A/N: Kotoko's disease, diagnosis, causes, symptoms, treatment- everything is written out of imagination which does not have any logical explanation.

Devastation

(Kotoko's POV)

I went to meet Dr. Shinju after 3 days. As per our appointment, he was waiting for me.

"So Irie-san, did you decide what you want to do about your treatment?" Dr. Shinju asked.

"No, not really." I was honest.

"You shouldn't delay it you know. The sooner you start the better."

"Can you explain how the treatment is going to work?" I was curious.

"Well you will be given a therapy once in every month. In the therapy you will be given the medicines that will kill the disease. Furthermore, we will constantly observe all your reactions and study them. As this treatment is still in its experimental phase, we will need your family's consent."

"I understand. I have tried to know more about this disease and found out in a research paper that recently it has been treated successfully in the USA and 80% of the patients has the same reactions so the medicine should work the same way as it did for other patients, isn't it?" I asked.

Dr. Shinju smiled warmly at me. "You really are quite bright you know?"

I laughed and told him "You can't be serious. You are the only one who said that. I'm actually very thickheaded."

Dr. Shinju laughed. "But what you said is 80% correct, since 80% of the patients have the same reactions. But we can't ignore the remaining 20% which makes the treatment yet experimental. I also have great news for you. Dr. Ayano Rei who is working on an USA team of Neuroshia currently decided to monitor you directly from USA. He is the one who studied all your reports from there. His USA team already successfully cured many patients. Now he has decided to start the treatment in Japan."

"That is brilliant." I grinned widely.

"I can also suggest you to him and you can volunteer at his research work if you want you know?" He winked.

"Really? I can?" I was surprised. Dr. Shinju laughed out loud.

"I understand. I will definitely refer you to him." I beamed at him hearing that.

"Irie-san, I have checked your mothers reports and found her details in our database."

I was both surprised and confused which Dr. Shinju read in my expression and elaborated.

"10 years ago, when our department started the research on Neuroshia, at first we collected the information of all the patients across Japan for the last 20 years that were available, which was only a few. This is a rare disease. We studied about them and tried to find out every details of their condition. Before we tried to find the cure our initial step was to find out what triggers this disease. It was found out that this disease triggers due to some pregnancy complexity. Several points have been proven across the whole world. Such as:

1. This disease triggers due to pregnancy complexity.

2. This does not transfer from one to another by any other means.

3. If a pregnant woman is diagnosed by this, then her child may or may not have the disease.

4. If someone is cured 100%, this does not return.

5. If you start your treatment at the initial stage then there is 70 to 80% hope to be cured now a day. Even the 2nd stage can be handled. But the 3rd stage is hopeless. " Dr. Shinju paused, hesitating.

I urged him. "What about my mother? What was her condition when she was diagnosed?"

I have found out about this detail because your mother admitted this to her doctor in charge who left a document about this. Your father probably doesn't know but your mother was first diagnosed immediately after she was pregnant with you. It was triggered due to some early pregnancy complexity. She was suggested to abort you and start her treatment. Neuroshia didn't have a cure back then but they had the initial treatment which might have had helped her live longer. But that treatment would have killed the child. So your mother chose your life over hers. She decided to have the baby seeing that it wasn't definite that she will live longer. After you were born she didn't went for check up since she had to breastfeed you. During that time she felt that the disease wasn't bothering her so she decided to wait. What she didn't know is that she already had reached her 3rd and final stage. When your father took her back for the treatment, she probably didn't let him know the full truth. He was only told that she was in her 3rd stage and it doesn't have a cure which was true. But he wasn't told that it was her choice which reduced her life. But of course, even if your mother didn't have you, she was right that she wouldn't have been cured 100% back then. So... um mm... Dr. Shinju didn't know what else to say probably as he paused looking helpless.

My face must have turned white which made him stop. I literally couldn't feel air. It took a while for me to calm down. I felt like my mind wasn't working. So I was the reason my mother died. She wouldn't have died in the first place if I wasn't born. I just sat there staring at the table. After a while Dr. Shinju cleared his throat. I looked up suddenly remembering something.

