"Everyone get up. Now."

Boggs' voice booms through our camp. I hear some people shift as they get up but I stay as still as possible and so does Finnick, judging by the stillness at my feet.

Suddenly a weird smell attacks my nostrils and when I open my eyes I see toes much too close to my face.

"What the – "

"Boggs told us to get up," Gale says from above.

"I was going to! No need for you to push your damn smelly feet in my face! Go away!"

"Just wanted to see your reaction."

"Oh ha ha ha what a sense of humor you have there, Hawthorne. I'm dying of laughter."

He walks away from me towards Finnick. "Next," he says.

I smirk. "Yeah you do that. I've always wanted to see someone with a trident in his you-know-what."

Gale makes a face but plants his feet in front of Finnick's face nonetheless. Before he can even register what's happening, Finnick grabs Gale's ankles and yanks, making Gale fall onto his back on the ground.

"Told you," I say.

"Okay enough with the fun," Boggs interrupts. "You three and Katniss will shoot some propos. Go."

We do as we are told and we have fun shooting the propos because we get to shoot and let go of all our frustrations for a moment but soon we're bored and go back to camp. Once we get there, we notice the rest of our squad isn't bored at all. They're playing real or not real, a game invented by Boggs' sidekick to make Peeta remember things correctly.

Again, Jackson sets up some rotation so Peeta can ask everyone questions. Everyone has to form a pair which leaves one person alone. Finnick suggests I can join him and Mitchell.

Even though I'm supposed to answer Peeta's questions on his Games, I can barely keep my eyes open and eventually fall asleep. Finnick is smart, he can answer the questions.

"Should my feet wake her again?" I hear Gale saying.

"Don't even think about it," I mutter.

"That doesn't even sound dangerous," Katniss laughs.

I shrug while still lying down with my eyes shut. "Why do we have to get up now?"

"New propos. Coin and Plutarch want newer, better, grander," Finnick answers.

"You sound so much like Plutarch right now," I say between chuckles before I turn around and get up.

I spot Peeta getting ready too. "Peete, you're coming too?" I ask him.

"Yeah, Plutarch's orders. To show the Capitol that I'm on your side again."

"Good."

Everyone needs armor, even the television crew.

"Look at us," I shout enthusiastically. "Real soldiers!"

"Who would've thought. Fighting with knives and axes and tridents and spears one year, fighting with heavy guns the next," Finnick says, clearly equally excited.

"He gets a gun too?"

I turn around at Gale's voice to see Boggs handing Peeta a gun.

"It's loaded with blanks," Boggs clarifies and Gale visibly relaxes. He didn't really sound angry when he asked if Peeta got a gun too but there was still a hint of distrust. Guess he's slowly adapting to the fact that Peeta really is a member of the Star Squad.

"I'm not much of a shot anyway." He thanks Boggs for the gun but is clearly distracted by Pollux, one of the cameramen.

"You're an Avox, aren't you?" Peeta suddenly exclaims. "I can tell by the way you swallow. There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads. They'd been our servants in the Training Center, so they arrested them too. I watched them being tortured to death. She was lucky. They used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. It took days to finish him off. Beating, cutting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn't speak, he just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, you know? They just wanted me to see it."

Memories from my torture in the Capitol come flashing back. The more Peeta says the worse the images get, up to a point when I have to turn away and push my fists into my eye sockets. I remember them, the redheads. I saw them, saw her die, heard his screams (if you could call it that).

Apparently Peeta isn't sure about his memory, which is why he keeps asking if it's real or not real until Boggs tells him it is.

"I thought so. There was nothing…shiny about it," Peeta mutters and walks away.

I take a few good breaths before turning back to the group. Finnick shoots me a glance but I ignore it. Now is not the time for emotions.

Eventually everyone gets their acts together and we're ready for the propo. It feels weird to shoot it because we have to act and although I always acted in the Capitol, this is different. Katniss is a terrible actress but Mitchell is the worst. It's like he's trying to impersonate a bull ready to attack. Boggs tries to lecture us to pull it together but even he has to laugh when Finnick imitates Mitchell's acting.

"Okay, Four-Five-One. That's enough. Our five second laugh party can now come to an end," Boggs eventually says.

"Oh come on, Boggs. Live a little and give us an extra five minutes to laugh," Finnick grins.

Boggs seems to think about it and eventually gives us permission to laugh for an extra five seconds, a permission to ridiculous it sets everyone up for at least fifteen seconds of laughter.

