Chapter Nine- On My Own
Shawn's POV
It was another one of those drunken nights. My Dad was on the couch and my Mom was nowhere to be found... again. I sat inside of the bedroom against the end of the bed, knees close to my chest, my hands cupping my face. I just wanted the morning to come, or at least for a few hours to pass by so my Dad would sober up. He was babbling to himself quite loudly. Most nights I was really good about drowning it out, but this night was different and I wasn't sure why. When I had gotten home from school, my Mom wasn't there and that's when the drinking began. There wasn't a note left. The little money we had left was gone and so was she. I was used to it really. My Mom disappearing for days, sometimes weeks, sometimes months and my Dad blaming himself, drinking himself stupid and then being fine with it the next morning, confident that she would be back. But it didn't bother me any less. Boys my age were in warm beds, in houses, with parents who weren't self-absorbed and pretty well careless about their well-being. And then there was me. I lived in a pathetic little trailer in a trailer park most people ran to get past and I slept in a hammock. In all honesty though, it wasn't even those reasons that I found myself at Cory's 90 % of the time. It was my Dad and his 'coping' ways. I couldn't handle it the way I could before. I wasn't a little kid anymore that was oblivious to the things around him. My Dad was doing more then drinking himself stupid. He was slowly drinking himself to an early death and I didn't want to be around to watch him do it. I just couldn't anymore. I just wanted to be normal and have the normal life I knew I deserved but I wasn't even close to achieving that and I knew I probably never would. I didn't want to be given odd looks or whispered about because of where I came from. That's why no one but Cory, Topanga and Sarah, which wasn't even intentional, knew where I lived. I refused to be a joke.
"Boy," he grunted out. "Get your old man another cold one, will ya?"
I shook my head and let out a sigh. "Sure paps, why not?" I got up and dragged myself to the fridge. Grabbing out a beer, I made my over to him and hesitated before handing it to him. "Here."
His eyes were heavy and he reeked of stale cigarettes and at least a 26-er of booze. It made me want to hurl every time. He took it quickly, popped it open on a near by end table and chugged back half of it. He licked his lips, took a big breath and then stared up at me, his eyes foggy. I could hardly look back. He suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist. I flinched and gave him a disapproving look. "Da-"
"Quiet." His grip tightened a bit. "P-promise me something, Shawn." He slurred out. I stayed silent and waited for him to continue. "P-promise me you.. promise that you won't run off like that.. that pathetic mother of yours."
I frowned at him and attempted to pull my wrist away but he overpowered me and yanked me down to his level. The smell of his breath stronger then ever. "You're hurting me." I told him.
"Then promise!" he shouted.
I flinched but nodded quickly. "I promise. Now let me go."
My Dad stared at me more intensely and then roughly shoved my wrist away. "Ah to hell with you. You were nothing but a mistake anyways. All you people are good for... is- is leavin'.. So just go." He slurred out again. It hit me in the heart like a pound of a nails but I refused to let it show. I knew it was because he was deeply intoxicated but most of the time, as I learned years later, when people are drinking, a lot of truth seems to seep out of them like the booze was some kind of serum. I watched him as slugged back the last of it like it was water. Sickening. He tossed it along with his little collection that had pooled at his feet and then turned his attention back to me. "I SAID GO!"
I cringed at his voice and then did as he said. I knew better then to not listen. I quickly threw on my ratty sneakers and took off out the door, not even caring if it closed behind me or not. I walked ran to the entrance gate of the trailer park and then stopped for a second. I looked back at the place I called home and the surroundings around it. There was one trailer after another, some nicer then others. Some had decorations on the outside, a few had barbeques outside their door and others had names on the doors. Like, "Welcome, we're the Johnson's!" or "The Flinton's". They all looked the same, yet they all told a different story. Every single one of them was different from mine in one way alone however; inside of my neighbor's trailer, inside of the trailer four or five away from me, they all were a family, they all had family. And I had nobody. It was clear to me then more then it had ever been before, that I was alone. I didn't belong anywhere. I didn't belong with anyone. But, I didn't cry. It stung, a lot, but I was tough. I didn't know how to be anything other then such. I had been through a lot in the wretched thing I called my life and I wasn't about to let this small familiar bump break me. Or at least... I was going to try my hardest not to.
I sighed and then shut the gate tightly behind me and then sprinted into the night. I was going to run until I couldn't anymore and I had no intentions of stopping. Not until I passed out from pure exhaustion that is. I didn't know where I was going to go. I didn't know what I was going to do. But I did know one thing. I wasn't going to come back. Even if it killed me. I was just... done and I had nothing to lose.