A/N: Didja miss me? Didja didja didja? I was at Girl Scout Camp...hurrah, hurrah...
As an apology for being so late, I am going to answer ALL THE QUESTIONS I WAS ASKED! YAY! And Om's is first...
Dear Fanfiction Writers,
You seem to think Montparnasse and I are some sort of 'thing'. No, no, no. Just...no.
Sincerely,
Éponine.
Dear Psycho Authoress,
For the convenience of your readers, would you please include the questions in your replies so that we do not have to dig through the reviews?
And...
Dear Javert,
You need therapy, dude.
Sincerely,
Om who deeply dislikes autocorrect
Dear Om,
Betcha can't figure out my answer to this one. So yay! Everyone will see your questions now, peoples. I didn't know people were actually reading all the letters...but I shall do this from now on! This also means that any non-K+-rated letters will not be answered.
Preciousat, I'm looking at you.
From ze Psycho Authoress. Ooh, Psycho is a cool word. Oh, that rocks. Psycho Authoress. What were we talking about? Oh, right...
Dear Om,
YOU KNOW NOTHING OF JAVERT, OM. NOTHING. NOTHING. I'VE HAD A HARD LIFE AND I AIN'T GETTING THERAPY IF I DON'T WANT THERAPY.
As you were.
Javert And His Sideburns
P.S. My sister's iPhone autocorrects 'yeah' to 'indubitably'. Not Javert's sister. The PA's sister.
Dear Jean Valjean:
Don't you find it rather...um...creepy to go up to a little girl in the woods and say SHOW ME WHERE YOU LIVE? What are your feelings towards bread (I mean, do you enjoy eating it, or just avoid it at all costs?). Do you have romantic feelings for Fantine (or anyone else)? What is your opinion of Enjolras' revolution? What do you do with your free time? And I recall something about you once shoving a red hot poker into your own arm-what exactly was the thinking there? I mean, why not shove it into someone else's arm and escape?
Regards, Elodie
Dear Elodie . Haven,
I am determined to use your FULL NAME this time and not accidentally replace it with a blank space...
Well, she was obviously lost and I wanted to help her. Also, that's less creepy than saying, "Come with me, little girl, your mommy wants you to come with me,"...yah?
I don't really care... I eat black bread to remind me what an awful person I was. Oh, how wretched I am.
-insert ten pages of angst-
I do not have romantic feelings towards Fantine...mostly...heh heh. I barely knew her- like a few months where I made sure she didn't kick the bucket. I failed...oh, how wretched I am.
-insert fifteen pages of angst-
I do not approve of violence really, but I suppose I am with the revolutionaries...or...something...I dunno. I never really thought about it.
And with my free time I walk, but I love reading. And looking at my little girly! And remembering Fantine fondly. But I don't have a crush on her, no sirree.
I wanted to show them they couldn't hurt me into telling them where Cosette was. That's why I did the poker thing...perhaps I could've thought that out better...
From, JVJ
Dear Enjy ( I love to annoy u) Hey nobody reads the reviews anyway! And I'm taking that as a yes... Silence means yes...Baby. (Sorry thats how the evil blonde twins talk)
(submitted by preciousat)
Dear preciousat,
Apparently, some people do read the reviews...and, no.
EnjOLRAS
Dear éponine,
How do you like your name to be spelled, with or with out the é? I looooooooove it with the é, cause that's how it would be said in french. Why won't you tell me some of your argot? I'm not the type of person to tell everybody, I can be trusted you know. Also I ment your voice is horse from drinking too much brandy. You've been hanging out with Grantaire way to much, don't you think? How good is your reading and writing skills? It says in Victor Hugo's novel that you can read at an okay pase? And lastly, if I were to play you on stage, how should I go about it?
(submitted by Eponine Jondrette)
Dear Eponine Jondrette,
I do like my name to be spelled with the e-accent-aigu, on account of that is how my name is spelled.
