A/N Another update! Let me know what you think.
It's been a few weeks since the party and the agreement of the Soldiers marriage proposal. Since then we've both agreed on not telling anyone until after the baby is born. That way we can take it as it comes and figure out the rest along the way. Sitting on the couch in the lounge room, I flipped over another swatch of colour palettes. Tony had given me the go for gold speech and I'd asked Wanda if she could help me design the scheme for the nursery room.
I pointed to a blue tone and asked "What about this one?"
"Do you want to keep it one colour? We can always find a wallpaper with a design" nodding at the suggestion, I thought about it as I pulled over another catalogue showing some wallpapers. Flipping through, I can't decide what colour or whether or not I want a theme. I think I'll prefer something simple.
"I don't want a lot of blue, something soft and warm"
Sifting through the catalogue, I found a tree like design that I liked with a few outlines of birds. Composing a few idea's with Wanda, I agreed on a warm cream coloured wall with a slightly dark brown shade to make the tree design in the middle. So far it looks quite nice. Sophisticated but simple, which is what I wanted.
Grabbing a couple of salted peanuts that I'd poured into a bowel for snacks, I sat back on the couch to get comfortable. A sudden wave of fatigue struck me "Now that we have that sorted, there's something else" looking over at Wanda, I raised an eyebrow.
"A name" she stated simply. The crunch of peanuts halted and I nodded. She's right, I need to start thinking of names now that I know the gender "Have you thought of any?"
"No" I replied.
In truth, the subject hadn't crossed my mind. Quickly thinking back to my heritage, I thought of all the Russian names but none of them struck my fancy. American names are all too original and the same. I wanted something normal but old at the same time. Maybe I should name him after his father, James. I shook my head. That'll be too confusing. Sighing, I can't think of anything at this point in time. I'm sure it'll come to me though.
"I'll have to keep thinking of one" I said "I can't decide just yet"
"If only it were a girl" spoke the Sokovian with a jest "Wanda is a beautiful name" laughing alongside her, I suddenly stopped with a sharp gasp "What is it? What's wrong?" asked Wanda with panic in her voice.
Hurriedly grabbing her hand, I placed it over the bump "Feel" I said "He's kicking" I watched as Wanda's face morphed from worry to astonishment and I can't help but chuckle. Hearing the front door open, the Soldier walked in holding a medium sized cardboard box. Turning, we both looked at him and Wanda gave a cough before pulling her hand away and standing up.
"I should be going" announced the brunette with a smile as I walked her to the door "Let me know about your decision"
"I will and thank you for the help"
"Anytime" giving a small wave, I closed the door and headed over to the kitchen bench where the Soldier stood sifting through the mystery box of things.
"What's that?" I asked "Did you buy something?" I peeked inside to see baby things.
"Stark gave it to me. Apparently Barton doesn't need it anymore. He said we can have them since it's a boy and everything" plucking out several clothes, they all look fairly new. Searching through the box there's all sorts of things in there, including; more bottles, plates and bed covers. Heaving a sigh, the Soldier looked over to the pile of gifts stored in the corner of the apartment "You're going to have to move into my room. We need a place to put all this and there's only two rooms"
"Now?"
He nodded "The sooner you move the sooner you can start decorating. Speaking of which, have you decided on anything yet?" grabbing the magazine and booklets I showed him "Looks good. I was hoping you wouldn't go all out with the blue"
"You could have joined us" I replied suggestively. I'm sure I can squeeze in any requests he might have. It would be nice for him to choose a few things.
"I don't think so" he said with a light shake of his head "I'm leaving that all up to you" grabbing the box full of things, he made his way down the hall to put them in my room "I'll get Steve to help me move all the stuff we don't need from your room tomorrow"
Nodding my head even though the Soldier can't see, I turned and grabbed a glass from the cupboard. Filling it up with some water I took a large gulp. Rubbing my stomach, I groaned slightly as I felt the baby kick harder than normal. Breathing in a large breath, I creased my brow. A warm hand suddenly rested on my lower back.
"I'm okay" I said "He's just kicking again. I'm going to go rest for a few hours" nodding in agreement, I stumbled off to my room and tucked myself under the comfy sheets.
Tossing and turning.
Hearing a loud grunted scream, I soon realised the noise had come from me. My throat has gone dry and raw as I held my breath and pushed with all my might. Clutching the sides of the bed, I looked down at my naked stomach. My eyes went wide as I saw the baby moving inside of my swollen belly. It looks horrifying, as if it's going to burst from me at any moment.
