Chapter Fourteen

For Being You

December 23rd, 2004

"Olivia, that sounds disgusting. How are you going to be able to eat that?" Casey asked once their waiter had walked away.

"I don't know, it sounded good." Olivia shrugged, smiling brightly at the redhead.

"Anchovies and spaghetti...I don't get it." She made a disgusted face and took a sip of her water.

Olivia rolled her eyes, "Can we just get back to preparing for the preliminary hearing?"

They spent the rest of their lunch break discussing the case and readying Olivia for the defense cross-exam. It was nothing new to her after six years on the job, but this case had hit her a little harder than the rest and they both wanted to make sure she was prepared to handle it in case the defense brought up anything personal. The suspect was pleading not guilty by reason of mental disability and the preliminary hearing was to determine if he was fit for court.

The suspect, Adam Dolton had been targeting pregnant teens who were living in group homes, with the specific intent to abort their unborn children. He had supposedly been delivering free prenatal vitamins to the homes, but the bottles he gave the willing girls only contained a very strong and harmful version of the morning after pill that had already resulted in three deaths and five more teens who had lost their babies.

The deeper she got into the case, the harder it had been for her to separate her personal life from her professional one and if they hadn't found Dolton when they did she might've snapped. She knew what it felt like to lose a child and for someone to be purposely taking advantage of unaware teenagers so they could 'save them' was disgusting. He

.had argued that he had been trying to save the girls from a life of poverty and who knows what else, but his confession had given them enough to charge him and he was looking at life; until his attorney had magically appeared. She had ordered a psych evaluation and after Huang had completed the examination of their suspect he had regrettably determined that the man was in the early stages schizophrenia.

In both Olivia, and her new partner, Nick Amaro's eyes, the man still seemed as competent as ever, but the attorney had arranged the hearing and now she was stuck preparing for the damn thing.

"I honestly don't think she knows anything about what happened to you or will have the balls to bring it up if she does." Casey said as they walked out of the restaurant an hour later.

"I'll be fine." She answered, sending a convincing smile at the attorney as they walked back to the precinct. "It's gotten easier, I don't really have that much trouble talking about it now. It's just...for someone to deliberately do that to those girls..."

Casey nodded, "I know, the guy makes me sick."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, the cold, blustery air that whipped passed them the only sound in there ears.

"So, how's your new partner?" Casey asked as they turned the corner and could now see the precinct a ways down the street.

"Nick? He's alright. I can trust him to have my back and we haven't gotten in a fight over a case yet, so that's a good sign." She paused, looking up into the cloudy sky above them. "But he's no Elliot."

Casey nodded, "How is he adjusting with his new partner in Queens?"

"About the same as I am here. It's weird for both of us, but we get to see each other after work and on the weekends, so it isn't horrible. I think we're both just glad Tucker was smart enough not to tell the truth about his injuries." Olivia answered, smirking to herself.

The Lieutenant had claimed a flight of stairs had done the damage to his face and chest so that Cragen wouldn't come through on his threat to talk to Tucker's boss and get him fired. This was good news for her and Elliot, but after some more consideration they had decided it was still best for them to separate. This way they wouldn't have to sneak around or worry about another Tucker-like incident. They had been in different precincts for almost a month and so far everything was going pretty well professionally and personally; they had even started talking about buying a house again.

"Yeah, probably the only smart thing he's ever done." Casey said, making them both laugh as they approached the front doors. "You're off for the rest of the afternoon, right?"

"Yeah." Olivia said, gesturing towards the parking lot. "I have my last appointment with Erin."

"Alright, well good luck and I guess I will see you tomorrow morning." Casey hugged her and they said goodbye before Olivia headed to her car.

As Olivia drove to the doctor's office she was hoping this last follow-up appointment would be the final piece to getting her life back to normal.

Olivia glanced at the ultrasound machine in the corner of the room thoughtfully. She knew they kept one in every exam room but for some reason she couldn't tear her eyes away from the machine. It reminded her of the topic she'd been meaning to discuss with Elliot, but out of worry about his reaction she had kept putting it off.

As of late she had started having thoughts about trying to have a baby again. She was surprised she was even thinking about having another child, but after three months the pain had slowly begun to lessen until it was only a small, occasional ache. And now that her heart longed for a child again, her only worry was how Elliot would react.

They hadn't exactly talked about their future except for when he had said that he wanted her in it, which truthfully wasn't very specific. They had only been together since August, but with everything that had happened in the past four months she felt like it had been so much longer. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and to be able to call him her husband and hopefully the father to any children they might have. There was a knock on the door that pulled her from her thoughts and she promised herself she would talk to him about all of this tonight.

"Good afternoon Olivia." Erin greeted, walking in with her eyes trained on the open chart in her hands.

"Hello." She replied warily, concerned that after sitting down Erin still hadn't looked up from the folder. "Is there something wrong?"

Erin looked up at her with a very confused expression, "Is there something you've neglected to tell me since our follow-up in September?"

