Warning: This chapter may contain triggers for some woman.

Chapter 17: Not Meant to Be

******At Neptune Memorial Hospital******

For the second time in a week and the third time in a month or so, Veronica found herself in the emergency room in fear of losing her baby. However, the tears that had been streaming down her cheeks dried up as the doctor's voice droned on. Her sorrow was replaced with outrage.

"We don't always know why these things happen, Miss Mars. Sometimes, it's just not meant to be," the ER doctor was saying.

"How could you say my baby wasn't meant to be?" Veronica demanded hotly. "I followed the doctor's orders! I just got an ultrasound last week and everything was fine!"

"Chromosome abnormalities are often the cause of most miscarriages. Unfortunately, they can't be detected by an ultrasound," the doctor replied.

"Saturday night I was knocked into a corner table and hit my stomach. I came to the ER but was fine. The doctor said I was fine. But now two days later, my baby is dead? I don't understand!" Veronica exclaimed, her upset obvious.

The doctor gave her a sympathetic look. "It's doubtful the hit to your stomach had any effect on your pregnancy," he said.

"Doubtful but not certain?" Veronica asked pointedly.

"Honestly, Miss Mars, we can't always be certain. I've seen women go through extreme physical trauma and not miscarry while other perfectly healthy women who don't work or do anything stressful or extreme do. I do know that you have no physical reason that will prevent you from getting pregnant again and carrying another baby to term," the doctor said.

Veronica wanted to scream at the man that she didn't want another baby. She wanted the one she had had inside of her. The one she believed was a boy and Logan believed was a girl. "Could you tell if it was a boy or girl?" Veronica inquired, suddenly needing to know.

"Normally, the sex organs aren't clear until the sixteenth week, but you can request a chromosomal study done of the tissue. Your insurance won't pay for it, though," the doctor said.

"I need to know! Can I find out today? Money is no object," Veronica asked, pleading. For once, she didn't hesitate to use Logan's money that was at her disposal.

"I can have them run a DNA test to determine the gender if it's that important to you," the doctor said reluctantly.

"It is," she said flatly.

Her dad came into the room. "Are you okay, sweetie?" he asked, going to her side and hugging her.

The doctor slipped out.

"My baby is gone, Daddy! There wasn't enough of him left to tell me for sure if it was a boy," she said grimly. "We were going to name him Eli Keith Echolls or Keith Eli Echolls. We couldn't agree." She gave him a bittersweet smile at the memory.

Keith fought back his own tears at the news. He and Alicia were so excited at the prospect of a baby. "They'll be other babies, Veronica," he said, taking her hand in his.

"Not that one," she said. Her eyes are dry and unfocused as if she was in shock.

"I know, sweetheart. I know," her dad said, hugging her tightly. "Where's Logan?"

"He went on a short trip to Portland for work. I couldn't get a hold of him," she replied. God, how she wished he was here. She needed him here. Only he could truly understand what the loss meant to her.

A nurse came in. "Here are the follow-up care instructions," she said, handing Veronica some papers. "You can be discharged. The doctor said you need to make an appointment to see your regular doctor in a few days."

"I can leave—just like that? I lost my baby, and it's no big deal? Just send me on my merry way?" Veronica asked, a deep-seated rage filled her at the ease of her loss, the cold lack of ceremony from the hospital staff.

The nurse looked uncomfortable at her sudden attack and squeaked out, "I'm sorry."

"Veronica, it's not her fault," her dad said. The nurse looked grateful for his intervention and fled.

"How can it be over?" Veronica demanded. "I just don't understand!"

Keith pulled her into his arms, at a complete loss. For the first time in a long time, he wished her mother was here. He couldn't fully understand what she was feeling and hated his impotence. Finally, he pulled back and looked at her. She still wasn't crying but seemed hollow-eyed. Her eyes looked too much like victims of trauma that he saw when on the job. He hated to see that look in her eyes. "Do you need help changing?" Keith asked. When she shook her head, he said, "I'll be in the waiting room."

