A/N Another update! Let me know what you think.
Gasping, I inhaled a much needed breath of air before slumping to the ground "Get up!" barked the Soldier as he stepped in front of me, my line of site directed on his black military boots "Get up" he repeated. This time I followed his command and pushed myself up from the ground.
I can feel the stinging of cuts and bruises as they littered my body. I let out a faint wince of discomfort. Holding my fists up, I aimed and struck with a heavy swing of my arm, but I didn't make contact. Blocking my attack, the Soldier back handed me; the cold metal of his left hand leaving a tingle on my cheek. It was then that I recognised the moment.
It's a memory. One I never knew I had, but recognised almost immediately.
My gaze stared right at the cement ground as the Soldier began circling me like prey. He watched my every move as I stood silent and still. I wasn't prepared as he fisted a clump of my brown locks and winded the strands around his hand. Pulling me backwards, his elbow came down on my chest; knocking the air out of my lungs again. Coughing from the assault, my body wanted to give in, but instead he held me in place.
His chest pressed against my back "Kill me" he whispered by my ear. My brows knitted together in confusion. I glanced around to find the background fading. What's happening?
Pulling on my hair again, I fell back into a black metal chair. I looked down to see my arms and legs restrained in metal clasps. The Soldier is standing right in front of me with a red book in his hand. Listening to him speak the words that electrified my brain, I squeezed my eyes closed. I can feel myself screaming but no voice is heard as a white hot pain crawled through my veins like a raging fire. This is a memory turned nightmare. This is a memory turned real.
It's all coming back to me now.
Opening my eyes when his voice and the words stopped, I stared at the Soldier "Kill me" he demanded again, but this time it sounded much firmer. The book vanished from his hands as he now knelt right before me "Get up and kill me"
My eyes snapped open as I felt a solid weight sitting on top of me. I can feel the cold hard ground pressing against my back and I'm in a room that isn't my own. Focusing back on the crushing force above me, I suddenly realised that it's the Soldier. He held a firm expression on his face "What are you doing?" I hissed "Get off of me"
I squirmed beneath him as he pinned my arms beside my head. Looking me up and down, the Soldier let go of my arms to retrieve a glinting knife. My eyes narrowed before he finally said "You were trying to kill me"
I stared at him "What are you talking about?"
"You broke down my door and started swinging a knife" he said with a little wave of the blade "What the hell's wrong with you?"
My brows furrowed when I couldn't come up with an answer. I don't remember anything except for the dream. I don't remember waking up and I especially don't remember breaking down a door. I heard heavy footsteps before a pair of guards appeared with startled look at the scene before him "Sir, are you alright?" one them questioned.
"I'm fine" he replied before tossing the knife up onto his bed beside us. Getting up of me, the Soldier pulled me up from the floor and kept a firm grip on my upper arm "Taker her to the medical bay. She needs to see the doctor"
The guards nodded in agreement and I protested "No!" I tried to move away from the Soldiers hold but I was helpless as he held me still while the guards cuffs my hands behind my back. I glared at the Soldier "I didn't do anything"
Handing me over to the guards, they tried to pull and tug me down the hall. Yanking my body free from their grip, I kicked the man on the left in the back of the knee. Watching him crumple to the floor, I kicked the other in the chest and he tumbled back. But before I had the chance to run, a strong pair of arms turned me around before scooping me up over his shoulder. The more I struggled the more he'd dig his fingers into my thigh.
"I didn't do anything. I wasn't trying to kill you" I said.
"Then what were you doing?" he questioned and I didn't answer. I couldn't.
Looking out the glass wall as I was carried down the empty hallways, I could see the fog lifting from outside as the sky turned bluer as the sun started to rise. Walking down a corridor, his shoulder dug into my ribs with each step he took. I heard the door slide open before he carried me through and tossed me over his shoulder.
Landing on a patient bed with a thud, creek and groan "Stay here and do as he says" spoke the Soldier before giving me one final look and leaving.
I watched him leave until the site of him disappeared. The guards who were supposed to take me are now standing posted outside the door. Looking away, the doctor entered and I recognised him as one of the usuals.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"I'm fine" I stated with an agitated tone "There's nothing wrong with me"
Standing in the hallway Steve and Bucky stood patiently as the doctor made his way out of the patient room to stand by them "Katya seems to be in good health, although her pupils are slightly dilated. I'd like to keep her here for extra precaution" explained the doctor "Can you explain what happened earlier this morning?"
Bucky crossed his arms before answer "I was asleep when the door broke open. She started swinging a knife at me and she wouldn't listen to anything I said. She had this blank look on her face, like she wasn't really there" he explained "Then I managed to push her down and she hit her head on the floor. That was it. She snapped out of it, but she couldn't remember anything that happened"
Steve rubbed his hand down his chin before asking "Do you think it could be something to do with the brain damage?"