"Um, no..." She replied, getting confused herself. "I thought this was supposed to be like our follow-up, follow-up and then I would only have to come back yearly. I don't know what you think I've neglected..."

Erin stood up and pulled her stool over so she could sit in front of her, and placed a gentle hand on her knee, "Olivia, you're pregnant."

Her mouth opened to ask what she was talking about, but then she remembered the odd craving she'd had at lunch and the fact that she hadn't had a period since she had lost the baby. She had attributed the latter to stress and hadn't given it a second thought.

"By the look on your face you obviously weren't trying for another baby." Erin said, bringing Olivia's mind back to the present.

"No, we weren't." She answered, glancing down at her stomach. "How far along am I?"

Erin stood, rolling the ultrasound machine out from the corner. "I don't know yet, why don't we find out?"

Olivia laid back and pulled up her shirt, turning her head towards the machine as Erin placed the wand on her abdomen and began moving it around. When the familiar whooshing filled the room Olivia's heart leapt into her throat and she found herself tearing up. It was so mind-boggling that she had only just recently been thinking about trying to have a baby again and she had been pregnant the whole time.

"According to my measurements you are just finishing up your third month, which would put conception sometime around the third week of September." Erin said, still studying the monitor.

"That sounds right." She answered, amazed at the fact that the first time they had made love after the loss of Levi they had created another life.

Erin turned the machine so Olivia could see the screen and pointed at the little blob in the middle of it, "I know you already know this, but that little lima bean right there is your baby."

Olivia stared at the screen, completely mesmerized and shocked. She couldn't believe it, she certainly wanted to, but it seemed too good to be true.

"I-this is unbelievable." She breathed watching as the tiny figure wiggled its even smaller arms and legs.

"Well believe it." Erin said with a smile, freezing the picture on the screen before removing the transducer from her stomach.

She handed Olivia a paper towel to wipe off the goop before sitting back down on her stool which she had moved back to the corner of the room. "Have you experienced any morning sickness, fatigue, dizziness, yada yada?"

Olivia laughed, "No, definitely not any yada yada."

"Very funny, but seriously, any symptoms like you had before?" She asked.

"Nope." Olivia shook her head, realizing because of how far along she was that she had luckily dodged the morning sickness bullet this time around. "The only thing I would count is the weird food combo I had today at lunch."

"And?" Erin questioned sounding slightly intrigued.

"Anchovies and spaghetti." She answered, blushing self-consciously.

Erin smirked, "Not even on the top ten."

"Top ten?" She asked confused.

"I keep a list of the top ten most disgusting food cravings my patients have ever admitted to and yours is no where near that bad, so don't feel embarrassed." She explained with a smile.

"That's actually pretty funny." Olivia laughed lightly.

"Yeah, my husband says whenever we decide to have a baby I'll probably be number one on my own list." She said, looking back down at Olivia's chart briefly. "I know you will still have to talk to Elliot, but I am assuming since you are already moving into the second trimester that you will want to do the Quad Screen?"

Olivia nodded, "Yes. I do have a question though."

"Hmm?"

"With everything that happened...is there, I mean can I do anything to make sure I don't lose this baby?" She asked nervously, holding her hands together tightly so she wouldn't wring them out of habit.

Erin looked up at her, smiling sadly. "Honestly, no. There is nothing anyone can do to 100% prevent a miscarriage. I always suggest to try to remain as calm and stress free as possible during pregnancy, which can reduce the risk of miscarriage greatly. However every pregnancy has the risk, no matter what kind of precautions are taken. "

Olivia sighed heavily, "I just know every little thing is going to scare me and I wish that I could enjoy this instead of being worried sick the whole time."

"I know and I'm sorry, but I will do the best I can to make sure that in five months you will be holding a happy healthy baby, okay?" Erin said, smiling warmly at her as she got up.

"Okay." Olivia nodded, following her as she headed out the door to the reception desk.

While Olivia set up her next appointment Erin made copies of the ultrasound and gave them to her before she left. Olivia glanced at the clock on the dashboard of her car as she drove home and hoped Elliot was still at work. She still needed time to process and she knew if he was there she wouldn't be able to stay quiet about her news for more than a few minutes and the urge to keep this seemingly wonderful news a secret surprised her. It wasn't that she was worried about his reaction, because at this point her already being pregnant had lifted the worry of talking to him about their future and another baby. However it had also come with its own set of worries and a new and equally nerve-wracking conversation.

Upon arriving home a few minutes later she walked straight to the calendar that hung over the kitchen sink and began counting. She was already almost two weeks passed how far along she had been when she had lost Levi and it was relieving and overwhelming all at once. Making it this far in the pregnancy without any complications, especially because she had been unaware of it, was an accomplishment in itself, but she still felt like all of this was just a dream. She was happy, that much she was sure of, but to be pregnant again in such a short span of time made her feel completely overwhelmed.