When he got to the waiting room, most of her friends were there. Dick, Wallace, Mac, and Duncan had arrived and were anxiously awaiting news. They all got to their feet when Keith appeared. He sadly shook his head. "She lost the baby," he said softly.

"Oh no!" Jazmin gasped, feeling the pain of the loss almost as if it was her own. She had lived the horror of this moment before.

"What do you mean the baby's gone?" Wallace asked in confusion. "How? Why? She was just here Sunday night, and everything was fine."

"These things happen. We don't always know why. Sometimes there's something wrong with the fetus that ultrasounds can't pick up on," Keith said.

"Bullshit! That can't be all!" Dick protested angrily. "Miscarriages don't just happen! Everything happens for a reason." He looked at Mac. "Don't you say that all the time? Everything happens for a reason? Why would the baby be dead? What reason would there be?"

Mac put her arm around him. "We can't always know the why, Dick," she said softly, her eyes full of sadness. She had been with Veronica on the first doctor appointment. She had been there when Veronica finally became excited and not scared about the pregnancy. Logan and Veronica were so excited, especially Logan. "We've got to get a hold of Logan."

"And tell him what? That his baby is dead? Do you want to make that phone call?" Dick said accusingly.

"I'll call him," Duncan said, stepping away and getting out his phone.

"This is Madison's fault!" Dick declared bitterly. "She did this! She killed Ronnie's baby!"

"Dick, that's not true!" Mac protested.

"What do you mean?" Keith asked.

"Saturday at Lauren's birthday party, Madison attack Veronica. First, she slapped her a few times. When Ronnie got tired of being slapped, she hauled off and decked her, breaking her nose. Then Madison shoved her into a corner table. She hit her stomach!" Dick recalled angrily.

"I wasn't told about this," Keith said grimly. His daughter still had a bad habit of not telling him things sometimes.

"She went to the ER and was fine. I don't even think there was a bruise. A hit to the stomach wouldn't have hurt the baby," Mac said.

"Well, it couldn't have helped! And now there is no baby!" Dick yelled with uncharacteristic bitterness.

"Saying that kind of thing won't help Veronica," Keith said, wisely foreseeing the problems that could potentially unfold.

A woeful looking Veronica came through the double doors. Her friends immediately surrounded her. She seemed to be in shock, dry-eyed but devastated. "Thanks, Jazmin for everything," Veronica said, squeezing her hand.

"I'm sorry it wasn't enough," Jazmin said, tears filling her eyes. She gave Veronica a hug.

Duncan stepped back to the group. "I keep getting Logan's voicemail," Duncan said. "Are you okay?" he asked Veronica in concern.

"No, my baby's dead," she said harshly. Duncan winced, but he pulled her in for a hug. She let him but didn't really return the embrace. When he moved back, she said, "I just want to go home."

"I'll take her," Dick said quickly, needing to do something to help.

"I'll drop Jazmin off at the house and come join you," Mac told Dick.

Jazmin wanted so badly to have Eli with her. She needed his reassuring presence and couldn't stop herself from calling him.

Eli was relieved when Jazmin's name appeared on his phone. He answered, "Hey, babe."

"Hi," Jazmin said, turning away from her friends for a bit of privacy.

"I'm so happy you called me," Eli said.

"I'm at the hospital," Jazmin said.

"What? Are you okay? I'll be right there!" Eli exclaimed.

"No, no, I'm fine!" Jazmin quickly assured him. "I was with Veronica earlier and she started having stomach pains, so I brought her here."

"Oh," Eli replied, not sure if that was better. "Is she okay?"

"No, she miscarried," Jazmin shared.

"Seriously?" Eli asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, it's pretty awful. Logan's out of town. He went to Portland on business," Jazmin said.