"That's my commander!" Finnick exclaims, giving Boggs a playful push against his shoulder which makes him lose his balance.

Drops of blood come down on all of us when the bomb goes off and Boggs' legs are gone.

Finnick stumbles backwards in shock and suddenly another bomb goes off somewhere. A high-pitched scream that doesn't even sound like me comes out of my mouth when I connect Finnick's movements to the second explosion.

"Finnick! FINNICK!"

I stumble through the black smoke in search for my best friend, trying to hold back the tears. I feel guilty for leaving Boggs behind but Finnick is my priority. If he's missing limbs too, or dead, I'm abandoning this mission. If Finnick dies I won't care who wins the war.

I see movement next to a wall, a body crunching over another and my eyes widen in shock. But the smoke dissolves and I see Finnick resuscitating Messalla.

I let out a sigh of relief and when I join them I throw my arms around Finnick for a very brief moment. Messalla's heart is beating again so Finnick gets up to lean against a wall. He doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything.

"Finnick?" I ask tentatively.

No response.

"Finnick, look at me. Look at me!"

The fact that he won't look at me or even acknowledge my presence makes me panic. I'm not the panicky type but he's not the type to go all Annie on something so it freaks me out. When he still doesn't look at me, I slap him across the cheek.

"Ow! What was that for?" he asks me with a angry look in his eyes.

"I told you to look at me," I reply calmly, happy that my method worked.

"Why? What are you going to say to make me feel better. Huh, Johanna?"

"I…"

I'm momentarily at a loss for words because I really don't know how to make him feel better.

"It wasn't –" I start.

"Don't tell me it wasn't my fault because it was my fault!"

Finnick has never snapped at me before, not like this.

"Okay, it is your fault," I start. "But accidents happen. It was an accident, Finnick."

"Accident or not, he's still dead! Boggs is dead, Johanna! Dead! I pushed him!"

Angry tears are forming in his eyes and once again I don't know what to do. I haven't had to deal with this Finnick for such a long time. The last time he was this upset was before the start of the Quarter Quell and so much has happened since. If people say you can just fall back into a pattern, they're wrong. You can't. My friendship with Finnick blossomed over mutual distress, need for comfort and booze. The first two years we were just drinking buddies. We almost didn't speak. And one day I realized we were speaking, and eventually he was my best friend and my family. But all those years revolved around comforting each other when needed. But me being tortured without him there to protect me took a toll on me, and Annie being in the Capitol was hard on him because I wasn't there to comfort him. So we're not what we used to be to each other anymore. And now this happens, Boggs dies and it's Finnick's fault and he needs comforting or something and I don't even know what to do anymore! How is this possible?! When did we get so messed up?

"What?"

I look up to Finnick. "What? I say back.

"You said … You asked when we got so messed up," he says, looking at me like I just lost my head in front of him.

So apparently I said that out loud. "Yeah, sorry about that."

But he doesn't want to let it go. "Why would you think that?"

I sigh. "Just drop it, Finn."

"No! You're saying we're messed up. I want to know why!"

He's driving me crazy. One moment he's almost crying because he thinks he killed someone and the next he's attacking me because I'm refusing to say something which doesn't even matter.

"Johanna!"

"I don't know what to do!" I yell. "I don't know what to say to you, not after this. This wasn't supposed to happen anymore. Deaths, nightmares, killings… We were passed that when we got to 13. And now Boggs dies and I have to do something and I don't know what!"

"You're supposed to know what to do or say! You're my best friend!"

Are we seriously yelling at each other right now? Now, in the middle of a crisis?

"Well excuse me for not knowing what to say but at least I'm here, aren't I!" I snap back.

"What is that supposed to mean? Is it because of the Capitol again?"

"Again? Again?! You try being tortured for months, waiting for your best friend who isn't coming for you."

"I wanted to come, I just couldn't! Do you honestly think I wanted Annie and you to be there? I would've happily taken your place in the arena when the hovercrafts came!"

"Oh it's such a shame you didn't because then maybe I w-"

"STOP IT!"

We both turn around when Gale commands us to shut up and motions for us to follow him back. Apparently Jackson wants us to retreat.

I help Messalla get up but when we turn around to go back we stop in our tracks immediately. Something black is spraying from a hole in the ground, like a fountain. A deadly fountain.

"Finn…" I start, blood rushing through my veins.