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Synthetic Soldiers

3 – Monochromatic world

It was Alma who told him his name, and then presented himself animatedly, when he first woke up. Alma babbled quite a bit until Edgar and the others took Yuu away, to clean him, dress him up, cut his hair and nails and start the health exams. Yuu still remembered those very first moments of his life, when he had been cold and confused, but mostly curious. There was no great worry, no terror in his heart. That is, until his first synchronization test. Then he was scared, enraged and in pain. But before that, all he did was question the world around him, innocently wondering about the grey walls, the cold machinery and the people in white coats, before he truly understood what his life would be like from then on.

Now, a new Apostle awakened. Allen. In his worry, Yuu hadn't been able to think things through. There had been no greetings, he hadn't spoken to the younger boy at all. Yuu just held Allen's trembling form closely, before calling for Edgar because, at that moment, he was afraid something would happen to Allen. It was a miracle for him to awaken, and seeing his small frame as he curled on himself had awakened some sort of protectiveness in the older boy.

Allen had been taken away less than thirty seconds afterwards. The whole laboratory was in a commotion, as everyone went insane because of their new test subject. After seeing Allen being carried by the others and taken to the same place he himself had been taken to when he first opened his eyes, Yuu felt a sense of worry, of regret. He had just given the boy away to those who would become his torturers. Yet, what option did he have? It wasn't like he could hide Allen in a secure place and protect him from all the pain.

He could not even hide himself; he had tried.

Now, four days had passed already, and Yuu was a nervous wreck. He had been so anxious to know this new person, yet the laboratory personnel wouldn't let him get close to Allen, no matter what. They said something about the other boy needing extra exams, but it was obvious they didn't deem him worthy of the true answers. Meanwhile, Yuu had been through another synchronization test, and had deal not only with the renewed pain, but also his own anxiousness.

Wearing long clothes that covered most of his damaged body, he walked away from his room and towards the cold chambers. He had kept this old habit because of two reasons: one was that he wanted to continue the old tradition he had shared with Alma, and the other was that he really needed to do something in order to distract himself.

It was when going back to his room that he saw him. The boy was now resting in Alma's bed. At first, Yuu had been startled, because it was almost like he had seen Alma once again, but the illusion was quickly dispelled. Alma had never been this small, even when they were both ten years old. How old was this one? Seven? He was heavily bandaged, limbs convulsing once every few seconds. His hair had been cut short and fell messily around his pale, troubled face.

So he had been through his first synchronization, already. Yuu felt his chest becoming heavy with pain and some guilt. He wished he could have talked to the other boy before that happened.

Watching Allen's eyes, he noticed the younger boy wasn't asleep as he had expected. His eyes were narrowed in pain, almost closed, to the point where he seemed unconscious from afar, but Yuu knew he was being stared at.

"Hello," he said tentatively. The boy didn't answer, and Yuu couldn't blame him. "Allen?"

Allen let out a pained gasp. Yuu raised a hand, hoping to comfort him. He'd never been good at such things, but learned to, for Alma. They always supported each other. The redhead, however, seeing the hand approaching him, screamed hoarsely and jumped, falling from the bed. A loud crack could be heard from where he fell in the floor. Yuu winced in sympathy, seeing the boy's leg twisted in a strange angle. Their bodies could not take any sort of impact while still in the healing process.

"Hey, let me help you," said Yuu, trying to calm the boy down. They should put his limb back into a proper position before it started healing. Allen, however, started crying loudly, making him jump in alarm, before looking around frantically, as if hoping for a magical solution. The cry became louder and Allen was screaming hoarsely, dragging himself away from the older boy painfully. The commotion and fall caused his wounds to reopen, leaving a trail of blood in the floor, until the younger boy hit the corner of the room and curled into himself, having nowhere else to go.

Yuu was astounded. He had cried many times, and Alma, too. There was no such thing as holding back tears; it was impossible during their painful sessions. Still, after the synchronization ended, their tears were usually silent, accompanied of poorly restrained sobs and moans. They had never had this desperate reaction afterwards.

At least I haven't, thought Yuu, because Alma woke before him and was alone for quite some time. Who knew how the boy had coped? Alma never talked much about his life before Yuu was born.

Not knowing what to do but unwilling to leave the hysterical child alone, he looked around anxiously, before deciding that the other would eventually run out of tears and calm down.

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What an irony. He, who once made sure to shun any and all of Alma's attempts at friendship, was now receiving the same treatment from the newborn Apostle.

