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Synthetic Soldiers

4 – The child and the adult

Allen first woke up to a world of cold and darkness. He could understand little but the fact that he was in deep discomfort. Pulled from the place he had been resting at for years, he breathed in painfully icy air that made his lungs hurt, and trembled when he sat in the equally cold floor. Then he was enveloped by warm arms, and instinctively circled this person, whoever they were, with his own. There was a scream, and then silence, but he paid it no mind. With eyes stubbornly closed, he did his best to cling to this comforting figure who rocked him back and forth, engulfing him in soothing warmth.

The moment didn't last; he was taken away by other people, who chattered loudly and touched him with gloved hands and cold machinery. His temporary sensation of security was gone, replaced by trepidation and confusion, as he finally opened his eyes to a world of grey rooms and people in white.

Not long after, the trepidation became a distant memory, substituted by a terrible pain.

In the beginning, Allen had been very much like a wild animal. Unable to communicate or understand the words spoken by the people around him, he lived in a never ending attempt to escape – an unsuccessful one. He would be taken by the people in dark robes whose faces he couldn't see, and then be tortured as the ones in white observed. Allen would then drag himself from the place and hide somewhere he could heal, knowing the same thing would happen in the next day. In deep fear of such a prospect, he longed for a safe place.

Instead of a safe place, however, he found a safe person.

Perhaps it had been a play of fate. He didn't know whether he would have managed to live for long in such an environment, without a single person to rely upon. Nonetheless, he found Yuu, someone in the same situation as him.

Initially, Allen simply trailed after Yuu silently. The taller boy spoke to him, and it was soothing, even if he couldn't understand a word. Allen wanted to stay with him as much as possible, but it wasn't out of a wish to hide. He had learned Yuu was unable to protect him. Actually, his dark haired friend seemed to go through ordeals harsher than his own. He would stay incapacitated for a considerably longer time than his younger counterpart, but seemed to take some comfort from having company. Yuu quickly became Allen's whole world, and his name was the first word he spoke. Allen's free time would be spent observing the other boy, and he stopped hiding, because Yuu didn't. It was useless to try. His troubles were far from over, but having someone he could trust did make things more bearable.

With time, he finally learned how to understand the language, now that he finally had someone to talk to. Speaking was a difficult task at first, and he would constantly stumble in his speech, being corrected by Yuu frequently. So Allen decided to listen more and speak less, at least until the moment he learned how to talk properly and without confusing his friend. Being able to understand Yuu was very satisfying, and the older boy started teaching him everything he knew. Yuu was his older brother and guardian, even if Allen didn't dare say these words aloud.

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It was on a dark night that everything started changing.

Yuu had been through one of his experiments and, as per usual, couldn't get out of bed for a long time. The boy was unable to sleep due to his still open wounds, so Allen climbed to Yuu's bed and pulled a cover over them both. Their bare arms touched, and he could feel Yuu's occasional shivers, always accompanied by a pained moan. Since the older boy wasn't able to rest, Allen decided to stay awake, too. Carefully avoiding turning over and hurting his friend with his weight, the silver eyed Apostle stared at the barely visible objects scattered around the dark room, in an attempt to avoid slumbering. At some point, his gaze turned to the ceiling and stayed there. Then, before his eyes could choose a new place to focus on, it happened.

They appeared subtly. In the dark space over their heads, a tiny and bright spot was born, and then another. They quickly multiplied, in different sizes and scattered in various patterns, all small and shimmering, turning the previously unlit room into a gleaming show of lights. The luminescent dots entranced Allen, who stared at them with wide, captivated eyes. This phenomena was very unexpected, but also beautiful, so he couldn't fear it.

"Yuu," he whispered, wondering whether the other would be able to listen.

"Yes?" spoke his hoarse voice, after a few seconds of wait. Yuu was very hurt, but Allen felt the need to speak about what he saw.

"What are those?" the red haired boy asked in fascination, never averting his eyes from the beautiful sight.

"T-those… what?"

