Chapter Fifteen

Worry

December 24th, 2004

When Olivia awoke early the next morning she and Elliot were still in the same position and he was snoring lightly beside her. She could tell from the moonlight streaming in through the bedroom window that it was too early for her to even think about getting up and dressed for her court appearance later that morning. However, the baby had seemed to pick up on the fact that its existence was now known and had already taken control of her bodily functions, namely her bladder. Sighing quietly she got up and went to the bathroom to relieve herself and also to change out of the work clothes she had fallen asleep in the night before. By the time all of this was finished she was wide awake and knew going back to sleep was no longer an option, so she left their room quietly and headed for the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.

She filled a kettle with water and set in on the stove to boil and once she was satisfied that nothing was going to catch on fire she walked into the living room and stood by one of the large windows to observe the activity just outside her window. The clock in the kitchen had read 5:23 AM and even after living in New York for so long it still amazed her how many cars congested the streets at this early hour. She continued to watch the traffic and a few minutes later when snow began to fall she suddenly remembered it was Christmas Eve and that tomorrow she and Elliot would be spending their first Christmas together.

They didn't have any huge plans; gifts to each other in the morning and presents and dinner at his mother's house with the kids in the evening. She had made him promise not to make a big deal out of it and they had decided upon one present each. This way they could just focus on giving one special gift to each other instead of a bunch of small ones. Olivia honestly wasn't very concerned about the gift-giving and/or receiving aspect of the holiday this year. The only thing on her mind was the fact

that for the first time in years she wouldn't be spending it alone. She had a family in Elliot and his children and now also, she thought brushing her hand over her still flat stomach, in their own child.

Her mind was still trying to sort through the thousands of emotions that had come with this very unexpected new life. She wanted to be happy, just happy and nothing else. Past experience was preventing that however, and she was still feeling a little overwhelmed, not to mention extremely worried. She sighed, running a hand through her hair, this certainly wasn't going to be easy. It seemed nothing in her life ever was, but sometimes the hardest things turned out to be the best and she smiled at this thought because nothing could be better than a child with the man she loved.

Olivia heard the kettle whistle from the kitchen and walked back into it to make her tea. She was just placing the teabag in her mug when a pair of arms unexpectedly snaked around her waist making her nearly jump out of her skin.

She turned around to find Elliot grinning like a schoolboy and she slapped him on the chest, "You better be glad I wasn't holding that."

"I made sure you weren't." He said nonchalantly, kissing her on the forehead. "Why are you up so early? I didn't think you had court until later this morning?"

"I don't." She answered, one of her hands subconsciously moving to her abdomen. "The baby just decided I needed to pee and I was too awake to go back to sleep."

He nodded in understanding, "Speaking of, we didn't really talk about the appointment or anything last night. Aside from the surprise, how did it go?"

She slipped out from his arms and walked with her mug of tea over to the kitchen table where her purse sat. She set her drink down and began searching through her bag, getting frustrated momentarily when she couldn't find or remember where she had put the scans from the ultrasound. When she finally found them she turned back around to give them to Elliot, but her face suddenly connected with his broad chest.

"Ouch." She muttered, rubbing her nose as she looked up at him disapprovingly. "Would you quit doing that?"

He chuckled quietly and kissed her nose. "Sorry."

She rolled her eyes before handing him the photos, but all traces of annoyance were gone from her face when she watched as he looked at the pictures. His smile grew considerably wider and his eyes lit up with happiness and excitement. After a few minutes he laid them down on the table and tipped her chin up with one hand so she was looking directly into his deep blue eyes.

"Do you believe everything I told you last night?" He asked, the worry evident in his voice.

"I'm trying to." She answered honestly and saw the flash of sadness in his eyes that meant he was hoping for a different answer. "I really want to believe you El, I do. It's just...I don't want to go through that again and I feel like if I act like nothing bad is going to happen then something will."

He let out a sigh and wrapped her in his arms, and she could tell just by his body language that he was just as worried as she was. "I'm sorry Liv."

"Don't be." She whispered, kissing his neck. "It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either." He countered.

