Colonel Sheppard and Rowan were leaning on the railing overlooking the Lantean ocean.

[Even after 5 years here I can't believe it sometimes.] John signed.

[I know, I'm standing here, with you...and it feels like a dream.] Rowan replied.

Several moments passed before Rowan signed, [You know, when you woke up in the hospital after taking those pills and you told me that you were going to redeploy...I got so angry. So angry. But not because of what you think.]

John turned from looking at the ocean to look down at his feet. He was still so ashamed of what he had done. But this most shameful thought was that he wasn't sure- that even if he went back in time- that he'd be strong enough to change the past. He still felt so much sadness and despair from Cooper leaving him, from missing his other half. He pushed down the anguish so far deep into his mind that he never dealt with it. He had moments where he could feel it rising up and it scared him. It hadn't diminished, it hadn't faded. John was afraid that if he ever allowed himself to face those emotions, that'd he fall into the same depression that drove him to attempt suicide all those years ago.

Despite having these dark thoughts, John signed [Rowan, I can't ever thank you enough for finding me. I don't know if it was a miracle or something else, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.]

Rowan grabbed her brother and turned him to face her and replied, [John, that's just it. You DON'T OWE me anything. You were sick. I was never angry about that, I was distraught, sad, and confused...but never angry, not like you think..not about that. Mostly I was scared. I can't imagine a life without you in it.]

Rowan turned to her brother and grasped his arms, she gave them a firm squeeze before she continued, [I got mad because you chose to go back. I KNEW that if you went back into the Air Force you were denying yourself the possibility of ever having love, of taking care of yourself. John, it's not right. You can't function like that, PEOPLE can't function like that. You can delude yourself all you want to, but you need love. You need the possibility of it!]

[I left because I couldn't deal with that. You were already so messed up, and you had no interest in taking yourself better, but I couldn't follow you! I couldn't make sure you'd look after yourself!]

[Hey!] John protested, [I can look after myself!]

[Oh please. I looked at ALL your mission reports.] Rowan rolled her eyes dramatically as she signed this.

She could see her brother laugh and it warned her heart. She had missed him so much. She leaned over and put her face against his chest so she could feel him laughing.

John had missed this too. He never realized that her absence had left a gaping hole in his psyche. Now that she was back and they were getting close again, his mind felt more at ease, he felt more himself than he had in a long, long time. Sometimes you don't know how bad off you are until you're right again, he guessed.

[John, we lost so much time. It's my fault and I'm sorry.]

John looked down at his sister and gave her a big hug, pulling her off her feet, after setting her right he signed, [Hey, you know what? We are together now. And I'll bet my fuzzy wristband that Teyla, Ronan, and Rodney won't EVER let us be that stupid again.]

John and Rowan spent the rest of his day off getting reacquainted and walking around Atlantis. The whole city seemed to glow, everyone noticed it, even if they didn't know why. The afternoon flew by and before he knew it, it was time to meet Lorne.

[I gotta go Ro. I gotta go "out" myself to my 2IC now. God. I can't believe I'm going to do this.]

[You want me to go with you?]

[No, thanks though. Lorne is a good guy. He's been my 2nd in command for 5 years here and we were friends before that. It's going to be OK. I need to do this. Now that my team knows, I think I'm OK with letting a few people I trust know too. It actually feels good. Anyway, I'll catch up with you later.]

Lorne reported to the Colonel's quarters at precisely 1700. John was dressed in his BDU pants but was wearing a black T-shirt with the words 'How appropriate, you fight like a cow.' on it.

Lorne noticed right away that his boss was wearing casual clothes. And if it wasn't clear by that, that this was not an official meeting, his boss offered him a beer.

"At ease Lorne, I'm well aware you are off duty in ..precisely...3...2...1...now. Have a beer." said the Colonel.

The colonel sat down on the couch and motioned for Lorne to have a seat on the chair next to it.