While Yuu never expected his new companion to substitute Alma, he never thought he would be this different from the other boy. Alma was like a sibling, a comrade of the same age. Allen, however, was smaller in stature and younger in body and, apparently, soul, too. His attempts at avoiding any sort of talk weren't like Yuu's, where he had been violent and aggressive towards Alma for a long time. No, the child would simply sit still and silent whenever he was around, and make sure to run away if he came too close. Or he would cry, when hurt by a synchronization test, but still avoid the older boy like the plague.

It was after Yuu's fifth experiment after Alma had passed away. Giving up on trying to talk to Allen for a while, he was once more taken to the testing session. The expectation and anxiety from the scientists had been gone long ago, after years of trying to synchronize Yuu with the Innocence to no avail. When Alma's Innocence finally 'accepted' its Accommodator, though, they were ecstatic. Excitement awoke once more in the men and women who worked hard in their dark project, and they made a toast and commemorated while Yuu lost his only friend. Happy with their last success, they started experimenting on Yuu with the same vigor of before.

Yuu could hear their excited talk as he screamed in the floor, contorting over the burning seals.

"Maybe we… …sessions…"

"Too fast…"

"Yuu is not… ….regenerative seal… …slow recovery-"

He knew his seal was much weaker than before and, with the scientists wanting to make his sessions happen everyday like before, it was impossible to know for how long it would last. The one hour that it took for him to recover became two, and then three and four, until he took days. Alma had been even worse; his seal was weakened and lighter when the Innocence finally synchronized, straining his body to its limits and effectively taking him from this world.

Sometimes Yuu felt hope when the seal worked slowly, disappointing scientists, doctors and Crow magicians alike. Someday, he hoped, he wouldn't wake up. The session would be far too much for his body to stand, and the seal would disappear along with his consciousness.

After they were done with him, Yuu was carried to his bed, and the Crow members left. Hours of silence passed, and his breathing was labored. Even if the weakened seal was a chance of freedom, it didn't change the fact that it made the aftereffects of the session last for a tortuously long time. He gasped for air, wishing Alma was here. They always talked to each other, distracting themselves from the pain and thinking about other things. Being all by himself was oppressive, and made him desperate.

He abruptly felt like a heavy boulder had just fallen over his chest. Breathing became even more difficult, air entering his body as slowly and in such small quantities that it was as if he was trying to breathe underwater with a very thin straw. His violent struggling made the bandages around his chest become wet with red blood.

A 'collapsed lung' was what they called it the last time it happened. Coupled with his other injuries, it made everything unbearable. If Alma was here, he would reach for his hand and hold it until the pain lessened. But Alma was dead, so when he outstretched his hand, he knew he would find only thin air-

With a gasp, he felt two hands, both tiny and warm, curling around his own. Glancing to the side through his tears, he saw the small Allen staring at him with wide eyes, holding his hand firmly.

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Allen became closer to him, probably after realizing he went through the same troubles as himself. Yuu wouldn't call it warming up, because the boy was still closed off, and spoke very little.

The boy's sessions were everyday. His seal was brand new, after all, and he healed very fast. Even after being hurt, he would heal after an hour or so and be up and around. Instead of disappearing as he used to, though, he would stay by Yuu's side after each of his sessions, staring at him while he slowly recovered. He was too silent, but the dark haired boy felt his company was very soothing.

"Yuu," the boy said with his raspy voice. Yuu was surprised; Allen did follow him and stay with him sometimes, but he would never speak.

"What is it?" he said, still sitting in the corridor. He was almost recovered, but didn't feel like walking around too much.

"Why… so long?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"So long time. You hurt."

Yuu was surprised at the boy's poor speech pattern, but at least could understand what he meant.

"I heal slowly because I've been through sync attempts too many times. You are new so you recover faster."

"Ah."

The boy coughed a little, before shifting closer to Yuu.

"Do you ever talk to other people?" the older boy asked curiously.

Allen shook his head. "No," he finally said. "Other people… um…" Yuu raised an eyebrow. "Bad," the smaller boy finally said with conviction.

"Can't really disagree with you," remarked Yuu candidly, marveling at how strange it was talking to the boy. Allen was like someone who needed to be taken care of, and must feel very lonely if he, unlike Alma, refused to talk to the adults.

