The next day Ryan thought about what he wanted to say to Kelly during their sessions. He wanted to say he loved her that she was the one for him, but he didn't know if he could go through with that. He didn't want to make empty promises that he couldn't keep. He honestly wondered if he was doing the right thing by visiting her, but he had promised, and he couldn't stand to let her down again. That was what had landed her in the hospital to begin with, so in a way this was a fresh start.

"So, you're Ryan," the therapist looked at him over her rimmed glasses. "I'm Dr. Riggs. It's nice to meet you finally."

"Really? Is it nice to meet someone who did this to Kelly?"

"What do you think?"\

"I'd think that I'm the last person Kelly needs to see if I were you."

"But you're not me. What do you think Kelly needs?"

"I think she needs to talk to someone. I don't think I'm the best listener in the world."

"But can you try? Do you care enough about Kelly to try to listen to her, now that she's at her most vulnerable?"

Ryan nodded.

"Okay. Kelly you can come in now," Dr. Riggs called.

"Hi Ryan. You came! See I told everyone he would come!" she said giddily.

"She says a lot about you, Ryan. In fact you're all she talks about. How do you feel about that?"

He shrugged.

"Now Ryan, you promised you'd try. For Kelly's sake. Shrugging your shoulders is not an answer. It's important that you can be honest, even if it hurts Kelly. She's never going to move past this if you continue to decieve her- or yourself."

"I guess I feel guilty. I'm afraid everyone will blame me for her being here."

"And what people think of you is important?"

"Isn't it to everyone?"

"I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I have a healthy self-esteem." Dr. Riggs responded. "Do you think you have a healthy self-esteem?"

"I know I have a healthy ego. Even Kelly tells me that."

"An ego and a self-esteem aren't the same thing. Ego tells you what you want to hear, what you want to believe about yourself. Self-esteem is how you really feel about yourself. So why don't you tell Kelly what you really feel about yourself?"

"Is this really necessary?"

"If you want Kelly to stop seeing you as a God than yes, it is necessary."

There was a reason Ryan hated doctors. They thought they were so smart, so better than everyone. "I feel like I'm stuck. I'm just a temp. I don't get any respect around the office. My parents turned their backs on me when I was in trouble...:"

"What kind of trouble were you in?"

"I was in prison, okay? I got caught up in the corporate web and my greed got the better of me. Kelly could have told you that."

"But she didn't. Why do you think she left that out?"

"Because she thinks I'm perfect. She sees me as she wants to see me, not for who I really am." Ryan cried out in frustration.

"Oh Ryan, I'm so sorry. I won't do that again, I promise."

"Kelly," Dr. Riggs spoke up. "you're taking a step backwards. We promised to make this a safe enviroment for Ryan, and your unrealistic expectations of him aren't going to help either of you."

Kelly slung back in her seat, obviously unhappy at not being heard.

"Ryan, did Kelly support you when you were in prison? Emotionally, financially, sexually?"

"Well we couldn't do anything sexually. It was a prison, remember?"

"No need to be hostile. Just answer the question."

"She came to see me every week and put money on my books. She was terrific."

"Did you ever tell her she was terrific?"

Ryan looked down. "No I guess I didn't."

"How is she supposed to know you were grateful for her support if you never thanked her?"

"I don't know. I thought I made it up to her once I got out."

Kelly lit up. "Yes we had the most amazing sex ever! He was like an animal."

"And that's how you think Ryan should show his appreciation- through sex?"

"I guess so."

"I guess we know how Kelly values herself. Through sex she feels desirable to you, and when you ignore her she feels destroyed. How does that make you feel, Ryan?" Dr. Riggs asked.

"I thought the questions were for Kelly."

"Yes but aren't you part of the reason she tried to kill herself?"

"I was wrong, I admit it. I know I'm selfish and I never thought of her feelings. It was all about me and what she could do for me."

"You speak in the past tense. Is your relationship with Kelly over?"

Kelly began to panic and started to cry heavily. "Oh no, Ryan. Please don't let it be over. I'll change. I promise I'll be different."

"Kelly, do you hear yourself? You're begging for a man's affections, which frankly, have been rather one sided. Is that the kind of man you envision yourself with?"

"But he's so perfect."

"If he was so perfect why did you try to kill yourself?"

"Okay can we stop bringing that up every thirty seconds? I made a mistake. I promise I won't do it again. Now can you just let me go so me and Ryan can work this out?"

