Chapter 17

Want You Back

My mate didn't really know what it was like to not have to watch her back because, despite my words, she still kept a watchful eye. All she saw were birds and bees and the little forest animals that were a part of Americ's scenic illusion. In the month that followed, Sookie slowly began to ease her guard and I glimpsed a whole different personality. There was an easiness and grace to her. Though she could spare the energy, she had long hung up her magic bag.

More often than not, her feet were bare and her hair was down. Sookie liked the simple things; I could tell because she did chores. I would have objected but it made her perversely happy. She would smile and hum to herself as she swept the already clean hallways and polished just about everything until she could catch her reflection in it. When she wasn't doing that, she was basking in the sun.

I'd never imagined what Sookie would look like in the light of the day if it was possible she was even more beautiful. There was no caution to the way she moved or what she said. It was mostly due to Amelia, who was welcoming and took an instant liking to her. They did what women did; talked, laughed, made fun of men. A few times they cried over movies and into their chocolate ice cream.

All of this I noticed from a distance. After the forced proximity and sudden devotion to a woman I didn't know, I took a step back. Outside of making sure she had everything she needed, I stayed away from Sookie. We didn't talk except for what was necessary, and we weren't playful, just cordial. It was for the best, as she said, this was temporary. Yet, she still called me baby, and I called her lover. It made everything all the more confusing.

This felt awkward. I'd never expected interacting with her while we were on the road to be easier than it was now. Sookie seemed to be fitting in better with Godric and Amelia than I was. Sure; I antagonized Amelia, but that was the way we communicated. I interacted with my maker and we caught up. I held back from my mate especially because I had no excuse to get closer. But with every day that passed, I found myself wanting to do so anyway. Sookie didn't need anything and danger was nowhere around. It was only then that I noticed that the upheaval and volatile nature of the marks wasn't normal. Most likely, it had been induced by stress. Since we arrived, it had calmed. I was beginning to notice it less and less. It was to the point that unless I caught the reflection, I forgot it was there.

Sookie smiled, laughed, and made jokes, but it wasn't with me. I only enjoyed it by proxy. I missed the way we could go tit for tat. I missed the way I could look at her and she would smile knowing exactly all the things I wanted to say even though I couldn't. That was new and more frustrating than anything else was. I…missed her.

Before I knew it, Sookie was five months pregnant. With every day that passed, she glowed even more. Amelia was practiced in caring for pregnant women and she helped her, answered all her questions, and assuaged her concerns. They had both assumed the child would come soon, but there seemed to be no sign of him. I couldn't fight the knee jerk reaction to worry, but the fact that Amelia was experienced gave me more license to step away because someone was attentively seeing to her. It didn't keep me from watching.

The objective had been met. The circumstances no longer forced us to be as close. That was what I told myself. It was what I wanted to be true; but it wasn't. With all the distance I'd placed between us, I still had no idea. I couldn't be sure if it was the bonding marks or just the man in me who was attracted to the most mesmerizing woman he had ever known.

I looked forward to sundown because Sookie still needed to hear my voice and feel my arms around her. When she slept, I didn't have to pretend to not want her. The other intimate touchs I anticipated was the way she liked to sit when I happened to catch her watching television and my will was weak.

Sookie liked to sit on the floor, tuck herself between my long legs and close them around her until they encompassed her. Then she'd rest her head on my left knee and her right hand wound around my right leg. There were times when she fell asleep in that position, despite her swelling girth.

Everything this woman did, said, or didn't say, confused me. I might need to face the fact that I would never understand her or what I felt for her. There was no more denying that there was something there. No matter how deeply I tried to bury it, it refused to wane. There would never be a neat little box for me to place her in and that was I was afraid of.

When it came to Sookie, I had given up eternity. No thought or deliberation had gone into it. I didn't have to weigh the pros and the cons. It had been instinctive and instantaneous. That was the problem. I didn't know if I would have gone to such extremes without being mated. I couldn't tell if I would feel this strongly, or want her so badly, without the mating symbols.

The marks were causing me to doubt any and everything that attracted me to her. I couldn't trust my emotions. They had led me so far astray once. I couldn't trust my instincts because of the compulsion I felt for her. I had been angry at the consequences of what should have been a weekend fling.