This time it was her turn to sigh. "I wish we had someone to blame. It would make things easier."

"Maybe." He agreed. "Did Erin tell you when you're due?"

She understood that he was trying to steer the conversation onto a somewhat lighter topic and she was happy to oblige. "End of May/beginning of June."

"That would mean..." He began, trailing off as the realization dawned on him.

"It was that first time." She said, tracing random patterns on his chest. "When you came home angry about that case."

"Yeah..." He said. "Wow...that's...wow..."

She laughed lightly, "That's kind of what my reaction was."

"So that means you're already past-?"

"Yes." She interrupted, knowing where he was going with that question. "But that doesn't mean anything. Erin said that no matter what we do, there's nothing that can 100% prevent another miscarriage."

"I wish there was." He said sadly, running a hand through his hair. "Did you talk about work?"

She looked up at him and shook her head, holding back a sigh. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to take any chances, but desk duty for four or five more months really doesn't sound appealing."

"I know." He answered then continued after a moment. "I'm going to suggest something, but you have to promise to listen and not get mad okay?"

She looked at him skeptically, "Okay...?"

"Have you thought about maybe taking a couple of years off from work?" He asked cautiously and before she could respond he continued. "It wouldn't be forever, but this way you could spend more time at home with the baby and wouldn't have to worry about missing anything because you're at work. I know you love your job and it might be hard, but maybe it would be good to step away from the it all for a while."

She remained silent once he was finished, trying to absorb everything he had just said. Being home with the baby would be nice, but could she really just leave? He did say it didn't have to be forever, but even a few years away from something she was passionate about seemed too long. What if she came back and couldn't hack it anymore? Plus there was always the possibility that staying home all day could drive her crazy.

"I'm not sure...Sex Crimes...it's what I'm good at. It's been my life for the past six years, I don't know if I could give it up so easily." She admitted thoughtfully.

"You don't have to decide right now. I just thought it was something you should think about." He said, giving her a small smile.

"Okay, I will." She said to him, while in her head she was telling herself that she would get around to it eventually. "What time do you have to go in?"

"Actually I don't." He said with a huge grin and she looked up at him confused.

"What do you mean? I thought you weren't off until tomorrow?" They had discussed this just yesterday morning and his Captain had given him Christmas Day through New Years off just like Cragen had for her.

"He called last night and said they'd caught a case, but that he didn't want me coming in today or last night since I would just be leaving in the middle of everything." He explained, picking up her mug from the table. "So, we are going to go relax until you have to go to court, which I will be taking you to, and then after that I am yours for the rest of the day."

When he had finished he began walking out of the kitchen with her drink in hand, "Where do you think you're going with that?"

"Back to bed." He called over his shoulder and she could easily picture the mischievous grin on his face just from the sound of his voice.

"You might as well leave that here then." She replied, trying to keep her voice light and nonchalant even as she continued to tease and taunt him from the kitchen. "I mean, if we're going back to bed I'll just have to pour it out anyway."

Elliot turned around slowly and she smiled inwardly at the look on his face. "Why would you have to do that?"

She looked around the room and sighed lightly, twirling the tie of her robe around with one hand. "There are plenty of reasons."

"Really?" He asked, walking slowly back into the kitchen to where she stood

Olivia was leaning against the counter and grinned in triumph as he set the tea down by the sink. "Yes, lots of reasons."

Elliot fingered the collar of her robe briefly before sliding his hand down her body to rest on her hip. "Think you could give me one?"

"Why don't I just show you?" She whispered huskily.

He seemed to stunned to respond so Olivia kissed his cheek and slipped out of his embrace silently. She walked slowly down the hall and untied the belt that kept her robe together, making sure she took her time letting it slip over her shoulders and then fall to the ground. As she continued to walk down the hall, she reached around with both her hands to unhook the clasp on her bra and let the black lacy material drop to the floor behind her before she walked into their bedroom. By the time she had removed her underwear he had finally caught up to her and was shutting the door to their bedroom and pulling off his boxers while she laid down on the bed.

