A/N: I'm ba-ack! But before we begin, some shameless adverting on my part!
I stayed home sick yesterday...and published not one, not two, but THREE fics. Whoo-hoo! One of them is called "One Burst of Light" and...I can't say anything about without giving away the plot. But it is NOT (not, I say) completely ridiculous! Next is "Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny"...much of the same insanity you find inside these letters. Last and probably least is "Harry Valharry and the Weirdest Production of Les Mis Ever." Starring Harry Potter as Valjean, Snape as Javert, and Voldemort as the Bishop...what could *possibly* go wrong? So check those out, okay? Okay. Into the fic...to go to my grandmother's house!
Whoops, almost forgot. I forgot the "regular" letter last chapter, and nobody commented on it, so I assume that Nobody Really Cares. So they will no longer be appearing. Which is good, 'cause I was running out of ideas.
Enjolras
mean... and why were you looking at that letter in the first place?
(submitted by Celestique)
Dear Celestique,
Yeah, he reads everybody's mail...but we read his this time! So ha.
-Everybody
Dear Fight Dream Hope Love 3,
Your letter didn't seem particularly non-K+ to me, but FanFiction starred part of it out, so...
-Psycho
Dear Enjolras
Do you still remember me? Just wait for me there in Heaven... Oh I have a confession to say.*sigh* I..stalk Aaron all day everyday (duh he's hot acting as you) *sticks tongue out* I don't love you now! Joking.. I heard that you have a mistress. Is it true?
(submitted by preciousat)
Dear preciousat,
I do remember you...much to my own sorrow. My METAPHORICAL mistress is Patria. Deal.
-Enjolras
Dear Derek,
Since you don't know, Figwit's a random elf thrown into the LotR films who originally had no name. The fans of that fandom named him Figwit (Frodo Is Great, Who Is That).
(submitted by Mormeril, Dark Lady of Insanity)
Dear MDLoI,
Cool! I wonder if one day I'll be that famous...well, Psycho's doing an okay job of spreading the word! And yeah, I guess I am like that. When first I appear I seem delirious, but when explained, I'm nothing serious! (Oh dear...I though I had gotten the Into the Woods out of my system)
Derek
Peanut butter: yes dearie, i know i wrote to you twice...i couldent think of anything else to say. Now, question time!
Couf: never mnd on the movie thing...ummm, describe the pirfect first date
Charming(AKA Enjolras): ummm, describe each of the les amis in one word
Les amis: i want each of you (including derek) to answer the question i asked couf
peanut butter: make up nicknames for each of the les amis
Eponine: why is Azelma so spazzy?
marius: have you, in fact, ever seen a ghost ?
Finally...Jolllly: describe your fearless leader in 5 words
I know these are all challanges...but i ran out of questions
love Melody Saxon
Dear Mel (can I call you Mel, hon?)
It wouldn't matter where we went...as long as it was with you. *suave grin*
-Courfeyrac
Dear Melody,
Joly-Irritating
Bossuet-Irritating
Marius-SuperSUPERirritating
Grantaire-RIDICULOUSLY IRRITATING
Jehan-Irritating
Courfeyrac-Irritating
Combeferre-Irritating
Bahorel-Irritating
Feuilly-Irritating
Derek-Ridiculouslyamazing (as anyone would say)
-Enjolras, who has Had a Bad Day
Dear Melody,
Enjolras doesn't let us go out on dates. Except for Courf, who he admits is incorrigible.
Les Amis
Dear Mel,
That's MY job! So I've stolen Jehan's letter. A lot of that seems to happen in this fic, doesn't it? Come to think of it, that happens a lot in just plain LES MIS. But anyway.
Enjolras-Dillamond
Courfeyrac (MEEEEEEE)-Tholly
Combeferre-Annabeth
Jean Prouvaire-PEANUT BUTTER!
Feuilly-Warsaw
Grantaire-Taylor Swift
Bahorel-Dumbledore
Bossuet-Sparky
Marius-Emoticon
Derek-WillowTree
Dude. The scary thing is, there were legitimate reasons for most of those. If you ask, I'll give you a lengthy explanation next chapter. :D
-Courfeyrac
Dear Melody,
Why not?
-Éponine
Dear Melody,
As a matter of fact, I connect with the "spirit world" on a fairly regular basis, and while my cover story is a lawyer, I am actually a professional psychic. Talking to ghosts is a very pleasurable experience, which apparently gives me the exact same look as I had the first time I saw Cosette.
Go figure.
-Marius
Dear Melody,
Positive Things Or I'll Die.
-Joly
Dear Enjolras,
No offense, but your anime version looks like a girl.
Dear R,
Please arrange the following according starting from your most preferred beverage to the least: Tequila, sake, soju, absinth, mekong, lambanog, whiskey, carrot juice
(submitted by Thornspike)
Dear Thornspike,
Looked it up and I agree.
-Enjolras
Dear Thornspike,
No idea what most of those are, but absinthe is first and carrot juice is last!
-Grantaire
Dear Marius,
What if Eponine didn't die?
How could you not notice she liked you?
Why did you cry for a little when she passed... Then read Cosette's letter literally 10 seconds after?
(submitted by MariusxEponine3)
Dear MariusxEponine3,
She wouldn't have died, I guess.
She...liked me? Huh. Ya learn something new every day.
"The heart of man is so constituted that the unhappy child had hardly closed her eyes when Marius began to think of unfolding this paper." Yeah...I was kind of a jerk when I was young and in the Brick. But then I grew up and became Eddie Redmayne!