Looking around, the room is dark besides the beaming white light from above. Instead of being on a gurney like the last dream, I'm lying down on a bed; similar to the cots we were given to sleep on in the Facility. Pushing again, a warm breath brisked past my right ear and a tall muscular figure clad in a familiar black uniform appeared in site.
Walking down the length of the bed to stop at the end, the Soldier spoke "Разве это не красиво" (Isn't it beautiful). Thrusting my head back, I clutched the fabric sheets under my hands as tight as I could. The pain rippled through me like a raging fire and I let out another scream. I don't want to do this. I want to wake up.
"Get it out of me" I begged as the baby shifted inside of my womb. Panting, my chest rose and fell at a fast rate. I can feel something but I don't know what. It's as if the baby is trying to claw its way out of me, as if it's going to die if it doesn't "Get it out!"
I can hear my flesh tear and a sudden emptiness took over me. The baby had slipped out of my body and it's finally over. Looking down at my stomach, the largess flattened only a little "Яблоко от яблони" (Like father like son) the Soldier said.
Briefly looking at him, he held a bundle in his arms; wrapped in bloodied blanket. My eyes fluttered closed. I don't want to see anymore. I just want this nightmare to stop. I want to leave this place. Opening my eyes, I turned my head to see a young boy standing by my bedside. He's a mirror image of the Soldier, with blue eyes and dark brown hair. Standing behind the boy, the Soldier stared down at me..
"Вот увидишь" (You'll see)
Gasping, my eyes snapped wide open. Searching around in the darkness of my room, I reached over to flick the light switch on. I must have slept longer than I thought. Wandering my eyes around the dimly lit space, I sat up against the headboard of my bed. Glancing down at my stomach, my hand rest on the bump protectively while wiping the sheen of sweat from my brow.
I thought the nightmares had gone away. I haven't had one for a month. Now that I'm getting close to my due date, I suppose they've come back. I can never understand what there about. As soon as I wake it clears from my mind and I'm left with just ghostly traces of the memory. Apart of me thinks that maybe I'm frightened about becoming a parent, but then the darker side takes over. It tells me that I'm more frightened of what this baby will turn out to be – just like its father.
A killer.
I knew from the very moment I'd been told, that this child will never be normal. He'll always be different somehow and it scares me not knowing in what way. I want him to lead a normal life and I want him to have friends. I'm going to try my best to give him all of those things, but I wonder if my efforts will be enough.
Pushing the clinging sheets from my skin, I got out of the bed and headed into the bathroom. Turning on the faucet for the bathtub, I added some soap before undressing. Settling in once the water is nice and high, I hummed with relief at the envelopment of warmth. Tying my hair up and out of the way, a few strands fell down to soak up the water as I slid further down; the water levelling with my shoulders.
Blowing at the thick layer of white bubbles, I swirled them around with my hands while humming a small tune. Tilting my head to the side, I continued to hum when my mind slowly began to drift asleep. Falling into a black void, I lowered further into the water until I'd gone completely under. I don't know how long it was until a hand suddenly pulled me from the tub with some force. Chocking from the fluid in my lungs, I heard the bellowing voice of the Soldier.
"Jesus Christ" he said as I wiped my face "What the hell were you doing?"
Coughing, I sucked in a breath before leaning back with a sigh. Glancing at the Soldier, I eventually asked "How did you know I was in here?"
"You stopped humming. I thought I'd check, and here you are drowning" he said with a gesture before adding "From now on, no more baths. You need to be more careful Katya"
"I know"
Releasing my death grip on his sleeve, I sat further up "Come on. I'll help you" frowning, I didn't make a move to leave the tub "What's wrong?" he asked, but I didn't reply "It's only me. Come on. The waters cold and you'll get sick if you just sit here"
Grabbing my upper arm, he gently pulled me out of the tub. Stepping out onto the tiled floor, a towel was wrapped around my shoulders. Opening the door, the Solder nudged me out while he cleaned the puddled bathroom. Drying myself off and getting dress, I made my way out to the kitchen. Heaving myself up, I sat on one of the stools.
When the Soldier came back out, I spoke up "Thank you, for saving me"
I watched as he finished making dinner, a simple meal of pasta "Don't worry about it" reaching into one of the draw, he unscrewed the lid off of a small white bottle before handing me a pill and glass of water "Bottoms up"
Quickly swallowing the supplement, I hated the after taste of iron. But since I can't stomach beef, I don't have much of a choice. After making sure I'd taken it, the Soldier handed me my bowel of dinner and we ate while watching television.