A/N Another update! Let me know what you think.
It's been another month.
At first I was surprised that the Soldier had agreed to my offer of going to Lamaze. I think it's partially due to the further research and consultation of the doctor that got him on board. Since then he's been taking me twice every week for half an hour each session. So far I'm learning a few new things and it's nice to have an excuse to leave the Tower. The practice is also quite relaxing and the Soldier picked up on it quickly, compared to the other men in the class.
"Breath in, slow and deep" spoke the middle aged woman as she stood at the front, a calm and tranquil tone laced with every word. With curly black hair and green eyes, I can see the signs of aging along her skin and the small wrinkles.
Sitting on the yoga mat we'd bought with us, I'd been positioned between the Soldiers bent legs. Clutching his hands either side, he'd been forced to wear a thinner jumped and gloves to cover us his metal arm. I suppose that's just life from now on. I remember he'd let the fact slip when we were living in the house, but now that there's more eyes around us he's being more cautious.
Following the woman's instruction, I breathed in deep and slow before exhaling in time with the instructor. A giggle of laughter on my left caught my attention. A young couple nipped around each other before she told him to stop with a grin. Of course there'd been a few bumps with my idea of Lamaze. The main ones being the odd looks we received on the first day, and the fact that the place the classes are held in is almost two hours away from the Tower.
"Now, I want you to focus on something you find peaceful" spoke the instructor "Picture something distracting"
Another giggle came from my left and I immediately thought they are distracting. Ignoring the two of them as much as possible, I closed my eyes and concentrated on finding some place pleasant before opening my eyes again. I pictured the garden back in Wakanda and all of its beautiful and exotic flowers.
"Good" she said while making her way around us "Gentlemen, this is your time to shine. I want you to place your hands on your partner's shoulders" the Soldiers hands shifted to the right place "In rhythmic motions, I want you to massage the nerves between her shoulder blades. Remember, we went over this last lesson"
Giving a nod of her head in encouragement, the Soldiers fingers worked away at my muscles. Relaxing, my body instantly began to relax nice and easy. It feels awfully good and my lips parted as I felt a sudden bout of drowsiness "You alright?" he asked. I nodded.
After a couple more minutes, the woman spoke up with a friendly smile and light clap of her hands "Alright, this concludes today's lesson. I hope you all learnt something valuable from today and remember, there's always time to do some more breathing exercises at home. Thanking you for coming and I'll see you all next week"
Nodding our head, the Soldier got up first before gently helping me from the floor. It feels like such a long way now. Handing me the water bottle, I took large sips as I'm always thirsty after the classes. Watching as he rolled up the mat, we headed out to the four-wheel drive. Chucking the mat into the backseat he helped me in the car before walking around to the driver's side.
Turning on the engine the radio sprung to life as we pulled out onto the main road. The radio man spoke "News reporting live from over the Valley. For those of you heading south on your way home from work, expect heavy delays along I-84. A severe car crash on the far left lane is currently being cleared away. So far there's no sign of movement along traffic. As always, please be cautious and drive safely"
Sighing, I changed the channel. This is the second time this week a major accident has occurred on the road. Staring ahead of me the Soldier turned left instead of right. I suppose were taking a backroad so we can avoid the traffic. Cruising down the road we pulled up at a red light. Pulling off his cap, he threw it on the backseat before running his fingers through his hair.
"Did you talk to Steve before we left?" I asked, just remembering that I'd asked the Soldier to talk to the man about our dinner plans for tonight. So far I'd invited the usual suspects and even Natasha, although I still haven't heard from her yet. Apparently she'd been away on a mission when we had the baby shower.
Since our talk in the elevator, I'd wondered if Natasha is trying to avoid me. She always keeps out of my road and barely ever speaks. At first I assumed it was only for the fact that I'd tried to kill her and we didn't have much business in talking to each other. I'd asked Steve and he'd told me not to worry about it, that she's a very reserved person; which I understand.
"Yeah, he'll be there" putting his foot on the gas, we turned a corner.
"Do you ever talk to Natasha?" I questioned curiously. Glancing down at my lap, I turned to look at him as he focused on driving "Has she ever said anything about me?"
"Why do you want to know? Did she say something to you?" the Soldiers gaze flickered over to me and I shook my head.
"That's what I mean. She barely acknowledges that I exist and when I try to talk to her she's always on missions or away. Did I do something wrong?" I asked sceptically. Maybe the Russian simply doesn't like me.
