be back, my dear.
AMBER: Great…
Amber follows the boys outside.
Andy lassos Spike by the neck and Spike falls flat on the floor. Outside, TB detonates a bear bomb. The middle section collapses. Amber tries shooting Teddy down with her gun while he makes his escape and misses.
AMBER: He got away!
ANDY: OH, SHIT! Are you alright, my flower!?
AMBER: Get away from me!
SPIKE: That's why I said Teddy Bomber was THAT guy, you idiot!
ANDY: DANGEROUS! Thanks to you Teddy got away and my angel's terrified.
AMBER: No I'm not…
Andy rides outside, trampling Spike, with amber trying to aid him by his side.
AMBER: Spike! Are you alright!?
SPIKE: Do I look alright!? He tried to kill me and take you away!
AMBER: I dude like him!? I hate men like that!
ANDY: That was a close one. Giddy up! We shall meet again, my love!
Andy rides away. Blowing a kiss to Amber with her not in a very good mood either.
AMBER: No we won't.
Session #22
COWBOY FUNK
The Bebop living room Amber treats Spike's injuries carefully.
AMBER: Spike, just so you know I don't like this Andy person at all. He came to me and I didn't.
Spike didn't look so well.
SPIKE: I get it. You're right but still…
AMBER: Yep, a pain in ass I know. I hate perverted men and we're together now. Of course… You guys wish to know what happen to my dear Spike here? How he got hurt and all? Anyone?
JET: A horse?
AMBER: Bingo.
SPIKE: Yeah, a horse.
FAYE: A horse, huh...? I thought something was fishy when you said you would nab that guy as part of your for aging trip.
SPIKE: What do you mean by that?
FAYE: You used up the food money for all four of us, didn't you?
SPIKE: Oh, come on...
FAYE: What did you use it on?
SPIKE: If you think I'm lying, explain THIS on my back!
Spike points to hoof marks on his back.
AMBER: Okay, you guys. That's enough.
JET: All right, I hear ya. The horse I can believe.
FAYE: You can?
JET: But you have to be more creative than a cowboy in a cowboy outfit.
FAYE: Is that the problem?
JET: Now if he was dressed like a samurai –
FAYE: - that would be more plausible.
Jet and Faye laugh.
AMBER: Just so you know… Andy's a pervert to me!
Ed finds data on Andy from the internet.
ED: Here he is, little Andy! Little Andy is a guy in the YMCA!
AMBER: You're kidding me. The YMCA, that guy?
SPIKE: A Christian?
ED: Nope. Young Men's Cowboy Association!
AMBER: She's right.
FAYE: Oh? Such a thing exists?
ED: But he got kicked out soon after joining.
JET: The reason?
ED: Because he caused others trouble! Also hitting on women so much.
SPIKE: Of course!
AMBER: Now I'm scared of this idiot.
JET: Andy von de Oniyate, the noble son of Oniyate Ranch.
FAYE: Hey, he's pretty cute.
Amber slaps Faye upside the head.
FAYE: Ow! Amber!
AMBER: Maybe to you but not to me! Keep him!
FAYE: He was hitting on you for real?
AMBER: Yes! Anything else on him, Ed?
ED: Yes, Ambie! 123 cases of property damage. 89 cases of destruction of public property. Many, many people injured.
FAYE: A good match for SOMEONE we know.
Amber had her hand up.
AMBER: Don't say it!
SPIKE: I told you he existed!
JET: All right, I hear ya.
AMBER: So any plans in getting Teddy this time?
A masquerade at the top floor of a tall skyscraper. Spike wears an ornate mask. Jet is dressed as a hippie. Faye is in a full gown. Amber a pink sorcerer with a long dress 'like Princess Peach from Mario Party 2 from Horror Land'.
AMBER: Been a while since I been to a party. Who knew it would be Teddy's next move.
SPIKE: Any reactions?
JET: None yet. However, we can't let it explode with all these people around.
AMBER: We keep looking I guess.
SPIKE: His only target is the building. He's not one for murder.
JET: You think we can trust him?
AMBER: Do we have a choice, Jet?
JET: Guess not.
SPIKE: Guys like him are often concerned with their sense of style.
JET: Well, this is the perfect party to hide yourself...
Amber watches her back from any bad signs.
AMBER: I know, I know.
Faye flirts with a waiter.
