"Buzz Lightyear, mission log," Buzz Lightyear reported to his communicator, "we searched this gaseous, dangerous, yet boring and wasteful and maybe even wasted planet from top to bottom with still no sign of those little green bitches."

Then a horn beep scared Buzz. "What the hell?" he cried.

Through the bright lights coming from the Star Command jeep, he could just see his partner and his friend Warp Darkmatter next to it. "Come on, buddy," he said. "Why do you waste your time with those reports if no one's ever gonna read them?"

"Well, some nerd or geek who wants to know everything about Star Command will want to listen to an experienced ranger like me," Buzz said proudly. "Besides it keeps my mind realistic than going into a fantasy world like Middle-Earth or Neverland or Ancient Alexandria."

"Oh, Buzz, since real life is so boring," said Warp, "give me the fantasy world any day."

"Anyway, enough time wasted," said Buzz. "We'd better double check the dark side."

"I'll drive," smiled Warp.

Wrap drove the Star Command jeep like mad. He and Buzz past Luke Skywalker's Land Speeder, the Jettsons's car and a live size version of Toy Story's R.C.

The jeep jumped off a cliff and did the Man with the Golden Gun car stunt, landing on the other side.

The car went through a tunnel and was approaching a traffic jam of alien cars. Warp drove the jeep on the side of the tunnel and drove upside down on the roof on the tunnel like in Men in Black.

"Careful, Warp!" moaned Buzz. "You know I get car sick!"
"We'll never find the little green men quickly if we don't hurry," protested Warp.

"Please! How much longer?" shouted three voices.

Warp flipped the car back to the ground before they left the tunnel and stopped. The space rangers looked behind to find three little green men.

"Well, that was easy," smiled Warp. Then he opened his log arm. "Three L.G.M.s once lost, now found."

Buzz pondered as he looked at the three L.G.M.s. "Well, I don't think these are the three missing little green men."

"What are you talking about?" asked Warp.

"I'm talking about these three being stowaways," replied Buzz, "and me having to put them on my report will not make me look good."
"You don't have to put this in your report," said Warp.

"Remember the time we lied to Commander Nebula about the time we accidentally shot the president of the Walguts?"

Buzz and Warp were in Commander Nebula's office after the failed Walguts mission.

"You told me that it was one of Zurg's minions who shot the president in the nuts," said Nebula.

"That's right," said Buzz.

"Well, one of the guards said what shot the president came from a Star Command laser," said Nebula.

"Maybe the guard didn't look properly," said Warp.

"I'm gonna run the tape from a security camera," said Nebula, "and if I find you two have been lying, you will be wiping my ass for three weeks."
He put the tape in and Buzz and Warp gave each other worried looks.

"We did shoot by accident," said Buzz, "even though I thought he was the worst president ever for the Walguts."
"Man, I don't wanna have to wipe the shit outta Nebula's ass again!" moaned Terry.

"Hey!" cried Buzz, noticing the three L.G.M.s walking away from the car.

"Must save the lost ones!" cried the green aliens.

Buzz and Warp got in front of them. "Whoa, patience, guys," said Warp. "This sort of thing ain't gonna find your friends much quicker."

"I think it will," said one.

"Oh, really?" scoffed Warp. "How?"

"Evil," the green men said together.

"Do you guys expect me to fall for that?" Warp scoffed again.

"No!" cried Buzz. "Never underestimate Zurg's evilness."

"Buzz, you think Zurg is behind every war, famine, global warming, climate change, every bombing and even that three-daughters-kidnapping in Cleveland!" snapped Warp.

"Crater viper!" cried Buzz.

"Now crater vipers!" moaned Warp. "Anything else I should know!"
"Only that there are crater vipers behind you!" shouted Buzz as he pushed his partner away before the teeth of a carter viper nearly ate him.

The rangers were so busy firing their lasers at the carter vipers that they didn't notice the little green men were walking straight towards the monsters.

"You know, it's a wonder why these blasters never run out," said Buzz.

"Never thought these little green maniacs were actually geniuses," confessed Warp. "Still, it would be better if there was something more powerful than these blasters!"

"Have you ever used those guns under our Star Command symbols?" suggested Buzz. "And hit em on the bellies."

Warp flew up with his jet-pack wings, got out his gun out of his armour and fired at the chests of the crater viper. That sent them back into their holes, but then in the giant rock a huge eye began to open and its rock teeth growled.

"I should've guessed!" snapped Buzz. "A crater viper slag monster mutant!"

"Hmm, she does look like a slag," said Warp.

"Must save the lost ones!" cried the L.G.M.s, as they walked towards the monster mutant.

"I take that genius moment about them all back," said Warp.

"Me too," said Buzz. "Let's go and rescue them before we fail to rescue six L.G.M.s!"

