one month later

Lucky was in the park with Jason and Sam. The boys were playing in the snow with Emma, Josslyn, and Spencer. While no one wanted to deal with Nikolas during the investigation, no one wanted to exclude little Spencer. Lucky was still Spencer's uncle so he had taken him from his brother today.

"No way," said Jason.

"Do you have a heart man?" said Lucky, "It's the holidays,"

"I'm doing this to protect my son," said Jason, "It was very clear at the proceedings, only when Elizabeth passes her psych evaluations, will she be able to see Jake. I'm not going to stop her."

"They are letting her out for two weeks to come home," said Lucky.

"She's out already? She passed her evaluations?" said Sam.

"Not exactly," said Lucky, "I've signed her out for the holiday. She's my responsibility. She's doing much better. Kevin said she's making progress-"

"Progress is good, but she still hasn't passed the evaluations," said Jason, "I just want to make sure she's better before she see's Jake. He just started forgiving her, and he wrote her that letter. I just want him to be ready."

"Fine," said Lucky, "But at least tell Jake his mom will be home, so he can have the choice,"

"We'll let him know," said Jason.

"Lucky, are you sure you can handle her?" said Sam.

Lucky wasn't completely sure. But he had visited her with the boys once a week since she got in and Liz had put a smile on her face and seemed together. She was putting on a bright cheery front, he could tell. But it was something.

"She was my wife. We'll be fine."

Liz was smiling. She smiled so hard it made her jaw ache. When Gran had made the turkey with Sarah, and everyone told her not to worry about a thing. She smiled.

When Jake had called instead of coming home to wish her a Merry Christmas, she smiled.

When the boys had insisted on having a pajama party, and she knew it was really Laura and her new boyfriend Kevin's idea to keep her in the house. She smiled.

Her smile had faded when she had been finally left alone. Everyone went skating. Well, almost alone. Lucky, her guard, putting more salt on the walkway to make sure no one slipped on their way home. She nursed her hot chocolate, Cameron had made for her before they had left. With extra marshmallows, like she gave him when he was blue. He looked at her concerned. He shouldn't have to worry. Everything should have been perfect.

She couldn't help but imagine what should have been playing out around her. Her Jason dressed up as Santa. With all her boys home. She would be making the turkey. Gran would be sitting in her favourite rocker knitting baby clothes. She would be pregnant, expecting their second child. It would be a girl. A girl named Emily.

"That's not real," said Emily.

Elizabeth dropped her mug spilling it over the rug.

"You're not real," said Liz, "You are dead, you are not here, not here."

"I'm here because you're my best friend and you need me," said Emily.

"You are a hallucination," said Liz.

"That's not very nice," said Emily, "And I'm a ghost, not a hallucination. That picture of you and Jason, that's not real. You aren't pregnant, there isn't going to be a baby. You have to realize it, you and Jason were never going to happen."

"He is mine. He was supposed to be mine. We had a chance and he-" said Liz.

"He chose to be with Sam," said Emily.

"He made the wrong choice Emily," said Liz, "He just needs to see what we can be. We can be a family,"

Liz didn't even look back. She was going to get him back. This, this was her chance. Her Christmas miracle.

Lucky entered the house and Liz was gone.

"Oh, no," said Lucky.

Liz stood in the snow. She was shivering. Her toes were turning blue. But she couldn't leave. It was all so close. She had made it this far. But she hadn't moved, the sky had already turned dark.

"Elizabeth," said Lucky.

She was still wearing her pajamas. Blue reindeer on a white snowy background. He realized she wasn't wearing shoes.

"Elizabeth," said Lucky, "We have to go home,"

"You were right," said Liz, "You were right that I crossed the line. But I did it for love. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"It's time to go," said Lucky, "You'll freeze to death,"

"Look at them," said Liz, "Do you think Jake will call her mom?"

Lucky took off his coat and placed it on her shoulders. He didn't want to make a scene. It wouldn't help Liz's case for shared custody in the future if she was seen. Jason, Sam, Jake, and Danny were at the Quartermaine's for Christmas Eve. Jason and Sam were holding hands as Jake and Danny were playing with some new lego kit they must have gotten. She was close enough to see through the big windows. The decorated tree illuminated the evening scene. If they could see in, maybe they could be seen.

"No," said Lucky, "Because he has a mother. You. Please Elizabeth, we need to go,"

"I really did think Jason would choose me, no matter what," said Liz, "After all the losses I thought here was my chance at love. Ric lied to me, Zander died, Jason always chose Sam, and you left. But I thought with Jake everything could be different."

"But then you found out he was really Jason," said Lucky.

"I was in shock, I was ready to tell everyone at the Nurses Ball," said Liz.

She remembered the feeling of disappointment as she realized Jake couldn't be hers.

"Why didn't you?" said Lucky.

It would have been so much easier. She realized it may have hurt less.

"I realized that for once in my life I had a chance to get what I wanted. I didn't think I was hurting anyone. Sam was happy with Patrick and I had a chance to be happy with Jason," said Liz.

"Elizabeth-" said Lucky.

"Don't Elizabeth me," said Liz.

She turned away from the idyllic Christmas scene and let Lucky pull her away from view behind some trees.

"I know it was wrong," said Liz, "Don't you think I knew that? I questioned myself at every turn, but at the end of the day, I had Jason. If you had a chance to be with the person who got away, do you really know if you could let them go?"

Lucky's heart broke a little. He had once been the only one for Liz. But they had changed.

"If you knew it was wrong," said Lucky, "Why did you-"

"I started to believe it, okay," said Liz, "Jake wasn't remembering being Jason, and Sam kept being happy with Patrick. I finally had my happy ending,"

She cried.

"Don't I deserve a happy ending," said Liz, "This once don't I deserve to be happy."

She crumbled into Lucky's arms.