FAYE: Did you know that a serial bomber is gonna come here?
WAITER: To tell the truth, I didn't know.
FAYE: Well, he's coming.
Jet spots TB in a teddy bear suit.
JET: Hey! The world is about LOVE AND PEACE!
SPIKE: Yo.
TB: H-How did you know it was me?
AMBER: Dude, you're like in your late '50's and you use teddy bears for bombing. Wearing that type of costume makes you look like a sick child pervert now.
TB: I am not!
JET: This lead the way to its papa.
SPIKE: I think I woulda known in either case.
AMBER: Told you so.
TB: You guys just don't quit, do you?
SPIKE: Speak for yourself.
JET: Why do you want to blow things up so much?
TB: Ya wanna know? I am giving out a warning. Listen, in this world the root of all evil –
TB is interrupted by whistling. On a horse, Andy enters from an elevator.
AMBER: Oh, no…
FAYE: A horse...
JET: A cowboy...
Andy points a pistol at Jet while giving many rose petals to Amber who hates this getting bad to worse on her.
ANDY: My angel we meet again. I brought you some lovely roses as your last name is! Now kiss me.
Andy tries kissing Amber on the lips again pulling her body close to him, but she slaps him hard to be let go.
AMBER: Sick-o! Leave me alone!
ANDY: Ah… Afraid to show your true feelings to me? So cute.
AMBER: I told you I'm taken!
ANDY: Now, now. No need to feel shy about this. Excuse me for a second, got to do my job real quick. HEY, YOU! Teddy Bomber!
JET: M-Me!?
AMBER: Not again…
Amber runs up to Spike hiding behind him.
SPIKE: See, I told you.
Andy points another pistol at Spike.
ANDY: Or is it you over there? I see because you're stealing my girl.
AMBER: I'm not your girl!
SPIKE: Stay away from Amber! She's mine! And do you have NO memory? We met just yesterday!
ANDY: I have no recollection.
SPIKE: YOU!
Amber tries calming Spike down a bit knowing she agrees with him too.
HOST: Um, sir, your horse is an inconvenience. It's proving rather troublesome for our other guests...
ANDY: OH! MY beloved steed Onyx is no ordinary horse! At times, she sets my troubled mind at ease; at others she is my chess partner. Amber, we can play chess all three of us.
AMBER: I love the horse, but I rather lick the toilet seat than be with you.
ANDY: Aw… Our love is strong.
AMBER: You're such a retard!
ANDY: And you have such a way of words in anger.
AMBER: Are you even listening to me!?
SPIKE: Like horses play chess!
JET: It doesn't matter either way...
AMBER: That's not the point!
TB in enraged.
TB: I detest... being ignored!
He detonates the bombs and rushes into an elevator.
Spike takes to the emergency staircase.
AMBER: Crap… Spike, he's getting away again!
SPIKE: What happened to his sense of style?!
AMBER: Come on!
Everyone rushes into elevators. Jet is caught in the crowd.
JET: Calm down! I'm telling you to calm down! Love and peace, man!
Faye and Andy on his horse ride down in an elevator. Faye bumps into Amber to save her from Andy before he took her away, she smiles, winks at Amber, and does her stuff to do some research on the cowboy.
FAYE: Such a lovely horse.
ANDY: Do you like her?
FAYE: Would you like to be my escort?
ANDY: Now, get behind me. Amber, the next time we meet I hope to go on the date with you. Bye.
AMBER: Oh, shut up…
TB drives off from the garage. Andy chases after him on his horse. In Swordfish, Spike fires at Andy. Andy shoots a rocket at Swordfish.
SPIKE: You little...!
Spike returns fire. TB crashes into a pole. He spots Andy riding toward him a trembles with fear. Andy completely ignores him and rides off after Spike. Andy and Spike continue to return fire.
AMBER: Ah, man Spike…
Andy's floating home at a harbor on Mars. Faye sits in a gaudy cowboy- themed room.
FAYE: In my life, I've never seen such a tasteless room.
Andy enters from the kitchen with two bowls of chunky soup.
ANDY: Now, I present you with my special "SON-OF-A-GUN STEW." I'm sure you'll find it extremely delicious.
Faye forces laughter. She tries a spoonful of the soup and gags.
FAYE: Um... So why are you a bounty hunter? If you're so rich, uh, I mean if you have so much comfort in your life...
