I have been sitting in this room for one day and a half by now, long enough for me to go back over the events fifty times. My thoughts are taking over my mind and body, constantly trying to figure out by who and why I am arrested. And for war crimes. What war crimes? A war is a war. People get hurt, people die. It's no one's and everyone's fault. So why lock up only one person and let someone else go? But then again, maybe I'm not the only person. I only know Finnick was free to go but what about Peeta? Where is he? And the rest of our squad. I don't even know who's alive and who died. Perhaps they all died and Snow won. That would make sense, to be locked up by Snow. It's not like it hasn't happened before.
Just when I'm about to spiral back into a string of flashbacks from my torture, voices at the door catch my attention.
"I already told you, you can't enter the room," a booming voice says.
"Well I don't care what you already told me, I want to go in, let me in," another, much younger voice protests.
I'm at the closed door at once. "Finnick?"
"Johanna? Can you hear me?"
"Yes!" I shout excitedly through the door.
"Oh finally! They won't let me in to see you."
"Why not?" I ask. I realize how desperate my tone is but I really want to see him. I'm going crazy in here and I need some answers so I hope Finnick has them.
"Well, because you're a prisoner and -… Get your hands off me!"
There's the sound of a struggle and a hard smack followed by an 'Ouch!' and then someone falling on the floor. And then, silence.
"Finnick? Damn it, Finnick?!" I yell, shaking the handle of the door in a desperate attempt to open it.
Finnick's breathing is heavy when he answers. "I'm allright. Ah shit, I'm bleeding. The guard's out though."
"Can you come in now? Do you have a key?"
"I don't but he should have one. Wait, give me a second… Maybe in his pockets… Ah found it!"
The key is pushed in the hole and the door swings open. I fling myself at Finnick as soon as he comes through the door.
"Careful. My lip's busted," he says in my hair.
"I don't care," I reply, still gripping him tightly. "I'm just glad to see you."
"Me too," he admits affectionately while hugging me back.
"So," I say once I've released him. "Tell me everything you know."
"You might want to sit down," he says.
I do as I'm told since I have no idea what to expect.
"I'm going to start from the beginning, when we got lost from the squad," Finnick begins.
I nod, urging him to go on.
"The heap of flesh we saw," he says with a mixture of disgust and guilt in his voice, "was Messalla."
I didn't really know him and am so used to death by now that this doesn't really affect me. The biggest shock was when we actually saw it, when it could still be anyone. But it's just someone who was in my squad, like someone from your hometown you never said anything to. So instead of feigning sadness, I just nod and say "Who else?"
"Leeg 1 died fighting those mutts that bit you next to a pod called the Meatgrinder," Finnick continues. I have an odd image in my head when Finnick mentions the meatgrinder. Like a metallic machine with lots of teeth. It feels so surreal that I have to keep myself from smirking at the picture of a robot animal in my head. "Homes and Castor were killed by the mutts. Cressida got badly hurt while walking down the streets, close to the mansion. The people were going crazy, pushing others, walking over others. It was chaos, I hear. She's in the hospital now. Pollux and Jackson are both fine, considering the fact that their friends and family died."
When Finnick is done talking, it takes me a while to react because I have to put faces and names together but I got the main idea: Boggs' sidekick is alive, the propo director is alive, and the avox is alive. So that means…
"Katniss and Gale?"
Finnick's face changes a bit when he starts speaking. "They both got hurt in the explosions. They were too close to the mansion when the parachutes landed. They're both at the hospital as well. It's pretty bad but they'll get through. But there's something else…"
"What?"
"Prim, Katniss' sister, died in the explosions. And Katniss knows the bombs were developed by Beetee and Gale. So Katniss is in a really bad place now, not just physically but mentally as well. She's blaming everyone and herself too. You know how she's like."
I remember Katniss' little sister. She was one of the few optimistic people I knew. I didn't know her that well but whenever I did speak to her, she was always very nice. I make a mental note to visit Katniss at the hospital, but then I remember I'm a prisoner now and can't go anywhere.
I'm suddenly confused. "Prim, how did she get here? I thought she was in 13?"
"She went to the Capitol to help treat the wounded."
The wounded. Images of dead children cross my mind and I swallow thickly.
"And where is Peeta?"
A small smile appears on Finnick's face. "He's fine. They're just checking up on him regularly to see if the venom is still affecting him. We have to share a room until it's all over."
"Until what is all over?" I ask, not really knowing what he's referring to.
"Snow's execution, your trial… Things like that."
"My trial?!" I exclaim, completely taken aback.
Arrested for a day or so, okay. But a trial, that means I could end up in jail. I'm finally free of Snow and now I have the possibility of ending up in prison!
Finnick must've seen the panic on my face because he puts his hand over mine and says it's going to be alright.
"They don't have anything on you. Maybe it's just a formality, to show everyone that the rebels made mistakes too," he says in a soft voice.
"Mistakes? What mistakes did I make that you didn't? Yes, I killed people but so did you. So did Peeta and Katniss and Gale!" I yell frantically.
"If you must know," The guard suddenly enters the room. "You killed too many innocent people. Twelve avoxes to be exact. They were unarmed and you killed them. Mercilessly."
I open my mouth to protest but I realize he's right. The realization is like receiving a punch in the face. killed twelve harmless avoxes. I was on an actual killing spree, not to be stopped by anyone. I was one of Snow's mutts myself.
I pull my hand out of Finnick's and tell both men to leave.
"Johanna, don't do this. Please, not now," Finnick pleads but I ignore him.
When I say something back, my voice sounds strangely flat. "I just became a Victor of my third Hunger Games."