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Whenever Yuu saw Allen, the little boy was almost fully healed, already. While it was good that Allen wouldn't be incapacitated for long like him, he also felt a little guilty that Allen would always be there when he was hurt, and he couldn't do the same. So, he tried to go to the room where the sessions were held when it was Allen's time, only to hear it was deactivated right now.

"Allen's synchronization happens in another place. His Innocence is different," explained Twi, when Yuu reluctantly voiced his question.

"My Innocence looks like mist," said Allen later, when Yuu asked about it. "What about yours?"

Allen's speech pattern became much better after a month. They could easily talk to each other, now.

"It is… solid," he answered, not really wishing to talk about the thing. "Like a statue. But it moves when it is forced upon me. Like Alma's did."

"What happened to Alma?"

"He… went away," answered the older boy uneasily. Lying was uncomfortable, but he still felt reluctant to tell the smaller boy about what was most likely going to happen to each of them. He wanted Allen to be able to hold some belief that he would get out of here, someday. It was unkind, considering that it could never happen, but he didn't know if the redhead would be able to deal with the knowledge that he would be here for the rest of his life.

"He died, didn't he?" said Allen, cutting his thoughts short.

Yuu was startled. "Who told you that?" He thought Alma became a forgotten topic around here.

"No one. But Alma is gone, and you are almost gone, and I'm brand new but I will be gone eventually, too. Because we have an expire date, like products in a store."

Speechless, the older boy gaped at him, both because of his ease in declaring they would die, and because of the unknown terms. "Expire date?" he asked, because the other topic was difficult to deal with.

"Yes. When something is in a store, it has a date set, a day when it is going to go bad. So the people buy it but know they can't use it forever, because it is going to become… spoiled."

"How do you know that? What are stores? You speak like…"

"I… just remember. There are stores out of here, where everyone buys things with their money, you know?"

"I don't," said Yuu, "I don't understand a word. And how could you? Did the workers tell you about this?"

Allen's young face closed in an angry frown. "Of course not. I don't speak to them. I just have these things in my mind. We aren't normal, and we are born from the… birthing pits, talking and walking, while humans are born very small and from a woman. And since I know things about outside, it means I was taken from there, and brought here."

"I… what about me?" asked Yuu in a small voice, still astounded by the other boy's words. He usually didn't speak this much. Could at least some of it be true?

"You must be the same. Everyone in the cold room is," said Allen, before his expression became one of determination that Yuu had never seen before. "We shouldn't stay here forever, you know?"

And with every day that passed, Allen seemed more and more like an adult.

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But when he gasped and thrashed amidst his blinding pain, crying and needing to be held, Yuu was convinced, at least for a moment, that Allen was just a regular child.

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Yuu didn't know how he truly felt about Allen, and wished Alma was here to give his opinion. Still, he knew having the company of the… redhead? Was keeping him sane through everything.

Allen's hair had been growing white. It was now an odd mixture between bright red and the new colorless strands. It was strange, as he thought only old people grew white hair, at least according to Alma who heard it from the scientists. Allen himself didn't care, though. But the workers looked at his new hair color with a worried expression, so Yuu hoped it didn't mean anything bad for his… friend.

Yes, friend. He considered Allen a friend, even if the boy was strange. Alma used to be different from Yuu, but he wasn't a mystery. Allen, however, felt like something he couldn't completely understand, and never would.

They talked for long periods of time. The boy became quite a chatterbox ever since he started having better control over speaking, even if he wasn't nearly as giddy and playful as Alma used to be. Initially, he would ask about things like the process they went through, the Crow members, the seals and the birthing pits. Yuu tried to answer him as well as he could.

But the topic of their conversations had been changing, lately.

"Today my Innocence gathered around my arm, before dissolving again. Everyone was very happy."

"I see," was Yuu's uninterested answer.

Allen seemed to catch on his bad mood. "Do you want to synchronize, Yuu?"

"No," said he firmly. "I don't like that thing. It is the reason we have to live this life."

"That's silly," remarked Allen. "You should do your best to synchronize. It is our best chance at escaping this place."

"And how exactly should I go about that?" Yuu asked skeptically.

"Innocence has a will of its own. Perhaps if you try to accept it, if you wish to make it your weapon? I have been showing considerable progress in my synchronization. They say I'm far from truly doing it, but any progress around here is something to commemorate."

The dark haired boy frowned, not knowing how to answer. Allen had woken up as a small, scared child who barely knew how to speak. But, as time passed, he changed his position of a tiny and defenseless sibling, becoming more mature somehow, and speaking with certainty about matters Yuu had no idea about. The older boy was torn between believing him, or just deciding the younger was becoming blabbering nonsense.

