A/N: I'm so sorry for the super late update! I couldn't write anything since I had to do a lot of school exams and then left for a trip to Bali last week (have you been there? It's beautiful!) and then right when I want to finish the chapter and upload it, my laptop just broke down! Thankfully yesterday my dad got it repaired and I finally continued this chapter as soon as possible… and ta-da! I hope this one's not too disappointing :)

And my apologies for any errors—I'm trying to do the best here haha. Oh and warning: there will be some "dirty" languages in this chapter. I hope you don't mind since the rating is T...

Disclaimer: I don't own The Hunger Games trilogy or the movie(s); if I did Catching Fire would be released this week instead of next year -_-

But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream
"The worst things in life come free to us..."

"The A Team" - Ed Sheeran

"Good morning, Sunshine," Effie greets me at the dining table. I just give her a smile and a brief nod, and then I take a seat across her. "How was your sleep?"

"Good," I say. The truth is, it wasn't. I had a lot of horrible nightmares in one night, like it never ended. Once it stopped, another one came, and so on. I ended up waking up at three in the morning, and never went back to sleep... which explains the dark circle and the bags under my eyes.

Awkward silence fills the entire room as I start eating my breakfast that's already sitting before me. A bowl of soup. I take a spoonful and "sniff" it—chicken cream soup. I bring my gaze to scan the whole table, and my hand unconsciously reach out for a bread when I stop dead on my track. Bread. I jerk my hand away as if I just touched fire and start busying my mind with another things while I continue to eat the soup; like Haymitch's absence—not that it's surprising—he's probably dead drunk in his room. Again. Effie clears her throat. "We're arriving at District 12 in thirty minutes."

I gulp down the warm soup and let it burn my throat—it is way too warm, but it's good because it's distracting my mind—and I drop my spoon. "Good."

Does it make me a bad person that I don't want to see Prim? I mean—I do, but I don't want her to see me. She must hate me so much right now, because I do. And I think I'm not ready to see anyone from home. It just hurts, coming back home alone.

The bread stares at me, burning holes in my face. Memories of the boy and the bread he tossed me in the rain to save my life come rushing back at me again, and I don't think I can take it anymore. Not even this tongue-burning hot soup can distract me anymore. I take the cloth on the table to wipe my mouth, and then I stand up to go back to my room.

"Where are you going, Katniss? You haven't even finished your appetizer," Effie calls out to me, but I just shake my head and leave.

I run back to my room and slam the door behind me. When I glance up—surprise, surprise—Peeta is sitting on the edge of my bed. Actually, he's been around since two days ago when I went back to my room, drunk. He always shows up everyday—sometimes when I wake up from sleep, sometimes when I'm going to sleep, and sometimes he just randomly pops out of nowhere. But I don't complain. It feels good to have a company, someone I'm comfortable with, whatever they actually are.

"Hey," he says.

"Hi," I mumble, and take a seat beside him.

"I thought you were having breakfast."

I shrug, "I was."

He stands up and sigh, and kneels down in front of me. "What now?"

I bite my lower lip, and then throw my head back and sigh as loudly as he did. "I'm just not ready to go back. They hate me."

"You don't know that."

"Why wouldn't they hate me? I'm a monster," I mutter in a childish tone, huffing and pouting and then I lay on my back and stare up at the ceiling.

"Don't say that," he says firmly as he moves to lay down beside me, and then continues quietly. "They won't hate you. They would understand."

"They wouldn't, Peeta," I mumble. "They don't know how I felt, they don't know how it feels to be a tribute, and coming back home as a victor, alive and well, while twenty three others are gone. Forever. They won't get it."

"That's the point. They don't know you; if they couldn't understand how you feel, then they wouldn't judge you, even hate you."

"But I killed, Peeta," I whisper. "My hands are dirty. I'm a murderer. I don't want Prim to come and hug a murderer."

He looks at me, so I turn my head to him. Even now that he's dead, his eyes haven't changed. They're still blue, so blue that seeing them is like staring at the sky. "But you're still her sister. You promised her you would come home, and you did. You're here, just a few minutes away from home. That's all that matters to her."