"Thank you sir. I think I'll take you up on that beer, sir, thanks!"

"Off duty Lorne, cut it out with the 'sir'"

"No problem sir. So, did you have a talk with your sister?"

John gave his friend a sidelong glance and sipped at his beer. "Yeah. I did Lorne. And now I'm gonna have a talk with you."

"Okaaaay. What's up? You gonna tell me what happened between you two? 'Cause my bet's on 'Rowan And Criminal Activity'. Although I think in the betting pool the good money is on 'Colonel Sheppard Screwed Up".

"Oh Christ, there's a betting pool on us?"

"Of course. Zalenka's making the book, I think the odds are against you. I mean you're pretty much a Boy Scout to most the folks here, BUT we all know how you can't keep out of trouble. And Rowan is a complete unknown-some folks are betting against her, me included because seriously, look at her."

"Well, the whole base is going to be disappointed because they will probably never find out why."

"Aw come on sir, that means Parrish wins it, again. Damn. OK Sir, enough with base gossip. Tell me what's going on."

What had been a light-hearted conversation between friends suddenly changed. John was all of a sudden overcome with nerves. (Come on John...Evan's a good guy. You need to do this. He's going to be OK with this. Put on your big boy pants and just say it!)

Evan took a moment to look at his commanding officer. He looked a hell of a lot better than he had over the last few weeks, but he still looked worn out. "Come on Colonel, what's up? Is it something I can help with?"

"No Evan. Definitely not. I just need a minute. I thought I was ready for this. Just give me a second."

John stood up and walked over to his mini fridge and took out another beer.

"Liquid courage sir?"

"Something like that." said John.

"Aw geez...OK! Look Evan... I...I need to tell you something..."

Evan just sat looking at his commanding officer, the BEST commanding officer he had ever had the privilege to serve with and one of his best friends. Lorne had to wonder what the heck was going on, what could make the guy this nervous?

"Alright Evan...I...I'm uh...what I mean is...the reason Rowan and I had a falling out was because she thought the Air Force couldn't make me happy." John paused for a second.

"What? Oh come on sir, you're the best pilot I've ever seen! You were meant to fly! How can she not see that?! I mean, OK, I get it the Air Force isn't exactly-"

John cut him off "No, Lorne. It's not like that. She was right in a way. The Air Force can't make me happy, not when it comes to some things."

"What are you talking about Sheppard?"

John looked him directly in the eyes and said "Don't ask me, because I can't tell you."

Time pretty much stopped for 3 secs for Evan Lorne.

"FUCK."

With a straight face, John said, "No thanks Lorne, you're not really my type."

"FUCK."

"Still not my type Evan. You OK? Evan?"

Evan just sat there for 5 more secs. "Fuckin' A sir."

"Is that all you're gonna say Evan?"

Lorne looked up at him and said, "Does this mean Teyla's single?"

John burst out laughing. Even though he knew Lorne would be OK with his news, he still had been nervous.

"As for as I know Lorne, Yes."

Lorne was still shaking his head. "I can't believe it. I mean, I dont care- of course- but I REALLY did not see that one coming. You know most the base thinks you and Teyla are secretly pining for each other don't you?"

"Really? Huh. Now she is DEFINITELY not my type." John said.

Lorne busted out a loud laugh, "Ha! I guess not sir. So who IS yoour type?" he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Sheppard laughed, "Took me 25 years to come out Lorne, its gonna take at least a year until I have that conversation with you!"

Lorne stood up laughing and shaking his head. "Oh well. I guess Parrish really will win the bet. The gossip will die down in a few weeks."

He continued, "And sir? Thanks for 'not' telling me. I'm honored. Really. And I'm glad you and Rowan are working things out...and I hope that...I hope that what she thought isn't true. We all deserve happiness sir. In any way, shape, or form."

John was truly touched. "Thank you. Thank you very much Lorne." That really couldn't have gone any better thought John.

