Night after night I sat and waited for her but she didn't come and I could feel my anger building every day, my body would burn and my mind drift off into its own little world were I was fighting, killing, burning everything in my path. I didn't understand why I was like this I mean its not as if I should be angry at her and yet I couldn't stop myself

"Roza, are you ok ?" Dimitri whispered from the seat beside me, I turned to face him

his eyes were dark and thick shadows lay under them, his skin pale, his body slumped over and his voice was filled with nothing but sadness, I couldn't answer him I simply looked away from his eyes, I knew it was me causing him this pain and it killed me.

"mommy its time to go" Lilly smiled and took my hand in hers, she was so young and yet she was stronger then me at this moment in time, today would be hard and yet looking at her and Blake I felt safe, they truly were my anchor to life.

The garden had been transformed, white flowers were placed everywhere, Yeva's favourite as they smelt like these little hard boiled sweets she loved, there was chairs placed out in rows and then Yeva herself, in her white box stood at the front. The tears began as soon as my eyes landed on it, today we would bury her and it truly would be over, I never understood why I felt such a strong bond with Yeva but now that she is gone I realised just how much I had needed her.

We sat down and the crowd became quite as the victor started speaking, I paid no attention instead I looked down at Lilly and Blake sitting beside me, they were listening and had tears running down their checks, I can protect them from most evils and pain in this world but this I could not and I didn't like that.

My eyes drifted up to meet Dimitri's, he gave me a soft smile trying to reassure me but it didn't work I saw the pain and hatred In his eyes, he blamed me, of course he blamed me and sure they all do, was it my fault ? Did I cause everything that went wrong to happen ?

The ceremony continued and I stayed in my zombie like state not talking but listening to people talking about how much they loved Yeva, how much they missed her and that they were happy she was at peace now.

I couldn't stand it any more I waited till all eyes were off me and I left, I walked up the fields until I reached Archers bank, it over looked the entire town you could see our house from here.

I sat down and watched the people coming and going from the house, not one person had noticed I was gone and for that I was grateful I needed to think.

Everything had been perfect when the twins were born, I was happy I had the love of my life, two amazing children and my entire family, but if I am honest with myself then things had started going down hill long before Yeva became ill, I had mood swings, my mind wondered more, my gifts were becoming stronger and my need to train became impossible, the only thing that kept me grounded was the twins.

Lisa had stopped using magic but when we formed our bond again she wanted to practice however this time she was using a lot of magic the shadows become to much and I had to close the bond most of the time just to feel like I could breath, she didn't notice that it was to much for me to handle, I guess the time we never saw each other I got better at hiding my emotions and she got weaker at reading me.

Viki and Christian were fighting more and more with every growing day, it would be over simple, stupid things and yet I could see it happening they would snap at each other and I would always feel obliged to try and help which always made them turn on myself, so I stopped trying and just ignored them more.

The only thing that seemed to be good was me and Dimitri but when the twins were about a year old, I noticed that I was becoming more paranoid little things like was he happy, did he feel he made the right choice, does he really love me and they started to get worse as time went on.

So here I sat alone on a hill on the day that I should be with family trying to comfort them and get comfort in return, the day we buried my dear Yeva and said goodbye to a mother, grandmother and friend.

The night sky was lit up by stars everywhere I looked, then a full magnificent moon was shinning from about the mountains and it truly was beautiful, I was distracted I didn't hear anyone approach until they spoke, almost scaring the living shit out of me

"mommy" her little voice whispered from behind me, I spun round to see my little girl smiling at me

"you came up here on your own, that's very dangerous Lilly" I snapped, but she simply smiled

"not alone, Blake came with me" and sure enough her brother came and sat down beside me, panting his little lungs out

"we wanted to see you, you looked sad when you left" he whispered and kissed my check, I wrapped my arm around him and patted my knee for Lilly she smiled and she curled against my chest

"thank you, sweethearts, mommy is just felling a little sad today"

"grandma Yeva wouldn't be happy if you were sad mommy, she liked to see you smile like us" Blake was such a sweet and caring boy, I couldn't believe I was so lucky to have them

"I really was blessed the day you two were born" I kissed each of them and smiled

"mommy, I talked to uncle Mason last night" Blake muttered

"really, I haven't seen uncle Mason in some time now" I was confused, I knew that he visited their dreams but they never usually remembered much about them

"we sat and talked before I went to sleep" she smiled they of course knew all about Mason, I had told them stories of him when they were little, wait... before he slept

"you mean in your dreams baby" I corrected him but she shook his head

"no I was awake, he looked funny but not scary"

"what does he look like when he talks to you ?" my throat was closing up and I could breath right

"he looks like a cloud" he laughed

"yeah but when we touch him he doesn't go straight through like a cloud would" Lilly laughed along with her brother, my head whipped round to face her

"you've seen him too ?" she nodded and the smile on her face vanished as she read the panic in mine, its not possible Anna promised me they would never have gifts like mine they would never have to suffer like me, she god damn promised me

"what did you talk about ?" I whispered through gritted teeth

"about you mommy, uncle Mason said something is coming but you are blocking them they can not get through to you, so he came to us" I didn't talk I waited for him to continue

"he said you gifts are stronger, you body is weaker due to the loss of Yeva, its going to get worse, things are coming and you need to be prepared" hearing my son say this to me was hurting, he shouldn't have to know these things, he turned around and pulled Anna's journal from his bag he handed it to me

"he said you need to read, you haven't read it all and you need to" I nodded and took the book out of his hand

"your going to leave us for a little while mommy" Lilly smiled from on my knee but there was a single tear running down her check, I whipped it away and smiled softly

"that wont happen baby, I will never leave you or your brother"

"no you will, I dreamed it and Mason said if I dream it then it happens, he said you have something important to do that you have to do before you come home" she smiled and I swear my heart was breaking, my kids were ment to be normal but here they are they can see the dead like me and my daughter is dreaming of things that will/need to happen.

I didn't know if I wanted to cry or scream at the world for the shitty things its keeps tossing into my life, we sat there in silence just enjoying being together

"I love you both so much more than you will ever know" I whispered to them

"we love you to mommy" they whispered in union, I so loved it when they did that