I bite my lip and finally nod. "Okay."

He smiles and then turn his head away to stare up at the ceiling again. I do the same.

But my fears haven't all gone away, and I speak again. "But what if things go wrong? What about your parents?"

I haven't forgotten Mrs. Mellark and her angry, evil yell as she cursed Peeta for clumsily burning the bread. I hate her. And she must hate me now that I killed her son. What will happen, I don't know, but I'm sure it won't be good.

Peeta sighs and rubs his eyes. "Don't worry about my father." But I don't know about my mother, I can almost hear the voice in his head say.

"We're here!" Effie's excited voice gets me up from the bed and I head to the door. Before opening it, I turn to look at Peeta over my shoulder, and he's giving me a smile.

"It'll be okay."

I nod and smile half-heartedly, and then he's gone. I sigh and open the door, and Effie immediately drags me by my arm. Haymitch follows behind, half-drunk, or maybe totally drunk, I can't tell and I don't really care. But at least he's not stumbling and he smells less disgusting.

When I step out of the train, I am surprised by how many people are waiting for me at the station. I can't make out some of their faces, but what surprises me more is how excited they look to see me.

Nervously, I look around to see people that I actually know. I finally spot a blonde haired little girl that's making her way toward me with a blonde haired woman tailing behind her. It's Prim, and the woman is mom. Momentarily, the fear of them hating me comes back to me, making my stomach knot, but after seeing their faces, all the fears fade away.

When Prim finally sees me, she runs and jumps into my arms. I scoop her up in my tight hug and then I bend down, letting our mother to join. She wraps her arms around us and cries with Prim. Tears are threatening to fall from my eyes, but I try my best to hold them back.

"I miss you, Katniss," Prim says.

"I miss you too, you don't know how much I've missed you," I hug them both tighter and finally let go. I turn to see mom, still with her fresh tears running down her cheek, and I wipe them away with my thumb. She leans to put both her hands on my cheek, cupping my face in her hands, and her tired blue eyes stare into mine. Her lips are trembling and she can't say a word even though she wants to, so I just nod while I rest my hands on hers and squeeze them reassuringly.

I'm home.

We both finally let go when Prim turns to her right. I follow her gaze and my breath catches in my throat.

Gale.

His face aren't giving out much of his emotions, but I can tell from his eyes and the slight movement of the edge of his lips that at least he's happy to see me. He silently just hug me there, without a word, just lets the heat radiates from his body to mine, and then he lets go.

"Welcome back, Catnip," he whispers as he kisses my temple.

Behind him are Hazelle Hawthorne and her three other children: Rory, Vick and Posy. Rory gives me a nod and grins, Vick gives me a sheepish smile, and Posy smiles widely and hugs my leg, only to have her mother pick her up and she lets go of me. Hazelle gives me a pat on my shoulder softly and walks away with her kids to my family.

Right when I decide to follow The Hawthornes, I see Peeta's family—excluding Mrs. Mellark. They are standing not far away, but far enough from the crowd. I want to look away but I can't, and instead I catch Mr. Mellark's gaze. He's staring at me—thankfully the rest of his family aren't—and he smiles faintly at me, though the tears in his eyes are clear enough for me to see from the distance. He looks away to talk to his sons, and finally, I'm focused back at the crowd around me.

Not knowing what to do, I just vaguely nod at some of them and mumble my thanks and I go back to my family.

"I'm so glad you're home, Katniss," Prim says as I find my way to walk beside her.

"I'm so glad I'm home, too," was all I can manage to say. From afar, I can spot Madge and Mayor Undersee. Madge has her eyes on me while her father is more focused on the crowd of Capitol people that's "escorting" me today. Madge waves and gives me a wide smile and I surprise myself by grinning back at her.

I never realized how much I've missed Madge. Sure, we were never really "friends" like that—we didn't talk about boys, we didn't gossip around, we didn't really hang out outside of school; all we did was sit together at the lunch table in silence. We rarely talked, but we always enjoyed each other's company, and I guess to me it was more than enough to have someone like her. And she's the only thing closest to a girl friend that I have anyway. Maybe she's actually my best friend—other than Gale, of course—after all.