Before he turned in for the night Sheppard had one last stop. Rodney had told him how Jennifer had discreetly helped calm him down/knocked him out, so he figured he owed her an explanation of sorts.

He met her just as she was finishing up her duties for the night and was typing up the last of her notes in the lab.

"Hey doc" he said sheepishly.

"Why Colonel Sheppard, I must say, you look very much improved since the last time I saw you!"

John grimaced and said, "in no small part to you doc. I didn't realize how worn out I was. I, uh, I can't thank you enough for your discretion. Really. Thank you."

Jennifer looked him over quickly with her trained physicians eye and determined that he really did seem to have turned around 180 degrees. But she also knew that sort of panic attack didn't just come from being 'worn out'.

Weighing her words carefully Jennifer took a moment before asking "John, is there anything I can do to help?"

John was thankful for all the questions she wasn't asking. He genuinely thought about her offer and truthfully replied, "Right now, my sister and I repairing our relationship is the best therapy I could possible have."

Jennifer smiled, "I'm VERY glad to hear that Colonel, but Carson and I are always here if you need us. Now scoot, I'm sure you still need to get more rest."

The next few weeks were a blur. Colonel Sheppard and his sister were able to spend a few evenings together catching up, but the Pegasus galaxy was never one to be idle. SGA-1 went out on three 'new contact' missions. And of course, none of them were cakewalks.

Their first mission, which was just the next day after John and Rowan had begun speaking to each other again, ended up being another mission ending on a dark note. They had arranged to visit a village that the Athosians had traded with in the past, but hadn't for many, many, years. One month previously Teyla had gone on ahead and met with the town leader to arrange the meeting. It was apparently a very private and fearful society known as the Lugarians. Hogarth, the community leader had seemed receptive enough and remembered hearing about the Athosians from his grandparents, and of course, who wouldn't like Teyla? A meet and greet and special dinner was arranged for the following month. That morning Atlantis had sent another MALP through the gate to PX7-899/the Lugarians and no hostiles or other environmental hazards were detected so the team went on through. After walking the short distance from the gate to the town, they knew immediately that the Wraith had been there first, and not long previously. The whole team, Colonel Sheppard, Teyla, Ronan, and Rodney went on high alert- it was always possible a dart or two lingered searching out the last survivors. Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be any. The team spent the morning searching the forests and town for any survivors, but it seems the wraith were very thorough.

They returned to the city a team defeated. John went down to the labs and found Rowan. She knew immediately that he mission didn't go well- John relayed what had happened.

[They were gone. The wraith got there first. No survivors.] John sank glumly down onto a lab bench.

This was the first time that Rowan had heard about a real encounter with the wraith. She had only read about them so far. And being holed up in the labs all the time created a sort of disconnect for her. She didn't know what to say.

[Isn't the first time we've encountered an empty town, and it won't be the last. But damn. Teyla said this Hogarth guy was nice. That we would've gotten along great.]

Rowan asked [is there any point in looking for the hive ship that did this? Can an extraction be attempted?]

John shook his head. [No. A hive ship is nothing to go looking for. Right now, they don't where Atlantis is. And we need to keep it that way. We just have to move on and hope that next time we'll be there to help.]

Rowan let John sit in her lab for the rest of the day and they played with ancient technology until the late hours of the night.

The next week brought another hell of a mission. An address from the Ancient database was marked *of interest* by a Dr. Malvin - one of the botanists. Apparently an Ancient scientist had noted a moss that was found on planet PXY-654 and that his (or her) experiments led them to believe it could stimulate bone growth- but the rest of the Ancient's notes were lost in the data degradation that was rampant throughout the database. Carson, Keller and Malvin all agreed that such an plant or plant extract would be invaluable to the Atlantis Mission. So after a meeting that seemed to last for 7 hours but probably only lasted 15 min, it was concluded they would go. So another MALP was sent through. It was a planet with a devastating amount of ozone radiation so everyone had to be outfitted in radiation protection gear. Adding to that taking along three botanists and it was a slow slog of death through a miserable rainforest for NINE hours. Eventually one tiny (microscopic) sample of the moss was found and a weary (but intact) team returned through the gate. The botanists and Drs. were thrilled however, so there's that to consider.

