AN: Hey everyone! Thanks for reading, I hope you're enjoying it. Here's another installment. If you're wondering when Benny'll be coming in, it'll be around the three month mark probably. Also, I don't own Supernatural.

Day 24-ish

Sam,

Hey man, it's been a while. Like nine or ten days, yeah? A lot can happen in ten days. I don't know where to start on this one, my heart really isn't into this, but I know you'd want to hear from me. I'm tired, man. Just so tired. Tired of fighting, of running, of searching for Cas. Tired of it all.

I tortured some more sons of bitches in these nine days, probably around fifteen. I lost count, or rather, I lost the ability to care about it. I don't know why I thought it would be important to know the number. It isn't really. When it comes down to it, they're all just one being, just one faceless entity that I made scream for its mother. And it doesn't matter, really, 'cause none of them had any information. It's their own fault they were tortured by me, they should have just said they didn't have anything, but they're all stubborn. I guess I can't fault them for that, because I'd be the same way, but they're really just making it harder on themselves.

You know, I had this one vampire all nice and set up, I was herding it into a trap I made. Of course, the dumb shit thought I was running from it! Yeah, me, Dean fucking Winchester, running from a lowly vampire. Ha! So I led it right into my perfect vampire trap. The net fell and grounded the damn thing so fast it didn't know what hit it, and before it could orient itself I jumped it and pinned it to the ground, using the net to wrap it up nice and secure before hauling its ass over to a tree and tying it up.

Now this vamp, it was a screamer. Most of them cry and beg and are just generally fucking annoying, but not this one. After I tied it up good and made it so that if it moved its head would be chopped off, I kneeled in front of it. It looked at me then, with such fear in its eyes, and I just had to stop and appreciate my work. I mean, I hadn't even started on the thing and it was afraid of me. I must have a reputation even down here now.

So I knelt in front of the bastard and asked it once where the angel was, and, of course, it just started at me. Didn't say a single word, but its eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. So I casually pulled out the demon blade and held it up to its eye, its right one, and brought it within a centimeter. I asked it again where the angel was, and again it was silent. It didn't even flinch this time, so I began thinking maybe the whole fear thing was an act, but then again, maybe I had it so scared it was just frozen. It didn't really matter, I really didn't care, so I just scraped its eyeball with the knife and laughed when it groaned in pain.

I gave it another chance, then, to tell me where Cas was, but it still didn't answer. It didn't say it didn't know, and it didn't say it knew, so I broke a finger. It hissed then like a fucking snake, as if it could possibly intimidate me with a hiss. But this one, I could tell, was a fighter. It would be a good torture session, nice practice for when I move on to bigger, better monsters.

I cut and carved and made some pretty good artwork on this vamp, but still it refused to say anything. It took a good fifteen minutes before it began screaming, so I had to respect the thing, if only a little. It's hard to resist screaming when you're being tortured by yours truly. I know, because I learned from Alistair, and it was damn hard to resist screaming with him, and he often said I was nearly as good as him.

By this time the thing's right arm was literally hanging on by a thread, its bone, muscle, and tissue severed and destroyed beyond recognition. It was sweating and groaning and making all these god awfully pleasant-to-my-ear noises, and its voice was rough and grating after screaming for a good ten minutes straight. I don't know how its little monsters friends didn't hear it, but no other thing came to its rescue, so I just continued. I asked it again if it was ready to tell me where Cas was, and it just stared at me. I shrugged, I really didn't mind having to tear it up some more. It was relieving, fun even, and I always feel better afterwards, 'cause all my stress and despair that maybe you abandoned me just goes away.

After about an hour or so, like I said before time doesn't mean much here, I finally killed him off. He lasted longer than most do, and he didn't say a word. It was nice, to be able to torture someone with such stamina, such endurance. It was…refreshing, really. Most of the monsters don't last more than fifteen minutes, and this one didn't start screaming until fifteen minutes in. I have to say, I respected the vamp, if nothing more.

That was the only remarkable soul I encountered in these nine days. I had a run in with a pack of werewolves. They got me pretty good, but I just patched it up and carried on. No use worrying over something you can't fix. If I get infected, then so be it. I don't have anything to clean the wound here other than the stream, and it'll have to do for now.

I'm beginning to think that maybe Cas doesn't want to be found, because surely, if he was hurt or unable to hear me, he would have been looking for me too, right? Maybe. It's what I would know is the right thing to do, but then again Cas doesn't exactly have the best record of doing what's right. No, he does what he thinks is right, and we all know where that leads. Nowhere good.

So maybe he's avoiding me. I can't say I blame him. Hell, I'd be avoiding me too. I mean, I've become a monster. I'm no better than the things we hunt, what with how I torture them and enjoy it. I mean, how much farther down on the Dick scale can I get without becoming something other than human? I don't think much farther. Which leads me to my next point, maybe that's why you haven't come yet. Do you know, somehow, what I've been doin' here? Do you know? Is that why you've left me here so long?

I guess it doesn't really matter when it all comes down to it. I'm still here, Cas is God knows where, and you're partying it up back on Earth. So I guess I just have to keep my head down and keep fighting. I have to find my own way out. I can't wait any longer for you, Sam. I've given you a month, give or take, and I can't wait anymore. I'm going to find Cas, if he wants to be found, and get us the hell out of here. I just hope that when I do you'll forgive me for everything I had to do to get out. I really hope so.

Since you'll probably never see this, considering how things are going so far, then I guess I can say that I miss you. I miss my little brother. I miss having someone to watch my back. It sucks. Being alone, that is. I never was good at doing 'alone.' I like, no, I need someone to look after. It's my job. My purpose. Here? Here it's just me, and, frankly, I can't care less about me. The only reason I'm still fighting is you and Cas. I can't leave you guys alone. Or, maybe, I don't want to be alone. Because see, I know you two don't need me. I know that. And as much as it kills me every single God damned day, I can see that. But man, I need you. I need Cas. I need my family. And I know it probably doesn't seem that important, I probably just sound like a whiny bitch, but it's true. I can't do alone.

I know, enough bitching. Okay. Just keep looking, Sammy, and I'll keep looking. Between the two of us, we will find a way to get Cas and me out. I know it. I've been tracking a rugaru that might have info on Cas, so I'll let you know next time I write. I don't know when that will be, so just hang in there and keep looking. I'm not giving up yet, as much as I want to.

Dear Castiel,

It's Dean. Again. Listen, I'm doing well. Just a scratch from a werewolf, but I should be fine. How are you? And where are you? I need you to find me, man. I'm trying to find you, but all I got is a bunch of dead ends and dead monsters. I still don't know if you're hurt or just being a dick, and I don't know which one I hope you are, 'cause both are gonna piss me off, just in different ways. If you can hear me, Cas, stay safe and stay by the stream.

AN: I know this one is shorter, but Dean was tired and just attacked by a werewolf pack, which we will see the implications of that attack in his next letter to Sam. Please review, let me know how I'm doing. Thank you.