Chapter 14: Regret

*****Sunday Morning*****

Duncan parked in front of Mac's house but hesitated before he got out of his car. He hadn't thought about it when he'd mentioned dropping off Lily's Dorothy costume, but Parker lived here, too. He hadn't spoken with her since the day at Java Hut when she told him they couldn't see each other anymore. Except for the fleeting moment in the cafeteria at the beginning of the week, he hadn't even laid eyes on her. He wasn't sure how to proceed now. Should he just act casual when he felt anything but casual? Should he tell her how much he missed her? Or would that make him seem like an even bigger loser? Feeling nervous, he got out of the car and grabbed the bag with the costume in it. He took a deep breath and walked up to the door.

He tried to contain his reaction when Piz answered the door wearing boxers and a t-shirt. It was obvious that he'd spent the night. Duncan felt like he'd been sucker punched. The two men stared awkwardly at one another in silence. Finally, Piz asked, "Can I help you?"

"Is Mac here? I have Lily's costume to give her," Duncan said flatly.

"Who's there?" Parker asked from behind him.

Piz turned and stepped back. "You should probably deal with it. I'm going to get dressed," he said. He gave her a small smile as he went upstairs.

Parker moved to see who was at the door and was caught off guard to see Duncan standing there holding a bag. "Oh, Duncan. Come in," she said with a friendly smile.

"No, that's okay. I just came to give Mac Lily's costume. Is she here?" Duncan asked, trying hard to not show what he was feeling.

Parker smiled at him. "I bet she was adorable! I can't wait to see pictures!" she exclaimed. "Mac stayed at the beach house. They were worried about Veronica, but she's fine. I'll give it to her."

"Fine," he said, not returning her smile. He couldn't believe she could just stand there being so friendly and acting like everything was normal. He held out the bag. Her smile faltered in the face of his coldness, but she reached to take it. Their hands brushed for a moment. She looked up at him, regret in her eyes.

"Duncan, it's good to see you," she said softly.

Duncan couldn't pretend anymore. "Yeah, right. Whatever. I'll see you around," he said dismissively. He turned to leave.

"Duncan, wait!" Parker said. "Can't we be friends? Please?"

He gave a bitter laugh. "You're already sleeping with him! I would've waited for you as long as it took, but just like that, you let him back in your bed," Duncan said, his tone reflecting both his disgust and his hurt. "No, Parker, we can't be friends. I don't want to be your friend. I wanted so much more from you." He turned back from her and walked back toward his car, leaving her to close the door behind him.

She stood there watching him leave, trying not to cry. What right did she have to cry over Duncan when she had chosen Piz? She had hurt Duncan anyway, and she hated herself for doing so.

******At the Beach House******

Dick was in the kitchen scrambling eggs when Mac wandered in. "What are you doing?" Mac asked.

"Cooking us breakfast," he said with a grin. "The pancakes are already done."

"Really? That's very sweet of you," Mac said smiling at him in approval. She went to him and gave him a light kiss.

"Ronnie's always starvin' in the mornings these days," Dick shared.

"Is that bacon I smell?" Veronica asked coming into the kitchen sniffing the air.

"Yep. I'm cooking us a feast!" Dick boasted.

"Isn't it great that our men know how to cook?" Veronica said to Mac.

Mac laughed. "You know more than I do. You can at least bake! I never cared to learn, and my mother was never one to drag me into the kitchen. I guess she knew better," Mac said, smiling.

"Are you feeling okay?" Dick asked Veronica.

"Yeah, I feel fine," she said.

"I can't believe Maddie went off on you like that!" Dick exclaimed. "What was she thinking?"

"She wasn't. She was wasted," Mac said.

"That's not an excuse," Dick said. "At least no one ever thinks it is when I use it!"

"Because it's not," Veronica said flatly. "And she's going to regret putting her hands on me."

Mac frowned in disapproval. She knew Madison crossed the line, but she was Lauren's sister. It put Mac in an awkward position. "Veronica, please! I know she was awful. But Lauren loves her, and I love Lauren," Mac said.

"Mac, how long are you going to play that card?" Veronica asked crossly.

"As long as it works," Mac said with a smile. "As long as you love me and I love Lauren, we have to tolerate Madison."

Veronica glared at her, not happy. "She shouldn't be allowed to get away with hitting me, especially when I'm pregnant," Veronica said in annoyance.

"You don't get away with things, Veronica. Karma. Madison is an unhappy person already because of the way she treats people," Mac said. "She doesn't get away with anything really."

Veronica sighed in resignation. "Fine. I'll let this slide, but I won't make any promises if she gets in my face again," Veronica said. "You better keep her away from me."