His desire for her was evident as he came closer and she leaned up slightly so she could pull him down on top of her. Olivia slowly planted kisses up his shoulder and neck, and she could feel him doing the same to her, but something was different. She ignored it at first and began to pick things up, thrusting her pelvis at him while sucking at that certain spot where his shoulder met his neck, but the heat between them still remained muted. Slowing her touches and kisses, she tried to focus on what he was doing and suddenly realized that every touch, kiss, and caress was slow and calculated. She immediately knew what he was trying to do and gently pushed on his chest.

"What is it?" Elliot asked, eyes clouded with worry. "Do you want me to stop?"

She rested her hand on his cheek and looked deep into his blue irises. "Yes."

He began to pull away but she shook her head and pulled him back to her. "I want you to stop treating me like glass. I know why you're worried, but I don't want that to be all you can think about. I love this baby just as much as I love you, and if I feel like something is wrong I will tell you, but I'm not willing to give up being with you like this yet. I need you to stop worrying and just be here with me."

He sighed, running his hand over her hair a few times before resting it on her cheek. "Promise you'll tell me if something is wrong?"

She nodded, "Promise to stop?"

"Yes." He answered, proving it by kissing her tenderly.

When she pulled back that familiar spark of desire was in his eyes and it made her smile. "Thank you."

Their love-making picked up after that, but by the time they were finished they only had a half an hour to get ready and get Olivia to her court appearance on time. They were there with only a minute to spare and the questioning look Casey shot them did not go unnoticed by Olivia, but she simply shook her head and mouthed later.

The preliminary hearing went smoothly, but both Olivia and Nick, who had joined them behind Casey after his testimony, were displeased with the judge's decision to rule Adam Dolton incompetent for trial. They had all been prepared for this, however, and were thankful that the evidence they had collected was strong. Before Elliot and Olivia left, Casey pulled her aside, leaving the two men to talk.

"Alright, you hardly ever cut it that close to a court appearance and you and Elliot looked extra happy about something this morning." Casey said, scrutinizing Olivia. "What's going on?"

Olivia smiled and shrugged her shoulders, "Can't we just be happy?"

"Not this happy. Something must've happened between yesterday afternoon and this morning..." She trailed off but then suddenly her eyes widened. "Oh my god, did he propose?"

"What?" Olivia replied, shocked herself. "No, Casey, he didn't. If he did the ring would have been stuck in your nosey face as soon as we got here this morning."

Casey huffed, "I'm slightly insulted by that comment."

Olivia resisted the urge to roll her eyes and instead sought out Elliot's gaze. When he noticed her looking at him, she surreptitiously brushed a hand over her stomach and glanced at Casey who had gone off on a monologue about being allowed to ask questions and thankfully hadn't noticed her lack of an audience. Elliot smiled and gave her a small nod. She smiled back, thankful he had agreed with her so easily since they hadn't talked about when or how they would be telling people.

She waited until Casey had finished her miniature speech before speaking again. "You're right Case, you have every right as one of my closest friends and coworkers to ask questions about my life and even be a little nosey."

"Damn right." She said smiling triumphantly.

Olivia suppressed a laugh. "Now because you are one of my closest friends I will tell you why we were a little more happy than normal this morning."

Casey's eyes lit up, but Olivia held up a hand cautioning her. "You can't freak out though. Elliot and I haven't really gotten a chance to talk about when we will be telling his family or Nick and the rest of the guys at work. Alright?"

Casey nodded, and Olivia could tell she was doing her best to suppress whatever excitement she was feeling. "I'm pregnant."

She watched her friend's eyes light up again and she laughed when she observed the red-head bite her lip to hold back what Olivia assumed was a squeal. It was mere seconds before she was enveloped in a bone-crushing hug and she watched un-bemused as Elliot held back a laugh in order to keep Nick from turning around to see Casey's small celebration. After a few congratulations and quiet squeals of laughter Olivia was able to pry herself out of Casey's grasp and walk back over to Elliot. They made their goodbyes quick, both eager to return home to each other and their comfortable bed.

