... Chapter 62 ...
Daryl was lost in thought when he happened to glance down and notice a distinctive imprint of a boot pressed deep into the dirt by his feet. Worn down at the heel, it was unmistakably his own and he looked around from there, not really surprised to see that his track marks were fucking everywhere. It only confirmed what he already knew... that he had circled the camp more times than he either needed or wanted to. He had lost count somewhere around midnight as the monotony of the endeavor had taken over.
Expelling a sigh, he took a last drag from the cigarette he was smoking before purposely pinching out its glowing tip between his thumb and his forefinger. Ignoring the burn left behind, it was then that he suddenly realized that the sun was starting to rise just over the horizon. The muted light that came with it gradually permeated the forest, infiltrating the trees to dispel the darkness left behind by the night. It pierced through the branches to flitter across his face, leaving him unwittingly squinting against it as his eyes dilated painfully in response.
Assured that the Marlboro was snuffed out enough to not catch fire in his pocket, he slipped what was left of it back into its pack for safe keeping. The cartons he had pilfered were still stashed in the saddlebags of the bike and until it was deemed safe enough for him to go get them, the few smokes he had left on him were having to suffice. It wasn't the best scenario by any means but what else could he do. Much like everyone else, he was stuck here... at least until the decision makers among them chose to inform him of otherwise.
Seeing that no one had said shit to him one way or the other, he could only assume that they were either still in the process of discussing it or were purposely choosing not to discuss it with him. In an effort not to feel grudgy about it either way, he had kept himself out on watch far past what anyone would've required of him.
Now that the morning sun was clearing the ridge in the distance, Daryl reckoned that he had done so for long enough. He purposely made his way back to camp, the fact that he was dragging ass making the trek a lot more taxing than it needed to be. Fatigue had set in a while ago to physically exhaust him to the point where he could barely see straight.
Of course he only had himself to blame. Instead of situating himself in one spot for the night like he'd been told to do, he had purposely traipsed around the camps perimeter, the Horton gripped so tightly in his hand that his fingers still ached for being locked around its trigger. He had scoured the woods until he knew every divot in its terrain by heart. The endeavor had been self inflicted and tedious as hell but at least it had kept him from thinking about Beth.
With his shift now officially over he was left with nothing else better to do but to think of her, a fact that was irritating him to no end. Recollections of the girl inundated his tired head, doing so as if trying to make up for his pointless attempts to avoid them. The fact that he was coming back to nothing but a cold plate of food and a goddamn empty bed was only making matters worse. He couldn't help but feel bitter about it, enough to think about asking Glenn to give up his morning shift. At least by taking it he could keep himself preoccupied... better that than to spend the rest of his day stewing on a steady diet of his own caustic thoughts.
Daryl's body was quick to shut down the idea before it could gain the traction it needed to convince himself that it was a good one. He was fucking dead on his feet. Working himself into even more of a stupor was pointless. Nothing was going to change the fact that the girl had somehow managed to finagle her way into his heart, bypassing the iron clad wall of his resistance like it hadn't been there to dissuade her at all. The damage was done and trying to reverse it now was like attempting to put a beaten horse back in its corral after it had its first taste of freedom.
Seeing her talking to her sister last night had been a hell of a lot harder to swallow than he initially thought it would be. He had just wanted to have a smoke… to lose himself in a nicotine induced haze until it deadened his feelings to a much more manageable ache. Stepping out of the forest to do just that, he had looked up to see them both sitting on the roof of the cabin nearby, whispering back and forth about things that only two close sisters would share.
Standing there shrouded in darkness, he had let his gaze linger on the younger of the two... unable to help himself as he got caught up in the quietness of the moment. The cool night breeze had played softly in her hair, causing a few pale strands of it to float appealingly around her face. Watching it stir in the moonlight had only reminded him of their last night together at the barn… the one thing he had been trying his damndest to avoid doing since the very first moment they got here. The memories instantly came rushing back and they did nothing but wrench the knot in his gut that much tighter...
