Chapter 22-

Leoben-

Kara hadn't been any better in the two days since she came home from under his brother Simon's care in the medical ward. He doesn't know what to do, and he can't seem to be able to do anything but watch helplessly from the sidelines. She is so lost, so broken and hurt. He wants to go back in time and fix this, and he, for what must be the thousandth time, curses this part of the story for making her hurt this way. Just because all of this has happened before and all of this will happen again doesn't mean it should.

Leoben is awakened in the middle of the night from his bed on the couch at the heart-wrenching sobs coming from the apartment's bedroom. He moves on automatic, his tired body responding to the pleas for help. He only moves faster as they intensify in volume.

Moving carefully to shake her awake and not get swung at in the process, he learned that lesson yesterday with a bloody nose, he gently shakes her limp form into alertness, providing the escape from the nightmares that plagued her sleeping hours.

"Lee." She called, her arms quickly snaking around his torso into a hug. Kara is hanging onto him now like he would disappear if she didn't. She sobbed the Pegasus Commander's name into his shoulder again and again and he just reassured her in whatever way he could, keeping her distraught body close to his. It hurt more than Leoben could ever say, she didn't want him, she wanted Lee, who didn't even deserve her love or affection from what he had been shown in visions, yesterday it had been Zak and before that Sam.

But that wasn't his concern right now. He would have time to agonize over that later. His only concern right now was calming her down and making things better for her. If it meant he was Lee today so be it. He'd pretend for her. "Shh I got you Kara, you're safe now. Nothing is going to hurt you."

"I'm sorry Lee." Kara apologizes for some rift between them, for what Leoben didn't know exactly. Leoben just rocks her back and forth, trying his best to comfort her, his hand rubbing circles on her back, doing whatever he can to help the tense muscles relax so she can sleep again.

If Jared had not already been gotten rid of, Leoben would have surely gotten rid of him in some horribly painful other way by now. It tore him up to see Kara, his strong and beautiful and unshakable Kara, acting this way. He remembered when he had first seen her, she had taken his breath away, strong, willful, unwilling to compromise on anything but her way. There was no trace of Starbuck or Kara Thrace in the sobbing woman in his arms, pleading for forgiveness.

"There is nothing to apologize for Kara, I love you more then anything, you know that." He feels bad about the deceptions but she doesn't seem to remember the times when he comes to comfort her in the night. At his words she only nuzzles closer to him, her head coming to rest where his neck met his shoulder, seeking out warmth and protection from whatever demons may be following her around. He sets her to lay back down on the bed and lays behind her, wrapping her up in his embrace, letting her drift into sleep.

He knows he should move once her breathing has evened out but he doesn't want to. Just stay a little longer his mind pleads with him desperately and he does. It's the clean smell of her hair, the feel of her soft skin next to his, their forms fitting together better then jigsaw pieces. He revels in the perfection of them together, where they belonged, where they were made for each other. She shifts slightly her head resting on him as she slept. He doesn't want to leave her.

But he knows if they wake up this way she will assume the worst. He can't ever let that happen, let her think he would ever use her, hurt her, violate her and damage her the way Jared did. He'd die before doing that to her, he'd never let anyone do that to her for as long as he drew breath.

But he had. Guilt overwhelmed his entire soul, Jared had taken her, on his watch, and it had almost seemed too easy, like the cylon had just seen what was going on and seized the opportunity. If he had done something else Samuel would still be alive. If he had done something else Kara wouldn't be so broken from her ordeal, she never would have been violated, tortured and had her husband stolen away. Not that the fact Samuel is gone is that is much of a problem to you now is it? Jared's voice, one that Leoben knows will never fully leave him, calls out from the back of his mind, intensifying the guilt he felt.

With regret and a longing to stay he lifts himself from the bed and looks back down at her sleeping form. Not even in sleep is she fully at ease, he can see her muscles tense and the sleep she is receiving is not good sleep. It may not be a dream-filled now but it is still not good. But it will have to do, like so many other things he cannot seem to be able to give her the best.

He tucks the covers back up to keep her warm and smooths the hair from her face and impulsively kisses her softly on the forehead, the contact between them electric for the second it lasted. Leoben indulges himself one last long look before he shuts the door behind him and returns to the couch where he is plagued by his own nightmares where Jared laughs, and Kara's eyes fully close forever. He hopes Kara sleeps better then he does.

