"Have I ever thought about hurting myself? You betcha. There was the time I shot myself in the foot to get out of the draft, thus my having four toes on one foot. Wanna see?" The camera quickly turned away from Creed.

0000

Holly had stayed awake all night thinking about things. The state of affairs with her relationship with A.J., and more importantly, her relationship with Michael. Things had definitely taken a turn the previous day, even if she didn't want to admit it. This whole Kelly mess had changed the game. She knew how much Michael loved her, even if she hadn't wanted to admit it to herself. But why hadn't she wanted to deal with those feelings? Love was the most powerful force in the world, and Ryan was right. It was hard to deal with someone who loved you unconditionally. Who would have thought that anything that that...that...jerk would have gotten through to her? He was the enemy, but he was also a very bright boy. He saw things probably that most people wouldn't have noticed, like her attraction to Michael. There, she said it. She was attracted to Michael. That wasn't so bad, was it? But what did it mean? Did it mean she loved him too, or that there was a physical connection that was honestly lacking in her relationship with her boyfriend. Did she want Michael as a rebound, or was A.J. The rebound? It was all so confusing. Was it possible she was using Michael the way Ryan had been Kelly?

It was so easy to hate Ryan, when clearly he was the bad guy in all of this mess. But if she was guilty of doing the same he had done, then what did that make her? Was she a villianiss in the story of Michael Scott's life? He loved her, she knew that, but why? They barely knew each other yet he kept insisting they were soul mates. They laughed at the same jokes, they both wore their hearts on their sleeves, they both loved chick flicks. Did that mean they were destined to be together, or was it some kind of karmic coincidence? What did it all mean? She'd stayed up all night trying to put together the pieces of her life, and had come to no conclusion.

She had to admit, seeing how much Michael was capable of loving even an employee scared her. If he loved Kelly so much that he broke down crying all night in her arms, than what did that say about the love he felt for her? Did he love her like he did Kelly, or did he love her love her? What kind of love was that, that was so strong that could withstand any test of time? And did she want any part of it?

She had to admit, she'd always been the one to love more during any of her relationships. So she was comfortable. So what? Maybe it was time to get out of her comfort zone and let herself be pursued for once. What was wrong with that? Would she be the Ryan and just use Michael, or did she honestly have feelings for him? Aggh this was too much to take.

She knew she felt so badly for Kelly Kapoor. She was looking for things from her relationship with AJ that she just wasn't getting, and in her heart she knew she wasn't going to get. The answer was right in front of her- Michael Scott. He would and could provide her with everything she'd ever wanted ever since she was a little girl. So why resist him? That kind of love was overwhelming and scary and it pushed people away. So there she went again, comparing herself to Ryan when it should have been Kelly's side she was on. She knew Michael would be at the hospital soon, so she decided to beat him in order to have a chat with Ryan.

"Ryan, may I speak with you outside for a minute?" she asked politely.

"Am I getting fired?"

"No," she reassured him. "You're not getting fired. These things happen, unfortunately. And you both did sign the HR waiver, so as far as the company goes, you're not going to get fired. I'd really like to take a moment before Michael gets here and get to know you a bit, if that's okay."

Surprised, he followed her to the cafeteria, where they both ordered coffees. "Ryan, I want you to know that I've been doing a lot of thinking. This may not be the popular opinion around the Scranton branch, but I do not hold you accountable for what has happened with Kelly."

He stared at her, not knowing what to say.

"I know, you're probably asking yourself why I say that. But I've been doing a lot of thinking, and what I'm about to share with you I ask that you keep confidential. Can you do that for me, Ryan?"

He nodded.

"I'm kind of in your shoes. I see a little of myself in you. I bet you'd never thought you'd hear those words coming from anyone, especially me," Holly smiled.

"No, I hadn't."

"Well, here's why. It's no secret how Michael feels about me. And to tell you the truth sometimes it makes me feel a little..."

"Uncomfortable?" Ryan answered eagerly.

"Exactly. It's hard to describe, but there's something so …."

"Scary?"

"I was going to say intoxicating, but scary could be used as well," she smiled. "Love is powerful. I've come to learn that you cannot help who you love. Just like you cannot help who you do not love. So it's not your fault you don't love Kelly. You two are just a misfit, just looking for different things in life, just like.."

"You and AJ?"

She looked flustered. "I never said that. This has nothing to do with AJ."

"Come on, Holly. Everyone knows you have a thing for Michael. It's all just a waiting game, at least it is for him."