Allen continued, "they always want to synchronize us with these strong weapons. Don't you see? That is our only chance at freedom."

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Today Allen seemed a little tense. "Twi was saying something about how they should start actively healing you, instead of letting your seal do the whole work. I asked her if she didn't have aspirin to give you, so at least your headaches will cease, and she got all tense."

"You… you actually… talk to her?" asked Yuu, blinded by said headache right now. Sometimes it hurt so much, it almost made him forget about the rest of the wounds in his body.

"No. But I let it slip. I wanted her to give something to make the pain go away. Um…" Allen pulled on his now mostly white hair, as he usually did when he was worried. Only the tips of the strands were red, now. "So I said you told me what aspirin was, and that Alma had told you before, because a scientist told him. Is that okay?"

Yuu was confused and the pain in his head didn't help any, so he still could not understand. "Sure… but why did you… say that?"

"They don't like it if we know things," said Allen in a small voice, like when he didn't want anyone to hear what he was about to say. "We are meant to know nothing, unless they talk to us about it. That is why they deleted our memories, you know? We probably would be able to get out of here, if we just could, remember…"

The older boy said nothing. He was already used to Allen's many theories on conspiracy and his supposed past life. Always torn between believing him or telling him to stop being insane, he just curled on himself, waiting for the invisible hammer to stop pounding on his head.

Allen's small hand wove through his dark hair and he felt better, somehow.

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It was bound to happen, really.

He'd always known.

But he expected it to be faster. Sadly, it wasn't to be.

Yuu's seal had finally died out, apparently. During his session, it simply stopped moving as it would, reducing to the small size it would assume when inactive, and changing into the weak, grey color of a faded tattoo.

Like Alma's had.

So the procedure stopped at once, and everyone left their places around him. Even if his healing used to be slow, he could feel the difference now, when the seal simply stopped working. He wouldn't heal from this, he wouldn't recover, he knew, breathing with difficulty and trying to ignore the pain of broken bones, torn skin, damaged organs and an overall beaten body. The Crow approached him and performed some strange ritual to stabilize him, as per their leader's instructions.

Instead of dying immediately, however, it seemed like he would live for a while longer, because they stopped the procedure just in time. He was taken to a room he'd never been at before, and lay brokenly in a bed as everyone, for the first time, worked to heal him themselves. At some point, they injected his body with something that made it numb. He was still awake, but the pain lessened to an extent he could easily ignore it. So he watched the men and women around him work on his body relentlessly, cutting things open and sewing things shut, desperate not to have him lose his life.

Many hours passed before he was finally left alone. Still groggy because of the injection, the first thing he thought about was why they didn't use it on him more frequently, if it made the pain go away and also made time pass faster. And then he also thought about what would happen to him, now. Everyone seemed very upset. This was it, wasn't it? Even if he couldn't feel properly, his body was quite destroyed. He was not only bandaged, but tied down by heavy casts and still poked by needles, connected to thin tubes that constantly dropped something inside his veins. The whole room smelt of chemicals and cleaning products.

He was going to die. The moment he had waited for so long; the one he had envied Alma for. This was where he would smile and wait patiently for everything to disappear.

So why was his heart beating so fast? Why were his eyes filling with tears, not of happiness, but of desperation?

His mind filled with memories of a week or so ago.

Allen didn't believe in talking to the people who slept inside the cold circles. So he decided to talk to Yuu instead, insisting that, if the other boys and girls where somehow conscious, they would hear him from their positions.

"What did Alma usually talk about, here?"

"About… things he learned. There is nothing interesting in this laboratory that we can talk about to them. So he would tell stories about the outside world, that he learned with the books Edgar gave to us."

"I see. What were the stories about?"

"Mm. They were about what people do outside. About hero Exorcists who save lots of people. About trees and fruits, because the books say the things we eat in the kitchen actually grow from the earth, you know?" Yuu couldn't help sounding skeptical.

"That's right," said Allen, "they grow from trees… and bushes… fruits and… um, vegetables. And salad. The small seeds that are inside the fruits, you make a hole in the floor, and then put them inside." Allen's eyes adopted that faraway look, like whenever he talked about strange things only he knew about. "Then you cover then once more, and pour water over them every day. They will grow into sprouts and taller plants and sometimes they become a tree. The tree will… make the fruits, and you can pick them, eat them, and plant the seeds in the floor once again, so there is always food."