Eli knew exactly what the business was and felt bad for both of them. However, he knew how traumatic this was for Jazmin, too. "How are you doing? I know this can't be easy for you," he said.

"It's not," she said. She turned and looked at her friends that were trying to support Veronica. They all looked sad and helpless. No one could really say or do anything to make her feel better. The impotence of that was hard on everyone. "I just feel so sad for Veronica and Logan. They were so excited. My pregnancy was never a good thing. Not like Veronica's. My loss was horrible, but it probably was for the best. That gave me comfort. I wouldn't have to be tied to Joseph for the rest of my life. However, Veronica won't have such comfort."

Eli wanted very badly to see Jazmin right now and to touch her. "Princess, can I come pick you up?" he asked.

"No, Mac's going to take me home," she said.

"But I want to hold you. I need to hold you when you're upset," Eli said, trying to hold back his frustration, to get through to her.

Jazmin squeezed her eyes at the sudden tears. She wanted him to hold her, too. So very badly. She took a deep breath, strengthening her resolve. She couldn't weaken yet. She had to be strong. "I'm okay. Thanks, though," she said.

Eli was silent in the face of her rebuff. "I can't come see you?" he asked quietly.

"Just give me some time. Please," she begged, wanting him to understand but not knowing how to make it clear.

"Fine," he said, a harsh note in his voice. Her rejection hurt, and he couldn't hide it. "I guess there's nothing more to say."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Yeah, me, too," he said, hanging up.

Jazmin looked down at her silent phone, lost in reverie. "Are you ready?" Mac asked her. She put away her phone and nodded.

******At the Beach House******

Trina had rushed home as soon as she was able. She found Veronica curled up on the couch staring vacantly at the television. "Oh, Veronica, I'm so sorry!" she gushed as she came into the room. She handed Dick the baby and put her hand on Veronica's leg.

"Yeah," Veronica said. Everyone was sorry. Everyone felt bad. She knew that, but it didn't help. She felt empty inside. She kept putting her hand on her stomach, unwilling to believe there was no life inside there.

"Would you like to hold Richie? I know he always makes you feel better," Trina suggested.

Dick held up Richie, who was kicking and smiling, or what they considered a smile. He was too young to fully smile, but his kicking and waving of his hands usually indicated happiness. Veronica looked at him with longing a moment then turned away. Her baby was dead. Looking at Richie reminded her of what she no longer had, what she may never have. "No. Not now," she said quietly.

"Where's my brother?" Trina asked.

"In Portland still," Mac said. "He told me that he'd be on the seven o'clock flight back, so he'll be back tonight."

"Bad timing," Trina said with a frown.

"Yeah," Mac agreed. "We haven't been able to reach him. Just his voicemail. He must have his phone turned off."

"He's going to be upset that he wasn't here," Dick said. More than that, Dick knew his best friend was going to be devastated.

"Do you want some dinner?" Mac asked Veronica.

She shook her head.

"How about I go get you one of those chocolate shakes you like?" Dick suggested.

"Okay," Veronica said, knowing her friends needed to do something for her.

"I'll go with you and pick up some food for everyone. She may get hungry later," Mac said.

Dick gave Trina the baby. Trina held him against her chest, kissing his cheek. It wasn't fair. She hadn't even wanted her son, and he was perfectly healthy. Logan and Veronica had been so eager and excited. Now the baby was gone. Just like that. "Things really suck sometimes," she said to Veronica.

"Yea, they really do," Veronica said, looking at Richie with an anguished glance. She wanted to hold him very badly. But he wasn't her son, and she was too attached. Trina could decide at any moment to leave Neptune and take Richie with her. Veronica closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at him. She couldn't bear to lose another baby.

Trina felt sad for Veronica and realized that Richie may be making her sadder. She would never get to hold her own baby. Trina felt a flash of guilt as she got up. Sometimes she hated being a mother even though she loved her son. How screwed up was that? And now Veronica wasn't going to be a mother. "You can try again, you know," she said, trying to console Veronica.