Logan came into the kitchen. "Good morning, everyone," he said. He kissed Veronica and sat down at the table. "I see Dick is earning his keep this morning."

"He's been a good boy," Veronica said, grinning.

"Did Trina call you because I didn't get any messages from her," Logan asked Veronica.

Veronica frowned. "No. She didn't call me either," Veronica said.

They heard the front door open. "She must be home," Mac observed. Everyone but Dick left the kitchen to go see who had arrived. They saw that it was a very harried looking Trina carrying Richie in his carrier.

"Trina, you're back!" Veronica observed. "We were worried when you didn't call."

"Yeah, well, sorry," Trina said sourly. She took off her jacket after she put the baby down. Veronica wasted no time in removing Richie from the carrier. She was smothering him in kisses while Trina threw herself down on the chair with an exhausted sigh.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked.

"No! The weekend was pretty much a disaster! Richie did nothing but fuss and cry. I'm so exhausted!" Trina complained.

"He's a little young for travel, sis," Logan said. "He'll be better at it when he's older."

"I'm not so sure," Trina said with a frown. "Not to mention, I didn't realize how much work he really is without you guys here to help me."

Logan laughed. "Now she appreciates us!" Logan exclaimed.

"Boy, do I, brother!" Trina said tiredly.

"Well, Richie belongs here with his family anyway," Veronica said happily. Logan reached for his nephew, and Veronica reluctantly handed him over.

Logan grinned down at Richie, who waved his arms in recognition. Love and awe filled Logan. He never got tired of looking at his nephew. His tiny little hands were so cute, and Logan let him grab his finger. The little man had such a tight grip already. He would grow up strong. Logan idly wondered if his dad had been a tall man and decided to ask. "Trina, was Richie's dad a tall man?" he asked her.

She looked surprised at the question. Logan had never asked anything about who Richie's dad was once she admitted she wasn't sure. "Logan, you know I'm not sure which guy is his father," she admitted.

"Surely, you can narrow it down to a few possibilities?" Logan pointed out.

"Why should I, Logan? What would be the point of that? Richie is never going to know him," Trina said in annoyance.

"What if he asks someday? And he will," Logan said. "I wonder about his dad, so I can imagine how hard it will be for him to have his mom say she didn't know who his dad was."

Trina looked a bit ill at that thought. "He'll just think his mom's a big whore. Thanks for pointing that out!" Trina exclaimed, upset.

"Of course, he won't!" Mac told her. "You will just explain the pit falls of too much alcohol and partying. Admit you're ashamed of your behavior and wish you could tell him but honestly can't. Take it from me, he'll appreciate your openness and honesty more than he'll be upset."

"You think?" Trina asked hopefully.

"She's right," Veronica agreed. She reached out her hands and made Logan give her back the baby. "Disillusionment sets in when we find out our parents aren't who we think they are. Being honest with him from the beginning will be the best choice."

Trina watched Veronica with Richie. She loved Richie so much. It struck her sometimes how such a strong bad-ass ball buster just melted whenever she looked at Trina's son. She smiled at them. "You are really great with him, Ronnie," Trina observed. She looked at Logan. "Face it, Logan. You're probably going to be the only father Richie will ever know. I hope you're okay with that."

Logan glanced down at his nephew and smiled. "I think I can handle that," he said.

Dick came in. "Food's ready. Oh, hey, Trina!" Dick said as he noticed her. "How's the little man?" He held out his arms for his turn. Veronica reluctantly surrendered him to Dick.

"And Dick will be the best uncle. And he has Duncan and Wallace. Richie doesn't need to know who the sperm donor is," Veronica said. "And he has Mary and my dad and Alicia in the grandparent role. He'll never lack for love or family."

Trina smiled. "Very true. Do you mind taking care of him for a few hours? I am exhausted!" she asked Veronica and Logan.

"Logan has to go by Faces for a few hours, but I'm free," Veronica said.

"Great!" Trina said as she got up.

"Don't you wanna eat? I made breakfast," Dick asked.

"No thanks. I had a bagel earlier. Too tired to eat anything else," Trina said. She bent down and kissed Richie's forehead and headed to her room.

"See, snookums, Trina's not going to take Richie from us," Logan said. He put his arms around her shoulder and looked down at Richie.

"You thought she would?" Dick asked in alarm. "Why would she do that?"

"Veronica was just concerned when Trina took off with Richie," Mac explained. "He's her son, and she can do that whenever she wants."

"Well, she should just give Richie to you guys and then visit him whenever she wants!" Dick suggested like it was a simple solution.