"The lights in the ceiling," answered Allen in a small voice. The room was so silent, and he was afraid that breaking this peace would also make the stunning view disappear.

A pause. "What lights? There are… no lights."

Allen wanted to refuse this statement but, as if Yuu's words had turned a switch, the lights started disappearing. First one, then another, until they all died out in quick succession, and the room was once again immersed in darkness.

The next day, Yuu would say Allen had been sleeping and dreamed of lights, because such things didn't appear in the laboratory. Finding that hard to believe, Allen had walked around the room, stared at the empty ceiling, and even jumped in order to touch it, wanting to see or feel something that could prove he was right. But seeing as he hadn't been able to find even a single light after they vanished, no matter how much he tried to, Allen believed in his friend's statement, deciding his mind had played a trick on him… albeit a lovely one.

This was, however, only the first of many instances that he would initially consider no more than illusions of a broken mind. They would interrupt his days with a growing frequency, painting his world of black and white with new colors.

And they were so pleasant.

When eating an orange in the cafeteria, the taste suddenly became so much stronger and sweeter. He stared at the fruit he held. It looked brighter and delicious, but that was far from the most impressive sight. Around him, the scenario trembled and shifted, until it transformed into a view that made him astonished once again. By his side grew a tall tree, with bright green leaves and many fruits like the one he ate. Its roots were firmly embedded into the cafeteria's grey floor, which became a mix of the traditional concrete and random patches of grass that grew in random places around it. Allen's own seat turned into the rough trunk of a fallen tree. Like usual, when he started focusing on the imagery and tried to touch and feel it properly, everything fell around him like dropped curtains, vanishing without leaving a trace.

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As soon as he had an opportunity, Allen talked to his friend about his visions. Yuu's reaction wasn't what he had been expecting.

"What in the world are you babbling about?" exclaimed the dark haired boy. Blue eyes narrowed below his dark fringe.

"-and there were those colorful things that grew out of the floor. I don't know what they are named, but they are incredibly beautiful. And other… things, flew over them. They were also colorful. They have wings, like in Alma's old book-"

"Allen, listen," said Yuu, but the younger boy wouldn't stop his tirade.

"And there were also the 'birds' from the book, they are larger than the other winged… things, and fly much faster-"

The older boy had enough. "Allen!"

The small Apostle silenced with a startle, staring up at his friend with wide eyes, and only then noticing he looked angry. "Yuu?" he asked in a small voice, uncertainty replacing his excitement of before.

"I asked you what you are talking about. Ever since that night, and the so called lights, you are acting strange. Will you please stop saying nonsense and explain what this is all about?"

Allen was surprised with the other's words. "It's not nonsense. I'm seeing lots of things."

Yuu snorted. "Of course you are."

"Yes, I am!" exclaimed Allen in frustration, "I don't know how, but this has been happening a lot. I waited for a while to tell you, but it is like the expire date and the stores I told you about. I am really seeing those things. Just yesterday-"

"Enough!"

Allen closed his mouth. Yuu paced around, before coming to stand before the boy once more. "Listen, I know life here can be difficult. I know. But resorting to this sort of delusions… even Alma didn't do that, and he was a silly fool!"

"Delusions?" asked Allen with a frown, not knowing the meaning of this new word.

"Lies," snapped Yuu impatiently, "you are lying to yourself to make things better, and now you're lying to me, too."

Grey eyes widened. "I-I'm not!"

Yuu sighed, unused to having true quarrels with his friend. "Listen, I… will forget about this. But don't sputter this garbage anymore. I hate it when you do that."

Allen's mouth closed in a tight line, and the smaller boy glared at the taller one, before turning away and fleeing from him. Yuu wanted to ignore him, but simply couldn't. Searching for Allen, he found the younger Apostle half an hour later, sitting in the cold room of the birthing pits, resting his folded arms on his knees.

"Allen, listen," said Yuu, skipping any greetings, "I'm sorry if I was too harsh with you."

