….. Chapter 53 …..
Beth winced as Merle pressed a finger lightly to her wound, unable to help herself as the tenderness that was lingering there instantly made itself known. It had been five days since the incident in the woods and although her back was healing up nicely, there was still an ache in the upper part of her chest that refused to go away. Upon hearing the slight hiss of pain, the elder Dixon's hand froze mid air, hovering there until she gave him the go ahead to continue what he was doing.
''That still hurt there girly?'' He asked, smirking knowingly when her eyes narrowed at the now familiar nickname.
''If I say yes, are you just going to poke at it some more?'' She sassed back in return, trying not to smile herself as they fell into the familiar pattern that had now become the norm.
Merle grinned widely as he unrolled the new bandage in his hand, seeming to appreciate the disgruntled humor hidden in her tone. ''Maybe. Ya know how I love ta watch ya squirm. Gonna miss it… even if it does sometimes come with tears.''
Upon being reminded again that he was packed to leave, Beth felt her heart lurch sadly. It was hard to believe that the man had managed to finagle his way onto her good side in such a short amount of time, especially considering that she had all but set in stone the preconceived notions she'd had about him. Free of the confines of his debt and the unyielding rules of the house, Merle was like a different person… one that was still guarded but undoubtedly much easier to get along with. Thinking on it, she was sure that it was his shifting relationship with Daryl that had ultimately allowed that to happen. Despite all they had been through, the two brothers had somehow been able to reconnect again as equals, reforging the kind of bond they should've had long before their time spent here had called for it.
She would love to say that they got along great but that just wasn't the case. There was a lifelong level of contention that still simmered between them that no amount of reconciliation was ever going to change. Both of them were stubborn... ridiculously so... and headstrong to the point of being exasperating. Beth would often listen to them downstairs squabbling about the smallest thing one minute before joking around about it the next. They seemed to go out of their way to argue with each other, doing so until one of them either relented or just gave up for sanity's sake. She would sit there and shake her head at the complex nature of their relationship all while being thankful that her sister was so much more easygoing.
Despite their obvious differences, they had both grudgingly found a common middle ground when it came to taking care of her. Merle had been diligent about it, to the point where Beth couldn't even sit up without his say so. Her stitches were checked and her dressings changed twice daily like clockwork until he was satisfied that she wasn't going to get an infection. It was only then that he finally allowed his younger brother to help out. Up until that point, she had barely seen Daryl and had started to believe that he hadn't wanted to see her, so it had been a complete surprise when he had been the one to open her bedroom door with clean bandages and a bowl of hot water in hand.
Tucking her hair awkwardly behind her ear, she had just sat there staring unseeingly down at the blanket as her heart throbbed noisily in her chest. So much had happened since they were last alone together that she hadn't know what to say or how to begin saying it. She had asked Merle earlier why he hadn't come to see her and he had just shrugged it away, explaining it impassively as Daryl being Daryl. While that just might've been the case, it hadn't helped the constant heartache she had felt for missing him so much.
Daryl came over and placed everything he was carrying on her side table, setting each item down without a word. His extended silence had only made her more nervous and even now, Beth remembered sadly thinking that he hadn't wanted to come.
With her stomach in knots, she hadn't dared to look at him to verify it, even when he sat down purposely on the edge of her bed. He regarded her for a moment before quietly asking, ''Have I grown two heads or somethin' since tha last time ya seen me?''
Confused, her eyes had flown up to meet his.
''Have I?'' She questioned in return, completely at a loss of why he would go out of his way to avoid her.
Daryl shook his head as if fully expecting to hear such a thing. ''Nah… if anythin', ya still as beautiful as tha first damn day I met ya… standin' there on ya daddy's porch with tha sun shining through ya hair.''
Too upset with him to be placated, she had slumped back against her pillow and crossed her arms, ignoring the pain the haughty reaction had immediately caused her injured shoulder. Sweet talking her wasn't going to work, not this time.
''Oh, you remember that day,'' She had sniffed indignantly, ''I was starting to wonder if you remembered me at all.''
For some reason, the corner of his mouth notched up for hearing the sulkily spoken response.