John spent the night in Rowan's lab watching her run simulations.

The third planet, which was SUPPOSED to be uninhabited and a possible abandoned ancient outpost/lab, was in fact, NOT uninhabited. Instead, the team were mistaken for Genii and had to spend hours locked in deep underground cells convincing the local population of mole-people that they were in fact, not Genii. Apparently, the Porthans (as they liked to be known) did occasionally send out 'scouts' to other planets for trading purposes and the descriptions of Genii pretty much fit the Lanteans as well. It took hours for Teyla to convince their military leader that they were not Genii, but peaceful traders and had no interest in stealing their resources or weapons.

In the end it was decided that both peoples could learn something from the other (gaining subterranean agricultural knowledge for the Porthan's; and access to a hidden underground Ancient facility for the Lanteans) and another meeting was arranged, under better circumstances, for another day.

SGA-1 returned to the City with huge headaches from being underground all day.

It was this night, after the third terrible mission in a row, that found John, Teyla, Ronan and Rodney enjoying a much deserved movie night.

"So Rodney, how'r things going with Keller?" asked John as everyone was settling in.

They were gathered in Teyla's rooms, which was custom, as it had giant throw pillows and candles and stuff, and was always clean and smelled nice.

It was Ronan who replied "He hasn't even asked her out yet."

"You're gonna have to make a move soon buddy, I think I saw Malvin making eyes at her on the last mission in the rainforest. Even through the radiation suits, I could see little tweety birds around his head." said John.

Rodney was loading up the movie. It was Ronan's night to choose so they were watching Die Hard again. He quickly stopped and turned around, "WHAT?! He was? That snake! That reptile! That, that...jerk! Really? Oh man, he's really tall too. Did she seem interested?"

Teyla gently said, "I think, Rodney, Colonel Sheppard is 'pulling your chain'"

"Oh har! har! Sheppard. I'm gonna do it. I will. I mean, I want to...but come on, girls like her..."

Ronan surprised everyone by saying, "What about her? Don't sell yourself short McKay."

"Oh come on, you know what I mean. Beautiful girls like that never end up with the geek." Rodney didn't seem to have much confidence in himself.

"You know she has a soft spot for you Rodney. You should make an effort. I'm sure you have very much in common," encouraged Teyla.

"Oh yeah, like what? I never stop talking and she's so quite. She' so pretty and I'm not exactly Mr. Universe here. She seems so...I dunno... delicate and I'm like a bull in a china shop...I dunno, I don't think she'd be interested in someone like me."

"Hey, McKay, you should let her decide that. What do you have to lose? C'mon!" John said.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it guys. I'll do it. Geesh! Leave me alone now!" Rodney shot back testily, but inside he was happy his friends were encouraging him. He didn't think he'd have the courage to try and get to know Jennifer Keller better if he didn't have his friends.

"Hey guys, you mind if I invite Rowan to movie night?" John asked.

A chorus of "No, of course not! and Go ahead man and Sure!" greeted him.

"Cool." John touched his radio and said, "Sheppard to Sheppard", he side whispered to his team, "Rodney keyed her tablet into the Atlantic speaker system, and it can send and receive messages." He said after noting Ronan and Teyla looking at him like an idiot, trying to page Rowan over the comms.

They only heard the Colonel's side of the conversation- "Rowan, join us for movie night... Yeah now. ...Teyla's quarters. Hey bring me a coffee ok? Yeah. OK."

"She'll be here in 15 minutes, go ahead and start the movie." John said.

"Thanks Rodney, for setting that up. The robotic voice sounds...suspiciously like you, but other than that, it seems to be reading the texts just great."