Allen raised his head and stared sullenly at the depths of the nearest circle, but didn't answer. Yuu sighed, remembering his many fights with Alma, and the difficult moments where he had to be the one to make peace. Sitting by Allen's side and letting their arms touch, he was relieved when the other child didn't try to leave.

"Alma used to listen excitedly about everything the scientists would tell him," said Yuu, knowing he had Allen's attention. He always did, whenever he spoke of Alma, someone Allen wished he could have known. "Everything. He would thirst for these words from the adults. They would tell him about how the world worked, and describe things to him. They also eventually started gifting him books with pictures. You saw a couple of them, but there are more. Alma would see as much as he could, before coming to tell me about all of the 'amazing' things the scientists knew. He also told the tales to our sleeping friends here," continued Yuu, eyes closed as he dwelled in the memory and, once more, felt an ache of longing on his chest. "These stories would make his day. He would be so happy, and wanted to share everything."

Yuu opened his eyes, dispelling Alma's happy face from his mind. "I hated it. I hated how Alma would be so friendly with them, easily accepting everything those bastards said. Every. Single. Word. They took him to the sealed rooms and tortured him for hours, like they do to us. After that, they dared come to him with sweets and tales, smiles and games, and he accepted it all! How could he? For a long time, I wanted to have nothing to do with him, because of that. It was like a betrayal. How could he make friends with the people he should hate? How could he have faith in those stories? If I can't see it all by myself, then I won't believe! They have fun not only by harming our bodies, but also by playing with our minds!"

Allen was now staring at him and looking very shocked. It was better than his previous look of resentment, but still worrisome. Yuu sighed, wanting to end this talk for once. It hurt to talk about the past. "Allen, I have no right to tell you what you can or cannot do, you know? In the end, Alma remained friends with the scientists, and I just learned to deal with it. If… if that makes you feel better, then do it. I want to you to feel good, even if we are here. But don't share those lies with me. It's like going back to Alma all again, to listen to his happy drivel until the day he died by the hands of the same people who filled his thoughts with pleasurable gibberish."

Time passed, and they didn't know for how long. Seeing as Allen remained silent, Yuu raised a hand and ran it through his friend's soft, white-and-red hair. "I like you very much. Don't be mad, alright?"

The small boy's eyes widened and his mouth fell open comically, due to the surprise with this open statement. Yuu wasn't one to make such declarations frequently but, if Alma's death taught him anything, it was to say what he felt before he lost the chance. He would never be as open as his late friend, but he also refused leave his new one with doubts.

Allen laughed and embraced him, and that was it. Their relationship was mended, even if Allen refrained from sharing what he saw from then on. He didn't want to trouble the person whom he considered his older sibling.

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Allen's view of Yuu as his older brother wouldn't last for long.

Even if he decided to stop talking about visions, that didn't mean they stopped appearing. On the contrary, they actually grew in frequency, being triggered by random events and going from weekly to daily, sometimes happening more than once in a single day.

The water that ran from a tap would suddenly expand, submerging the whole bathroom in its blue depths, but it wouldn't suffocate him. Instead, he watched as the water moved around him, along with its many creatures. Once, the room they slept in morphed into a more spacious and beautiful one. The whole set of decorations and furniture made it absolutely lovely and much better than it truly was, and a window in the previously empty wall opened, leading to a beautiful scenery filled by many things he slowly learned to name. When standing in a storage room, leaves started to fall around him, in different shapes and warm colors, piling up at his feet before also vanishing into nothingness.

He now had two good things to look forward on his day: Yuu's company, and the beautiful illusions.

Initially, he accepted Yuu's theory, that his mind was fabricating imagery in order to reduce his suffering. Yet, how could he conjure such things by himself? They appeared without him ever thinking about them before, and disappeared against his will.

The images and feelings evolved. Now he could sense much more from each time: he could smell, taste, feel. But he could never touch. More than everything else, though, he could see himself in these many places, as he started becoming an actor instead of a mere watcher. Other people appeared in each scene, and he could hear their voices. They sounded painfully familiar. Still, he could never make sense of their words, and their faces were blurred and unidentifiable.