''I'm guessin' I deserve that.'' He said as he bent down to try and catch the stubbornness of her gaze with his own, ''Trust me when I say that weren't tha case. Merle's been guarding ya door with all tha tenacity of a junkyard dog hell bent on a power trip. Any time I got close, he'd turn my ass right on back around, warning me 'bout possible infection and tha need for ya ta get some rest. Son of a bitch was adamant so I reckoned I best take his word on it. That's on me an' I know it ain't much of an excuse but… well, I'm sorry if it made ya feel like… I dunno… that I didn't wanna see ya.''
Appeased somewhat, her eyes widened, ''Wait… did you just say you're sorry? I don't think I've ever heard you apologize before, despite all the things you do that warrant it.''
As if realizing that he wasn't getting off the hook for his absence that easily, Daryl just smirked and took the pointed comment in stride. ''Yeah... well, you know me. If given a choice, I'll always prefer ta jus' beat 'round tha bush an' hope that ya understand what I'm tryin' my damndest ta say. Anyway, don't see why I'm tha one havin' ta apologize. If anyone should be sayin' sorry round here, I reckon it's you. I done told ya a million times I can't deal with tha fuckin' heart attacks ya constantly givin' me an' then ya go an' give me the biggest one of 'em all.''
With that said, he had reached over and purposely dropped a washcloth into the bowl of hot water, doing so before tearing open a fresh package of bandages with his teeth.
Unable to help herself, she had just stared at him longingly, her heart subconsciously entreating to him for the personal connection she knew they still had. It wasn't so fragile that something like this could fracture it, was it? She had done what she needed to do for a reason and that reason was still there for her.
''I'm not sorry.'' She had whispered, meaning it.
Serious again himself, Daryl had looked back over at her and pulled a deep breath, unknowingly worrying his lower lip between his teeth. Realizing that he had a tendency to do that when he was about to say something that she didn't want to hear, she swallowed at her trepidation and had braced herself to hear it, her fingers knotting tightly into the blanket in her lap.
''I know ya ain't,'' He had responded just as quietly, ''… but I am. It's my damn fault that ya were out there ta begin with. All this right here? All 'a this could'a been avoided if I had jus' killed that mangy bastard when I had tha chance. God knows I've regretted it, to tha point where I can barely live with my fuckin' self. I made ya a promise that he would never hurt ya again, only ta have it come back an' bite me in tha ass an' put you square in that bed. All this happened 'cause of me and I ain't gonna lie, tha guilt of it's layin' me low.''
Her sore shoulder had slumped in relief, if only for knowing that it wasn't just his brother that had kept him away after all. Why it was important, she couldn't say… she just knew that it was. While it was so like Daryl to unmercifully beat himself up about such a thing, the situation in question and everything that came with it was not his to do so. Not when she was the one that had made the choice… a choice she would make again without a second thought.
''First of all, I didn't get hurt because of you. Len would've hurt me a lot more back at that store if given the chance, him and Harley both… you stopped them.'' She tentatively reached over and took his hand in hers, pulling it into the cradle of her lap. ''I told you before that there are still good people in the world… that you were one of them, I still believe that… just like when I said that I loved you, I meant it. You didn't do this to me, I did this to myself because I didn't want anything to happen to you.''
Still seeming to be unconvinced, he had eyed her skeptically before muttering, ''If ya love me so damn much, gettin' ya self shot is a strange way of showin' it.''
''Sometimes these things take a grand gesture.'' She had shrugged, struggling to keep her composure as his fingers threaded through hers to send a jolt of electricity running down her arm. ''As I said, I'm not sorry for what I did. I don't feel bad about it and I don't want you to feel bad about it either. I'd do it again… no matter how mad I know you'd be at me.''
As if suddenly being reminded of his point all along, Daryl released her hand and stood up, pressing his palms to his brow in frustration as her words had hit home.
''I am mad at ya… I'm mad as hell… but I'm gonna have'ta wait until you're up an' movin' before I give ya tha spanking that ya know you deserve.'' He looked over at her, clearly still struggling to come to terms with her decision. ''It should never have come ta that! An inch or so ta the right an' it would've been game over for you and for me! That's an inch that I'm havin' one hell of a hard time livin' with so you bet ya ass I'm mad. It's exactly what you said ta me tha night that horde came rollin' through tha cemetery. Ya risked ya life an' for nothin'…''
''Not for nothing! For you! No more and no less than what you would do for me!''