They flew down and grabbed the L.G.M.s before the crater viper fingers of the monster mutant could.

They flew to the top of the cliff and put the aliens down.

"Any reason you little green morons wanted to shake hands with a thousand crater vipers?" snapped Warp.

"We were pointing out that our buddies were down there," said one, pointing them to the monster mutant.

Buzz and Warp looked down.

"Probably inside the intestines now," said Warp. "Probably the small ones."

"I'm going in," said Buzz, as he flew down.

"Hope you know what you're doing," sighed Warp as he joined him.

"I always do!" protested Buzz.

"Not always!" Warp argued back. "There was the time – "

"Warp, we're in the middle of an intense moment!" Buzz snapped, as he wrapped some metal ropes coming out of his wings around the left hand of vipers. "Not a good moment for a flashback now! Let's go!"

Wrap wrapped his metal ropes around the right hand of vipers. Then both space rangers flew up and they tried to lift up the monster up but they were struggling.

"The L.G.M.s aren't in the bitch," said Buzz. "They're under it."

"Eww!" moaned Warp. "I bet they'll have had enough of her ass."

"Right! New plan!" cried Buzz. He and Warp fired their lasers at the cliff on top of them. The L.G.M.s stepped back before it fell and the Space Rangers dodged the falling rocks as they flew up. The falling rocks crushed the monster to pieces.

The Space Rangers landed onto the cliff.

"Zurg!" the L.G.M.s cried as they pointed to a big platform with a Z on it.

"I knew it," Buzz sighed.

Inside the research lab of Zurg's fortress, the three L.G.M.s were inside a torture chamber operated by Zurg's brain pods.

"We've been doing this for three bloody hours, man, Brain Pod Freight Train!" moaned Brain Pod Kenny West. "We ain't getting nowhere, man!"

"You think this is bad, Brian Pod Kenny West?" snapped Brain Pod Freight Train. "Try spending two months building a torture chamber that won't get used for five years and can't even its job on its first day!"

Then the big door opened and through the smoke came… a grub called Kendra on her electric scooter. "Anything?"
"No!" replied the Brain Pods.

"Been working on this thing for three goddamn hours and still nothing, man!" moaned Brain Pod Kenny.

"You know what I think?" asked Brain Pod Freight Train. "I think this Zurg is a – "

Kendra lifted her hand up. "Uh, sir – "

" – is a totally wasted, cocked-up in the head, not-really-evil asshole who can't even really – "

"Sir!" shouted Kendra.

"What?" Brain Pod Freight Train snapped. Then everyone stopped and went silent as everyone saw Kendra out of her scooter.

"One thing he can do is hear you," squeaked Kendra, as she was being squashed by the wing of Evil Emperor Zurg.

"So, if I can do this thing you spent three hours on in three minutes, will you guys think of me as a complete moron?" yelled Zurg.

"No," his minions replied quickly.

Zurg scratched the surface of the torture chamber. It broke the glass and the liquid swan out. The evil emperor grabbed the L.G.M.s. Sparkling lighting came out of his finger and he pressed it onto them.

"We are one!" the L.G.M.s declared together.

Zurg fingered the L.G.M.s again.

"You think that's gonna make us talk?" scoffed one.

"Is that the worst you can do?" scoffed another.

"Let's find out, shall we?" said Zurg as he fingered them once more.

Warp and the L.G.M.s yawned as they watched Buzz fire his laser at the metal door.

"You've been at that door with your blaster for half an hour, Buzz," moaned Warp. "Let me try something else."

Buzz ceased firing as Warp walked to the door and knocked on it. He hid behind as the door opened.

"Hello," greeted Kendra. "Welcome to the Zurg fortress on this uncharted moon in the – "

Warp slammed the door back and then reopened it revealing only Kendra's scooter.

Buzz walked through.

"Coming through!" cried one of the L.G.M.s.

"Get back to the ship and wait," Buzz ordered.

"No!" cried the L.G.M.s.

"Now, this is no time to get emotional," said Buzz.

"No!" cried the L.G.M.s.

"All right," went on Buzz. "I'll give you the one hundred percent truth: Ever since you guys came, you've been a real pain in the – "

"Not as big as the pain we're feeling from the missing three, fool!" snapped one.

"Yeah, I feel like one is going to be the Joe Swanson L.G.M. on our home planet!" snapped a second.

"One's gonna have throat cancer!" snapped the third.

"Oh, I get it," said Buzz. "It's the mind-link crap."

"How do you do that anyway?" asked Warp.

"The Uni-Mind, fool!" the green dudes said together.

"Hey, I didn't know about that Uni-crap!" snapped Warp.

"Uni-Mind," Buzz corrected him. "Mystical orb that links all L.G.M. mind-link."

"No wonder they all act like robots," muttered Warp.

