Chapter 7
An unexpected twist

9.55 a.m.(Eq. time NW Kansas)
I was driving down the long stretch of road. Man, this vacation in USA was not going well at all! All there was to eat here was fish 'N' chips, burgers and french fries. I set the car to auto-drive since the road remained relatively straight, and then took out my touchscreen phone. I had recently been obsessed with reading stories on the childhood show I loved so much: Courage the Cowardly Dog Show. Yeah, I know, it's an odd name for a kid's show, but hey, that's the whole joke. Well, this 'show' is about mysterious horrors that plague the farm that Courage lives in. He lives with an elderly old woman and a mean old man, if I remember correctly, are married. The man always bullies...
Alright, just go watch it and you'll understand. Anyway personally, I don't remember much else than that which was already mentioned. But to cut a long story short, I was in Kansas to see if like there was really a place called nowhere. I know it's silly but hey, who knows?
I came across a sign which said 'Nowhere, Kansas' on the road when I happened to look up from the wikipedia page on my phone. This couldn't be, could it? I looked straight ahead in astonishment. An entire town was situated where the road cut through. The faces I saw were familiar, as if I had seen them from somewhere. I continued down the road, as my new goal was not the town, but the farmhouse.
10.23 a.m.(Eq. time NW Kansas)
I heard pecking on my window. I tilted my head in a general upward direction to find a swarm of birds was descending on my car. I hastily turned on the window-wipers and accelerated at top speed. Anything odd Nowhere was experiencing would not bother me. I took out an (illegal) assault rifle and poked it out of the window which I wound down half-way. The birds decided to make a run for it. I could sympathise with them. If I saw a bespectacled nerd driving down the road in Nowhere holding an assault rifle, I would get worried too.
All of a sudden, all four wheels of my cars burst. I grumbled, "Stupid tyres burst." and got out of the car, still training the rifle on the birds swooping above. Another bird with a very awful fake French accent stepped from behind a tree, though judging by the sheer amount of fat on his body, I felt it impossible in the real world.
"Do you want le replace-ements for ze tyres?" the duck with a bow tie asked. I realised from my limited experience of the show that this was Le Quack. I glanced at the box labelled 'Tacks' in his 'palm' (more like wing), and thus concluded that he was the cause of the untimely misshap. I lowered my rifle from the sky to his face.
"Le quack! I know you are behind this!"
"How did you know my name?"
"I'm sure you would like some slugs in your stomach."
"They are a delicacy in my country."
I served him his just desserts with a plentiful amount of slugs. After this, he muttered, "How annoying!" I felt this to be odd until I saw that I had no bullets in the first place. Just when he produced his mallet out of thin air and cackled, I saw no alternative and just slammed his head with the long barrel of the rifle. He gave a wild laugh and I dug in his pockets (he was also wearing a jacket for some reason) and found a full set of tyres. How did he store them there? I took the toolbox out of the carboot and set about using an electric drill to settle the tyres.
I then set about taking more things from his pockets. An antique wristwatch, a namecard and some grub. I threw them all in the boot while I hauled the unimaginably heavy mallet into the car. Resting it on the passenger seat beside the driver's, I drove on. I was sure that the mallet could be put to good use.

P.s. Why am I in here? I just like to add unneeded variety to everything.