3 months later…
I hadn't heard from Bray since the night that everything happened. I knew that I was depressed for sure but focused on the baby inside of me. I didn't really talk to anyone about what had happened other than Katie. I could tell everyone changed around me though; Braun was way more protective, Luke more caring, and Erick… well he was just as indifferent as before but now even more distant. I missed Bray every day even though I was told by everyone that I was insane. I couldn't sleep in our room anymore and claimed the guest room as my room, I slept in his shirts and stole his pillows so I could just get the scent of him. I thought about him the first thought of the morning and the last thought at night. I had gone for an ultrasound a couple days before and found out that I was having a little boy. I was terrified because I knew that I would have to be both the mom and dad to this baby. I was also scared that the little boy would come out looking just like Bray. I looked in the mirror and let out a sigh trying to pull my tank top down more to cover my belly. I had ordered a bunch of maternity clothes that were supposed to be delivered later that day but since then I had been living in sweatpants and Bray's shirts.
"Knock knock! Check up time! I gotta see my little nephew" Katie called out opening the screen door as I walked out into the hall laughing. Katie was my midwife and that fact alone made me feel a lot more comfortable with giving birth. Not only that but she was pregnant as well, due the week after me.I had decided to have a homebirth since the nearest hospital was about an hour away.
"I need to get some new clothes" I whined as Katie laughed hysterically shaking her head.
"Well yeah, Baby Boy Wyatt is a big kid just like…." She started to say as we both went silent and I looked down.
"He is… I'm terrified about how he's going to look" I said wondering if the baby boy would take after me or if he would be looking just like Bray.
"He will be a sweet baby, he's like his mama" She said as I looked down at my belly and felt around.
"I wanted a girl" I said quietly as Katie started to get the stuff out of her bag.
"I know you did but you have to remember that he won't have that influence in his life. That demon bitch is gone and you are going to have to be both mama and daddy to this little guy. You need to be strong like you know you are. You are all this baby has in this world" She said as I could feel myself starting to tear up. I didn't want my son to have to have this life, I wanted him to have his father there but I knew right now that was impossible.
"I love him so much, I'm scared that… he's gonna look like him. That he will be my constant reminder of him" I whispered as Katie shrugged.
"You can't control that though, the two of you created this baby… I'm assuming out of love at the time. You have to… not focus on things that you can't control and focus on yourself and this little guy, because that you have control over. I need you to work on that because if you aren't focused in labor it will makes a whole hell of a lot worse and I'm the one getting him out" She said as I thought for a second. I knew she was right but I couldn't get out of that mindset.
"It's so hard" I whispered as she put her blood pressure cuff down and hugged me tightly.
"I know it is and what happened wasn't your fault. You are a good person and will be a good mama. You will not let Abigail ruin you like she ruined Bray and you are protecting him from the same fate. Think about it this way, he sacrificed himself to Abigail… so you could live. You can't let Bray down right now" she said as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I
The next day I put on my new jean shorts and a tank top before letting out a sigh. Finally, I had clothes on that fit but I didn't know where to start. I had Luke and Braun coming over to help me with organizing the house even though I thought I didn't actually need the help. They were worried about me lifting anything too heavy. I heard the screen door open and walked slowly into the living room seeing the two very tall guys standing there ready to help.
"Hey mama" Braun said hugging me before Luke did the same. They looked around the house almost like they were even unsure of it.
"I don't know how you could stay in this house" Luke said as I shrugged. They all wondered why I stayed, I really didn't want to leave them. They were my family and my support system. Sure I could go back to the city but I was starting to love the swamp.
"I love it here and I don't want to leave" I said not really wanting to talk about why I was still here but knowing everyone had questions.
"Has he asked you to leave or anything?" Luke asked as I shook my head.
"No, he hasn't said a word to me since that day" I said straightening out the blanket on the back of the sofa.
"So what did you need help with?" Braun asked as I snapped out of my thoughts and lead them through to the back bedroom.
"I don't know what this stuff is but… I thought maybe you would" I said opening the door and Luke instantly gasping. It was the cluttered room that Bray rarely went into. It wasn't until he left that I opened the door to see for myself what was in there.
"This is all Abigail's stuff from when she died" He said as my eyes instantly narrowed and I looked between the two guys. I couldn't have this stuff in the house.
"Get it the hell out of here" I said as Braun and Luke both nodded and started moving the boxes out of there as quick as they possibly could. I didn't even want to touch anything because just the idea of being anywhere near her things made me want to be sick. It didn't take long for the room to be cleared out and Luke looked over at me unsure of what I wanted to do with everything.
"Are you having a yard sale or somethin?" Braun asked as I stormed out of the house.
"No" I said bluntly as I bit my lip and grabbed one of Bray's hawaiian shirts and the metal baseball bat. I knew this would be the best therapy for me. She destroyed my life as well as my child's.
"I'm gonna destroy it" I said as I walked out the screen door and saw the pile of stuff in the driveway. I walked down the driveway feeling the rage already building. Every glass I shattered, every box I destroyed was for Bray, our life together, and the child whose life was ruined.
"Fucking bitch" I yelled as I targeted a vase and hit it as hard as I could with the bat. After I heard the ceramic shatter, I went to work on the rest of the stuff breaking anything I can. The most stuff I broke, the more I felt my anger starting to drift away. I threw the bat down and walked into the garage grabbing Bray's matches from tool bench as well as the gasoline can.
"Wait! What are you doing?" Luke asked as I saw Erick & Katie walk over. I doused the pile with the gas and threw a match on the things instantly watching them go up in flames. I watched the flames hoping that somehow Abigail would go with them. Even if Bray doesn't come home, I wanted him to be free of her so he could live his life without her. I looked around seeing the look of shock on everyone's face before Braun broke the silence.
"That was badass" he said as I smirked back at him and took one last look at the flames in the dirt.
"Thank you" I said quietly as I turned around on my heel and walked back towards the house. I felt so strong, something I hadn't felt before that day.
That night, I laid in bed looking up at the ceiling unable to go to sleep. This was my routine almost every night. My body felt uncomfortable and my thoughts raced through my mind. I hated being alone but I knew I was starting to get used to it. I turned over and tried to get comfortable again. I tossed and turned the next hour before I groaned angrily. My eyes were burning and my body aching. I hit my phone with my hand a couple times as I turned and then I heard the sound that stopped me dead in my tracks.
"Hello Angel, I know you need to hear my voice for you to sleep and I think it's perfect. I wish I could have you here with me right now, my little lamb. I would give anything just to have you in my arms. You are my world, my shelter from the storm, my…. Reason for doing all of this. One day… One day we will be a family. I can't wait until I get to dream about you tonight. Sleep well my love and I will talk to you in the morning. I love you" I heard the voice memo go off and instantly I started to tear up. I looked down at my phone and my hand hovered over the delete button knowing I should delete it but couldn't bring myself to delete it. This voice memo and photos were all that I had left of Bray and I couldn't let go. I grabbed his pillow tightly and cried myself to sleep.