The appearance of the tattoos only made me angrier; so did the sudden devotion and emotional bond. That was before we added everything else. The fact that she had lied about carrying my child to gain to my protection was a major issue. That was unsettling. Then there was the little detail of us being arch nemeses and an impending war that might end the world.

It was all too much to process, so I shut it out. I continued to shut her out. Regardless of that, I watched her. I was becoming more and more concerned for her. The further her pregnancy progressed, the weaker Sookie became. She needed to sleep and eat more. She needed more of me…she needed more everything. It irritated me that I had to provide it.

It wasn't so much I had to do it that irritated me, it was the fact that doing so made me deliriously happy. When I knew my mate was well fed and well rested it made me want to smile. Yet, she would insist the marks weren't meant to control. Bullshit! Me feeding and going to sleep didn't make her happy, yet she always had a smile for me when I rose. Perplexing.

How the hell was it possible she was doing nothing and she was still as tempting as all hell? I had no idea, but it didn't keep me from watching. In fact, it made it worse. The weather was always perfect for humans in Americ. It meant that Sookie wore less. It was torture! Her ripening belly stuck out between her hips in a neat little bump. Being pregnant did incredible things to her ass.

I watched, no matter I told myself I shouldn't.

My sexual frustration was growing and so was the ache I felt for her. I noticed they were two very different things. I was starting to feel more and more like a stalker; her stalker. Today after she had eaten, she embarked on her favorite thing. There was a clearing that was surrounded by bright flowers of every species. In the middle was a large sandalwood tree with a swing attached to it. Every time she mounted the swing, I cringed. It had nothing to do with her need, or danger; I just worried.

She had a blanket in her hand and her face was buried in a book. By the cover I knew it was a romance novel, which Amelia had in abundance. The enthusiasm with which she devoured it made me smile. Every now and again, when her child kicked her too forcefully or became too rambunctious for her to find peace, she would rub her belly and scold him, but there was an adoring smile on her face as she did so. Soon she abandoned the swing and sprawled out under the sun. She rubbed her belly and I saw her lips move, but I had no idea what she was saying.

When I looked at my mate from this distance, all I saw was a woman. A heavily pregnant one who smiled, wore dresses, baked, laughed, played board games, danced, and to all our dismay, she even sang. I would have never been able to guess her dark past or the uncertainty of her future. After a while, Sookie fell asleep. When the wind blew, I wondered if she enjoyed it or if she was cold. Half of me wanted to race to her. The other half forced me to stay where I was. Both urges irritated me. Not knowing what to do, I sighed and continued to watch her. I was turning into such a fucking stalker.

"I am unsure if I should be alarmed or amused," Godric said, sidling up beside me. "Your behavior is certainly a little of both."

"She is tired," I murmured to him, not pulling my eyes from her. "Being with child seems to take more out of her than she has to give."

"Have you tried to give her blood?" he asked, moving beside me.

"No," I replied.

The thought hadn't crossed my mind. That told me that it was something she didn't need. Having a safe place for the duration of her pregnancy and to give birth was all she cared about. Sookie gave me as much space as I gave her. She didn't want me anymore than I showed I wanted her. She probably still felt just as trapped as I did, at least as I once did; cared as unwillingly as I used to. I doubted that having my blood in her was something she wanted.

"She told Amelia she will go soon after she gives birth," he said softly. "When Lia offered her permanent residence, she refused. She says that you do not want her here, or anywhere around you. She says that you only tolerate her so she will break the bond between you. Is that true?" he asked.

I frowned. It was true, but at the same time, it wasn't. It also irritated me. I mean, first off, it wasn't my child. It was hers. Godric should know that. Then again, he was Old World that way, when a vampire chose a human, that human and all of their blood belonged to you. That included providing for them and protecting them. I supposed to him there was no difference. If she would admit that the child wasn't mine, I would feel as Godric did, but that wasn't the point I wanted to argue at the moment.

It was the fact that my mate was talking to Hagatha and not me. She fell asleep in my arms every night, so she had countless opportunities. Somehow, Amelia was preferable, and so was Preston. It seemed that Sookie always needed me more than she ever wanted me.

"I don't know anymore, what I want or why."

I walked away from that conversation feeling low. I continued to watch Sookie and I continued to ache for her. I continued to miss her. Now I was at the point where I no longer wanted space, but I didn't know how to go back to the easy place we had been.

