Chapter 13

Hurt

As I'd feared, in addition to the Sin Eaters we would have Enforcers after us. I would also no longer have her protection. I didn't resent her for it either. She didn't just have to uphold the law. While I always bent the rules, I never broke them. Making an exception for me or anyone else would call her integrity into question. She was the law. Going completely off her grid had to result in a warrant that bore my name. What with the end of the world coming, we just didn't need that. I still had one more question:

"What exactly is a God Killer?"

The Old Bat shook her head and rubbed her eyes. The milky film that coated her eyes seemed thicker. It looked as though she was fighting to keep her sight, which was odd because she was already blind.

"All I know is that every realm has one, and a God Killer can end their world or it can save it, but I know not how."

I might have reached my rock bottom because I took that bleak bit of news as something good. "Then how do you know it's her? You could be mistaken. She might just be a powerful Sin Eater like any other." Even as I said it sounded weak and little desperate to my ears.

The Pythoness gave me a look that stated plainly and snidely, 'Are you fucking serious?' I suppose I wasn't. "In her right eye, I saw heaven and in her left, I saw the bowels of hell." She said.

The Pythoness held her hand open for me when she reached the door. Knowing what it would cost me, I shook my head and took a firm step back. There was no question about what my choice would be. It was a reflex that was as natural to me as breathing was to a human. Keeping Sookie safe was paramount. Once her child was born and our bond was broken that would no longer be the case. We would once again be strangers, strangers who should have never been anything more. That was later.

In this moment, I seized the opportunity to add a layer of protection for her unborn child. I couldn't trust myself to do so later. We would soon be marching to our places in a war that neither of us had a hand in declaring. What side she would be on? I had no idea. I knew where I would be. It would be where the Pythoness sent me.

"How much of a head start can you give me?" I asked.

"I am an old lady," she said, opening the door. "I forget things, sometimes for one, two days at a time."

"In return, I will not recklessly endanger or maim any of the Enforcers you send after me," That would also help my case in court. I knew at some point after this was all done, I would turn myself in. "In addition I make you this offer. Until you release me or the true death claims me, I will sit in your cabinet and wear your colors. I will become of Captain of the Enforcers."

The Pythoness stilled and looked up at me. "What do you desire in return?" she asked.

"What are you not willing to give?"

"I will not look into your future or hers. I will not dismiss the warrant that will hold your name."

I nodded. I didn't want any of that. The future was a fickle thing, and having her take a glimpse for me would only show me things I didn't want to know. Either that or it would have me fighting something that should be.

"When her child is born, you will take him to your home, and keep him safe. Ever will he and his be under your protection. You will treat him as you treat your own."

With one more look toward the bathroom where Sookie was washing up, she nodded her agreement. "I accept your terms." She was on other side of the room when she added, "I hope you know what you are doing."

For some reason that statement made me laugh. It was probably because I had no fucking clue what I was doing. The Old Bat must have known, too, because this was the first time that she didn't insist I see her to her car.

I left Sookie alone as long as I could. After a half hour of silence from the other side of the door, I heard the shower turn on. Twenty minutes later, with no end in sight, I went in. The door was locked, but it didn't stop me. I mangled the knob and forced my way in.

My mate was huddled in the tub, naked, sitting directly under the jetting stream. She didn't blink, not even as water entered her eyes, and rained down her face. She stared blankly ahead and she looked like the soul had been snatched from her, her spirit had been torn asunder, and she was numb.

From the amount of steam rising from the air, the water had to be piping hot. She didn't seem to notice. The first thing I did was adjust the water temperature. Then I simply sat beside the tub. I didn't say anything. I didn't touch her, I could see that she was barely holding what was left of herself together. "This is where we part ways," she said, as if speaking to herself.

"I am going back, and I'm going to kill them all. Niall, Breandan; everyone that had ever fed me this lie, and anyone that gets in my way."

The expression on my face was a little doubtful, and more than a little condescending. It was a front to hide my horror. Since she found me, the only thing she wanted to do was keep her child safe. Not to mention I just signed away my eternity. I would kick her ass myself. "I suppose you are going to beat their fists with your face and bleed all over them to subdue them?" In her condition, that was all she could do. "Effective."

"I will be the last thing they see before they all die," she said.

Her expression was nothing like when she woke from a night terror. It wasn't cold. A razor's edge didn't glint in her eyes, and murder wasn't on her mind. On her face was a look that I had worn once so long ago. She didn't accept what was true, not after she had lived a beautiful lie.

"You don't want to kill them," I said honestly. "You want to die."

She looked at me, her face crumpled, and she cried. I pulled her out of the tub, wrapped her in towel, and held her to me. "They took everything," she said. "I loved them. I shed blood for them, so much blood. I have bled, I would have died, and for what?" She looked so very lost, so broken, and hurt. "For what?"

Her racking sobs were that of someone who was dying or coming alive; someone who was breaking and becoming whole all at once. She gagged and I was sure if there was anything in her stomach it would have come up.

"I believed everything they told me. That my survival was based on obedience. It was easy to believe because everyone who took their chances without them died, and now I know why. We are…I'm a monster. I've don't things that felt wrong for the sake of others like me, so we would be safe from Breandan."

"They owned you before you were born. They robbed you in the worst possible way. They lied, they used you, and now they hunt you. It sucks but you can't control it. You can't rewrite the past because it doesn't do shit for the pain. It only makes you dumber. Your life is one thing that they want, don't let them have it, not without a real fight, not now."

