Part Three

Jac sat staring into space. Sahira had had to go back on shift and now Jac was left alone again. Jac thought about how her mother's death was affecting her. She still couldn't understand why. Jac wiped her eyes with her hand, but she could not remove the blotchy look that remained. Something had to be done, Jac thought. There had to be an explanation for why her mother's death affected her so. Her eyes fell upon the empty mug of tea in front of her. Without thinking Jac picked up the mug and held it between her finger and thumb. She twirled it in her hand and then her gaze fell upon the wall in front of her. Still holding the mug, Jac's eyes closed and she could hear her mother's voice in her mind, though it was ages since they'd last spoken. The voice of her mother began to grate horribly upon Jac's conscience and with a screech she hurled the mug at the wall where it smashed faithfully. The shards of china fell gracefully to the floor and settled. Jac held her head in her hands and sobbed.

Five Days Later

Church bells rang solemnly. The rain fell torrentially. Jac was shivering as she stood watching her mother's coffin laid to rest. She could see her half-sister, standing stock still several yards away. Deep down Jac wanted to approach but she could not find the courage to move. Her golden hair was drenched and water dripped gracelessly down her high cheekbones. Eventually it became too much and Jac turned away, tears once more streaming out of her eyes. Unexpectedly for Jac, as she turned, she was spotted by her half-sister.

"Jac?" the girl called loudly. "Jac! I know it's you!" The girl was now lightly jogging towards her. Jac looked to her car and then back to the girl approaching her. With a heavy sigh, Jac stopped. The girl came to a skidding halt in front of her, panting slightly. "Why didn't you come over?" she asked breathlessly.

"I thought it better to leave it to her family," Jac said solemnly.

"You were her family Jac. She would have wanted you there."

"No. You were her family. I was just the disappointment," Jac looked up at the grey skies as she said this.

"You know she always spoke about you. Right up until she died." Jac's gaze fell back upon her half-sister.

"Listen Jasmine, the only good thing I ever did for our mother was donate her a kidney. I was never there for her and she was never there for me." Jasmine scowled angrily.

"You know she wanted to see you?" Jasmine told Jac forcefully. "The night before she died." Jac reached into her jacket pocket and drew out an envelope. It was torn open. Looking at the envelope for a few moments, Jac seemed to be in a world of her own. Jasmine stared at it. Returning to reality, Jac placed the envelope back in her pocket.

"I couldn't get the time off work..." Jac explained.

"Did you even want to see her?" Jasmine pressed. Jac thought about this. "You didn't did you? I can see it in your eyes. You couldn't give a toss about her." Jac snapped.

"Okay yes I admit it! I had no intention of going to see her, as far as I was concerned I'd washed my hands of her and the rest of her family. But that does not mean I didn't care!" Jac's eyes were narrowed.

"If you cared about her you'd have..."

"What? Gone to see her. I don't recall her making much effort to see me!"

"That's because she could hardly get out of bed by the end!" Jasmine yelled at her. Jac was silent. "Do you even know what killed her?" Jasmine asked callously. Jac shook her head and then fixing Jasmine with an icy glare, said;

"Enlighten me." Jasmine's eyes were bristling with tears. Her voice shook as she told Jac the story of how Paula had died.

"Those last few weeks were a living hell. She needed full-time care and I could barely provide it! She couldn't move Jac! Every morning I had to change her bed sheets because they were sodden with piss! Our mother Jac, our mother, died an ignoble death. And her own daughter could not be bothered to say goodbye. You make me sick Jac, you make me sick." Jasmine finished, her face red with anger. Jac felt awful.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea," she said, lamely.

"Of course not. You weren't there," Jasmine said and strode away, leaving Jac isolated and alone. By now the rain had stopped, but it still poured inside Jac's heart.

Two Days Later

Jac grimaced as she placed her stethoscope around her neck. She hung by her locker, thinking. She thought about what Jasmine had said to her. Then she thought about Joseph and how much she missed him. And at last a light switched on in her mind. The door opened.

"Jac? Are you coming?" Elliot asked her kindly. Jac snapped out of her thoughts immediately.

"Yes," Jac exited with Elliot and marched onto the ward. Elliot pulled her to one side.

"Jac. Are you sure you're ready to come back?" Jac looked into his eyes.

"I'm fine. Everything is dandy," Jac said, lying. Elliot did not believe her one bit. But he knew better than to berate her about it.

"Well if you ever need a shoulder, you know where I am," he said helpfully.

"If I ever need a shoulder Elliot, I'd sooner go to the mortuary than you," Jac said but instantly regretted it. Elliot felt deflated and without another word left Jac to her own devices. Jac moved over to one of the computers and logged on. User: NaylorJ, Password: Joseph. Checking behind her, Jac opened a new document and began typing.

To Henrik Hanssen,

I am writing to inform you of my intention to resign from my post as Consultant Cardiothoracic Surgeon with immediate effect. I will work my notice,

Yours sincerely,

Jacqueline Naylor

TO BE CONTINUED