Veronica opened her eyes. "And what if that baby dies, too? Why would I put myself through that?" Veronica asked, a hint of anger in her gaze.

Trina stepped back, unprepared to answer. "Yeah, well, it's scary," was all she could come up with. "I'm going to go feed Richie." She got up and took Richie out of the room into the kitchen.

Veronica's cell phone rang. The number was not on her contact list. Frowning, Veronica answered it. It was the hospital. They gave her the answer she had been wanting. She hung up, wanting to cry but unable to. Now she knew what she lost. When Lilly died, it broke her heart. When her mom left, she had been devastated and then angry. When she and Logan broke up, she had been all of that and more. Now, however, she felt like she was lost in an abyss of pain. Relentless pain. Where was Logan? She needed him so much right now.

******Neptune Airport******

Logan got off the plane feeling satisfied with his day's work. Leanne was in a very good place, and Logan was confident that Veronica would soon be reconciled with her mother. Missing her, he turned on his phone to call her. He frowned when he saw that he had ten missed calls. Three of them were from Veronica, one from Jazmin, one from Keith, one from Duncan, one from Mac, and three from Dick. Concerned he listened to his voicemail. In shock, he listened as the missed day's events unfolded on the messages. Dick was angry and accusing at his absence. Keith and Wallace worried and concerned. Veronica's last message broke his heart.

"Logan, I need you. Why aren't you here?" Veronica's anguished cry rang in his ears as Logan hurried out of the airport and to his vehicle.

His mind raced as he tried to process the news of the miscarriage. He had only been gone twelve hours. How could their baby be gone? He felt sick at the sudden loss.

When he finally arrived home, Dick greeted him at the door, a look of sadness and anger on his face. "Dude, bad day to leave town! Did you get our messages?" Dick asked.

Logan nodded. "What happened?" he asked grimly. Dick filled him in on what had happened earlier that day.

"Nothing really happened. She was with Jazmin and started having pains. Jazzie took her to the ER," Dick explained.

"Yes, she called me. But stupid me had turned off my damn phone! I never turned it back on," Logan said in self-loathing.

"It wouldn't have changed anything," Dick said sadly. "You were still out of town."

"Yes, but I could've talked to Veronica at least!" Logan said harshly. "Where is she?"

"Dude, she's like a zombie. Not crying or yelling. She was just sitting on the couch for hours not moving. She finally went to bed," Dick shared. He was very relieved that Logan was here. He felt completely and utterly helpless.

Logan went to their room and found her in bed. She was asleep with the covers kicked off of her. She was curled on her side, her hands holding her stomach as if to protect what was no longer there. Logan stripped down to his boxers and crawled in beside her. She didn't stir. When he slipped his hands around her waist covering her hands, she finally awoke.

"It was a boy," she said quietly. She turned in his arms and faced him, a look of sorrow on her face. "I'm sorry, Logan. I lost our son," she said, her words coated in anguish, but her eyes were dry.

Logan's arm tightened around her, and he grabbed her hand with his other arm. He moved his head until his forehead was touching hers. Then he cried at the loss. He cried like he hadn't done since his mother died. Veronica closed her eyes, finally feeling anchored now that he was here to share in her sorrow. "Our son is dead," she said softly. Hearing the words aloud with him there next to her finally made it real. Now she could cry. Together they mourned the bitter loss of their son.

*********Chapter End*******

I know you hate me. I'm sorry. I honestly never planned on them having the baby. I wanted them to go through something that would either bring them closer as a couple or drive them apart. Only someone who has known this loss can identify with what they're going through. Unfortunately, it is something that happens to a lot of woman. I hope you don't quit reading, though! I have a plan to get them through it. I almost wavered in this storyline because they were so excited about the baby, and I know you all were, too. However, I really wanted to write a story that shows a true road to an epic love. One that is forged in fire. Please don't give up on this story!