The Soldier sighed, his hands gripping the steering wheel "It's not that she doesn't like you. It's complicated" he replied "Me and Natasha, we've been through things together. No one knows except us. When she was still training in the red room I was there, just like when I was you in the Facility. Times had changed and I barely remembered who or where I was half the time. I –"
"You have feelings for you" I finished with a little shock.
"Not anymore" he added firmly.
Slumping in the chair a little, I feel rather uncomfortable with the situation. I would never have guessed, but I somehow still knew deep down there was something going on. It made me laugh a little. I'm round and big and she's someone older – better. I wonder all the time how this happened. How did I end up with the Soldier when I barely looked at him sideways in the Facility? Why didn't things work out between him and Romanoff?
"What happened between me and her, it was a long time ago" he said "It wouldn't have worked. None of that matters any more – just you"
I tilted my head, my brows knitted together "Why did you come back for me?" I questioned "After all those years you should have forgotten. You should have moved on" adjusting my position, my stomach is starting to become a little sore.
"I don't know" he replied "My brain was all over the place after I saved Steve. I started to remember things. I started to remember you. I don't know why, but you've always been important – important to me. The more I dug around, the more things I found and the more I knew that I needed to find you"
"You could have had a different life. If you had just left me, things would have been better for you"
"But I didn't and I don't regret it" taking another turn, I saw that we'd pulled into a gas station "Just need to get fuel. Won't be long" nodding, I sat in the passenger seat as he stood at the pump.
Clutching the side of the door handle, I shifted my position as the ache that had settled in my stomach turned to a dull pain. Taking a deep breath, I eventually got out of the car and walked around to the other side "I'm going to the bathroom" not waiting for a reply, I made my way over to the public toilets behind the gas station.
Stepping inside and closing the door, it stunk of chlorine filtered water and the usual smell of urine. Looking into the mirror, I rested the palm of my hands against the sink. A sharp pain struck my stomach and I gripped the ceramic basin with a tight grip. Groaning, I saw a sheen of sweat quickly forming on my forehead. Breathing in slowly like in Lamaze, I thought maybe it would help.
Slowly the ache began to ebb away and I straightened my body. I should head back to the car, the Soldiers probably waiting for me. Turning to reach for the handle, I was about to twist when a wet rush of liquid dribbled down my leg to pool onto the floor. Looking down wide eyed, my pants are soaked and the clear fluid is still trickling down.
Staring down at it, it didn't smell like urine and it didn't have a yellow tinge to it at all. I jolted at the sound of a knock on the bathroom door "Hold on, I'll be out in a minute" I called whilst looking around for something to clean up the mess and cover myself.
"Katya?" came the voice of the Soldier. Breathing a sigh of relief, I swung the door open and he stood on the other side. Pausing, his grey eyes looked me all over for any problem until he spotted my soaked pants and puddle "Come on" he said with a firm tone. Clutching my arm, he gently guided me to the car he'd parked around closer to the toilets.
"What happened?" I asked as he opened the door. Another sharp pain in my abdomen caused me to suck in a breath with a wince.
"You're water broke" he replied "I need to get you to a hospital"
Easing me into the car, I shook my head "It's too far away. Where out of town and it'll take too long to get to Starks"
Placing my hands on my knees, my legs are slightly parted as I breathed. It's nothing like how it is in class. I'm finding it hard to control anything. Trying to hold in the whines and whimpers, I couldn't help the few that would slip "Alright, just hold on" he said before rounding the car and getting in.
Driving for what seemed like hours, we'd eventually pulled into the parking lot of a hotel. Getting out, he opened my door and helped me out. Walking me up the stairs I became confused as he unlocked a room and nudged me inside.
"Why are we here?" I asked with a tremble in my voice.
"We thought it would be a good idea to have a place to go if this sort of thing happened. Turned out not to be a bad idea" he said with a huff. Moving me over to the bed, I sat down on the edge while he knelt in front of me. Taking my shoes off, the Soldier undid the button of my pants "Lay down" doing as he said, he pulled my pants off.
Getting up from the floor and taking his phone out, he dialled a number. I heard him mumbling on the phone to someone else. Moving around the apartment room, he collected some towels before coming back "Alright" he said. Putting the phone down on the bed, he turned the loud speaker on and a familiar voice echoed out.
"Katya?" called Cho.
"Yeah" I muttered loud enough for her to hear. My fingers clutched the bed sheets.
"We can't reach you right now but there's people on their way. I'm going to talk with James and we'll figure out how were going to do this"
"Alright" I replied.
"Don't worry, you're in good hands. He knows what he's doing and I'll be right there" before I had time to retort the fact, another contraction hit me and I groaned. I don't care at this point.
