Ryan hadn't been sure of what to expect when he saw Kelly, but he wasn't prepared for what he did see. She was sitting up, wearing a pink track suit, full make up. It had looked like he was going to a party, not a hospital room. He stared at her for a long time, not knowing what to say.

"Ryan," she said softly. "You came."

"I've been here every day."

"You should have just let me be. I didn't want you to find me, not like this."

"Kelly you left a suicide note! How did you want to be found?"

"I wanted to go out in style. I wanted to be remembered," she responded flatly.

"How could you think that no one would remember you?"

"Would you have remembered me?"

Ryan looked at her through fresh eyes. This wasn't the confident, happy, cheerful girl whom he had used. She was in desperate need of validation, of which he wasn't sure he could provide.

"Kelly I could never forget you," he decided upon saying.

"It seems to me you forgot about me a long time ago." It was a statement, not an accusation. She was right, and he knew it.

"I know. I know." Ryan wasn't sure what he should say, he didn't want to trigger any upsetting memories, but he knew that she needed him more than ever. That was quite a responsibility for just a temp.

"You forgot our anniversary, which is the day before Valentine's Day. You forgot my birthday, which is June 18. You didn't even get me a Christmas card or a present." If he didn't know better, he would have thought she was starting a fight. But she wasn't. She was listing facts, all of which were true.

"I know," was the best he could respond.

"Do you know what I hate the most about myself right now?"

"Kelly should I go get someone?"

"No Ryan damn it, you put me here so you damn well might as well hear me out!" Then her voice softened, almost to a little girl's voice. "If you ever cared about me you'll stay."

"I'm not going anywhere, Kelly. I promise you."

"Now do you want to hear what I hate the most about myself?"

Not really. "What's that?"

She looked at him tearfully. "That I still love you."

He hadn't been prepared for that. He had been ready to hear what an asshole he'd been, how stupid he was, how she hated him. But this, this was almost worse.

"I don't deserve that."

"I know you don't. We both know you don't. But that's my problem, not yours. They say they're going to put me in a psych ward tomorrow. I'm scared, Ry."

"After everything you've been through you shouldn't be scared of anything. Not after what I've put you through."

"I didn't even feel like this when my sister died. What's wrong with me? Why do I love you so much and why does it hurt to love you?"

"I don't know. I don't think love's supposed to hurt."

"But it does. I love you so badly and you've given me nothing. Nothing! You call off sick on February 13 and 14th every year just so you can avoid me. What did I do to deserve that?"

"I could tell you you did nothing, but would you believe me?"

Her silence answered his question.

"Kel, I don't know if I can give you what you want from me. I can tell you this, and this is the truth- you've meant more to me than anyone else in my life. I know I'm selfish and i've hurt you but believe me, I'm not worth all of this. No man is."

\

"Maybe that's why I need the psych ward. Because to me you're worth every bit of hurt I've gone through. I would do this all over again if it meant we would be together in the end."

Ryan sat beside her on the bed and held her for a long time. At first the tears were slow in coming, but soon they were pouring out like rain. He didn't know what to do, his words were failing him, but it was breaking his heart to see her like this.

"Kelly you are beautiful, do you know that?"

"Then why do you need those other girls?"

"I don't know, to make me feel better about myself. They have nothing to do with you. No one holds a candle to you, and that's the truth."

"Candle...like candle in the wind. Would you have played that at my funeral for me? Not the princess Di one, the Marilyn Monroe one?"

"Kelly please don't talk like that. You're scaring me."

For the first time he saw real emotion flash across her face. "You're scared? I'm going to spend weeks in the funny farm and my parents don't know anything about me and I don't know when I'll go back to work or see my friends or see you again, and you're scared?"

"You're right. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so insensitive."

"I don't know why. I've spent years trying to figure it out and all I can come up with is because I'm unlovable."

Now he knew what to say. "No, Kelly, it's not you. You are definitely loveable. You're the most loveable girl I've ever met."

"Then why don't you love me?"

He pulled her close and kissed her forehead softly at first until she leaned up to meet his lips. He pulled back.

"See I'm so repulsive you won't even kiss me!"

"It's not that. I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you and make love to you and be with you but would that solve anything? You'd still hate me afterwards."

"Ryan can't you see it's not you I hate? It's me. If only I was skinnier or whiter or didn't have this fat ass..."

"Kelly don't ever lose your fat ass. Its what I noticed about you."