Because the Psycho Authoress' translation of the Brick doesn't include argot, it just translates them straight to English.
Perchance I have been hanging out with Grantaire too much. Sometimes I wonder why more people don't ship us...two cases of unrequited love...
Heck yeah! My reading and writing skills are EPIC! See this letter? There are no faults of orthography, you can check.
You should be an alto...and find a production of Les Mis near you...and audition...and make the director LOTS OF BROWNIES!
Eponine-who-the-authoress-is-too-lazy-to-type-out- the-accent-for
Dear Enjolras,
What are your reasons for not being attracted to Éponine?
(submitted by Guest)
Dear Guest,
ENJOLRAS IS NOT HERE. ENJOLRAS IS SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING THESE STUPID QUESTIONS ABOUT EPONINE. WHY DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT THE REVOLUTION?
Enjolras needs some sleep. Please don't take offense.
Enjolras and The Psycho Authoress
P.S. Much of thanks for including the accent! Now I can copy it if I need to write Éponine's name again...
Dear Enjolras,
Not to worry, I've dealt with worse, I was mostly just moody because I've been stuck inside with a seriously sprained ankle for over a week and thus unable to take my beloved long walks that help me stay calm and cheerful. As to crocodiles, I may or may not have decided that a good punishment would be forcing someone to cut out their own tongue - and hands - and then feed said body parts to crocodiles and then jump into the river with said crocodiles... But we were talking about nonexistant people, not real people. It was all entirely hypothetical people. And I only helped come up with that idea. Other people in my group were contributing as well. The fact that I was the only one giggling like a maniac means nothing.
Mormeril, the Dark Lady of Insanity
Dear Combeferre,
We need to get some crocodiles.
Enjolras
Dear Enjy (yes I am calling you that)
I know you are against the whole "relationship" thing but what exactly is wrong with Eponine?!
She is perfect for you don't you think? Be honest or I will keep pestering you! (Believe me I can b quite annoying)
And another thing, if you had to choose who would u ship: yourself and Eponine or you and R?
Oh and can I have the xylophone (your cool vest)
-Eponine T Daae
PS do you prefer Eppie or Cosette and so I have permission to lock u in a room with your choice of girl?
Dear Eponine T Daae,
First question: MRUGASDFHSKLD;JFA
Second question: PASODIUFAOJWEIR
Third question: ME AND PATRIA! ME AND PATRIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Fourth question: The vest is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
PS: Cosette because I am tired of the questions about Éponine. Also, Cosette cares about the poor...I mean, Éponine is the poor, but...and, also, if you locked me in a room with Cosette, because of her being well-brought-up, I can be sure nothing would happen. So that helps.
Enjolras
Dear Gavroche,
I just need to know: What's your height?
Yours, BlackRockShooter
Dear BlackRockShooter,
Wouldn't you like to know.
Gavroche
Dear Marius,
1. What would you have done if Eponine confessed her feelings to you before you met Cosette?
2. Do you like cheese puffs?
3. Do you miss Ponine?
4. HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE THAT EPONINE LOVED YOU!?
5. Do you visit her grave?
6. What do you think of Eddie Redmayne?
(submitted by MariusxEponine3)
Dear MariusxEponine3,
1. Hm. I actually met Cosette before I met Éponine...wait, are we talking book or musical or movie or what? This is hurting my brain.
2. Yes. Yes I do.
3. I guess...sorta...she was always nice to have around. Ya know. Like a cocker spaniel.
4. Éponine loved me?
5. I...don't think she had a grave...the National Guard just tossed them in a hole all together or something...
6. Wait, who is he? I've been trying to find out...people keep mistaking me for him...
Question: Does it actually say in the Brick that Éponine is Montparnasse's mistress? Because some people say it does, but I just read it for the second time and didn't catch it...please tell me if you know. Haha, this chapter is, like, three times as long as all the others.