"You keep bargaining for things. Unfortunately people and life don't respond well to bargains. How well has it worked for you? Kelly please be honest. How have you bargained with Ryan to be with you?"

She stopped her crying to think about it. "Well I use sex..,.a lot. I keep thinking if we have great sex he won't need to find it with anyone else."

"How has that worked?"

"It hasn't. He still sleeps around."

"And you let him back in your bed?"

"I guess I bargain in other ways. If I look a certain way he'll pay attention to me, or if I act a certain way, he'll come see me that night."

"Does that work?

"Most of the time it doesn't. But when it does it feels amazing to be with him!"

"So you're selling your soul for a few hours of attention and sex. Is that working for you?"

Kelly looked down. "I guess not."

"Kelly you need to know if it's working for you. You're here, aren't you? Ryan still hasn't committed to you. You're not married and you don't have any babies. I would say it's not working, is it?" Dr. Riggs asked.

"I guess not."

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"No!" Kelly shouted. "It's not working! Nothing I've tried has worked. And I don't know what else to do."

"Now you're getting somewhere. Don't you think that somewhere Ryan has a part in your relationship?"

"Yes."

"Is it fair to say that he has a right to decide if he wants to get married and have babies?"

"You just said he was an asshole, now I am?" Kelly put her hands over her face to hide her tears, which Dr. Riggs and Ryan knew were coming down hard by now.

"I never said he was an asshole, and I never said you were. I think you need to get your expectations in check. Is it really reasonable to expect Ryan to marry you and give you babies if he's still sleeping with other girls?"

"No, I guess not."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Honestly?"

Dr. Riggs nodded. "If not now then never."

"It pisses me off! I've given him the best five years of my life and he won't give me anything I ask for. Okay maybe I come off too strongly about marriage and babies, but at this point he should be calling me his girlfriend or something."

"That sounds reasonable. Ryan, why won't you call her your girlfriend? Are you ashamed of her?"

"No. I know I'm lucky to have her."

"Then why are you keeping your options open?"

"I don't know why. All I know is that I'm tired of hurting Kelly and I will do anything to make her happy."

"Does that mean you'll commit- not to marriage and babies, but to the relationship?"

He thought about it. "Yes."

"Don't tell me. Tell Kelly."

"Kelly I will commit to you and to our relationship. I promise that things will be different from now on,"he looked her in the eyes.

"How so?" Dr. Riggs asked.

"No more women would be nice," Kelly muttered.

"How about that, Ryan? No more women? Can you do that? Don't tell her if you can't."

"No more women. Kelly's the only one for me. I just hadn't realized it until I almost lost her."

"Is that what it's going to take to you get your attention in the future? More suicide attempts?"

Ryan ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. "I just told her that I wouldn't see anyone else. I don't know what you want from me."

"Are you feeling frustrated?"

"Yes! Very!"

"Now you can begin to sympathize with Kelly and her frustrations. Just something to think about."

"If I tell Kelly I love her can I leave?"

"Now you're bargaining because you're uncomfortable. Just like Kelly. Now you can begin to put yourself in her shoes for a change. I think we've had enough this session. I think I've given you both something to think about. Kelly it's time for your medication. Ryan we'll see you back here tomorrow at the same time?"

"Yes."

"Is there anything you'd like to tell Kelly before you leave?"

He looked at his girlfriend through fresh eyes. He had no idea how hard it was to love him. "Thank you for loving me. I know it's hard on you but you know what? I'm glad you do."

Kelly asked if she could give him a hug. Dr. Riggs said yes. Kelly embraced Ryan as she never had before, never wanting to let go. This time was different. Ryan was actually hugging her back.

"Take care of yourself, Kel," he reminded her before he left.

On the drive back to his place he thought about what had happened, what had been said. He didn't know if he liked that quack Dr. Riggs, but it sure hurt to hear about how he'd hurt Kelly. He'd never stopped to think about it before, and if he had, who's to say he wouldn't have done it anyways?

The thought frightened him, so he pulled over to the side of the road to cry. He hadn't cried like this in ages. It hurt him to know that he was killing the woman who loved him so much, and he realized that he was a jerk. Kelly was there because she needed to change, but apparently she wasn't the only one who needed to change. The question was, did he have the strength to change, without Kelly? She'd always been the strong one. Now their positions were reversed, and he was supposed to be the strong one. But if they were both weak what did that hold for their future?