Now she was wishing Elliot was here, because as much as she had originally wanted time on her own, she now wanted even more for him to be with her. He would be the level-headed one. He would tell her that this was amazing and that everything would be fine. He was the one that would help her figure out what to do with her work situation and if they would be telling people or not. How soon should they start telling people? She hadn't even thought to ask Erin, but this time everything was different and she couldn't risk losing this baby. Not again. She never wanted to go through that again.

Worry and fear took root in the pit of her stomach and she suddenly found herself on the floor, leaning against the dishwasher with her legs pulled to her chest, hyperventilating into her knees. She tried her hardest to calm down, but she felt like she was drowning in a sea of emotions that was constantly changing shape with every breath she took. Olivia had no idea how long she sat like this before Elliot finally came home from work. If it had been an hour or only a couple of minutes, she didn't know, but when he walked into the apartment calling her name it made her jump,

"Liv? I'm home." Everything was quiet after that and when he suddenly came rushing into the kitchen only seconds later she realized her breathing must have been pretty loud.

His blue eyes were clouded with fear and concern as he brushed hair out of her face and rubbed his hand up and down her arm. "Olivia, I don't know what has you wound up like this, but I need you to try and calm down, okay? Just take a few deep breaths with me."

She watched as he breathed in and out slowly, but exaggeratedly so that she would notice and she tried to do the same. His presence alone had helped to calm her down and the breathing came easily after that.

"Can you talk now?" He asked gently, removing one of her hands that had been clasping her legs together so he could hold it in his.

"I-I don't know." She whispered and when she looked into his concerned gaze she suddenly felt like crying and she had absolutely no idea why. Everything was so confusing and she hated it.

She felt herself being pulled onto his lap and wasn't surprised when she began crying into his shoulder quietly. He whispered soothing words into her ear and stroked her hair and face gently. It still surprised her that he could be so calm like this when she was a wreck, even when he had no clue what was the matter. She cried a few minutes longer, but once she felt the tears ebb away and her breathing fell into a steady rhythm with his, she decided it was time to get it over with.

"Elliot?" She whispered, hopefully loud enough to get his attention.

"What, Liv?" He replied gently, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"I..." She paused, how was she supposed to do this? The first time she had been so blunt about the whole thing, she'd just wanted to rip the band-aid off as quickly as possible. Now she wasn't so sure how she should go about this, but the band-aid method did sound pretty appealing.

"Did something bad happen at your appointment?" He asked before she could continue.

"No, it's not bad." She answered, happy when she realized she believed these words and was slowly beginning to feel like she was no longer drowning. "Elliot, I'm pregnant."

Silence and then, "Oh."

Tears welled up in her eyes again. This response was not at all like what she had been expecting and hoping for. Where was the Elliot that was supposed to be happy? Where was the Elliot that would make her believe that another baby this soon was a good thing and that they would figure everything out together?

She removed herself from his lap and tried to walk out of the kitchen, but his hand was on her shoulder in an instant, turning her around to face him. Before she could say anything his lips were crashing against hers, his fingers tangling into her hair and of their own accord her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed him back desperately. He broke the kiss off a little too soon for her liking, but pulled her into a tight hug quickly, resting his forehead against hers so she could see his eyes that were full of nothing but love.

"This. Is. Great." He punctuated each word purposefully. "Do you understand that?"

"I'm getting there." She answered truthfully.

"I promise you, Liv, this is a really great thing." He repeated, removing one of his hands from her hair so he could rest it on her stomach. "I also promise that nothing is going to happen to this baby, not as long as I'm around. Okay?"

"Okay." She whispered, removing her arms from around his neck so she could circle them around his waist and lay her head on his shoulder.

They stayed like this for a while before she felt her eyelids start to grow heavy and realized how much energy this had taken out of her. "I know it's barely six, but I'm-"

Before he could finish he was carrying her bridal style down the hall to their bedroom. She laughed lightly, leaning up to kiss his jaw just before he pulled the covers back with one arm and then laid her down. Without having to be asked he slid under the blankets right behind her, pulling her flush against him so they were touching head to toe.

Before sleep claimed her she said a quiet, "Thank you."

"For what?" He asked.

"For being you."

A/N: So...three things.

One, now do you understand why I asked if y'all wanted to know the sex? There was a little heart ache and drama first, but I never like to end a story on a really sad note.

Two, so I got a Tumblr! I'm not sure if any of you have one, but if you do I would love if you would follow me. My username is kateg1516 and my SVU centered blog is called The Elliot and Olivia Show- A.K.A. Law&Order SVU. I will be posting when I update, inspirations for stories, etc. I've already got the pic for Elliot's grandmother's ring up there if you wanted to check that out. :)

Lastly, I stayed up until midnight so I could stick to my every two week update schedule without having to wait any longer. I'm already halfway done with the next chapter and (I'm not promising anything) if everything continues to go smoothly I might go back to updating once a week.

Whew! That was a long A/N! Love you guys, thanks for sticking with me!

-Katie