All three of his listeners looked shocked at his suggestion. "Dick, a baby isn't like a car. You don't just give your baby to someone, especially after he's been born, and you've grown to love him," Mac said.

"I'd take him, of course, but Trina loves her baby too much to do such a thing," Veronica said.

"Nor would we risk the heartbreak," Logan said. "How awful would that be? She'd have to give up the title of mother and have no direct say in Richie. She'd have to listen to her son call someone else mom. I can't imagine Trina would do well with that. She has never liked to share. Not to mention what it would do to us if she changed her mind later."

"Besides, I'm not sure we could handle two babies so close in age. Not now," Veronica said as she lifted Richie up and let him practice standing. She couldn't wait until he started running around getting into things.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot for a moment you're pregnant! When are you going to start showing? You don't look pregnant!" Dick observed.

"I've gained ten pounds already!" Veronica said with a pout. "How can you not see that?"

Mac laughed. "You should know better than ask that, Veronica!" she said. She got up. "Let's eat before it gets cold."

They headed into the kitchen.

******An Hour Later*****

Eli met Logan at Faces. It was the first time he'd been there. He looked around with interest. The main office was nice—not too flashy but comfortable. It was Sunday, so no one was working. He wandered around and saw the baby crib. That must be for Trina's baby. Seeing it made him think of Jazmin. He loved the thought of her being pregnant with his child. She'd make a wonderful mother. Eli just knew without a doubt that he could make her happier than she'd ever been if they were married and had a family. However, he knew she was far from ready for that step. Her freak out over the pregnancy scare was very telling. She may love him, but she was not where he was in their relationship. But that was okay. His grandmother always told him that good things come to those who wait, and he'd wait for her. He'd give her as much time as she needed. He wanted her to be as sure and hopeful about their future together as he was.

He saw an open door at the end of the hall and correctly guessed that it was Logan's. Logan was at his desk reading some papers. He looked up when he saw Weevil.

"Good morning," Logan said smiling. "Thanks for coming."

"Your dime," Weevil said with a shrug. "Cool place you got here. Kind of empty on a Sunday, though."

"Yep. No one comes in except me, Dick, or Mac on Sundays," Logan replied.

"I still can't believe you went into business with your dumb sidekick," Weevil said, grinning.

"I can't believe you opened your own P. I. business with an Italian mobster's son," Logan retorted. "And Dick isn't dumb. He just is sometimes careless and doesn't waste time learning things that don't interest him. There's not a more dependable and loyal soul on the planet, and no one else I'd trust more."

Weevil replied, "That says a lot. He's grown on me anyway."

"Hey, if Veronica can learn to love him, anyone can!" Logan teased.

Weevil chuckled as he sat down in the chair across from Logan. He handed Logan a memory card.

Logan stuck it in his computer and began looking through the pictures. One of Leanne laughing while at work really struck him. She looked perfectly normal—happy even. Logan didn't know whether to be relieved or angry that she was so content to be without her only daughter. Then again, he knew better than most how deceiving appearances could be. It was an easy thing to put on a happy face.

"So what were your impressions?" Logan asked Weevil.

"Her friend must trust her a lot since she let her move in with her and her young son. She has a good reputation at the restaurant. She's been there six months. No signs of alcohol abuse. I went in and had breakfast there. She was my server, and she seemed perfectly normal to me," Weevil said.

"She had no idea who you were?" Logan asked.

"Nah. She's never seen me before. I wore a hat and long sleeves, so I wouldn't stand out," Weevil said.

"Hey, don't sell yourself short. That ugly mug is unforgettable!" Logan joked.

Weevil flipped him off.

Logan laughed. "Well, I'm glad she's okay. Although it kind of pisses me off that she got her shit together and still hasn't contacted her daughter," Logan said.

"Maybe she's afraid Veronica will reject her. When you really screw up and hurt those you love, it's hard to face everyone that matters," Weevil said sagely.

"True. I want Veronica to know that her mother still loves her," Logan said. "I used to spend time around Veronica's mom back when Lilly was alive. They were very close before Lilly died. Her mom didn't start abusing the alcohol until her dad lost his job. Things spiraled from there."

"So are you going to tell Veronica?" Weevil asked.

"I think it may be better to fly up to Portland and see her myself and give her a push to come home on her own," Logan said. "Veronica will feel better if she believes her mom came to the decision on her own."

"But how will Veronica feel if she finds out you gave her mom the push and didn't tell her?" Weevil wondered.

"She'll be pissed, but she'll get over it. Having our child and her mom sober and happy in her life again will make it all worth it," Logan said confidently.

"If you say so," Weevil said doubtfully. He shrugged. "Your call."