And to ever see her again, I feel really, genuinely happy.

I focus back on my family and Gale's, and notice that Hazelle has just talked with my mother and turns to leave with the rest of her family.

"We'll see you later, Katniss. For now, you must be really tired," Hazelle says. I just nod and give her a slight smile as she leaves.

Gale is the last one to walk away. He hugs me once again and murmurs, "I'll see you later tonight."

After they left, I just realize that we're walking a different way. We're not walking out of the town, but—

"Where are we going, Prim?" I ask.

She looks up to me and grins, "To our new house, of course!"

"You guys have moved all of our stuff from the Seam?"

"Yeah! And you know what, Katniss? All the houses in the Victor's Village are huge! Mom and I went there yesterday and I bet you're going to love it."

My mind screams otherwise, but I smile at her anyway. "Of course, Little Duck."

We finally arrive there and Prim wasn't exaggerating when she said that the house was huge. It is huge and beautiful, and our house seems to have been repainted recently, judging by the color of the walls that seems fresher than the other eleven houses, and the smell of paint. I decide to look around the house before doing anything.

I expect the house to be empty, other than the stuffs Mom and Prim brought from our house in the Seam, but there are already furniture in the house. The furniture are new, but simple, unlike the most furniture you'd see in the Capitol, but yet very different than the ones people in this district have. These are the kinds of things that I never ever thought I could afford.

Right after you open the door, you'll be greeted by a white couch and cushions and a wooden table. Walk further inside, and you'll see the living room. There's a bigger couch there and a television, and there's also a bookshelf with a few books that were sent straight from the Capitol.

There's also a huge dining room next to the kitchen. The dining table is wide and circle-shaped with eight chairs circling around it. There's a few bottles in a glass cabinet near the table and I'm guessing they are filled with wine or probably other liquors which I will never drink. In the kitchen, there are a few electronic stuffs that I've never used or seen before. A big white refrigerator sits near the stove, already filled with some chopped but still raw meat and other foods, boxes of juices and milk, and a few fruits and vegetables and much more. Under the stove, I believe is an oven. There's also this thing that Prim calls a microwave, used mostly to reheat meals. The cabinets that are glued to the wall are also filled with a lot of things: the cabinets on the right side is filled with plates, bowls, glasses, empty bottles and jars; and the other one is filled with things like salt, pepper, sugar, some spices, a jar of black powder that Mom calls coffee and also a lighter one that I believe is chocolate, some canned food, and a lot of other edible things that I never knew existed.

That is a lot of food. More than all the food I've eaten in my entire life.

There is one bedroom downstairs, and three upstairs: one main bedroom for me, one for Mom, one for Prim, and one for the guests which is kind of smaller than the other bedrooms—but Prim will either sleep with me or Mom anyway so there will be at least two empty bedrooms in this house. In every bedroom except the guest's room downstairs, there's a bathroom. My bedroom is huge and there's no way to describe it.

In conclusion, this house is perfect, and that's why I hate it.

"Do you like it, Katniss?" Prim asks, sitting on the edge of my bed right beside me.

I just nod.

"Okay. I'll be downstairs with Mom if you need me," she replies and leaves my room.

Prim closes the door behind her and again I'm alone. But unsurprisingly, Peeta appears. He just calmly sits on the place where Prim did and he doesn't say anything.

"I guess it wasn't as bad as I'd expected," I say.

"Really?"

I stand up to lock the door and then look around the room, and then I stop in front of the bathroom door. "Yeah. They don't hate me—I mean, if they do, they didn't show it."

"Well, how do you feel?"

"I feel weird," I say as I turn the knob and walk in. "I mean, it feels nice to be back home. Prim was so excited and my mom tried her best to show that she still cares about me. Gale and his family were supportive. The other people seemed so welcoming. But it felt empty to me."

I stop right in front of a full-body mirror beside the closet. Peeta follows behind, and stops to stand right beside me. I look at the mirror and see myself, but not Peeta. When I turn to look at him, he's still there, standing next to me. I guess that's just his "thing" that I'll never understand.

