A/N:Just want to say thanks for the reviews...and to Lu78...I so miss PP so that's why I included some of them.
THE EMEREALD CITY FREE FAMILY CLINIC
CHAPTER 2
Something is tickling my nose as I hear the giggling sound of our daughter as I open my eyes to see her smiling face. Then I notice that she has taken a lock of my curly hair and is dangling it over the tip of my nose as she brushes it slowly against my nose to tickle it. I turn in the bed to face my little munchkin as I begin to tickle her body all over as I pepper her face with kisses and she screams "Stop mama please before I pee my pants". Just then my wife appears at our bedroom door as she is smiling at the two of us and our antics as she says "Come on you two, breakfast is ready". Sofia jumps off the bed as she stands at the edge and tries to hand me my prosthesis. She stands next to me as she watches me place my leg on as she waits for me to fasten it to my residual limb and then holds out her hands to help me up off the bed. Then she takes my hand in hers as we walk together out of the bedroom and onto the kitchen table. As we walk into the kitchen, I see my suitcase just inside the front door as I ask my wife "Callie, did you go and get my clothes from Karev's house"? My wife turns from her position at the stove as she is tossing pancakes in the air as our daughter is giggling at her mami as my wife says "No". I find the newspaper on top of my suitcase with a note that says "Arizona, thought you might needs these. Take care, Alex".
After breakfast with my wife and daughter and the start of a long conversation with my wife, where we both decide that in the best interest of our daughter's well being for now, that I move back into the apartment as I insist on sleeping in the guest bedroom. With a hug and kiss from my daughter and a promise to my wife to have dinner with her tonight to further our talk and finish our conversation from this morning, I leave for my first day of work at my new employment. During our first hectic day, one of many I hope, Violet conducts my therapy session as this one is the first to include other amputees. She tells me that I need to broaden my thought process and listen to other folks points of view as some of the invitees bring along their spouses. For over an hour I listen to the amputees themselves tell their stories about their own journey but I also listen intently to their spouse's journey too. When a gentleman named Frank as me about my leg, I tell everyone in the group about the plane crash and my wife giving her permission to cut my leg off to save my life. Some of the spouse's made it known that the decision they had to make on whether or not to have the surgeon cut off their husband's or wife's or even their child's limb to save their life was the hardest decision they ever had to make in their life. One woman named Chelsea talked about how her son was in a car accident with his father. They had taken a "guy's weekend" and went salmon fishing just north of Vancouver, British Columbia. David was sixteen at the time and was the star sophomore on his soccer and baseball high school teams. Chelsea's husband Adam called her to tell her that they had decided to head back early because the snow began to come down pretty hard. That was in late April of 2010. On their way home a deer ran out in front of their vehicle as Adam swerved to miss the deer the SUV careened down a ravine and crash landed on its side as it sheered of several trees on its way down to the bottom. For the next fifteen hours David and his father lie unconscious until forest ranger rescuers from Canada and the U.S. find their vehicle about a hundred yards of the main highway. Chelsea then says to the group "My husband, my lover and my best friend in the world, my Adam did not survive as he died of his injuries. Then after four unsuccessful attempts to save my son's leg through surgery, I had to make the awful…awful decision to let the surgeon cut off my son's leg to save his life".
With not a dry eye in the room as everyone is passing around a box of tissues, Chelsea continues with her story. "That was three years ago last month. The first eighteen months were the hardest as I took the brunt of my child's anger and resentment to my decision that he continually dished out at me everyday. But you know what I would do the same thing…the same way today if the situation presented itself again. I would make the same decision I made three years ago because the alternative is not…and never will be an option to me. So no matter who made the decision in your situation whether it was your wife, your husband, your mother or your father, put yourself in their shoes for that one moment when your and their whole world is full of chaos and see if you could make the decision to let your wife, husband, mother, father or child die or cut away a part of them to save their life. I know that I made the right decision because I may have lost my husband that fateful day but I have taught my son to learn how to drive a car, I've seen him graduate from high school, I helped him get accepted to UDub (University of Washington) and last week I gave him my engagement ring from his father so he could propose to his girlfriend of five years. Ladies and Gentlemen I would like to introduce to you my son David and his fiancée Jessica". Both of the college students stand and say "Thank you" to everyone as they receive a round of applause from the group.
I help Violet with the cleaning up of our therapy conference room after everyone leaves the session tonight. We talk while we straighten up as she asks me "So Arizona did tonight's group session give you any better perspective of Callie's side of why she did what she did in your situation? I stop and look across the room at my friend as I say "Yes and no" as Violet quickly says to me "Care to elaborate"? I sit on the edge of the coffee table in the center of the room as I say "I really want to discuss this further with you but first I need to talk to Callie. I promised her that I would talk to her about everything that I am feeling and about what we discuss in my sessions. I need her to understand why I am so mad about what she has done and how I need to find my own way to forgive her as I want her to do the same for me". I leave Violet's presence as I make my way to my Jeep as I notice that I have missed two phone calls and three text messages from Callie. I quickly call her as I am getting behind the wheel and putting on my seatbelt. My wife's sweet voice rings in my ear as she says "Hello Arizona, are you on your way home"? I smile and say "Yes I am and I have so much to tell you and too talk about. I am sorry for running late but I will be home soon. I love you" as I hear my wife tell me she loves me too.