ANDY: Why, Let's see... BECAUSE it suits me. That feeling a cowboy gets when he corners a bull.
Andy laughs heartily. Faye forces laughter.
FAYE: Oh... but you don't have to go after such a dangerous bounty, do you?
Back on the Bebop.
JET: I know why nobody wants to go after Teddy Bomber. Nobody wants to get a piece of the explosion!
SPIKE: You think we can worry about that?
AMBER: Not right now. I can't tell I should thank the Whore from saving me from Andy or what?
SPIKE: For once I'm a bit worried for her.
Andy's abode.
ANDY: Yes! I don't worry about things like that! Once I set my mind on something, I can see NOTHING else! Well, until Amber Rose came into my life and I was in love from her hard work. I thought being like her would she fall for me, but it's hard. Doesn't mean I won't give up on her until she says yes.
FAYE: I think I've seen this personality somewhere before...
Andy looks up.
FAYE: Oh, nothing... So Amber you must really love her to death.
ANDY: Now!
Andy raises a glass. Faye follows suit. Andy looks into Faye's eyes.
ANDY: Oh, yes. Do I have a present for her besides roses so far. Just pass her a message here the next time you two meet. Here's lookin' at my reflection, kid.
FAYE: Cheers...
The Bebop. Faye returns with a bag full of canned "SON-OF-A-GUN STEW."
FAYE: Hi, I got a souvenir. And you, Amber, a love letter with some teddy bear cowboy toy.
Faye hands Amber the bear as she reads the card with a picture of Andy with the poster of Amber on it freaking out. Same with Jet and Spike too.
ED: Yippie! A souvenir! A souvenir!
SPIKE: I ain't gonna eat THAT!
JET: Guess this is for dinner...
SPIKE: I will NOT eat that!
Ein barks.
SPIKE: Your stomach will suffer.
AMBER: I hear you. 'Amber, my sweet. You are my treat. I always love you, whenever my heart beats? Huh? So gay! Bad poet!
Amber throws the things away.
JET: But what about him makes you so hotheaded?
FAYE: They're too similar. You know how similar people hate each other.
SPIKE: What part of me is similar to that shit-headed idiot?! He's stupid! He's weird! He's dumb! Also hitting on Amber here! My Amber! I'll freaking kill this bastard!
AMBER: Oh, God Spike.
JET: I guess the part that makes you damn troublesome.
Spike steps on the things hard in anger with Amber trying to calm him down again.
AMBER: Spike…
SPIKE: That guy wouldn't know three shits if it hit him! Not even getting off the way we did-!
AMBER: Spike!
Amber stomps Spike on the foot and covers his mouth in time.
AMBER: I can't believe you! That was supposed to be private!
Spike made a split up big time for Faye, Jet, and Ed to hear with Ein covering his face up with his paws.
ED: Ambie and Spike made babies! Married in love!
AMBER: No we didn't!
Faye covers Ed's ears up in time.
FAYE: Now, Ed, you shouldn't listen to this at your age.
Jet can tell already as he walks up to Spike punching him in the face and grabs hold of him lifting him up very angry.
AMBER: Jet, wait…
JET: What the hell's wrong with you!? You sick bastard!
SPIKE: It's okay; we're in love its true. I didn't force Amber she wanted to have sex with me I swear. I would never hurt her! This is why I'm pissed at Andy!
AMBER: Jet, he's telling the truth. Please don't hurt him. I love Spike so much and he loves me, he's jealous in his way he cares for my safety. I don't even like Andy.
FAYE: I can see why now.
AMBER: Watch it.
Jet puts Spike down not caring about his friend hurting him.
JET: Okay, I trust you both on that you're met to be. But Spike, if she's says no and you hurt her, I will never forgive you.
AMBER: Jet.
JET: Just standing up for you, kid.
ED: Stand low, stand high!
AMBER: Spike?
Spikes hugs Amber kisses her head.
SPIKE: You really love me still after all of this?
AMBER: Of course I do. Next time I see Andy, I'll kick him in the nuts if I must.
SPIKE: Thanks, Amber. I knew you would never cheat on me.
AMBER: Or me either.
FAYE: Oh, Big Shot has already started.
Faye turns on the monitor.
PUNCH: Well, the last thing we have to tell you is info about TB, Teddy Bomber.
JUDY: Can you believe it? We got a message from him, just for this show!