I wiped her tears and kissed her head, but held her tighter. She clutched to me as if nothing in this world could tether her to its surface.

"Believe me when I tell you I know how bad it hurts," I whispered, pulling her head into my chest. My cheek rested on her head. "I know love." And it sucked silver.

She looked up at me doubtfully. "Everybody plays the fool sometimes," I smiled and rolled my eyes to ease the intimacy of the moment. "Okay, in my case it's more like always, but you get the point."

She smiled. It wasn't much, just a slight curve of her lips. Seeing such a little thing eased the ache of watching her hurt so badly but being unable to do anything about it.

"A betrayal that runs this deep makes you ask yourself what is it you have ever done to make someone you love want to hurt you so badly. How could they want to hurt you when all you ever did was love them? You wonder how you could have ever been so stupid. How could you have trusted and followed so blindly?"

She nodded. "I guess sometimes is always for me too."

I winced, and shook my head sadly. "We're screwed then," I said dryly.

She laughed and laid her head in the crook of my neck. While I had made her smile, I knew the pain wasn't gone. I just held her and the longer her scent and the heat suffused my senses, the more I needed to get away. I tried to ease her off me, but she stilled and looked up at me slowly. Sookie leaned into me. I saw her intent and I pulled away.

"We shouldn't," I said, cupping her face in my hands. It was a show of comfort, but it was also to keep her from coming closer. Already the scent of her desire was rising. It was something I hadn't sensed in so long. It was sharper and more potent, if that was possible. I didn't have much willpower. I wanted her.

I knew what sex with her meant for me, and for us. She had explained it to me. The sad part was that being bound tighter to her wasn't what made me refuse her. It was because I didn't want to take advantage of her. The weekend we met, she had been in heat and simply couldn't help herself. Now she was in pieces and wanted to feel something other than pain. I also understood that. After Freyda, I gave 'Grief Banging' a completely new meaning.

"Please, Eric," her bottom lip trembled and her eyes rimmed with tears. "Please just this once, just for a little while."

That was it. I was totally undone. With a groan of defeat and desire, I pulled her to me. Rejection from her mate was something she just couldn't handle right now. Honestly, it wasn't something I could do; whether or not it was the bonding marks, I couldn't say. I had wanted to taste her lips since the day she stormed back into my life.

For so long now, I'd been yearning to crush her body to mine. With every week that passed while we had been racing to Hawaii, I saw her glow. I saw her figure fill out even more as she grew fuller. Thankfully, she wore loose clothing most of the time. It helped tamp my hunger for her. It wasn't enough to rob me of my desire for her; nothing could.

Effortlessly, I rose with her in my arms. Her legs were around me, but she refused to part her lips from mine. Kissing her ignited a fire in me that only she could call forth. I would have her there and then, but I forced myself to make it to the bed. If it was going to be just this once, I wanted to savor it. Foreplay consisted of us simply touching each other as we got reacquainted. Her fingertips grazed over the surface of my skin, and I was purring and leaning in to seek more. I nuzzled her neck and rubbed my cheek against hers, and she moaned.

It added something more to this encounter, making it better. Admittedly, wanting to make love was something I shouldn't want, but with the mating mark wrapping me in a cloak of adoration, affection, passion, and warmth, it was all I wanted. With her smoldering blue eyes locked on mine, with her lips whispering passionate words in my ear, and with her body undulating urgently beneath mine; no, I couldn't help it.

Everything seemed as very right as I touched her, but it wasn't, it so wasn't. The end of the world was dawning, we were being hunted, but none of it mattered. It didn't matter because she was my world. Later, it would, but now I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to ease her, I wanted to hold her and never let go. Simultaneously, it wasn't what I wanted. It was the mark at work. These feelings weren't real, but I couldn't even make myself resent it while in the heat of the moment.

The scent and taste of her was intoxicating. Our fingers intertwined. Her legs cradled my hips as I lay on top of her. Our eyes held as I entered her slick folds. I saw the look in her eyes as she took my body into hers. It was a beautiful blend of devotion, wonder, and utter bliss. Slowly, I surged into her.

I was asking myself how this time could feel better than the first. Her body was tight, so very tight, just as I remembered. The only difference was that there was no blood or pain. I felt her stretch to take me as I filled her. I growled from the effort to keep from riding her harder and faster so I could get a glimpse of heaven.

Sookie moaned and reached up to pull my lips to hers as I claimed her. I found that I didn't miss that blazing need that had hung over us the first time. It burned slower and heated deeper, but it was just as consuming. When she came, it was because I made her, not because she couldn't help it. My name and her cries of desire tumbled from her lips. I was getting lost. We had to stop.

"Better?" I asked, slowing.

"Ye…yes," she moaned nodding.

"Okay," I kissed her, and began disentangling myself.

It took everything I had not to suck her lip into my mouth. I'd been ready to cum the instant I felt her wetness. It took every shred of fortitude, but I pulled out of her with my cock fully erect and aching to get back in. Ignoring the way she whimpered at the loss of me and my groan of parting with her warmth, I moved to the bathroom. It felt criminal to wash away her scent and the evidence of her pleasure, but I had to. Already, I was feeling things I shouldn't, things I didn't want, things that weren't real.