"Yes, it is, so don't say anything to her," Logan said pointedly.

"I won't," Weevil said.

"Send me an itemized bill with receipts, and I'll pay you," Logan told him, emphasizing the receipts.

"I'll get it to you one day this week," Weevil said with a roll of his eyes. Logan handed him his memory card after he transferred the pictures to his computer. "I tried to get Jazmin to come with me, so we could make a weekend of it, but she wouldn't come."

"Couldn't stand all that alone time with you, huh?" Logan said grinning.

"Too much schoolwork," Weevil replied. He decided to unburden himself because he didn't think telling Jason was a good idea. "She was a little freaked this week because your woman put the idea in her head that she was pregnant."

"Really?" Logan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I popped in her on her in her bedroom before I left town Friday, and she was looking at two pregnancy tests," Weevil shared.

"Bet your heart stopped for a moment," Logan said with a knowing grin.

"For an instant. Followed by pure excitement," Weevil said. "But it was fleeting because she was quick to point out that the tests were negative. She's definitely not ready to have a child. You know she lost a baby in high school?"

"Who doesn't after that scene with her dad?" Logan reminded him.

Weevil nodded as he recalled it. "Losing a baby would always be hard, but I think it traumatized her because of all the shit that with down Joseph. Finding out he was cheating on her, then he was the reason she fell down the stairs," Weevil said. "So thinking she was pregnant kind of scared her a lot, I think."

"You know last night at Mac's sister's birthday party, Madison and Veronica got into a fight. Veronica bloodied her nose and she shoved Veronica into a table. For a split second, I thought I was going lose it," Logan revealed.

"Really? Madison Sinclair attacked Veronica knowing she was pregnant?" Weevil asked in dismay. "Is she and the baby okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. We went to the hospital just to make sure. The doctor said knocking into something wouldn't cause her to miscarry and that the baby was well insulated," Logan said.

"God help Madison if it was otherwise," Weevil said grimly.

"Yeah, right? I don't even want to imagine that. I used to think I'd never be a father. Never imagined that I'd be a good one. Not with my dear 'ole dad as an example. Now I can't wait," Logan said grinning happily.

Weevil grinned. "It's amazing the difference a good woman can make. And speaking of good women, I need to go see mine!" Weevil said. He got up from the chair.

"Thanks again!" Logan said as Weevil waved goodbye.

"No problem. Anytime," Weevil said. And he meant it. Neither he nor Logan was the same men they'd been in high school. They had both come to admire and respect the other. They may never spend a lot of time together, but both men knew the other was someone they could count on. Finally, after four years, Veronica had succeeded in doing the impossible. The one-time rivals, even enemies, were more than just friends less than brothers but bound irrevocably together.

Logan wondered what Lilly thought about that if she could see them. He had a feeling that she was laughing and feeling quite pleased with herself. The thought made him smile.

******At Jazmin's******

Jazmin smiled to find Eli at her door shortly after lunch. She gave him a hug. "Did your job work out like you wanted?" she asked as she let him in.

"Yep. No problems. I just had to run someone down and get some pictures. No big deal," he said. "How about you? Get your work done?"

"Yes, for the most part. I have a bit to do still, but I got a lot done," she said. She hadn't got much done after her run in with David, but she had worked some more this morning after getting some sleep. The sleeping pills she'd picked up from the student health center finally did the trick.

"Are your roomies here?" Eli inquired, looking around for evidence of them.

"Yes, Parker's in her room. She's a bit upset. Duncan was here this morning dropping off Lily's costume, and Piz had stayed the night," Jazmin shared.

"Bet that didn't sit well with him," Eli said knowingly.

"Parker said he was pretty upset. And now she's upset and feeling guilty for being upset," Jazmin said with a sigh. She felt bad for both of them.

"It'll get better eventually. Time usually works those things out," he said.

"I hope so," she replied.

"Let's go up to your room. More privacy," Eli said with a grin.

Jazmin shrugged and headed up to her room. When he got into her room, he closed the door behind him. Then he grinned at her. "I've really missed you," he said. "It's been forever since we've been alone it seems." He meant, of course, that it'd been too long since he'd gotten to make love to her.

Jazmin smiled. He reached for her and pulled her to him. "We would've had fun in Portland," he said, giving her a wicked leer. Then he kissed her.

Jazmin wanted to return his kiss because she did miss being close to him. She put her arms around him and let him have the kiss he wanted. Soon, she was lost in the familiar taste and feel of him. He moved her back until her legs were against her bed. He broke the kiss and trailed his lips down her neck. Then he eased her back onto her bed. At first, she wasn't alarmed. His touch was gentle and his kisses so sweet. But then he moved his hands under her shirt, and she involuntarily tensed. David's face flashed in her mind, his hand under her shirt, grabbing her breasts in his rough embrace.