My opening came a few weeks later. I rose to find Amelia vandalizing my mate. "What the hell are you doing to her?" I snapped as I walked into the room.

Sookie was in a bikini top and a sarong. Amelia was painting her stomach. It was a piss-poor replica of 'Starry Nights' by Van Gogh.

"Go fuck a zombie, will you, Nosferatu?" she replied, giving me the finger.

I didn't even think about it. Gently I helped Sookie from her seat and pulled her under my arm. "Go back to Hogwarts, Hermione!" I retorted. This was the first time in months that any real energy had gone into our bickering. It felt good!

"It looks good," Sookie commented. "I like it!"

I noticed that her fingernails were bright red. I wanted to kick Amelia's ass. Red didn't suit her, not here, not when she was dressed in all green and glowing. Most of all, I knew that wasn't a color she would wear.

"I'm pretty sure the poor kid doesn't want the Wicked Witch of The West doodling on his head," I replied, pulling Sookie out of the room with me. "While you're at Hogwarts, take a fucking art class."

I continued walking with Sookie in tow until we arrived at the lake. I knew it was one of her favorite places. Of course I noticed that she never went in. The fear of the Water Fae was rooted too deeply; getting into a natural body of water was a death sentence for her.

Stripping, I entered the stream and stood under the cataract. Was I trying to be intentionally seductive? Maybe. It didn't matter what my intent was. I let the water wash over me and I felt Sookie's eyes on me like a caress. The scent of her desire hit the air and it sent a shiver down my spine. It was as if nothing had changed: She wanted me and I wanted her. Nothing else mattered.

I waded to the water's edge. Her eyes never left my body. She was leaning forward slightly as she watched me, but she never got close enough to the lake for splashes from the cascade to hit her clothes.

"Come here, lover." I held out my hand to her.

I knew she wanted to but she looked at the pool, and she shook her head. "I can't," she said, scooting back. It looked as though it took more will than she had to put the distance between us.

"You are safe," I said.

She nodded. "I know, it's no more than a bathtub, but…"

"Trust me," I said, pulling my top half out of the water. "I would never let anything hurt you."

She looked as though she would protest, but she just stared with parted lips. I didn't know I was going to kiss her until I did it. I was dripping wet and she was much too dry for my liking. When out lips touched, we both moaned. The tenor was the same; needy.

"We shouldn't," she said, burying her face in my chest. "You know why we shouldn't."

All the while, her fingers ran through my damp hair and wound around my neck. Her refusal was taking every shred of control she had. It didn't matter if I'd never figured out if what I felt for her was real. I no longer cared. I knew what this meant. Our bond would grow stronger. That wasn't what I feared; I feared not having her. I feared returning to the place where she was nothing but a wish I couldn't have fulfilled. Nothing was worse than that.

"I want you," I begged, unable to help myself. "I've wanted you for so long now."

"Even like this?" she asked, looking down at her bloated abdomen.

She really was crazy. What was there not to want? "Just like this."

Her will broke and mine had never truly been. When she claimed my lips in earnest, I felt all the things I didn't know I'd been starving for spark back to life. It was equal parts hunger, relief, and desire.

I had her there and then. There was no rush. She wasn't burning with need and I wasn't driven out of my mind with the urge to sate it. The last time I'd been with her was the night in Alpine. Then it had been to soothe a pain that ran too deeply for her to handle. My need was desperate and so was hers, but I wasn't rough with her.

This was two halves of a whole coming together. We took our time. I touched each and every part of her. Her breasts were more sensitive. The feel of me invading her body was enough to have her shuddering in ecstasy.

I was buried in her to the hilt. We were sprawled in the grass with me spooning her. My face and my fingers were in her hair as I continued to drive in and out of her. Despite the angle, her lips found mine and our tongues dueled as I caressed her intimately. Sookie gave me herself fervently, desperately. Just as the first time the craving to drink her was strong, but the urge to feed her my blood was stronger.

"Drink," I said, piercing my wrist and bringing the wound to her lips. "Need you to."

I didn't care that she didn't want it. She needed it, and I wanted to provide. I didn't give her a chance to refuse. She had made me hers in the Fae way, and I wanted to make her mine in the way my kind did. This was the one thing I had to have from her that was just my own. I wanted to feel me inside her, in addition to the mating mark. I didn't care that we were already so tightly bound.