At his wits end, Daryl turned around. ''Nah, that's where ya wrong. There's a difference. You're worth it, I ain't!''
She sat up against her pillow and put an ardent hand to her chest, ''You're worth it to me! You can stand there and say that to me all you want if it makes you feel better but it's not going to change a thing! I'm not the same timid girl you met that day at my daddy's farm Daryl, I'm allowed to put as much on the line as anyone else for the people that I care about!''
''I ain't tryin' ta stand here an' say that ya can't,'' He argued, ''I jus' don't want ya doin' it for me. Ya don't get it. I couldn't live with myself if somethin' bad happened to ya an' without ya with me… well, I wouldn't fuckin' want to!''
The unexpected declaration proceeded to hang on the air between them, leaving them both staring at each other. Daryl had immediately looked uncomfortable for expressing it, as he always tended to do when he unknowingly bared his true feelings. For her part, she had just taken the adamantly spoken sentiment for how it had been meant, the intended significance and the reason behind it reminding her yet again of why she loved him so damn much.
''Oh… so can I take that to mean that you do care for me then?'' She had asked lightheartedly, looking for a way to ease the sudden tension. Elated beyond measure either way, she made a point to add, ''…because for a moment there I thought you were just purposely trying to be stubborn, hard headed and stuck in your ways.''
When his gaze narrowed in on her she was quick to amend herself with a smile, ''Seriously, what's done is done and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've missed you. Do you think that maybe we can just move past all this and get back to how we were before?''
Somewhat placated, Daryl resignedly sat back down on the bed. ''Is that what ya want?''
She had just nodded, meaning it sincerely and hoping that it came across that way.
''Guessin' that's what we'll do then.'' He conceded, clearly relieved himself despite his inherent need to hide it. ''Way I figure, after all this you'll be lucky if I let ya outta my sight anyways. Right now though, I'm jus' gonna kiss ya an' then change these bandages. My brother's probably gonna come bustin' in any time now, wonderin' what tha hell's takin' so long. I'd hate ta have'ta kick his ass for no damn good reason.''
She had just sat there and waited for him to follow though with his promise, instantly breathless and with her pulse throbbing appealingly under her skin. He didn't disappoint, closing the small space between them to slide his hand purposely into the loose length of her hair. Fisting it between his fingers, his mouth had found hers… insistent and warm as he had nudged the softness of her lips apart. Unable to remember the last time he had well and truly done so, she had achingly lost herself in the moment… everything that had happened up to that point fading far away as his tongue had swept possessively into her mouth.
He followed up the lengthy kiss with a smaller gentler one before pulling away, grinning knowingly as she was left panting for air. Assured once more and feeling deliriously euphoric for it, she had smiled in return as they both reached the mutual connection she had been looking for to begin with.
Daryl had just finished changing her dressings when Merle burst through the door, looking none too pleased for the very reasons she had been warned about. After that, they had all fallen into a routine that had allowed for an easy camaraderie, both brothers taking care of her in self designated shifts. Any free time had was spent in the garage fixing up the Triumph. Daryl had retrieved the motorcycle from where he had dumped it almost immediately, wanting to take advantage of his brother's help while he was hanging around long enough to give it.
She had been told about Rick and the others potentially being at Terminus just last night, over a sparsely lit dinner of squirrel meat and hot soup. Daryl had justified keeping the information from her by saying that he wanted her to focus only on getting better first, so that way she could go with him to check the place out. He was quick to add that his first inclination had been to leave her behind so she wasn't allowed to be upset. It was then that Merle had informed them both of his decision to finally leave.
Although she knew it was coming, she couldn't help but to be a little sad about it. Behind the elder Dixon's orneriness was a good man, one that she had grown to appreciate. Much like his younger brother, a lot of his bluster was due to a shitty childhood that he had barely managed to escape. While Daryl's feelings about it were carried around in the form of the scars on his back, Merle's were much more internalized, held unyieldingly close to the chest to be used as a shield that made him damn near unapproachable to anyone or anything that would even care to try. It had taken her one hell of an injury but she had somehow managed to do it and was now left wishing that he didn't have to go.