Jazmin tried to clear her mind and looked at Eli's face—a face she loved, a face she trusted. He smiled warmly at her, his eyes filled with love and lust. She put her hand on his cheek, and he felt real and solid. Then he began kissing her again, and her eyes closed. He moved his body some and his weight pressed on top of her. Panic filled her. She struggled and broke off the kiss.

"Stop!" she yelled.

Eli looked down at her in confusion and didn't move. "What's wrong?" he asked.

She pushed against him. "Get off of me!" she ordered, an edge of panic in her voice.

Eli moved and sat up, looking at her in alarm. "Princess, what's wrong?" he asked again.

She scrambled and moved back until she hit the headboard, her knees in front of her like a shield. She wrapped her arms around them. Feeling lost and afraid, she looked wordlessly at him. He reached for her, and she pulled back, unable to stop herself.

Now Eli was getting angry. The woman he loved was looking at him like he was a stranger—a stranger she was frightened of. "Why are you acting like this? What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded.

Jazmin was at a loss. What could she say? Her eyes filled with tears, and she wiped them away. "Just leave," she said, her voice breaking.

"The hell I will!" he exclaimed. "You are going to talk to me right now and explain to me why you are acting like a scared virgin on her wedding night!"

Finally, Jazmin said the only thing she could think of saying to explain her reaction. "I don't want to get pregnant," she said.

"Well, I sure don't plan on getting you pregnant. You're on the pill, and I use condoms. We won't get pregnant," he assured her.

"You can't know that. Birth control isn't foolproof. Ask Veronica and Logan," she replied stubbornly.

Eli looked at her in disbelief. "So now suddenly you don't want us to have sex? Isn't it a little late to put that particular genie back in its bottle?" he asked. He couldn't imagine not making love to her. He wasn't a saint or a monk nor was she a prude. His eyes narrowed as he looked closely at her. She was really upset, and he frowned in concern. This didn't make much sense to him.

"Babe, talk to me? What's really going on?" he asked beseechingly.

"Things are moving too fast between us," she said.

Surprised, he said, "What do you mean fast? We've known each other for over a year. Our first kiss was almost a year ago," he reminded her.

"Yes, but we weren't together. We haven't even been together even two full months, and I'm already having pregnancy scares," she said, hating herself more than ever for what she was doing to him.

Eli looked a bit guilty at that. "I'm sorry, Jazmin. I really am. But you know that sometimes happens when a couple is intimate," he said. He tried to reach for her hand, but once again she moved back.

"So now I can't even touch you?" he asked in dismay.

"I think you should leave. We need to take a break. This is too much for me right now. I can't handle it. I can't!" she said upset. She put her head down on her arms that were wrapped around her knees, refusing to meet his gaze anymore.

Eli was at a loss. She had never once backed away from sex with him. In fact, she always seemed to love their time together. "Jazmin, look at me, please," he asked quietly. She was upset. He got that. He didn't know what to do, however. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, and it was killing him. He'd never felt so helpless. Eli didn't know how to reassure her. He couldn't promise to never touch her.

"Babe, what do you want from me?" he asked.

I want you to hold me and never let go was what she wanted to say to him. Instead, she hardened her heart and wiped her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I love you, Eli. But our relationship is moving too fast. I'm not ready to be a mother. I can't go there. Not now. You need to give me space." Space was the only thing that was going to keep him from finding out the truth. She had to push him away. Unless she wanted to tell him, she didn't have a choice.

Eli got up from the bed in disbelief. "Space? Are you ****ing kidding me right now? How can two people in love give each other space? How can two lovers just quit being lovers?" he asked, incredulous.

When she just looked at him without speaking, he said, "They can't! I'm not going anywhere! I love you too damn much, and you're just going to have to deal with it and deal with me!"

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry, too," he said sourly. "I'll go. But don't think I won't be back. You and I will never be over!" He went out her bedroom door, unable to resist slamming the door in frustration.

Jazmin stared at the closed door in dismay. Regret filled her. What did she just do? How could she get past this without Eli? Without his strength, his love? Her mind replayed the scene between them. He wanted to make love to her like he'd done so many wonderful times before. She'd always wanted him. In fact, she had never been so desperate to be with any man the way she always was with Eli. But now it was different. She was broken because David's face, his touch was imprinted on her somehow. She sunk down in her bed as sobs wracked her body—she was never going to be free of David.

******Chapter End******