Yuu was silent. Allen stared at him, once he stopped blabbering about his strange visions. "You don't believe me at all, do you?"

Yuu startled. That was right, at least to some extent. Allen was just too unreal, his words too dreamlike. But he spoke like he truly believed what he was saying, and Yuu didn't want to bother his younger friend-

As if noticing Yuu's inner desperation, Allen smiled. "It's fine. I'm not mad. When we finally go out, I will show you it all, and then you can say how sorry you are," said the white haired boy, poking his tongue out playfully. Yuu smiled at the childish action, so rare in Allen that they were to be treasured.

"What else did Alma talk about?" asked Allen, after some moments of silence.

Yuu hesitated. There were so many things. He finally decided on a story he always found interesting. "There is this guy named Winter. Alma would say that, every year, he would run around and make everything cold. He lives in this room, and that's why we tremble here."

"Winter guy… winter…" said Allen, thinking carefully. "Ah! There's winter, and spring, and… um… I don't remember there is anything else. But I don't think they are people. No, they are… um…"

Yuu raised an eyebrow, interested. Even if he did admit not truly believing everything Allen said, he was still interested in what Allen would think about all of this.

"I don't remember if winter is a person or not," finally admitted Allen, "but it is said to be winter's time when everything is cold, alright. The plants go to sleep… the trees don't make as many fruits as before. They also become darker and lose leaves. And everything becomes white."

"White?" asked Yuu, curiously.

"Yes, white," said Allen with a small smile, closing his eyes. Like he wanted to see it all on his mind. "Things become covered by white. White… things. I don't remember its name. Sorry. But it is fluffy and you can… play with it."

"How so?"

"It's like a lot of white foam… only different. Everything is covered by it, to the point where you have to kick it away from you. But it makes things more beautiful. I liked it… I liked winter," Allen's voice became strained. "It was fun."

Why was he thinking about these times with Allen? Yuu knew the boy wouldn't lie, but he could very well be hallucinating. He felt so far away when he started talking about these stories. He would exclaim and laugh and sigh, as if remembering things, and Yuu never knew whether they were true or not.

Would he ever know, now that his existence would cease here?

"What about spring?" asked Yuu, after hearing Allen's passionate talk about the Winter guy, who maybe wasn't a guy, after all.

"Mmm, now you want to hear me, huh?" said Allen, with a petulant smile.

"Shut up. You were a bit convincing. Maybe I will believe you, just a little," said Yuu, half playful and half truthful. Because he did believe, sometimes. But as he said, only a little.

"Spring is, well, colorful. While winter was all white, spring is colors, which is good, because you feel relieved after so much white. The trees… become alive again. Everything does. And there are these small things, that are like, the symbol of spring, and they grow and… um…"

This time it was Yuu who closed his eyes, because he wanted to see what Allen saw, too. And it would be impossible to do so, while inside this grey room. So he closed his eyes and mind to this monochromatic place, focusing on Allen's young voice.

"I also don't remember what they are called," Allen admitted. "But they start growing everywhere. And the cold goes away. Everything is warmer and comfortable, like when we are in bed with blankets over us. They are red, blue, yellow… every color. Even white, like winter's white stuff."

Yuu tried to imagine what he was talking about. It wasn't like he could think of more than blobs of color sprouting everywhere, from Allen's unsure description. Yet, as he focused on his friend's words, he could see something. In the dark space of his imagination, something took form. Something colorful, with many petals. It floated above water, dark leaves everywhere around it. This water in his mind also expanded, flooding it. Many other colorful… somethings… floated around with their leaves. The water was clear and brilliant, and reflected a blue sky and white clouds-

He remembered it. Yuu had, for the first time, been able to somehow see what Allen saw. He had gasped with the imagery, and stared at his friend with open surprise. Allen asked what it was, and Yuu proceeded to describe the things, which he then knew where called flowers, thoroughly. Allen was surprised with the description, but agreed with the name "flower".

"See? You are capable of remembering them. I told you, we are from there! From the outside!" the boy had exclaimed animatedly. "We will get there, and I will show you everything. I promise."

Ever since then, Yuu had listened very intently to every tale told by his friend, trying to have images form on his mind, but he couldn't do it anymore. Still, for the first time, he started believing more in Allen's words, even if there was always a fear Yuu was simply hallucinating too, himself.

Not that he would ever know, now that he would simply disappear.

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