Chapter Four

The Joys of Motherhood

August 15th, 2004

Olivia bounced her foot nervously, taking another glance around the waiting room. How hadn't she noticed on her other trips to her OB/GYN that there were so many happy expectant couples going to this office? It made her feel all the more self-conscious, because even though none of them could tell she was pregnant it felt like they were mocking her with their giddiness. And to top it off she was nervous as hell and really wished that Elliot was there to calm her down; he'd already been through this three times and he would have been extremely helpful.

"Olivia Benson?" She looked up thankfully at the nurse who had appeared in the door back to the exam rooms.

She stood and followed the woman back through the hallway and into an exam room where she was given a cup and told to give a urine sample in the adjoining bathroom. She did so and upon returning to the exam room was handed a flimsy paper top and a white sheet in exchange for her cup of pee. When the nurse left Olivia reluctantly changed, pulling on the top and draping the sheet over her legs once she was situated on the exam table. She lazily kicked her sock-clad feet back and forth as her mind drifted to the little human being that was growing inside her.

In the past week she hadn't had much time to really think about the fact that she was going to be a mother in few short months. On top of getting used to the morning sickness, which she now referred to as all-day-long sickness, she had begun experiencing more symptoms; fatigue, dizziness, and the frequent need to pee. It was also beginning to become more and more difficult to hide her pregnancy from the rest of the squad due to these symptoms, so she and Elliot had decided to tell Munch and Fin after her appointment if the doctor said it was okay. They had also decided that there co-workers were trust worthy enough to keep their secret and would be telling them that the child was Elliot's.

Olivia placed a hand on her still flat stomach trying to fully absorb that there was a little person in there, made partly of her and partly of Elliot. She'd wanted this for a while, but the job had impeded the progress of every relationship that had, had the potential of becoming serious. If she'd known all she needed to do was shack up with her partner to get a baby...

She laughed to herself even though their situation was anything but funny, though maybe it was so screwed up that it was. She was in love with her partner, he didn't appear to feel anything remotely close to that for her, now she was pregnant and they were just friends. Just friends, God she had never hated that phrase more.

A knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts and she smoothed down the paper sheet nervously as her doctor walked in.

"Hello, Olivia." She greeted brightly sitting down on a stool in the corner as she flipped open a chart.

"Hi Dr.-"

"Uh-uh, I've told you before to call me Erin." She interrupted looking up from the manila folder in her hands. "It makes things less...what's the word...sterile."

Olivia laughed, "Right, sorry, I forgot."

Erin smiled, "Not a problem, just don't make me correct you anymore, I don't think you'll be in the mood for that in the next couple of months."

"So it's official then?" She asked, trying to hide her mixed emotions behind some sarcasm.

"Yep, there is definitely a bun in that oven of yours." She replied causing Olivia to laugh lightly. "On a more serious note, what kinds of symptoms have you been experiencing so far?"

"Well, I've been having all-day sickness for a week," Erin smirked at that before beginning to write in her chart, "also I've recently started feeling dizzy if I stand up too fast, I've been falling asleep on the couch because I can't keep my eyes open past nine, and I pee every hour like clockwork."

"Congratulations, I welcome you to the joys of motherhood." She said as she pulled on a pair of gloves and stood up.

Olivia grimaced, "If these are the joys I don't want to know what the rest is going to look like."

"Don't worry, the nausea should subside by the end of the first trimester and the rest of your suffering will be worth it in the end." Erin smiled and had Olivia lay back.

She completed the internal exam quickly and efficiently before putting away the stirrups and having Olivia pull up her top for the ultrasound.

"Now I've already confirmed that you are moving into your third month, but I'm going to go ahead and take some measurements just to make sure and then you can see your baby." She squirted a glob of cold gel onto Olivia's abdomen and began moving the transducer around.

When a rapid whooshing sound suddenly filled the room Olivia's breath hitched, the sound was foreign to her ears but she knew what it was and it brought tears to her eyes. Damn hormones, she thought wiping them away before they had a chance to make their way down her face.

"Alright, now the baby is very small and has the appearance of an unshelled peanut," she paused turning the screen around and pointing to a small white blob in the middle, "but by your next appointment you'll be able to see a head, and the arms and legs."

She unashamedly let the tears fall this time, seeing her child really solidified the fact that she was finally going to have a family, a child that loved her unconditionally, something she had never felt for or received from her own mother.

"Wow." She breathed, unable to find another word to compare with how she was feeling. "Um...I just remembered, when can I start telling people? With the throwing up and everything it's been hard to keep my coworkers from worrying."

"Most parents like to wait until they're out of the first trimester, but everything seems to be on track so I don't see why you couldn't go ahead." Erin smiled and typed something into the keyboard below the machine. "I assume you'll want a few copies?"

Olivia nodded, wiping at the wetness on her cheeks. "Yeah that would be great."