Kara-

The days have passed by so slowly for her. She feels numb. Like she can't feel anything new happen to her, only remember the past, the images pass in front of her eyelids whether she wants them to or not, but she doesn't feel. She supposes it is a good thing, not feeling, but she has learned that even anger and agony are better than misery. This existence is just a nothing; she oddly enough wants the pain. If it only means she feels something.

'Pain is good, it means you're alive.' Socrata Thrace's word echo around her head, and Kara briefly wonders if some other kind of pain would suffice. But she looks at her bandaged hands, feels the wrapping around her ribs, fingers the stitches on her cuts and messes with the strap on the wrist brace. They may be letting her walk again but she is far from okay. They would just pump her full of more pain meds anyways. Simon has already told her he is doing what he can to minimize scarring but she doesn't care.

She wonders if she'll ever care about anything again. Everything has been taken from her, she can't win, why fight?

'We fought 'till we couldn't on that damned moon named Meadra, fought' till men died and the insects ate them, don't you dare give up on me now you little brat' Words that were said after she had thought death was preferable to her mother's rage, meant to punish once now offered a glimmer of hope to the adult.

Oddly out of all the ghosts that follow her in this apartment, her mother's is the strongest, but it no longer is it the painful whip it had once been, instead it spends its time convincing her to keep going. 'Don't be weak Kara, you need to be a warrior like me, you're different, you have a special destiny that surpasses anyone else's' Maybe that was why she was put under her mother's care. Or maybe she is trying to make things up to make herself feel better. Poor broken Kara trying to rationalize things away so she doesn't have to face them huh? Yeah well, what else was new?

Leoben walks on glass around her these days, not saying much, asking her if he can help with anything or if she is in pain every now and then. She always shakes her head in refusal, but he helps her anyways, seeming to know in that uncanny way of his she is lying to him about it. She doesn't comment on where he has been and he doesn't offer an explanation for how he showed up beside her bed after her meeting with Caprica with a worried expression on his face.

She wakes up exhausted, her dreams strange, being rescued from Jared by Lee only to wake up and find she is still under cylon control. All the cylons were all the same, just mirror copies of each other. Somewhere she knows Boomer and Helo's copy are different, so why couldn't Leoben and Jared be different but that is something she simply cannot accept right now. Maybe not ever. They're all the enemy, just in different degrees and forms with different methods to break you.

Exiting the room, another thing she found odd. He had simply given her the bed, no questions asked, and moved his alarm clock out to the living room and slept on the couch, where she had used to spend her nights. No complaining or commenting on it, no real reason. It had just happened.

Leoben was making eggs, scrambling them and adding cheese. Like the way Zak used too. She doesn't bother questioning how he knows this way is her favorite, takes too long and hurts too much to remember back to Zak. When he sets the plate before her with bacon along with a piece of toast on the side, she mindlessly reaches for it, her brain on automatic, a machine herself in a way these days.

Leoben settles on the other side and as always prays before he begins his meal. He doesn't pray out loud anymore she's noticed. She doesn't much care about that either it's just another thing she can't bring herself to pay attention to. She eats some of her food, pick the food up with her fork, put in her mouth, chew it, swallow it, and repeat it. Again and again until her food is all gone.

Kara stifled back a yawn and observes for the first time that Leoben looks just as tired as she does. What he has to be tired about she doesn't know either, he just spends most of his day here with her, not working anymore but being here with her, his presence unable to escape, and when he did leave it wasn't for long. No more than twenty minutes at the most. She feels as though he has eyes watching her, even then, she can never escape the feel of his gaze. Afraid for something she might do, afraid of her taking what might be her only way out.

"Kara." His voice is quiet and she looks up. "If you are having problems sleeping then we can talk to Simon about getting you something to help you sleep better at night."

"No." She isn't sure why she is refusing, maybe it is because of a fear of what will happen if she blacks out. A fear of drugs of any kind after what Jared claimed he had done under their influence might be the cause. Leoben seems to notice and his expression softens and she hates it. Hates that no matter what she can't get away, hates that the cylons keep taking things from her, hates that it has to be her they take things from.

"Okay. But if you ever want them just ask and we can get them for you." It's moments like this she knows she is fracked. The cylon is being nice to her. Kara has felt a small amount of kindness in her life, but not from her enemies before. The idea that one of her enemies, could be so kind to her, loving and caring towards her made her feel sick to her stomach in so many ways.