Beth had been curled up in his arms, worn out from the intensity of his lovemaking enough to ignore the faint gust of wind that had swept in through the lofts open doorway to do very much the same thing. It had grazed across her naked skin first though, making her unwittingly shiver against him. Without even thinking about it, his fingers had gently brushed the disturbed strands away from her face before he had pulled her back against him... sharing the warmth of his body with her in an effort to counteract the chill. She had sighed contentedly in a way he had never expected to hear from someone laying next to him before falling asleep once more, none the wiser to the interaction or the indelible mark it had left on him.
Realizing that he was doing nothing but torture himself pointlessly for thinking back on it, he had looked up just as Maggie was putting a protective arm around her. It was clear that both girls had managed to reconnect in a way that no amount of time lost between them could diminish.
Watching the quiet interaction unfold from there, he couldn't help but wonder just how much had been said about him over the extended course of it. Maggie didn't look like she was disappointed which had only confounded him more. Fully expecting her to be and then some, it led him to believe that maybe Beth hadn't said anything about him at all. The wistful smile she had given couldn't say one way or the other but it was enough to make him realize just how much he missed her.
The girl had been by his side for so long that he felt almost bereft without her presence. For being a loner most of his life, the concept was strange as hell for him to wrap his head around. Left to his own devices, he felt as though the walls of his self imposed isolation were steadily closing in on him. A single minded mentality that had served him well in the past, the notion of it suddenly didn't seem so appealing to him anymore. It was because of her that he felt that way. Without her with him, it was like half of what made him who he was was missing.
With the cigarette between his fingers ready and willing to counteract his confusion about it, he had purposely lit it to pull the smoke deep into his lungs. It was then that he glanced up and see the both of them staring down at him, doing so as if he had just intentionally pinpointed his position with the sole purpose of bringing it to their attention.
He had stalked away feeling as though he had just been caught spying on them red handed. From there he just hadn't stopped, walking for miles on end to lead him to where he was right now... tired, sore and more than a little pissed off at the shittiness of his own circumstance.
As soon as he got back to camp, Daryl headed straight towards the central cabin that they were using as a hub only to realize that he had no real reason to go there. With the crossbow serving its purpose, it wasn't like he had needed a gun to return. Immediately changing direction, he happened to glance over and see Rick making his way towards him, not really surprised to see the former deputy sheriff up at the ass crack of dawn. The decisive measure of his stride said that he had something he wanted to say while the serious look on his face indicated that he was ready to get saying it.
"How was it out there?" Rick asked with preamble, something Daryl could appreciate in his current worn out state.
Shrugging cautiously, he gripped the shoulder strap of the Horton that much tighter before muttering almost inaudibly, "A'right I guess... quiet... least for tha most part. A few walkers here an' there but nothin' I felt tha need ta worry about."
Rick nodded and looked over to where the dark columns of smoke still rose on the horizon. "Probably stragglers heading towards Terminus. Any left in the area will likely converge on it as long as the fires there keep burning. We'll need to start thinking about our next move once they go out though. With nothing to keep 'em there, they'll disperse to start heading this way."
"Sounds 'bout right..." Was all Daryl could muster in agreement. Forced to continue standing there through no choice of his own, he was tired as shit and had yet to find somewhere suitable to crash. Ready to wrap this little pow wow session up, he eyed the man purposely and asked, "Anyways... am I tha last one back or what?"
What he really wanted to know was if Beth had made it back safely, what he was trying not to do was to go so far as ask. Upon realizing the absurd measures he was resorting to, Daryl berated himself internally. Christ sakes, really? This was starting to get fucking ridiculous. He wasn't cut out for this... this bullshitting his way through every interaction in the hopes of not somehow giving himself away. It had him walking on eggshells despite the fact that he was all but stomping around the damn place with the severe bad attitude he knew he had.
Rick paused for a moment as he tapped at the .357 at his waist, a habit he usually adopted when he was about to say something that the person forced to listen to it didn't want to hear. With that person being him, Daryl braced himself accordingly.