Over the next several months Callie and I talk…a lot…so much so that she even comes to quite a few therapy sessions with me…and so does Sofia. We talk about everything because this is just not about me anymore…it is also about the woman and the daughter I love more than life itself. After that night at the group meeting with Chelsea and her son David, I came home to tell Callie all about how my perspective about her telling Alex to cut off my leg is seen in a whole new light. For months every time I looked down at my left leg all I could think was how my wife promised me that she would do everything in her power to save my leg but in a moment of sheer panic and fear my Calliope gave Alex permission to cut my leg off my body. The one person I trusted more than anything…more than anyone in this world made the decision to save my life by any means possible. When Chelsea said those things about her decision to cut her son's leg off and the onslaught of all the anger that her son put her through all I could think about is what would I have done in that situation if the decision was reversed…or if God forbid it was our daughter's life at stake and a split second decision had to be made. People say you have to hit rock bottom before you appreciate what you have hiding in plain sight right in front of you. When I finish talking I see the smile that I fell in love with gracing my wife's face as she takes my hand in hers and says to me "Arizona, I had a long talk with your mother tonight".
There it is…you try so hard to move forward…two steps forward…and then…four steps back…pulling you backwards…without any warning. I remove my hand from Callie's and sit up in my seat a little straighter as I say "You talked to my mother…what…what about"? Calliope kneels down on the floor of the living room and in front of me as she says "Arizona" because she knows that I know what her and my mother talked about because after all I am my father's daughter. My wife tries to get me to make eye contact with her before she continues and when she can't get me to look at her directly my wife places her hands on each side of my face to purposely make me look at her as she says "I just need to know why you did what you did. Why did you sleep with Dr. Boswell"? All I could say over and over again was "I am so sorry Callie…I am so sorry…I am so sorry" as my wife took my hands again in hers and says "I know you are sweetheart but we need to discuss this because according to your mother this is how she was able to forgive your father for his indiscretion…she forgave your father for his affair and I want to be able to forgive you for your affair but we need to talk about it".
"I should have told you from the beginning…from the first day Lauren flirted with me…I should have told you from the start". This is how I begin to tell my wife about my affair with Dr. Boswell three months ago. "But then in my head I began to enjoy her flirtatious tone because I stopped thinking about my leg. Lauren's interest in me was purely sexual in a stalkerish kind of way. I see that now but at the time all I felt was desirable again…before the amputation…I felt like me again…bubbly and perky…being in my pink bubble". I take a deep breath as I look into my wife's eyes again and continue. "You see Callie, for almost a year now every time I look at my leg all I could see is your lie…the lie that stemmed from your promise to me that you would do everything in your power to save my leg but you didn't…you told Alex to cut my leg off. I know…I know…I know…it was because you wanted to save my life…I know that but you have to understand that you were not on that plane. You were not lying on the ground screaming in pain because your femur was protruding through your skin…you did not hear Meredith continually cry at the loss of her sister…you were not there to talk Mark into staying alive because you and Sofia were waiting for him…for us to return home…you did not see Christina wait on all of us as she was trying her damndest to keep the bugs out of my leg and keeping us all awake while suffering a dislocated shoulder…you did not sit and talk to Jerry the pilot all the while knowing that both of his legs and back were broken and that he would never walk again…and you did not hear night after night the animals in those woods roaming around our bodies ready to pounce on us and kill us at any time…and finally you were not there to hear those animals as they were all growling and fighting over Lexie's remains". I take a break for a moment to catch my breath but to also grab a box of tissues for my wife as tears are streaming down her face as she has tried her best to listen and hold everything inside.
"Then I come home to you and Sofia and I think I am going to be alright. But then Mark dies a month after our return home and Derek's hand, the hand that you were working on in surgery when you told Alex to cut off my leg, gets better and he and Meredith have another baby". I continue to talk to my wife but I do not even know if I am making any sense by what I am saying to her at this point as I continue on. "I was just so mad…so mad at everything. I was mad at you for not taking care of me and making the decision…that dreadful decision. I was mad because you were put in that position and you chose fixing Derek's hand over trying to save my leg. I was mad at having to get fitted for all three prosthesis and having to learn to walk again. I was mad at not being able to take care of our daughter during all this time. I was so mad at not being able to walk and run with Sofia at the park because I was afraid that if someone saw me or my fake leg that they could snatch up Sofia in a second and I would not be able to chase them down and she would be gone for good. I was so mad at not getting help for all of these fears sooner…I was just always so mad at you and at everything my life was putting me through…I was so mad…I was just so mad…but today I can honestly say that I am not mad anymore…and I am not mad at you Calliope…I am just not mad at anyone or anything any longer".
I sit next to my wife as I finally say "I am no longer mad at you anymore, Callie because I love you". Watching my wife sob uncontrollably in my arms as I wait a little while for her to take in what I have just told her when she looks up to find my eyes staring back at her beautiful puffy-eyed face as I say one more time "I love you, Calliope". I kiss her lips tenderly and then rest my forehead against hers as I feel her body against mine as she is calming herself down. With the two of us sharing this tender moment, I say to my wife at first in a joking fashion but then quickly regret it and try to put a different spin on the situation as I say to my wife "You know Callie we could just chalk this whole experience of my unfaithfulness up to a blessing in disguise…because if I had not done what I did…then I would have never hurt you so much that it broke my heart…and that in turn would have never brought me to the resounding fact that I needed help with my actions and my adultery. And I would have never called Violet to ask for her help and all these months later coming to terms with everything that happened to the three of us…by the three of us I mean you, me and Sofia. I am truly sorry as…I can never say those words enough to you…but I am…I really am…and I will tell you that everyday if you need to hear it…everyday…my love".