"At least they're not like Zurg's Hornet robots," pointed out Buzz.

"Ah, good point," said Warp.

Then they set their lasers as they peeked over through the corner. They saw the lost three little green men tied in chairs, with Zurg moving in front of them.

"Tell me your secrets about your mind-link," said Zurg. "Tell how you get so clever. Tell me what make you guys get a boner."

"Never!" snapped the L.G.M.s.

"Then I'll just have to pick your brains," Zurg chuckled evilly. "Where's my brain tumour removal probe?"

The probe appeared behind Zurg, but then it exploded. The evil leader turned around to see his biggest foe aiming his laser at him. "Ah, hello, stranger," he said sarcastically to Buzz.

"Evil Emperor Zurg, by the authority of the Galactic Alliance, you are hereby charged for kidnapping Star Command personal!" shouted Buzz.

"I shall destroy your crappy Galactic Alliance!" snapped Zurg. "But, first, I shall destroy you!" He pressed his Z button on his armour. "Hornets, destroy Buzz Lightyear!"

Hornets gathered around Buzz and fired their guns at him.

"See you in hell, Buzz Lightyear!" yelled Zurg, as his platform flew up.

"Not today, Zurg!" shouted Buzz. He used his laser to free the L.G.M.s and then he turned around to fire it at the Hornets. He opened his wings.

"Hop on!" Buzz ordered the L.G.M.s. They jumped onto his wings and the space ranger flew around firing his laser around the Hornets that were firing at them.

There were also Hornets on where Zurg's platform used to be. Then it came back down crushing them.

"Back up?" said Warp who was on it.

"So that's where you've been," said Buzz, as he landed and put the L.G.M.s. down.

"What are you talking about?" asked Warp. "You know I do these sneaking-up things to make our missions easier to succeed. Plus, it also helps me save your ass on every mission."
"Hmm, true too," thought Buzz. "Anyway, let's go after Zurg!"

"Good luck with that, Lightyear!" cried Zurg whose face appeared on all the giant screens on the wall. "I'd like to you see you try with the self destruct I set up on my way out. It's a moon of doom now!"

"Self-destruct in sixty seconds," said a voice.

"Sixty seconds?" scoffed Buzz.

"Please," smiled Warp.

Then they were trapped by more firing from hornets.

"Uh-oh!" cried the L.G.M.s.

"Get to the ship!" ordered Buzz. "Blast off!"

"But, Buzz!" protested the L.G.M.s.

"We're not authorized to take off in a Star Command rocket," pointed out one.

"And even if we did," a second added, "we wouldn't be able to fly it."

"You guys have the biggest brains in the universe, don't you?" said Buzz.

The L.G.M.s nodded. "Yes, but – "

"Then shut up and (bleep) off!" snapped Buzz. "We'll meet in you in orbit!" Then he joined Warp into firing back at the hornets.

"Self-destruct in forty-five seconds," said the self destruct voice, as the three missing L.G.M.s joined the three stowaway L.G.M.s.

"Farewell, Lightyear!" cried Zurg on the big screen. "This time you will not escape!"

"Don't count on it, Zurg!" snapped Buzz, as he fired his laser at the giant screens.

Then three hornets came in front of Buzz, who kicked them into an explosive bomb which set the place ablaze and made a hole in the roof.

"Come on, Warp!" yelled Buzz. "Let's get the hell out of here!"
"Ah!" groaned Warp's voice.

Buzz looked down and saw Warp trapped under a metal pipe under a massive pile of broken metal pipes and massive rocks. He went down and tried to lift up the big heavy metal pipe off.

"Self destruct in twenty seconds," said the self destruct voice.

"Get outta here, man!" cried Warp.

But Buzz didn't listen. He tried to pull to Warp out of the rubble.

"Just go!" ordered Warp.

"We're partners!" Buzz snapped back.

"I said, 'Just go!'" Warp yelled, as he pressed Buzz's big red button.

Buzz's wings sent him up into the air and out of Zurg's fortress. He dived back down to the fortress but it exploded in his face.

"Space Ranger Warp Darkmatter scarified himself for the success of the mission and for the safety of his friends," Buzz said to his fellow space rangers at the Ceremony Room on the Star Command Space station.

"He was not a great cook," went on Buzz.

"Too right," said the Star Command Chef.

"He was not a very good storyteller," said Buzz.

"Helped us get early to bed though," whispered one Space Ranger.

"But he was not only a great ranger but he was a great friend," said Buzz. "I miss him very much."
Later, Buzz went to the lockers room and went Warp Darkmatter's locker.

"Don't worry, Warp," he said to the locker, as he erased 'WARP DARKMATTER' from the name tag. "I promise I'm never gonna let what happened to you to another ranger ever again. To ensure that, I work alone."

Then Buzz walked out of the locker room.