"You're the last... to the point where I was thinking of sending someone out to go look for you. Your shift was over hours ago. Luckily, Beth convinced me not to. She seemed to think you'd be back in your own good time and... well, she was right."
"Yeah... well... didn't know I was on a tight schedule." Daryl grumbled, understanding where the concern was coming from despite the fact that it had his hackles rising.
"You're not..." He was assured, "but like I said, we need to stick together. Wandering around alone out there until you run yourself into the ground isn't really conducive to that."
Called out appropriately, Daryl glanced around to see that the camp was starting to stir. In the distance Carol was attempting to start a fire while Rosita was taking the time and effort necessary to train Eugene in the basics of self defense. Glenn and Bob were making their way over, probably to check in with them and pick up some weapons for the next shift of watch. With the audience they'd make being the last thing he needed, Daryl just nodded and left it at that, acknowledging without words that the opinion just given on his comings and goings was the only one he would heed.
Considering the conversation about it over, he went to turn away when Rick put a hand on his arm, stopping him dead in his tracks. Subconsciously gritting his teeth, Daryl waited to hear what was so important that the man felt the need to have to say it right now.
"Listen... Daryl... you're like a brother to me, you know that. When you saw me at Terminus, I was ready... ready to stay on my knees and accept whatever fate they had in store for me, that's how bad things had gotten. But then you came through the door and turned it around." He paused for a moment before keeping the emotions in his tone level enough to say, "You being here means everything... not just to me but to all of us. I'm glad you're back but... well, I can tell you don't feel the same."
When Daryl just stared at him pointedly through his hair, he was quick to amend himself by adding, "It's just an observation, I could be wrong... it wouldn't be the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. I just know that you don't look happy and neither does she. Now, you can talk about it or don't... that's up to you. I just wanted you to know that I'm around if you change your mind and decide you want to."
Even if Daryl could've found the words within himself to respond, they were soon cut off by the two men who had now arrived. Glenn was in a ridiculously good mood, especially for it being so damn early in the morning. Reveling in his first good nights sleep in weeks, he was completely oblivious to the seriousness of the conversation he had just interrupted. Daryl wasn't about to complain. If anything, the younger man's excited chatter effectively allowed him to escape out of the rest of it mostly undetected.
He made his way down the trail, pulling the Horton from his back to ignore the fact that Rick was staring after him the whole time. Veering towards the first empty cabin he saw, Daryl pried the door open and went inside, tossing the weapon onto the empty top bunk to have it land in a flurry of dust. The bottom bunk had a set of folded sheets sitting on it that he purposely ignored as he crashed down hard on the bare mattress.
Throwing an exhausted arm over his face, he sighed heavily as the words just spoken repeated themselves over and over again in his head. He had no chance to dwell on them as he proceeded to pass out immediately, secure in the knowledge that no one would come looking for him even if they wanted to.
...
Beth drew herself away from the window as Daryl disappeared down the hill, relieved beyond words to see him finally back in from watch. His shift had been over hours ago to leave her understandably beside herself when he hadn't returned with the rest of them. It hadn't taken her long to realize that he had stubbornly chosen to stay out there on purpose, a typical Daryl-like inclination that would undoubtedly get him killed.
Sleep deprived and exhausted, her overactive imagination had been quick to convince her of it. The notion alone was gut wrenching and had set her on the verge of going back out there to look for him herself. It was a desperate measure... one that would've only made him mad at her, but it was a risk she'd been willing to take. Anything was better than waiting there a moment longer not knowing if something bad had happened to him. Luckily she had been spared the quandary when out of the blue he had come back wearily dragging himself into camp all on his own.
More thankful than she could begin to say, she had watched him carefully through her bedroom window, making sure not to be seen by either him or anyone else who would even care to notice. Rick was there talking to him but they were too far away for her to decipher what was being said. She looked Daryl over while he stood there begrudgingly listening, trying her best to assure herself that he was unhurt. A riot of emotions coursed steadily through her veins and they converged at her heart to leave her wondering what would compel the man to stay out there so long. Just because he preferred to brood in the woods alone, it didn't mean that he could just do so without saying so much as a word to anyone! Did he honestly think that nobody would notice?