She smiled for the first time in ages. "You never told me that."

"There's a lot I never told you. There's a lot I should have told you but I just never found the words. I'm a smart guy but when it comes to you I'm pretty stupid."

"Yes, you are," she laughed until she cried.

"Why are you crying now? I thought I made you smile?" Ryan asked, confused.

"I don't know. It just feels good to feel something, to feel anything. Ryan I still love you."

"Please don't tell me that. Maybe after you talk to the doctors and if I talk to them..."

"You would talk to the doctors for me?"

"Not for you. With you. Kelly for you I would do anything." And to his surprise, he meant it.

"Can you do me one favor before they haul me away?"

"Sure. What can I do for you?"

"Can you just hold me? I haven't been held in the longest time."

"Oh, Kelly, I would love to hold you. Come here, baby." He pulled her close to him, so close he could hear her breathing. Was this love? He didn't know, and was even more confused than when he walked into the room.

"Don't ever stop, Ryan. Don't ever stop holding me."

"I won't, Kel. I promise you that. I'll never let go."

Soon the doctor came in to check in on her. "So you're Ryan Howard," he said, accusingly.

"Yes sir. I just, I wanted to see how she was doing."

"She's better but she has a lot of leg work to do. The question is, are you willing to do the legwork with her?"

She looked at Ryan pleadingly.

"Yes, sir. I would do anything to help Kelly."

"It might get ugly. There might be some things about yourself that you don't want to learn."

"That's okay. If it helps Kelly i'll do anything. Just let me have a few minutes with her okay?"

The doctor shot him a dirty look. "A few. Then Kelly and I have some work to do."

"Can I see her tomorrow?"

"You can see her every day. In fact that's going to be part of her therapy. You obviously have commitment issues. Can you commit to helping her for at least two weeks?"

Ryan didn't think twice. "Of course."

The doctor shook his head at Ryan before leaving them alone.

"I'm scared, Ryan. What if I'm not strong enough to do this? What if they tell me I'm crazy."

"The only way they would tell you you're crazy is if you still love me," he laughed. Instead of laughter, he was met with more tears.

"I can't help it, Ryan. You're perfect. You're goregous and smart and funny and you're everything I wish I could be."

"Don't say that. I'm not perfect. If I were you wouldn 't be here."

"It's not your fault I'm here. They have taught me that already. It's me. It's all me."

"Yeah but I pushed you. I didn't try hard enough. I didn't try at all. I am so sorry to have done this to you. "

"Please don't blame yourself. I couldn't live with myself if you blamed yourself that I'm a total wreck."

"I love you Kelly," he whispered.

"Please don't tell me anything you don't mean. I can't handle it if you lie to me anymore."

"I'm not lying. I do love you. I just don't know if I can love you the way you need to be loved."

"At least you're being honest. That's all I ask of you. Be honest. Don't tell lies to me. And don't break my heart again."

The first two he knew he could do, but the last one he wasn't sure. He knew someone was going to get hurt throughout this, he would rather it be him than her.

On the way home her words kept running through his mind. I still love you Ryan. Don't break my heart.

Those were powerful words, ones in which he wasn't sure he could live up to her expectations. He knew he would hurt her, even if he didn't mean to. He'd hurt her enough for one lifetime. But seeing her again made him feel the same feelings he knew that he once had. He was finally sure of one thing- he loved Kelly Kapoor and would do anything to help her, even if it made him look ugly. Maybe he was finally learning a lesson about love after all.

When he got back to the office, everyone was full of questions. Dwight asked if they had her in a straightjacket, of which he could get himself out if need be. Ryan just shook his head.

"She's going to be there for some inpatient therapy. Toby can I have the next two weeks off to help her. I know I don't get vacation pay because I'm a temp and I want to keep my job. But I just think it's a bit more important that I help Kelly right now."

Toby smiled. At last the guy was getting it. "I promise you your job will be safe."

"Ryan, are you sure you can do this?" Pam asked. "I mean, it's not going to be easy and I'm sure you're going to learn things about yourself that aren't too pleasant."

"I have to do this, for Kelly. It's the least I can do for being such a ...you know how I was to her."

Pam stood up and squeezed his hand. Normally Jim would be a little jealous of her giving her affections to another guy, but in this case, he was proud of his wife. A little sympathy went a long way, and the guy had a long road ahead of him. He wouldn't want to be in his shoes if he were Ryan.