"Alright, I'll be right back with them, why don't you go ahead and get dressed?" She suggested as she wiped the goop off of Olivia's stomach and put the transducer back on the machine.

"Okay." She waited until Erin left and began putting her clothes back on, still in a daze from seeing her baby for the first time.

Olivia was sitting back on the exam table when her doctor came back in with copies of the pictures, pamphlets, and a few papers that she didn't know what to do with. "What's all this?"

Erin sat back down on her stool, "The two pamphlets I gave you are about the First Trimester Screen and the Quad Screen, both are noninvasive and optional, but I highly recommend them."

Olivia nodded and held up the packet of papers, "And these?"

"Those are family medical history forms that I would like you to fill out before and bring back at your next appointment. If you chose to do the First Trimester Screen they will be extremely helpful, but either way it's good to know the medical history of both parents' families." She explained, causing Olivia's stomach to sink.

Elliot's side would be no problem, but she barely knew her mother's medical history other than that she had been raped and then consequently had her attacker's child, aka herself, and that she had been an abusive alcoholic. She had not mentioned much of her past to Erin and was not looking forward to the next appointment and hoped Elliot would be able to come with her.

"Now I don't know if you have already discussed it with your boss but-"

"I'm already on desk duty." She interrupted causing Erin to laugh. "My captain is pretty overprotective, the second I told him I was pregnant he had already decided for me. I don't really mind though, he's kind of like a father to me."

"Well I definitely agree with him, even if it is boring, desk work is the safest for both you and your baby." She smiled and stood, Olivia did the same and followed her back to the front desk "I will see you in three weeks and until then I suggest you get your rest, drink lots of fluids and if you have time I would get a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting, it's the first time mother's bible."

"Will do, thank you." She smiled and gave her a wave goodbye before arranging her next appointment with the secretary.

By the time Olivia got back to the precinct Elliot, Munch, and Fin were already packing up, she guessed that they had not caught a case while she was gone and Cragen was letting them off early. She walked over to her desk and sat her purse and jacket on her chair.

"How'd it go?" Elliot asked quietly.

"Fine, we can talk about it tonight." They had planned to meet at her apartment after work if they hadn't caught a case. "Can you stall Fin and Munch? I gotta talk to Cap for a sec and then we can tell them."

Elliot nodded and walked over to their desks while Olivia headed for Cragen's office, she knocked on his door and poked her head in, "Hey Cap, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah sure, come in." He answered gesturing to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"No thanks, I'm not going to be that long; I know you already let everyone off for the night." She pulled out a picture of the ultrasound from her back pocket and handed it to him. "I want you to have this for two reasons."

He smiled at the picture and looked back up at her, "Alright?"

"First I want to thank you again for agreeing to do this, I know that it could cost you and us our jobs if they do find out and we both really appreciate it." She paused, this next part was something she had been debating all the way here and she was very nervous. "My next reason is more of a request. In the past six years you've, well you've become sort of like a father to me and I was wondering, hoping actually that maybe you would consider being his Grandpa?"

He didn't answer, but instead stood up walked around his desk and engulfed her in a tight hug. Olivia hugged him back and did her best to keep the tears at bay, she'd already cried enough for one day, but his acceptance had meant more than she realized and she was extremely grateful. When he pulled back there was a huge grin on his face that made her laugh lightly.

"I would love to, Liv." He pulled her back for another hug and kissed her temple. "I'm glad I can be that for you and your child."

"Thank you, Don." She whispered, squeezing his arm.

He nodded when they stepped back from one another, and then with a questioning grin asked, "So you think it's a boy then?"

"Oh...um..." She hadn't even realized that she had referred to her baby as a boy until just then and shrugged. "I haven't really thought about it much, I guess I just don't like calling it baby or it all the time. But I wouldn't mind if the baby was a boy."

Don laughed, "You really want another Elliot Stabler running around?"

Olivia turned and glanced out the window at the man in question. He was laughing with Munch about something and those eyes that were capable of undoing her in one glance were lit up by his thousand-watt grin. He didn't like it, but she secretly found his slowly receding hairline rather cute. He was handsome, he made her feel safe, and she was hopelessly in love with him.

"Yeah." She smiled picturing a little boy with brown hair, his beautiful blue eyes, and a little laugh that sounded like his. "Yeah I think I do."

A/N: Hey all! I know this chapter is a tad on the short side but I loved ending like that and couldn't bring myself to add anymore. In the next chapter you'll get to see Fin and Munch's reactions to the news, seeing as I have already mentioned it in two chapters I figure I shouldn't leave you with a sub-par summary of how they react I didn't get too many reviews last chapter, but I attributed it to the holidays and the late update, but either way I am thankful for all the reviews I have gotten so far and I hope you all are continuing to enjoy this story. Thanks for reading!

kana117: I guess you'll have to wait one more chapter to see what happens ;) Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Blinky: You are very welcome for the last update, thank YOU for reading and reviewing it!