It didn't take too long for Allen to understand these were memories, and not mere delusions; and this realization opened a whole plethora of possibilities that astounded him.

After a long time of interaction with these involuntary but welcome incidences, the new memories merged with his present ones, and it started becoming hard to separate his feelings, distinguishing those that belonged to his young, practically newborn self, and those of this other Allen he didn't know about but, at the same time, understood was himself. Every time he remembered something he would gain a new perception. He saw himself as a taller person, an adult, and accepted that as the truth. As soon as he did so, seeing everything as absolute facts instead of mere tricks, it was like the new and abundant information flowed more easily in his mind.

Everything was too fragmented to make complete sense, but he struggled to gather as much as possible. This was the proof that not only an outside world existed, but that he didn't belong here, in Laboratory number six. Every new remembrance became a breath of fresh air for someone who now craved anxiously to get out of this place.

Another consequence was that he stopped seeing Yuu as his guardian and protector. The older boy's actions and words started seeming more and more childish to him, as the image of a wise Yuu dissolved and gave place to one of a naïve boy. Allen still loved him dearly, but now it was more like Yuu was the younger sibling, this time. He was the one who had to be helped and protected.

Allen's memories didn't interfere terribly with his day. They happened three times a day at the most, and lasted no more than a couple of minutes. Still, they could happen at inconvenient times.

He had been walking side by side with Yuu in a corridor, going in the direction of the cafeteria. Today there would be sweets, Edgar announced proudly. The man insisted on keeping a friendly behavior, even after being given a cold shoulder by both the Apostles again and again. Still, Allen did like sweets, and Yuu gave in and followed the smaller boy.

It happened in the middle of their walk. A dizzy spell made Allen stumble and fall to the side, hitting the closest wall and sliding towards the floor. He could hear Yuu's alarmed shout, but it was dissolved by the memory of today. Not alarmed, Allen let it happen, trying to see and understand as much as the usual.

He was in another corridor. This one had many windows, and he was tempted to look at what was outside, but there was someone in front of him – a long haired woman who was wearing black clothes with silver buttons. Her eyes were blurred, but he could see her small nose and smiling mouth. She extended a hand to him, apparently to help him get up. Allen knew he shouldn't do so, because he was forbidden from touching anyone from his memories, but he still did it, raising his own hand and trying to touch hers. As soon as he made contact, the woman and the corridor disappeared in the blink of an eye.

Yuu stood in front of him, in the grey and windowless corridor of the laboratory. He stared with troubled eyes at Allen's hand, which was extended at nothing, and his faraway look, before he blinked and gained focus once more.

"Are you alright?" asked Yuu, helping him to get up.

"Yes, I… just felt dizzy," said Allen, making excuses for his memories as per usual.

"You just had a… vision, didn't you?" asked Yuu. Allen turned to him in surprise. The taller boy was staring at a spot far away, refusing to look Allen in the eye.

"Um, yes," admitted Allen, because Yuu had been the one to touch the subject.

There was silence, and Yuu seemed worried, before his face set in a resolute expression and he finally looked at him in the eyes. "Tell me about it."

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Yuu never seemed to truly believe him, but he didn't mind listening to Allen's words. To Allen, that was a relief. He longed to speak about what he saw. Still, he only told Yuu a fraction of everything. He spoke about the outside world, but never about himself. He was still discovering this new side of his, and didn't know how to deal with it. Adult Allen and child Allen fought for dominance in his mind, and never reached harmony. He had moments of fear and vulnerability, but also times when he felt more in control of himself and longed to fight his captors and get out of the laboratory together with his friend.

After a long time of telling Yuu his small stories and also sharing his hope of leaving, Yuu finally saw something. It seemed he could also conjure images in his mind, albeit in a much smaller scale than Allen. That could only mean the dark haired boy had a past, too.