"If I'm not cured fully, I'm not allowed to conceive right? Seeing the child might get this too?"

"Yes. It's not certain that your child will also have this but the possibility is high. Not only this, if you conceive then you will have to stop your treatment. That will be taking the same path your mother took. As a child you should know how your child will react to that."

I just nodded. But this also made me understand my mother a bit... only a tiny bit. She didn't want to leave my father alone. So she decided to leave me with him. But what she didn't know was that the truth would kill me.

"Er... not only that... You should probably also know before you start your treatment that, due to this treatment, even after you are cured fully, your chances of conceiving will get lower. It depends how you respond to your medicine. You might not face any problem at all or you might not conceive at all. It is not definite what will happen." Dr. Shinju said in a low voice.

I couldn't take in anymore. It was too much for me. My head was pounding. My breathing was uneven. I stood up suddenly.

"Dr. Shinju, thank you so much for all your help. I... I..." I gulped. "I will take my leave for today." I didn't wait for his answer. I literally ran out of his room and out of the hospital.

I didn't know which way I was going and I didn't care. I broke into a run. I wanted to forget everything I just heard. I kept running until I was out of breath. I stopped for some air but suddenly the floor beneath me started to move and everything went dark. I hit the ground into the world of darkness.

...

I woke up in an unfamiliar environment. I was brought into the nearby hospital emergency. I stayed there until evening as I had to finish the saline they gave me. Then I returned home. I pretended to be asleep until dinner. I had called Irie-kun who didn't receive. At dinner oka-san kept asking about things but I was so distracted that she finally asked me if I was okay. I assured her I was.

"You are too similar to your mother, you know?" Suddenly otou-san said that to me. I was so shocked that I kept gaping at him. Why was he talking about my mother suddenly?

"What happened?" he raised a brow.

I shook my head. "Why would you say that?" I asked him.

"You're always distracted. Even you give the same expressions." He laughed. Oka-san and otou-san (Irie-kun's father) also joined in.

I tried to smile but it didn't come out.

"Kotoko-chan should have a daughter just like her. It will be fun to watch her grow up." Oka-san said happily.

"Another baka? One is enough in the family. Their child hopefully will inherit oni-chan's brain. " Yuki-kun said.

If it was any other day I would have gladly agreed with him at this point and added a few other points. But today was different. Their light conversation was leaving heavy affects on me. The food seemed tasteless. I kept staring at them. My mind wasn't working straight. It was totally empty expect from the words I heard earlier today.

"Why aren't you eating Kotoko-chan?" Oka-san asked.

"I'm full." I replied.

"You barely ate anything." She looked up at me with concern.

"No, I don't feel like eating anymore." I said.

"You should go and rest then. Don't worry about the kitchen. I will take care of it."

I thanked oka-san and departed to my room. I called Irie-kun but he didn't receive. I sat on the edge of the bad and stared at the floor. Various thoughts circled around my mind. My dad talking about my mum. How Irie-kun and I met. How I pursued him. How he fell in love with me. How we got married. How he is working hard right now. I felt like I was totally selfish. I was the reason my mother wasn't with my father anymore. I made Irie-kun fall in love with me. But if they find out about my illness, none of them will blame me. They will say it wasn't my fault that my mother died. Irie-kun will leave Kobe and return home. And if I die like my mother, Irie-kun will be alone. At least my father had me. What will Irie-kun do? Will he ever move on? Will he fall for someone again or stay alone like my dad for the rest of his life? Well it sucked both ways. And oka-san? She really wants a grandchild. If she finds out about my condition, she will be heartbroken. Will Irie-kun and I never have a child? Will no one call us oka-san and otou-san? I took the small doll (mini-version of Naoki) and hugged it. Tears began to fall from my eyes. I kept crying and crying. I cried the whole night, until the morning.

A/N: I'm really sorry for hurting Kotoko so much. I'm just pushing her to her limits as she needed to be stronger. She has a long battle ahead to fight. Please let me know what you think. Thank you.. :)