"Why did you feel empty?" he asks softly.

I answer with a shaky whisper. "Something was missing. I shouldn't have come home alone." I blink back the tears that's already blurring my vision, but it only makes the tears fall down on my cheeks. I turn at him, not bothering to wipe my tears. "There were supposed to be two victors this year, Peeta. Me and you."

He sighs. "Come on, Katniss. We've talked about this."

"I know, but you're still gone."

"I'm not. I'm here."

I groan in frustration and storm out of the bathroom. I jump to my bed and cover my head with a pillow while the tears continue to fall. Why am I feeling like this? I really shouldn't have let myself get too attached to Peeta. I knew that love would only lead me to this kind of emptiness, just like what Mom felt when dad died. In the end, I would just be broken.

Love? Did I really love Peeta?

No. The only person that I'm sure I love is Prim. Only her. She's my world, and I'd do anything for her. And in fact, I did. But now why do I care so much about Peeta? He's dead. I've got nothing to do with him anymore. He shouldn't matter to me, but he does. And it hurts so much to think about him.

Why doesn't he just go away? Why does he have to come back, haunting me like this when all I want is to just forget him?

But deep inside, I know that I would never forget him even if he was really gone. He would just come into my nightmares, and every night when I close my eyes I would always remember the day he died, and how he died.

I try to stop thinking about him, but then suddenly I remember what President Snow said that night when I was crowned. I shall make sure that the fire you've caught is not going to burn the rest of us. What fire? What kind of fire did I catch, and who is "us"? What kind of damage have I done by staying alive? I wish I had just died instead—but if I died, I'd never know what would happen to Prim.

Why is every move that I make always wrong? I just want everything to stop.

Groaning again, I sit up and throw the pillow across the room. I see Peeta sitting at the corner of the room, his eyes locked on me, but I ignore him. Instead, I walk to the window and look outside.

Victor's Village is not so far from the town, so I still can see it a little bit. Haymitch's house is next to mine and even though I can only see a little bit of it from here, I know how messy and disgusting his house is. But I can clearly see the other house beside mine. It's empty, of course, and dirty because no one lives there, but it shouldn't be. That house is supposed to be Peeta's. He's supposed to be my neighbor, living right next door. But the rule had been cancelled. He's dead. He can't live there.

My thoughts are interrupted when suddenly I hear a noise coming from downstairs. I can hear a woman's yell—one that I'm familiar with but clearly not Mom's or Prim's voice because it sounds so evil and full of rage—and then the sound of something broken, thrown harshly to the floor, and then Prim's screams and Mom's cold voice telling that woman to leave.

But she doesn't. Instead, I hear the loud stomps on the stairs and then it stops right in front of my door. I can hear my mom telling Prim not to follow and to go find some help. My door is locked so all that woman can do is bang on my door. I move to the place where Peeta has just been—now he's disappeared—and slump in the corner. I pull my legs to my chest and hug them tightly, hoping that the woman would just leave. But instead of leaving, she screams and keeps pounding on my door.

"Natasha! Please leave this house, you're just making a scene!" I hear my mom say. For a moment, the pounding stops and I hear my mom's gasp just as something hits the floor. My mom doesn't say anything else then—what did she do to her?—and then the pounding continues. And now that she's so near, I can make out every words that she says very clearly.

"You son of a bitch! Come out from your room, don't be a coward! You've killed my son and you're gonna pay for it! Open the damn door, you Seam slut! I swear to god I will rip you off into pieces, or even blow you into bits like those poor miners! You know damn well you don't deserve to be alive!"

I hug my legs tighter as I finally realize whose voice it is. Right at that moment, the door finally cracks open and the woman barges in. She finds me at the corner and lunges at me.

The same woman I saw that night five years ago in the middle of the rain, the one who had left a red mark on Peeta's cheek right before he threw me the loaves of bread, puts her hand around my neck as she forces me to stand up, and smashes my head onto the wall. I close my eyes, and let Mrs. Mellark do whatever she wants to do to me.

A/N: uuuuh, cliffy. Sorry if you find this really short but I really need to end it right there. Anyways, tell me whatcha think :)