This only made Allen's certainty about their need to leave this place grow. He wanted to know what happened to make them like this – impotent children, living under the whims of the scientists and magicians.

Allen always felt a connection to his Innocence. Even if he hated the trials he was put through, he did honestly wish to synchronize. It felt like the right thing to do, and his only chance to leave together with Yuu – he always told the dark haired boy so. With his fragmented memories giving him more and more of a perspective about who he was, he wanted to slowly but surely concoct a plan for them to leave the laboratory together for once and all. Every time he started planning his escape and that of his friend's, he felt more and more like his past self, the one who had control over his own life and decisions.

Then one day, Yuu disappeared after a synchronization test, and Allen discovered he didn't have all the time he had been hoping for.

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"Yuu? Yuu, get up…"

He opened his eyes. To his surprise, Allen was almost laying over him, with an uncharacteristically worried expression. His silver eyes were filled with tears. They widened when Allen saw he was awake.

"Yuu!" the boy exclaimed with desperation and frustration. For a moment, it looked like Allen was going to punch him but, remembering his state, decided to punch an empty space in the bed, instead.

"Al… len?" the recently awakened boy murmured, voice permeated by lethargy.

"You wouldn't wake up!" exclaimed the younger Apostle, who then started to sob. Already feeling more awake and alert because of his friend's distress, Yuu tried to move, and winced. He couldn't move an inch, the exception being his head. Some of the pain was back, and he was still heavily bound.

"S-sorry," he said to the younger boy. Allen's white head lay on his bed, and he seemed utterly devastated. Yuu wanted to run his hand through the white hair to soothe him somehow, but simply couldn't move. So he watched in worry, waiting for Allen to calm down.

"It's… it's okay," Allen finally said in a small voice, wiping his tears. He then stared at Yuu, from head to toe and backwards. "Yuu… you don't look too good," whispered the boy, as if admitting a secret truth.

"Yeah… I just went through my sync."

"That's not true! It's been a week already!"

Yuu was surprised at that, and stared at the younger boy with wide eyes. "They wouldn't let me enter until now," continued Allen, "and I threw a huge tantrum."

"You… did?"

"I hadn't seen you for too long, and I heard them talk about your last session, and… I thought you could've…" the white haired boy's voice started thinning with emotion. "you know what. So I told them I wanted to see you no matter what and they said I couldn't."

"What happened then…?"

"I beat them up. They are a mess in the corridor outside. I guess someone will come to help them," said Allen with a resentful frown.

Yuu was surprised, but knew it was possible. They had always been stronger than most people here. Stronger than everyone but the Crow. If not for the magic wielding bastards, they would never allow anyone to force them to synchronize.

"I see… thanks for coming," said Yuu, not finding the disposition to chide his friend. The workers deserved what they got. He just hoped Allen wouldn't get punished.

"For you to be in this state…"

"My seal has deactivated," said Yuu frankly, tiredly. "I have reached my… 'expire date'," he continued with a smile, remembering one of their first talks.

"How can you talk about it so casually?" exclaimed Allen in anguish. Yuu blinked, finding his next words hard to let out.

"Allen… I…" am going to die soon, he wanted to say, but then he thought about Alma and himself, and how Allen would be the one to be alone, this time. He suddenly understood, with a pang, why Allen was so desperate. The boy didn't want to be the only one left. And it was impossible to blame him.

"Shut up," said Allen, already knowing what Yuu was going to say. "You aren't going to die. We are going to leave. Today or tomorrow. I promise. So please hold on."

Ah. There was Allen, and his old promise of freedom. Yuu didn't want to correct his friend, he didn't want to make him feel bad. But he also didn't want Allen to hang on a false hope until the moment someone told him he was dead. "Allen," he said weakly, reluctantly, "that… isn't going to happen…"

Allen's eyes narrowed with anger. "Of course it is!" he exclaimed, sounding resentful. "I told you! Believe me! We will…" his voice then lost its strength, and he blinked. His shoulders sagged.