Judy pulls out a long roll of paper.
PUNCH: What? Is that for real?
She reads the letter.
JUDY: Um, let's see... "Warning. This is for those who have made fun of me. My next job is your last chance. This time, I'll blow YOU up as well, like fireworks."
PUNCH: My, my, he doesn't sound calm.
JUDY: "That is, if you know where I will set up next. Heh, heh, heh. And lastly, I will tell you my true intent - "
PUNCH: Whoops! Looks like time is up for us. That's all for today.
The closing credits roll.
JUDY: I'm sorry I couldn't read all of it, TB.
PUNCH: Well, until next time...
JUDY: Good luck!
ED: The next one's in City Hall...
JET: You figured it out already?
ED: TB is blowing up tall buildings starting with the tallest one...
FAYE: The reason was THAT simple?
JET: What are you gonna do? I'm getting outta this one!
FAYE: I'm gonna pass, too. Spike, what are you going to do?
SPIKE: Like you have to ask? Amber, you still in?
AMBER: Oh yeah. We'll get Teddy and beat up Andy for good as promise. Let's do this.
Outside City Hall.
TB: LATE! Damn it! If they think they can get away with this, they are sorely mistaken –
Spike and Amber arrived.
SPIKE: You alone?
TB: How dare you take so much time to get here - !
Spike hears whistling.
SPIKE: Wait!
Old Man Jobin walks by whistling.
SPIKE: Wrong guy...
TB: I have never intended humans as targets! But you guys are different! Guys like you deserve –
He is interrupted by whistling.
AMBER: Okay.
SPIKE: He's here...
Andy rides toward them on his horse Andy didn't looked too happy seeing Amber being around Spike.
ANDY: Amber? What is this?
AMBER: What do you mean? I told you this that I'm with Spike here. My real boyfriend, not yours. So stay the hell away from me already!
Amber throws the stuff from Andy giving it to her back at him in rage turns his anger on Spike.
ANDY: YOU! It was you!
SPIKE: So you finally remember me. You always –
ANDY: You ALWAYS butt in and get in my way! Because of you Amber likes you better! She was supposed to be my girl, not yours!
AMBER: In your dreams!
SPIKE: YOU'RE the one that's in the way! Amber chose me because I stood by her side more than anyone to understand her pain and mine!
TB: Now that I have all of you here, I will tell you. The reason why I continue to blow buildings up. That is because –
Andy, Amber, and Spike completely ignore TB.
ANDY: Today, we are going to settle the score once and for all. For the bounty and my woman to win back.
AMBER: No you won't.
SPIKE: WHAT?! That's MY line!
TB: Listen to what I have to say!
SPIKE & ANDY: Shut up!
AMBER: Not now, Teddy! Okay!? Wait!
ANDY: And you are? WHO ARE YOU?!
AMBER: I just said his name you jack ass! Again get your ears and eyes checked!
TB: C-Can't you guys put some effort into your work?!
TB detonates a bomb and runs.
AMBER: It's now or never. Spike! Move out!
SPIKE: We have to catch HIM first!
ANDY: Wait! Amber, come back! Your knight and shining armor's here!
AMBER: I said stay away from me!
Spike, Amber, and Andy chase after him leading them into an elevator. The doors close. TB stands in another car.
AMBER: He got us.
TB: You guys take me too lightly. That elevator's doors will never open again. And once it starts moving, that's the end. It will never stop. At the top floor, my cute little bears will greet you. So, the moment that the elevator reaches the top floor: BOOM! Well, live what little you have of your life left without regret! Farewell and good luck.
The elevator ascends.
ANDY: Rest assured. I understand... I KNOW how he does things.
SPIKE: Don't worry. I know how he does –
Spike opens up the control panel and pushes a few buttons. Nothing happens. Amber tries to hack into the systems with no luck on her end either.
AMBER: No good.
SPIKE: This looks bad.
ANDY: This afternoon, I reverted the secret emergency code that had been changed. YEAH!
SPIKE: I reverted it this afternoon! Change after change... means its back to where it started!
Andy fires a pistol. The bullet ricochets up and down the elevator. Spike shields Amber from the bullets flying all over.
AMBER: Don't do that!
SPIKE: Stop, you idiot!
ANDY: What do we do, what do we do?! OH, NO! I almost shot my Amber!
AMBER: I'm not hurt. Spike, the ceiling!
