Chapter 5

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was visit the Owlrey, to send a letter I had written.

Actually, I had tried to send it last night, but Filch caught me "up after hours" (how was I supposed to know that you weren't allowed awake at 1:00 in the morning?).

And here is a copy of my poetic letter that I put hours and hours into and will make you crumble into dust with jealousy that you cannot write anything nearly as amazing as it!

Dear Mom,

Send me a wand ASAP.

-Mimi

Awesome, right?

I know.

I've been thinking, though. Isn't using owls to send messages, like, animal cruelty or something? I mean, we're pretty much forcing them to break their backs and carry these letters and heavy packages thousands and thousands of miles for us, and what reward do they get?!

A biscuit, if they're lucky.

Doesn't that seem a teensy bit unfair to you?

Just a bit?

So that is why, when my parents offered to buy me an owl for my birthday, I refused.

Unfortunately, I am now thinking that that was a terrible idea.

Because, now, whatever owl I would have gotten is probably stuck with some rich dude who sends all these presents to his friends every single day, not giving a moment's thought to his poor owl, who is laboring constantly to make sure that these gifts are delivered on time. Whereas, if I had been its owner, it probably wouldn't have had to send any messages at all!

Except for this one, but it doesn't really count. At all. Even slightly.

And, now, I am stuck using the "family owl".

Whose name is Lord Fluffers, by the way.

Remus picked out the name, in case you were wondering.

BLARGH!

Writing booklet, you've really got to stop doing that.

Okay, maybe I might have picked out the name.

But I was like five, so you can't blame me!

And, anyway, thats not the point.

The point is that Lord Fluffers has got to be the WORST and most SPOILED owl in the history of the world!

I mean, you've got to bribe him to take your letters!

I've spent thousands of galleons just trying to get that owl to send a single stinkin' letter!

And I'm not even kidding.

My total last year was 237 galleons, 14 sickles and 21 knuts worth of OWL TREATS!

And I had to walk up all these flights of stairs to even start trying to bribe this owl!

Knowing full well that if I didn't meet His Majesty's needs, I could very well lose my life!

….Apparently, you don't know my owl very well, writing booklet. Because if you did, you would know that I actually could be killed at the claws of Lord Fluffers!

Fine, be stubborn like that, but I know the truth!

THE TRUTH I TELL YOU!

… I'm getting off topic now.

So, as I was saying, after a long laborious trek up the stairs (of which there were exactly 1,372) I finally managed to actually GET to the Owlrey.

Or so I thought.

I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall, trying to catch my breath for a few minutes.

The Owlrey seemed strangely quite, though. I felt no breath of wind on my face, that would signal my being outside, and the only owl hoots I heard sounded strangely far away.

Everything in general, was a lot quieter than I had imagined.

Which was good, I guess.

Until I opened my eyes to see myself standing, not against the wall of the Owlrey, as I had previously though, but on a small landing that lead only to another flight of stairs.

FLIGHT OF STAIRS! You know, like the things you have to WALK UP!

And, on top of that, this flight seemed to be even longer than the first!

How could the Hogwarts Founders do this to me?!

It was probably no problem for them, of course, as they could just levitate themselves up, or something. But really! Couldn't they give a second's thought to the poor lost first years that were just trying to deliver a single letter and would count themselves lucky to know any magic at all?!

COULDN'T THEY?!

Apparently not.

Apparently, all that these "great role models" ever thought about was themselves.

How could Professor Dumbledore lie to us like that?! Telling us that these were "great people who did many noble and brave things"?

And Professor Binns tell us all about the "magnificent" history of the Hogwarts Founders.

These people must have been brainwashed!

BRAINWASHED I TELL YOU!

…..The Sorting Hat really needs a new topic of song.

….

….

Well, I sent my letter.

And I'm not dead, at least not yet.

But soon I will be.

The reason why? BECAUSE MY OWL IS OUT TO KILL ME!

Writing booklet, you've got problems.

When I walked up to the Owlrey and I didn't meet His Lordship's needs of owl treats, no matter how much I crooned that I would get him more later, he simply "scratched" me on the back and flew away (luckily taking my letter with him).

Now, why is scratched in quotation marks you may ask?

Because "scratch" is way too simple of a word to say what this owl did to me!

And I would ask ReRe for a better word if I wasn't physically tied to a bed in the Hospital Wing.

Which, by the way, was My Captor's doing, not mine.

But how was I supposed to know that when I walked in she wouldn't just put some, I don't know, magical ointment or something only wound and be done with it.

Because, instead, she asked me how I got it (she didn't believe me when I said my owl scratched me, and was convinced that I had been doing something dangerous, which I guess I had) and told me I was going to have to stay in the Hospital Wing overnight!

OVERNIGHT!

What's up with that?

And I might have believed her that this was necessary, if I hadn't seen a book on her shelf titled "Healing Large Scratches in 34 seconds".

After seeing that book, I, of course, had decided to escape, not knowing that her office was full of trick wires and lazar beams and video camaras (and ReRe tells me that muggle inventions don't work in Hogwarts!).

After about twenty tried and failed escapes (I had even tried that windows; they were locked), My Captor tied me to the bed.

Which is, I am sure, not at all medical protocol.

And so now I am stuck here for eons to come.

…

…

Sirius and James visited me earlier, which I was not expecting.

Of course, all they did was crack jokes about how I got beat up by my owl.

…..They must not have known Lord Fluffers very well.

And I suppose Peter was there as well, but I didn't notice him very much. He seemed like the quiet type.

Remus was, of course, there along with his friends, but he didn't seem very happy about having to visit his little sister in the Hospital Wing.

And I thought older brothers were supposed to care about their younger siblings.

Apparently not.

All he said to me was, "If you know so much magic already, how come you can't get yourself out of here?"

I guess he was expecting me to say something like "I haven't learned enough spells yet."

But I shrugged. "I don't have a wand, remember? And I tried to steal My Captor's wand, but she caught me."

"Your "Captor"?" Sirius asked.

I shrugged again. "Madam Pomfrey."

He and James roared with laughter at this. Remus just looked sullen. Peter seemed confused.

"She's got the makings of real Marauder (ah, so that was the "M" word), huh Remus!" said Sirius, still laughing.

ReRe stayed sullen.

Oh, and I figured out a better word for how my owl attacked me. He "lacerated" me.

I asked Remus. He had some really long definition for it.

The four boys only stayed a few minutes.

Oh, and Charlie visited me as well, and though she didn't say much, as usual, she gave me someone to talk to, at least.

After her visit, I was alone.

So, as I said before, goes the story of my life.

…..

AN: Okay, sorry, peoples, but this is going to be my last chapter for a while, probably until September, actually. Because after this week, I'm really busy for like the entire summer.

So, yeah. Ovwa! (that's French, by the way)

Oh, and make sure to review! Even if you just say "Hi" or something, that's good enough for me! :)