Yuu observed it as his friend deflated. Had Allen finally realized how unfounded his dream was? There was little chance of them ever getting out of there but, if any of them would, it would be Allen, who still had much more life left on him.

"I see it now," said Allen, with a weak smile, staring at Yuu's eyes. The older boy let out a pained sigh. He at least hoped Allen wouldn't be too hurt. But then again, how could he not be? The small boy had been talking about their dream escapade soon after they started speaking to each other.

"I'm sorry… Allen," exhaled Yuu wearily, but with sincerity.

"N-no. No, there's nothing to be sorry about," said Allen, still with that same watery smile. "I remember what you told me, about the way you think. That you have always wanted your seal to disappear, so you could rest in peace, because it is the only way out."

Yuu frowned. No, he didn't mean for Allen to think about that. He only meant for Allen to understand that it wasn't possible for them to leave, no matter how much they wanted to. His friend, instead, thought Yuu wanted to die right now, that he wanted for this to happen-

"You are happy, aren't you?" said Allen with a teary voice, confirming Yuu's suspicions. "You… are finally going to disappear, like you wanted to. But," he said, and then held one of Yuu's bandaged hands firmly, so much that it hurt, "that is not the only way to go. It isn't fair. You whole life has been wasted here… but not anymore. It is not worth it, to die right now!"

The white haired boy stared at him with big, pleading eyes, and Yuu just needed to say something to calm the other's heart.

"Allen… I…" he said, already feeling fatigued from talking to the other while still hurt and under the effect of medications, "I didn't mean… that, at all. I," it now felt harder to breathe, "I always… told you that, but… right now, that I… think of it,"

"Don't say anything else," urged Allen. "You're tired, aren't you?"

"I noticed," Yuu continued, not minding Allen's pleads that he should rest. His eyes, for some reason, were stinging. "Noticed… that I was… wrong… I remember…" Allen opened his mouth, but Yuu went on, "P-please let me… talk. I remember you talking… about the outside and, I really had my doubts but, now that I think of it, I…" and at first he had planned to comfort Allen with nonsense and lies but, to his surprise, everything that came out of his mouth was the purest truth, what he truly felt in his heart. "I really don't want to die," he finally gasped, choking in his own tears.

No, Yuu couldn't believe it. He just couldn't. But it was true. Allen had told him about that other world for so long, about how things were better out there. He didn't want to perish without seeing that. Other people, stars, stores, the sun, towns, rivers, games, dances, the sky, music, winter, spring, everything-

Allen was astounded, and watched his friend's breakdown with a weak restraint on his own emotions.

"I… in the end, I believe in you. I wanted… to be able… to see it all," Yuu let out, baring the truth to his friend, before feeling a dizzy spell take over his vision and his mind. It was harder and harder to stay conscious.

The white haired boy's expression fell, before he shook his head and angrily wiped his fresh tears from his eyes. "Then you will see it all," he declared with determination.

I can't, Yuu wanted to say, but something was blocking his voice. He could barely see Allen properly anymore. Things were spinning, and his body urged him to sleep.

Once more, it was like Allen could hear his thoughts. "No, Yuu, you can. I am sure. Nothing I told you was a lie, ever. I know how to get out of here. I've been holding back, but…" he whispered, close to the other's ear, "I know how to synchronize. I was afraid it would be too soon, but now…today I have a new session, and that will be it. Forget tomorrow, forget next week, it will be today. I will take hold of my Innocence and get us out of here. If you never go through a session again, you won't die. Wait for me," said the boy, never sounding more like an adult than now. "Just hold on, please. I swear, I swear we will be out of here soon."

Yuu couldn't move or speak anymore, but he heard every word, and could feel as the younger boy kissed his forehead and ran a hand through his hair, before turning around and leaving in a hurry. All the while, he wanted to call Allen back, because he was worried. Yet, he couldn't. Hating his tired and pitiful state, he succumbed to slumber against his will, wondering whether he would ever open his eyes again.

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A/N: Next chapter ends the part about the past.