Later that night found Olivia dozing lightly against Elliot's chest after an afternoon and evening spent in bed together. They made love several times, for the past couple of hours they had spent their time talking or just laying silently together, content in each others arms.

"You know, it's almost midnight, you could just give me my present now." Elliot mused, twirling a piece of her hair around in his fingers.

"Nope, nice try." She said smiling, placing a small kiss on his bare chest.

"Oh come on Liv, you're no fun." He said and she could hear him trying to keep the whine out of his voice.

"You sound like a five year old." She laughed, raising her head up to look at him.

"Ya know, when I was a kid, my mom would always let us open one present on Christmas Eve." He continued, shifting so he had them both sitting back against the head board.

Olivia smirked. "Might I point out that you are no longer a kid, I am not your mother, and you are only getting one gift?"

He sighed, and began to pull away, surprising her when he actually got up from the bed. "Elliot?"

He slipped on his boxers and a t-shirt and headed for the door. She quickly got up, thoroughly confused, and tied her robe around herself before following him.

"You can't seriously be this upset about waiting a few more hours." She called walking down the hall, checking the guest bedroom and bathroom on her way to the living room in case he'd stopped in one of the two. "I thought we were trying to mix traditions. Your family did stuff on Christmas Eve and if my mom ever remembered we celebrated on Christmas night. We picked tomorrow morning because..."

Olivia trailed off as she stepped into the living room. Elliot was standing in the middle of the room, still looking as normal as ever, but what was out of place and made her stomach flip was the small black velvet ring box in his hand. She put a hand on her stomach, took a deep breath and tried to calm down because for all she knew there was a pair of earrings in the box and he was just trying to bribe her into giving him his present.

"Um..." She coughed, trying and failing to make her voice sound normal. "What...is that a...I mean- what are you doing?"

Elliot took a half-step toward her and extended his hand which she hesitantly took and then followed him when he lead her over to the couch. They sat down facing each other and she could tell by the serious look on his face that what she thought was in that box, could very well be in that box.

"The first day you walked into my life, I knew there was something different, something special about you. I couldn't figure out just what it was until seven years later, but when I finally did I knew I never wanted to let you go." His words were sincere and full of love and she was unsurprised to feel tears slowly trickling down her face.

He gave her an encouraging smile and gently brushed away the wetness on her cheeks. "We've only technically been together for four months, but so much has happened in that time. I feel like I've already had four years with you instead of months. And I mean that in a good way."

Olivia let out a watery chuckle and slipped her hand into the one of his that wasn't holding the jewelry box. "I know you do. I feel the same way."

"Good." He smiled, his eyes lighting up before he continued. "I was really trying to wait until tomorrow morning to do this, but I've had the ring for awhile and I couldn't wait any longer. Proposing to you on Christmas sounded so...perfect, but I don't think I realized how difficult waiting would be."

"El, it's literally two minutes until Christmas." She pointed out with a laugh, though her brain was still trying to understand what was happening. "You can't wait that long?"

"Christmas Eve's just as good." He replied with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes, "Whatever you say."

He ignored her comment and she couldn't help it when her hand came up to cover he mouth as he got down on one knee in front of her. She briefly thought how she would have to tell their son or daughter that their father had proposed on Christmas Eve in the living room in nothing but his boxers and a t-shirt because he was just too damn impatient.

He opened the box and sat it on her knee so he could then take both her hands in his. She glanced at the ring long enough to tell that it was blue, antique, and very beautiful, but her gaze didn't waver there long; he was more important.

"Alright, here goes." Elliot flashed her a nervous grin and took a deep breath, causing her to let out a light laugh. "Olivia Benson."

"Elliot Stabler." She mimicked, squeezing his hands.

"I love you, so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He paused, his eyes looking straight into hers. "Will you marry me?"

A/N: I'm evil I know, but I'm pretty sure you all know what her answer is going to be.

I updated early because I had this done and my schedule for Saturday was already looking really busy and I figured an early update was better than a late one. Things seem to be going well so I might be able to post the next chapter in the coming week instead of two weeks from now.

Anywho, thanks for the continued support. I love reviews, you guys are amazing!

-Katie