Earlier that day, they had all been summoned to the camps main hall to discuss the situation at hand. During the meeting Rick had told them all that he still considered Terminus to be very much a threat... from walkers or from people he hadn't cared to say... he just wanted everyone to be ready in case they were attacked by a large group of either. He had been quick to set some ground rules in place, making it clear from the beginning that he expected them to be abided by. One of them was to relegate the area outside of the camp as being off limits.
Both Daryl and Michonne had looked instantly stricken by the prospect but for their safety and that of the group as a whole, Rick had remained determinedly steadfast. No matter how personally confining anyone thought his agenda to be, it was being established for a reason and he would brook no exceptions to it.
With that seriousness in mind, herself and the rest of the night watch had checked back in when they were told to, all of them hungry and tired but with no suspicious activity to report. When asked about Daryl's whereabouts, none of them could say with any certainty that they had seen him at all over the course of the night. Rick had seemed remarkably unsurprised to hear it. Left to his own devices Daryl had done exactly what he wanted and probably hadn't thought twice about it.
She could only sigh internally at his hardheadedness before going through the process of checking her gun back in with everyone else from her group. It was then that Rick had asked her to stay behind for a moment so he could have a word with her in private.
Thinking back on it now, Beth could still recall how her shoulders had tensed down apprehensively on her frame as she wondered what he could possibly have to say to her that couldn't be said in front of the others. Too tired to think straight about it, she had just stood there awkwardly while shuffling back and forth on her feet as she waited for everyone else to leave. Watching them file out one by one she had felt very much like that little girl who had just been told to go sit in her fathers study after she had done something wrong.
As soon as they were alone Rick had broached the subject of Daryl once more. He wanted to know what she thought his reasoning might be for disregarding what had been for all intents and purposes a direct order. He went on to say that the rules he put in place were there for a reason, not just for his protection but that of everyone they knew... and as such, he was genuinely concerned.
"Daryl's Daryl... I get that." He had said to her gruffly. "Still, it's not like him to just stay out there for the hell of it, not when there's so much on the line. We're all just barely pulling ourselves together, some of us managing more so than others. I'm only asking because... well, he told me that the two of you had been together since the prison. I just wanted to see if maybe you know something that I don't."
He obviously seemed to think so... which was odd considering that he probably knew Daryl's particular mentality better than most. Realizing it, her depleted thought processes had instantly begun to spiral. Why would he think to ask her about it then? Did he have some kind of ulterior motive? Had she said or done something to give herself away? After the pointed look he had given her over the campfire, she had thought she'd been so careful!
Whatever Rick's reasons were for asking, it was clear that he was worried.
Instead of mirroring the troubling sentiment herself, she had just tried her best to reassure him. They both knew who it was they were talking about after all and although his behavior could be be exasperating, it was also still well within his nature to choose to stay out there long after his time had called for.
"I'm sure he's fine." She said quietly, staying on point for not wanting to make his absence a bigger deal than it was. "He probably just lost track of time or something..."
When the muted response was met with nothing but a skeptically raised eyebrow and the determined notion of sending someone out to go look for him, Beth felt the need to justify his actions further, figuring it was the least she could do since Daryl wasn't around to defend them himself.
"Trust me, you don't have to do that," She assured, "Like you just said, Daryl's Daryl... he does things his own way and nobody, not you and not me... can change that. He'll be back when he's ready, I promise."
Rick just stared at her before nodding begrudgingly, doing so as if being reminded of something he already inherently knew.
"You're right, I'm sorry... it's just been a long time. I'm on edge and looking for trouble where there isn't any to be had. After everything that's happened since Terminus, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to him... or to you for that matter." He paused for a moment to regard her seriously, "Just so you know, we looked for you... both of you... from the moment the prison fell up until yesterday, we never stopped looking. Me, Michonne, Glenn... Maggie... none of us gave up hope."