There was no hesitation. Sookie was hungry for me in more ways than one. She latched on and the feel of her mouth alone elicited a throaty growl from me. That was before she sucked greedily and sank her teeth in to keep the wound from closing. Being inside of her and having her teeth in me was too much. The pain was so sweet it left me unable to stave off my release. I clutched her to me, mindful of her belly.

We made love a few more times. Finally, I was able to coax her into the lake. It shouldn't please me that she trusted me more than her instincts, but it did. Despite not knowing how to swim, she was a natural in the water. All I had been trying to deny, I found in the time I spent with her. The sense of deprivation was gone. There was no longing or ache to haunt me as I watched her from the distance.

I couldn't tell who wanted the intimacy of sex more. Sookie and I were at each other almost always. There had been months of abstinence and unclear emotion to sate. Sex helped us find even keel. It rekindled our easy friendship. It didn't mean I'd let go of the biggest problem I had with her. Surprisingly, it wasn't the mating marks. I could admit that neither of us had control over that. Sookie had lied to me. She was still lying to me, as well as to Godric and Amelia.

If she would only just admit her child wasn't mine, it would end all my confusion. She either wouldn't or couldn't, and I couldn't bring myself to broach the topic. The problem was I could understand her position. Mothers had done far worse to keep their children safe. I wouldn't hold it against her. I just didn't want to have to make excuses for her. I refused to do that for another woman or anyone else ever again.

As the birth of her child grew nearer, that one thing still remained between us. Sookie also wanted sex less, but it didn't make me want to be farther from her. Holding her close still felt like the truest thing in the world. It felt right and yet, it was so wrong. I knew the consequences each time we made love, but it still wasn't enough to make us stop.

Four months later, I rose and the first thing I felt was Sookie's discomfort. She wasn't in danger or pain. She was just wasn't as relaxed as I had become accustomed to. I was beside her before I decided to move. It startled her.

"I'm sorry, love," I said, kissing her head.

"S'okay baby," she greeted with a bright smile.

Not wanting to make her more anxious, I simply sat beside her. Maybe I had caught her at a bad moment, her child might have kicked too hard, she might have bumped her toe or something miniscule. After five minutes the my skin began to crawl, alerting me to her unrest.

"You are alright?" I asked.

She looked up at me. "Yeah…" she said, sounding uncertain. "I don't feel alright to you?"

I shook head. "Not really, it feels like you're uncomfortable," I replied.

I could see her assessing her body to verify or deny my words. "He's been kicking me like a pissed off mule all day but there's no pain, just pressure."

A half hour later, she yawned and stretched. I saw her child move across her abdomen. She patted him affectionately, but that was it. She didn't have to ask me to help her up, nor did she have to ask me to help her into bed. Tonight was no different.

I talked to her. The things I had to say were getting more and more personal but they were in languages she didn't understand. I held her and before long, she fell asleep. All the while, her discomfort grew. It turned into a sickly feeling. It was creeping into my body but she just kept on snoring softly.

Concerned, I called Amelia. All she did was scratch her head in confusion. Together she, Godric and I watched as Sookie slept through the beginning of childbirth. Two hours later, her eyes sprang open. Her hand was under pillow reaching for a dagger she kept there within the same breath.

I flew to her side. This was the way she always woke. Nothing had changed. I knew well enough not to force her awake. I pulled her head into my chest.

At first, Sookie stiffened, and I felt the sharp sting of a dagger clear my ribs, more than likely she had punctured a lung. Since I wasn't a breather it was no big deal. It wasn't pleasant but I forced my body to remain relaxed, so it was about halfway in me when she stopped. I heard her draw a breath like someone who had been drowning. Then she pulled away from me and looked at what she had done. Her face fell and she looked like she always did, ashamed.

"God Eric…I'm so—"

I kissed her lips softly. When this happened, the guilt she felt was greater than any injury she inflicted. So she tried to comfort me after and I did the same for her.

"You're okay. It's okay."

Slowly she stopped shaking. "The baby's coming," she finally said, stating the obvious.

"I speak for us all when I say, 'no shit,'" Amelia said.

A/N: Sorry for the late update, life has been conspiring against me.