The doctor nodded his head "Possibly. Something might have triggered the action in her sleep. A dream or nightmare perhaps"
Letting out a sigh, Bucky knew this couldn't be good "Do you think she's starting to remember?" he asked "You didn't say it was impossible"
"We can't know for sure as of now. So far Katya hasn't given us any evidence that she's remember her past. Give it a few more days. We'll know by then if she's really starting to remember. It could have just been an episode of sorts" replied the doctor "However, if it's the latter, you'll have to take it in steps. I don't imagine she'll take it all too well"
A week had passed since I was admitted from the medical bay and back to my room. In that span of time and including up until I was found in the Soldiers room, things have started to change rather drastically. The others keep their distance now, and the only person to have ever of came to see me is the Soldier; the last person I wanted to look at.
It was difficult not to react the way I wanted to – with violence.
His voice grated in my ears like chalk on a blackboard, and even the very smell of him made my stomach twist and turn with sickness and anger. I remember the Facility and now I'm beginning to remember much more. The Serum. The machine. The day they shut me into cryo. The gaps and the emptiness I'd felt before is now being pieced together one part at a time.
My days awake are filled with constant triggers that make me see things I'd never realised before, and at night it's a constant nightmare of events. I'd asked for my redemption and liberation, and I wondered if this is it – to see through their cunning lie. Of course I didn't tell a single soul of my discovery and instead I played the part of confused and misunderstood.
I know that if they ever realised I learnt the horrifying truth of my past that they'd never let me leave this place. I imagine they'd start their therapy all over again. Sift through my brain until it can't take anymore and I forget again. I find it amusing that they believed what they did to me was for the greater good of myself and society. In truth, they're no better than the people in the Facility.
Heading back to my room after a doctor's visit, the night is starting to take over and I'd yet to encounter anyone familiar in the hallway. I don't have intention in seeking them out myself. Laying in my bed, I stared up at the ceiling and listened closely. I can hear the faint buzzing of the light from above. The detail isn't something I'd noticed before. It's another thing that's been happening; I can feel and hear more things than before.
Wincing as my heart and stomach clenched, a wave of a nausea washed over me. Rolling over on my side, I saw an image of a man; the one who released me from the cryo tube a few months ago. I remember how he spoke the words and gave me my orders. Zemo made me do all those things. He made me try to kill the Soldier. But when I had the chance to end it all, I did the one thing I wasn't trained to do – I hesitated.
Because deep down I do realise the Soldier isn't the one responsible for my years of pain and suffering. As I'd said in that cold damp room in Siberia, the people in the Facility are all long dead. Perhaps T'Challa was right all those nights ago. Maybe I did want some sort of revenge, but I know killing the Soldier isn't the answer. He was just another pawn in their game.
Trembling as my whole body shook, I jolted awake from the shaking of my body and opened my eyes. I looked down to see my dishelmed form; the sheets twisted and my hair tangled. Finally I realised that a voice is calling my named. I trailed my eyes and found the source of my name. The Soldier is crouched beside my bed and his steel eyes are worried as I slowly blinked in hazy confusion.
My whole body is freezing cold and yet I can feel sweat dripping to dampen my skin salty and wet. I felt a silent tear slip as my breath hitched in my throat, I lowered my gaze before feeling the cool metal of his hand as he pressed it against my flushed cheek. Shutting my eyes as more tears continued to slip, the Soldier reached with his flesh hand to wipe them away.
Shivering when the blankets were pulled completely off of me, I curled up as his armed reached to pick me up from my bed. Wrapping an arm around his neck, I realised by the warmth of his flesh that he isn't wearing a shirt, only jeans. Carrying me over to the bathroom, the lights turned on and he sat down with me under the shower head.
Pulling me to sit between his spread legs, my back rested flush against his chest as an arm wrapped around my waist. I gasped when the water sprayed down from above to immerse us in warm water. My shivering slowly subsided and my stream of tears mixed in with the whirl of running water. Leaning against him, the Soldier held me close. Neither one of us spoke a single word. It was silent.
As a few minutes ticked by, it didn't feel like very long when he'd turned off the shower. Not letting me go from his embrace, I could feel the soft rumble of his voice as he spoke "What did you remember?" he asked calmly. I frowned. I didn't want him to know, but I was sick of keeping it all in.
"I remembered everything" I replied. Looking down at his metal arm, my fingers brushed the water droplets that sat on the metal plates. I felt his muscles stiffen against me and I stopped. I don't know if it's because of my answer, or because I was touching him "It doesn't matter anymore" I added.
It's the truth. It's all in the past now.
The Soldier shifted behind me and stood up. Hooking his hands under my arms, he lifted me up and guided me out of the shower. Pulling a cream coloured towel off of the rack, he handed it to me "Go back to bed and get some rest" he said before waking out of the bathroom. I heard as the door clicked shut behind him.