Caught in the sincerity of his gaze, Beth had to swallow hard against the lump of emotion suddenly stuck in her throat before she could say, "I know. We didn't either. Everything we did... everything we went through... it was all to find our way back to you. That's why I know that Daryl hasn't gone far. Whether he likes it or not, he's part of this group... despite all of the antisocial tendencies he puts out there to the contrary. He'll always come back because this is where he belongs."
Taking her word for it, Rick was appeased enough to allow the rigid set of his posture to relax. With the matter settled as much as it could be, she gave him a tentative hug before leaving him there to go find the cabin she was sharing with Maggie and Glenn.
She gingerly opened the door to find the two of them still dead asleep. It was not necessarily surprising in the current depleted state they were in. With her bed set up and ready, she had quietly crawled into it... physically drained and with her mind still running on empty. Despite everything she had just said to Rick, she was beginning to get worried now as well and would need to see Daryl return safely for herself.
The next few hours were spent either tossing and turning under the blankets or peering out anxiously through the curtains. Her troubled thoughts made any attempt to get some sleep impossible. With the frightening notion of something happening to him encompassing each one, she was unable to get comfortable for being in the small unfamiliar bed alone.
When Glenn and Maggie finally did get up, she had just pretended to be asleep to avoid any potential conversation they'd want to have about it. They both kept checking in on her, doing so as if to assure themselves that she wasn't just a figment of their imagination. Knowing that they'd be leaving soon, she had just kept her eyes closed and endured it... better that than to try and explain the real reason why she was still wide awake.
As soon as she heard the door shut behind them, she rolled over onto her back and heaved a guilty sigh. The tactic was part of the ruse she was subjecting herself to and one that was difficult to maintain. The slightest indication of her feelings for Daryl would do nothing but open a floodgate of questions... questions that she barely knew the answers to herself. In order to keep those questions at bay, she was doing what she felt was necessary rather than to lie her way through an interrogation that she was neither emotionally or mentally prepared to deal with.
As she lay there staring pointlessly at the ceiling Beth found herself dwelling on the recent course of events that had led her to this point. Despite the tired effort she made to stop it, the conversation she'd had with Rick played out again in her head.
Although she'd been initially surprised to hear it, she was ultimately glad that Daryl had told him about the two of them escaping the prison together. It was just one less secret she needed to keep. Why anyone would have an issue with it anyway was beyond her. The man was practically custom built for surviving this world so as far as she was concerned, any one of them would've been fortunate to have gotten out with him. It was no fault of their own that the unintended circumstance had led them both to something more... something worth actually surviving for. Without something like that, what was the point of trying to do so in the first place?
Laying there thinking about it, Beth's eyes widened when she realized that what she had with Daryl was the point... and it was not only worth surviving for but worth fighting for. The path they were on couldn't be altered, no matter what kind of outside interference attempted to derail it. Even yesterday's argument had tried its best to do so only to not dissuade her of the fact at all. She loved him and she didn't want to be away from him any longer.
The notion resolving itself, she had looked out one last time to finally see the man in question tiredly trudging his way in from the far side of camp. Her heart instantly constricted within her chest, making the simple act of breathing difficult. The crossbow was still locked and loaded in his hands, indicating that he hadn't had any issues while he was gone. He looked disheveled and tired but had been a sight for sore eyes.
The conversation with Rick finished abruptly, almost as soon as Glenn and Bob had intruded in upon it. She watched as Daryl walked away, looking as though he was relieved to not have to continue with it any further.
Beth let the curtain fall into place, having no more reason to continue peering out past it now that he had dropped out of sight. She crawled back into bed and curled up on her side, hugging her pillow to pretend that she didn't miss him. Being away from him was a lot harder than she thought and she couldn't help but wish that he was in the narrow bed with her.
The welcoming abyss of sleep soon descended to take her mind from it, finding it easy to do now that she knew that he was safe and sound. The man could be exasperating and he definitely could be ornery but he was undoubtedly the love of her life. As such, it was time to put this stalemate they were in to an end.
...
Thank you to all my readers, those who have followed since the beginning and those who are binge reading it here at the end. I love reading all of your reviews so please keep them coming.