"Please, just get it out" I pleased. I can feel him moving inside me. I feel like he might tear me apart. Everything from the waist down is burning with fiery pain.
"Just breathe" spoke Cho with a calm tone.
I wanted to scream a string of curses but I held it in. I know she's only trying to help me. Closing my eyes I focused on the something calming, something that will make me forget. But all that's flashing in my mind are the nightmares and I shook my head. I can't think about that now – not now.
"I need you to check if she's dilated" ignoring her voice, I gasped when I felt the Soldiers fingers pushing up inside of me. My eyes snapped open and I glared at the man kneeling at the foot of the bed. Taking them out, he spoke to the doctor while placing towels around and underneath me "Katya, the babies coming a lot faster than we'd like. It's going to take another hour for us to reach you"
"What are you saying? You're not going to make it?" I asked frantically. Staring at the phone as if it were the doctor herself, I couldn't believe this "I can wait. It's fine"
"This can't wait any longer than the baby allows. You need to listen to me" she said "Your cervix is dilating at an abnormal rate. In another few minutes you're going to be ready to push. When that's happens James will be right there with you"
Another contraction struck my groin and belly and I groaned. Resting my head back against the pillow, I willed myself through the pain as the Soldier stood to keep a firm eye on me "Alright"
Standing around the room, minute by minute went past and I wondered for each second how they couldn't be here by now. Getting off of the bed some time ago, I'm now pacing around while trying to control my breathing. Taking a sip of water, I put the cup down and whimpered as a longer more painful spasm crippled my body.
Looking up, the Soldier stood staring at his watch "Alright, you need to get back on the bed"
Doing as he instructed, I rested down against the pillows to give me support. Angling my knees, my body began to shake and I'm filled with dread. Wiping away the sweat from my brow, I glanced up at the roof. There's nothing here to comfort me except for him – the Soldier. This is it. Now the real work begins.
A fleeting moment passed the baby shifted inside of me and a stinging pain burned my crotch. Instead of trying to fight the contraction and seize up, my body is telling me to push instead; as if it were a foreign object that I needed to get rid of. A brush of fabric touched my thighs and I looked down to see the Soldier kneeling at the foot of the bed.
"You have to start pushing now" he said "Ready, one, two, three – push" my voice trembled and crackled as I whined loudly. The burning became awful and almost unbearable as I stretched. Tears streaked down my cheek and I can't hold it in. Pushing again, my lungs are heavy and my insides hurt.
"I can't do it" I cried "Please, just get it out of me"
"You can't stop. You have to keep going. Come on – push" he replied firmly.
My body ripped and teared like knifes splicing me open. I can feel him moving, the warmth of his little body creeping out from my belly and down. It's gone numb but I still feel everything. Sucking in a breath, my fingernails dug red indents into my palms. My mouth tastes like pennies as I bit my lip and tongue amidst all of my screaming.
"You're doing great" I can barely hear his voice.
Pressing the souls of my feet into the mattress, I pushed again before slumping down. Darkness is creeping into the corners of my eyes and I feel so incredibly tired "Katya?" he called after I stopped pushing. It hurts more to do nothing "You're almost there" lacing his cold metal fingers with mine, I jolted a little "One more time"
Lying there limp and fatigued, all I can see is flashes of thought and images. I'm having a baby and in a few more minutes I'll be made a mother. A rush of emotions surged through me, waking me up. I can feel my hair sticking to my skin. Leaning up on my elbows, I took a deep breath in before giving one hard squeeze.
Screaming, I thought the sound was my own until I recognised the high pitched tone and hiccup. An emptiness filled me and the pain in my groin and belly dialled down. Wailing into the room, I peeked down through the gap of my parted thighs to see the Soldier holding a twitching bundle in his arms – a beautiful baby boy.
Lowering myself down to rest against the pillows, my legs shook before collapsing to the side. I feel exhausted. Struggling to keep my eyes open, I listened to the cries of the baby as the Soldier got up from the floor to carry him over. With sheer force of will, I sat up with a wince before he handed me the towel wrapped infant. Resting him against my chest, the little boy latched his toothless mouth around my breast for milk and the crying stopped.
His tiny face is smooth and beautiful with a cute nose, wisps of dark brown hair, small fingers and toes and most importantly, his shocking eyes. He has his father's eyes. Even now when he's so young the two look so completely alike "Johnathan James Barnes" I said "That's his name"
"I like it" agreed the Soldier as he knelt by the side of the bed.
Turning my gaze to him, I admitted the heart filled truth "I love you, James"