Spike opens the ceiling door. Andy goes up the door as well. The two are stuck with amber just standing looking odd seeing the two.
SPIKE: Wah, stop, shit, it's too tight! YOU are in the way!
ANDY: What?! Get outta the way, damn it!
AMBER: Okay…?
The elevator reaches the top floor. The bears explode.
Outside the building.
TB: Farewell... Come to think of it, they were brave young men...
Faye taps TB on the shoulder.
FAYE: Hey!
TB turns around. Faye punches him out.
Spike, Amber, and Andy miraculously survive. The two men begin to race to the remains of the top floor with Amber chasing after them.
From the ground, Jet and Faye watch Spike and Andy climb.
FAYE: They're climbing... those two monkeys...
JET: They like high places.
FAYE: So they ARE similar...
JET: Let's just go back...
FAYE: Then I'll go turn him in.
Faye kicks TB tied up on the ground.
At the remains of the top floor.
ANDY: YOU don't even deserve to be called a cowboy. Or have the love of my life!
SPIKE: I will never forgive you. The way you're dumb, causing trouble, and harassing my woman. She's mine you hear?
The exchange gunfire. They run out of bullets and begin to fight with their fists. Spike fails to hit Andy. Enraged, he punches a crumbling wall. This causes a chain reaction, causing the ground beneath Andy to up heave. Andy hangs on to the edge. He climbs back up and. Amber kicks Andy in the nuts and stops lending Andy a hand.
AMBER: Get up.
ANDY: I lose...
AMBER: Yeah, nut you're alright. You can do a lot more than this. You can do other great things and find true love someday, like me with Spike here. Leave the real bounty hunting to us.
ANDY: You think so?
AMBER: Yes, so we're good?
ANDY: I'm sorry.
The two shake hands with each other.
AMBER: I forgive you. You're odd but not a bad person.
ANDY: Thank you, Amber.
Spike is baffled. Andy approaches Spike with Amber hugging Spike close.
ANDY: That was some punch! You are a true cowboy. As of today, I will no longer be a cowboy. This really is a hats-off! So sorry about all of this.
Andy puts his cowboy hat atop Spike's head. Andy's horse enters the floor by way of another elevator.
SPIKE: So... what are ya gonna do now?
ANDY: I will no doubt find a new way of life... See you, space cowboy! Amber's a keeper so keep making her happy. You two are met for each other. Bye now.
AMBER: No kidding… Bye for now.
Andy rides his horse to the elevator. Spike stares at Andy, jaw agape.
AMBER: Oh, come on you…
Amber kisses Spike well on the lips going back to his normal self and enjoyed that.
SPIKE: I love you, Amber.
AMBER: Let's go home, handsome.
The Bebop. Spike and Amber eats large spoonfuls of "SON-OF-A-GUN STEW."
AMBER: This is good! Not bad for someone with a good sales and logo.
SPIKE: Well, it was only a rich boy's hobby. His level, no, rank was really no match for me. Hey, are ya listening?
JET: Yeah, yeah.
SPIKE: So, he just wasn't any enemy of mine. Of course, I never had him in my line of sight. Hey, are ya listening?
JET: Yeah, yeah.
AMBER: It just goes to show that don't do anything that's too stupid to do until you learn afterwards. Also stay away from perverts.
JET: Agreed.
FAYE: Yep.
ED: Whoa- Bessie!
Spike hugs Amber.
SPIKE: I can be a pervert sometimes you know.
AMBER: You're my pervert only, cowboy.
SPIKE: God you're hot when you're tough.
AMBER: That I know of.
Somewhere on the road. A policeman converses with the arrested TB in a police truck.
OFFICER: But anyway, why did you want to blow stuff up so much?
TB: I wanted to give a warning against all the unnecessary waste created by capitalism lacking philosophy. Planets that needlessly get colonized. Media that needlessly get circulated. And buildings that are needlessly tall to symbolize all of this! And by destroying them, I wanted to raise the question of how a true pioneer should be.
ANDY: Wait, wait, WAIT!
TB looks out the window. Andy, riding on his horse, is dressed in the guise of a samurai complete with two katanas.
TB: Andy!
ANDY: Call me... MUSASHI! Go, JIROUMARU!
TB: But... It was all a waste, wasn't it...?
The policeman taps TB's shoulder.
SEE YOU SPACE SAMURAI...