"Hey no problem," McKay responded, his mouth full of popcorn.

Everyone settled in to watch the movie. Rodney was feeling a little nervous about Sheppard's sister joining in, he didn't mind of course, it was just that her presence still made him a little uncomfortable. She was so weird! Well, maybe with John here, he'd be able to get to know her better. When they were at work in the labs together (which was about once a week) they pretty much just talked WORK...so he didn't know what she was really like.

Teyla was very pleased that John had invited his sister, she was very curious and wanted to get to know her better. Teyla also had to admit to herself that she was curious to find out more about the man John had (or does still?) loved, maybe Rowan could tell her about him, if John didn't mind.

Ronan was still trying to figure out what he thought of Sheppard's sister. He'd never seen anything like her. He actually hadn't had any REAL conversations or anything with her yet, just introductions. But he was willing to try. He never met any twins before and wanted to know if she was like her brother. He could tell she was just as stubborn and brave...he wondered what else she was like.

A few minutes later Rowan arrived. Like most days she was wearing her tight, black, shredded clothing, but she wasn't wearing as much jewelry or makeup. Ronan noticed that she almost always had the same metal studs and stuff on her face, but her jewelry, collars, braces and various chains changed from day to day. Tonight she wasn't wearing any other stuff save the face piercings. Her hair was growing out, so it wasn't spiky anymore, but it still looked untamed and her face was almost free from makeup. She looked more relaxed- not as much like some caged animal ready to pounce, and still beautiful Ronan decided. He was seated on a cushion against the wall next to a low futon that Teyla and John were sprawled on. Rodney was sitting at a small table facing the computer screen they were streaming the movie on. He moved it so everyone could see.

Rowan surveyed the room and decided to sit on the floor on another cushion next to Ronan and on the side of the futon John was on. John got up and went to the computer. He paused the movie and put the captioning on. "This will put the words on the screen so Ro can read along." He explained to Teyla and Ronan.

[Die Hard OK? Ronan picked.] John finger spelled R-o-n-a-n and pointed to him.

[Sure, this is a great movie.] She turned to Ronan and Teyla, and touched their arms to get their attention.

Ronan turned away from Hans Gruber on the screen and looked at Rowan.

[Would you, Dr. McKay and Teyla like to learn some sign language?]

Ronan was at a loss, and not a little uncomfortable. "Uh. Sheppard?"

John leaned over to see and said, "Oh, she's asking if you guys want to learn ASL," he pointedly looked away.

Teyla exclaimed, "Oh yes! I have been wanting to as, but you have been so busy, I did not want to impose on either you or John."

John spoke up, "That would amazing guys, I, I uh... I didn't want to makeyou guys or anything, and I didn't want to ask, but that'd be great." He continued, "If Ro wants to she can teach you, or maybe Dr. Parrish? What do you think Rodney?"

Dr. McKay exasperatedly sighed, and said, "Ugh. Fine. Just so you know, I'm terrible with languages. Just awful. So don't blame me if this doesn't go well."

John, who had been translating for Rowan, beamed. As did his sister. The fact that John's friends were willing to learn ASL for her, meant a great deal.

John paused the movie and continued, "OK! Lesson 1-My name in sign is like this-" and he made the "J" with his little finger forming the swooping shape, while at the same time moving his hand from slightly to the side in front of him to just in front of and above his forehead. "It's a 'J' making the 'flying' sign".

Ronan and Teyla copied what Sheppard had done and Rowan smiled. [Perfect] she signed. Rodney accidentally smacked himself in the face.

Silently laughing, she turned her head to the screen and everyone settled in to watch the movie. During the course of the movie, John and Rowan would make a point of making a sign and showing to everyone. [movie] [cowboy] [gun] [dead] [surprise] [friends].

****I know there are probably plot holes big enough to drive a hive ship through...just please be nice and pretend you don't see them. and leave me a comment or suggestion! Thanks!