"Was it a waiting game for Kelly?" Holly snapped defenseively. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it."

"No it's okay. At least you're asking instead of assuming. The truth is I don't know how I feel about Kelly. One minute she drives me crazy the next she's running into my arms and I feel kind of like I did when I was on drugs. Only without the crazy side effects."

"Love is intoxicating," she smiled , not thinking of AJ for once.

"Exactly. And I've been an addict during my relationship with Kelly. I haven't been the healthiest person to get into a relationship with, and yet she loved me. I don't know why she loved me, I don't know what I did to make her love me."

"Why does Michael love me?" Holly asked.

"That's easy. You're his other half."

She was shocked. "Do other people in Scranton feel that way?"

"Yep. Everybody."

"So why is it that I'm the last to know that?"

"Why is that I'm the last to see how wonderful Kelly is to me?"

"Touche. Love is not only blind, it's stupid, crazy, silly, ridiculous, obnoxious, annoying."

Ryan clapped his hands. "You're the first person, especially a female, to admit to such a thing. Love isn't perfect. It isn't necessarily patient or kind. It's waiting for the other to make a move so that you don't get hurt first. It's waiting to see if what you're feeling is real or if it's based on sex or similarities. The way I see it, Michael has it right. It's a waiting game."

Holly grinned.

"You do that every time I mention Michael. You must have it bad for him."

"I don't do anything...what are you talking about?"

"You grin like an idiot whenever I mention his name, then you tuck your hair behind your right ear. You don't even realize you're doing it, but I think I'm right. You belong with Michael," Ryan pronounced confidenly.

"And I hope you find whatever it is that you're looking for," Holly said as she stood up to leave. Ryan had given her much to think about, so she went outside for a breath of fresh air before Michael arrived. Once he did, she realized that they would have a lot to talk about.

Ooooo

Once Michael arrived Holly realized that she was looking at him through fresh eyes. He was no longer Michael Scott- regional manager. He was the man who was in love with her, and as she had told Ryan, she was scared. Scared of his feelings. Scared of her feelings. Scared to let someone love her the way she'd always wanted to be loved. If and that was a big if, she were to leave AJ, she needed to know that things with Michael would work out. She craved security, and that was part of the reason she was with AJ. He was safe, predictable even, but there was something comfortable about that. But with Michael all bets were off. She never knew what he was going to say, or do next, and the thought both frightened her and excited her.

He was refreshing from all of the other men she had known. He was honest and he never lied, not when it came to his feelings. He didn't play games with her heart the way the others had. She knew where she stood with him, and she was starting to suspect that she felt the same way. But what about AJ? What about Nashua? What about her job? Was she willing to lose all of that on a whim that might not work out?

For some reason she had a feelings things with Michael might work out. There was no doubt in her mind that he loved her, while with AJ she often wondered if he was holding out for the next best thing. They had a comfortable relationship, but she wanted excitement, a challenge, surprise. She knew that she would find that with Michael. She knew he was too preoccupied with Kelly right now, but when the time was right, she would reveal her feelings to him and let the pieces fall where they might.

She giggled to herself. Who would have thought it would have taken a tragedy for her to realize where her heart lay? She was sorry Kelly had done this, but was grateful for the time with Ryan. She was beginning to see why Michael adored him. True, he wasn't a very nice person, but he was perceptive and smart, and had a way of looking at things that made sense to her.

Wait a minute, she told herself. She was willing to throw away her future based on what a very mean person had said? Ryan wasn't God...who was he to play with other people's lives? Look at what had happened to Kelly. She trusted him with her life, and now here she was in a coma. Maybe she shouldn't put so much stock in Ryan after all. He didn't know the first thing about love, but wasn't that the case about people? They could judge other people's lives even when they couldn't manage their own? This was nuts. This was Michael Scott for crying out loud! He was rude, obnoxious, funny, cute and handsome. There were so many things about him that drove her crazy. But she had to admit she kind of liked that. Yes, she would tell him how she felt about him. Those three little words that Kelly had almost died for, Holly was prepared to say to Michael. The only question was, was he really ready to hear them from her? Maybe his feelings had changed, especially now that she was with AJ. She assumed that he was still in love with her, but maybe he had given up on her. Most men would have by then. But what had Ryan said- everyone knew they were each other's better half? That was a kind of love that she knew she just couldn't find every day, and so today was the day she would let Michael in her world. For better or worse, she loved Michael, and it was about time she told him so.