''You could just stay you know.'' She said, putting it out there quietly as she returned to the moment.
Merle tsked and put the cap back on the tube of antiseptic. ''Pfft, already stayed longer than I planned. Only reason I did was ta see ya injury through an' ta help Darylina with that piece a' shit bike of his. With both officially on tha mend, I reckon I've done my part.''
He paused before regarding her seriously, ''Besides, ain't no room for a third wheel where ya goin' an' even if there was, I wouldn't wanna be it. Terminus ain't no joke an' ya best believe it. When ya get there, ya make sure my brother don't go barreling in through tha front door like he owns tha fuckin' place, ya hear? Ya go in quiet an' stay under tha radar. Don't ya go riskin' ya life again jus' 'cause Daryl's got some misguided loyalty to an ex deputy sheriff who's most likely dead by now.''
''It's not just him.'' Beth felt the need to emphasize, ''Rick's done a lot for both of us… and you don't know, maybe my sister and Glenn are there as well. Don't you see? We have to at least try.''
Merle sighed, having realized a while ago that she was just as damn stubborn as both him and his brother combined. ''I ain't sayin' that ya shouldn't, I'm jus' tellin' ya ta be careful is all. I hate ta think all tha work I put into fixin' ya up was all jus' for nothin'.''
She smiled at his disgruntled tone. ''I'll be careful, I promise.''
He stood up and went over to the window, pushing the curtain aside to look down and see Daryl waiting for him in the driveway below. ''That's all I need ta hear. Jus' so ya know, I'm taking the truck an' leaving the LTD here ta burn along with tha rest of this place. It'll get me to where I'm going an' tha damn thing's big enough ta run over anythin' that tries ta stop me from gettin' there."
Turning around, he looked over to find her staring at him pallidly. ''I'm glad ya stopped yellin' at me enough for me ta get a chance ta know ya.'' He muttered begrudgingly, ''Ya been a pain in my ass but I know ya wouldn't have it any other way.''
Beth pulled a ragged breath to ask, ''Will we ever see you again?''
Merle's gaze dropped to the floor, both of them already knowing the answer. Instead he shrugged and said with a forced air of confidence, ''In this day an' age, who can say. Never say never, right? I wouldn't put it past myself to hit up these parts again at some point in tha future, bein' tha travellin' man that I am an' all. If I do, I'll look ya up in tha phone book an' give ya a call.''
Grinning, he headed for the door to open it, lingering there for a moment before turning back around. ''Whatever tha hell happens, it's enough for me ta know my brother's alive an' well. Tha both of ya are set an' there's nothin' much else I would want for him… or for you for that matter.''
When the door went to close behind him, Beth rushed to call out his name. Upon hearing it, he reappeared to look at her questioningly.
''Thank you,'' She imparted sincerely, her eyes misting over. ''… for everything.''
He gave her a wink. ''Ya ain't gotta thank me girly, an' ya know what? Ya never will.''
With that he was gone, shutting the door with a finality that was overwhelming. On the verge of tears, Beth pushed herself from the bed and went over to the window he had just vacated, the one that overlooked the driveway. There, she watched as he spoke meaningfully to Daryl, their voices too low to be heard through the thick glass of the window pane. Both of them seemed to be at peace with the decisions they had made and they embraced briefly, patting each other awkwardly on the back.
Merle climbed into the drivers seat of the F250 without another word being said. The engine shook at the rafters as he peeled out of the driveway, likely ignoring the cabs rearview mirror as he headed out for the interstate that would take him to Tallahassee.
Beth swallowed hard at her emotions as Daryl just stood there for a moment staring forlornly at the ground. He kicked a rock out from under his boot, obviously struggling hard to come to terms with what had just happened. She didn't have to guess what he was thinking... right now she was thinking it too. His brother was leaving him yet again and this time there was likely no coming back from it.
She let the curtain fall back into place, her heart aching for him. Crawling back into bed, she waited for him to come to her… only wiping the tears away when she heard his footsteps on the stairs.
…..
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