Pushing herself violently away from the table Leoben looks up in concern. His blue eyes study her face for what she is up to, trying to make sense of her. "Kara you need to eat more than that. You need to gain your strength back."

"Why do you love me?" It's not even what she had been going to say, the sarcastic retort her brain had come up with dying on her lips, the question itself just tumbled out, from some dark place in her mind. She really wants to know, what makes this machine so determined to have her love him too, he should know by now that her love killed men.

"What is there not to love Kara?" He asks instead and before she can answer the obvious 'everything' he is standing by her side, close enough to reach out and touch and yet far enough away it is not uncomfortable to the point she needs to flee. "I love the way you are, dedicated, determined, smart, the way you don't let anything stop you. You are more creative then anyone I know and you have a sprit, a will that is impossible not to admire. You're beautiful, strong, intelligent stubborn and a gifted pilot. What is there to not love?"

Before she can answer his crazy speech he has picked up her plate and is going back to get her more food. "Sit down Kara, and eat some more. You need strength." And so she gives in to the insanity. There isn't anything to fight for anymore. Not her home, her family, her dignity and pride. Those things were all striped away from her. All she has is reminders of what used to be those things, and that has to do.

Because girls like her just don't get happily ever afters. Maybe being here with a deranged cylon is her punishment for daring to think things could ever be different. It's her destiny, her fate to suffer, she learned that lesson long long ago.

Laura-

Just recently taken out of her cell where she had been held for Gods knew how long, the former President turned school teacher could only follow the blonde cylon, the Six keeping a slow pace so Laura could follow her. It wasn't as though she had a choice really with the half a dozen centurions that had fanned out around the pair.

Damned nice of them, going slow for me when they are the ones who hurt my leg in the first place. The injury sent fire up her leg from her knee till it reverberated around her body, each step feeling more painful then the last. Behind her a Centurions eye glows in the sun, making sure nothing happened to her. She felt a pang of sympathy for Starbuck and for the first time fully appreciated how hard it was for the woman to rescue herself off of that red moon.

"Where are we going?" Laura queried, the Six just turned around and shook her head, blue eyes not revealing anything to Laura. Were they taking her off to kill her? A Worry that had been around earlier seemed more and more likely with each step she took forward away from the heavy Raider they had loaded her up earlier this morning.

Nearing a grove of trees the cylon stopped, and looked back at Laura sadly. "This is the place." Place for what she didn't know until she stepped close enough she could see, they had taken her glasses away so it was harder to see then one might expect. It was a grave, a gravestone, made of metal that glinted when the sun hit it at a certain angle.

"We thought this would be easier then an announcement," The blonde started out tentatively, Caprica that was her name, "And the cylon who killed him has been destroyed and will never exist again. His name was Jared. The Two with the black hair"

Laura almost fell down in shock. At the foot of the grave was a bundle of flowers, handpicked by the surroundings, obviously recently left there. But it was the name on the grave that really got to her. Samuel T. Anders. Sam was dead. Kara's husband was dead. And he'd been killed by the cylons. Here was another name to be added on a long list of people and if the Galactica was around another picture to put up.

"Does his wife know?" She can't help but ask, and the unfairness of it all collapsed around her. The people hadn't seen hide nor hair of the viper pilot and Laura couldn't help but to wonder if somewhere farther off in the distance Kara had been put to rest.

"She was there." Caprica stated, and Laura's hate of the things grows deeper. They probably made her watch them kill her husband, who knows what else those monsters were doing to her, images of the farm creep into her head and Laura is even more horrified, just because they stopped taking in new subjects didn't mean they didn't stop the testing. From what she knew they were very interested in the brash blonde pilot, what kind of horrors had they subjected her to?

Sensing Laura's disgust the cylon quickly tries to make amends. "We got her out, she's okay now, she's doing better and-"

Laura broke her off "There is no excuse for anything you have done. You've murdered people, torn apart families, destroyed things, Raped woman in the name of research, and yet the fact you gave her a little bit of medical attention somehow makes it better?"

Shame flooded the elegant imitation of a woman's features and she said quietly to the Centurions "Get her everything she needs and let her start teaching again." The cylon looks sad, remorseful and as though her face is full of guilt. But Laura doesn't much care. At the end of the day they are just lying machines and though they've let her go now, it's only a matter of time before they try to kill her. Just like they were trying to kill them all.

Peace? What complete and utter bullshit. The former school teacher thought angrily. What complete utter bullshit.