-Marius
Dear Marius,
Since you are friends with Eponine, didn't you realize that she was in love with you? And please describe Cosette in your own words. Thank you
(submitted by Chanty 420)
Dear Chanty 420,
Wow. A whole bunch of people seem to think 'Ponine's in love with me, so I guess it's true.
Cosette is an angel sent on this planet to help out my poor soul. Radiance springs from her every pore and it hurts my eyes to look at her, but heals them instantly. Her hair is as brown as a rich, deep, chocolate, laced with strands of gold that is as pure as her soul. Her eyes, too, show her soul in a depth that is not found in any other blue. She is as generous as it is possible to be, and her heart is struck with agony (AGONY! THOUGH IT'S DIFFERENT FOR EACH!) every time she sees a child who has not had enough to eat. Her name-Cosette, Cosette!-each letter as perfect as the next, and better than the one before. Everything she does, she does with a simple grace, and I cannot think of anything I would rather do than simply watch her sit and think. Her kisses are as sweet as strawberries and my heart bursts with joy to look at her.
Derek-hugs if you read that whole paragraph.
-Marius
Dear Eponine,
1. Since when did you meet Marius?
2. Did you have feelings for him the moment you met him?
3. Who are those who are allowed to call you 'Ponine?
and 4. Your so pretty! I wish we could be friends:)
(submitted by Chanty 420)
Dear Chanty 420,
1. When my father sent me next door to...um...*blushes*
2. Duh. Who wouldn't?
3. Anyone, really. You can, if you want.
4. Aw, thanks! Now you definitely can. And sure! We'll be besties!
-Éponine
Gavroche - Let's agree to disagree. Whatvever. But, after that weed debate - what do you like more? Elephants or cookies? Because someone asked me once: What do you like more? Cookies or Gavroche?
And I was like: HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?
(Yes, I rank you on the same level as cookies. Don't be offended. I rank cookies very high.)
And she was like: Personally I prefer Enjolras-
But she was cut off by me going: AAAAAAARRGGGGHHHH!
Anyways, that went in for sometime until she left, so I didn't have to choose. But seriously - cookies or elephants?
Eppy Liz (:
Dear Eppy Liz,
Elephants. Now and forever. But if you have any cookies to give me, that would be awesome.
Gavroche
(EHMAGERSH! I was listening to the Original French Concept Album and I understood a line! I did! "Bonjour, Paris, c'est moi, Gavroche!" And I was like: SQUEEEEEE! So anyway. Um. Why did I feel the need to share that with you? I dunno. It...sort of pertains to Gavroche? -Psycho)
Dear Victor Hugo,
Why do you feel the need to be so descriptive? And so RANDOM? I do not need 80ish pages of description of a bishop? I do not need a recount of Waterloo - or a history of the sewers? Just... No...
EponineTheJondretteGirl IN EXILE!
Cher EponineTheJondretteGirl,
Avant de commencer à répondre à la question principale, vous adresser à votre lettre, je dois commenter un fait assez remarquable! Vous voyez, il ya une similitude entre nous, je ressens le besoin de souligner! Nous avons tous les deux été en «exil», comme vous l'appelez. Pour la dernière partie de ma vie, j'ai été emprisonné sur une île quelque part! Parce que j'avais fait quelque chose à quelqu'un colère et ... ouais, Psycho n'est pas vraiment clair sur les détails. Mais cela montre une certaine similitude dans nos âmes, et -
(SHUT THE HECK UP, VICTOR! WE DON'T NEED NINETY PAGES OF THIS DRIVEL THAT NOBODY CAN READ ANYWAY, AND IF THEY CAN IT PROBABLY MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE GOOGLE TRANSLATE DOES A CRAPPY JOB OF TRANSLATING STUFF! I'M ENDING THE STUPID LETTER.)
Victor Hugo et (PSYCHO!)
Dear Les Amis,
In the Philippines, one of their heroes (Andres Bonifacio, I think) was inspired by Les Misérables, and also started a revolution against the Spaniards. And GUESS WHAT? He also failed. Then the Philippines was conquered by America after the Treaty of Paris.
-MyNameIsLuka
Dear MyNameIsLuka,
Um... Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned that...Enjolras is speechifying about the "new and glorious future" that we can "inspire and be proud to Die for"...um...yah. But that's kinda cool, ya know? Yah...heh. Enjy just said "it is our duty to the Republic"...he said duty...Enjolras just said DOODY...XD (WAY TO BE MATURE, COURF)
Courfeyrac
Azelma: I WROTE TO YOU
I WROOOOOTE TOOOO YOUUU
I mean, I don't see why you get so up and excited about stuff like that. Everyone's equal when they're dead.
Gavroche: You're cool. Here's a cookie and a couple francs. Just for being cool. VIVE LA FRANCE.
Enjolras: Hi. Vive la France, just like I told Gavroche. What's your favorite color? Mine is red, like the blood of angry men. I am totally for the people. WHERE IS THE KING WHO RUNS THIS SHOW?!
Eponine: Date Enjolras.
Marius: I hate you.
Cosette: Ditto to Marius.
-How d'you do, my name's JC. These are my people, here's my patch. Not much to look at, nothing posh, nothing that you call up to scratch.
Dear JCBoLt,
AAAAH I AM SO HAPPPPYYYY! AND GUESS WHATA HEH IHEE I JJSUT GOOT COCA COOOOLA! ANSDD IT'S WONDERFULLL! AND I DIDNT DIE SO THERRE! AAAAAAAHHHHH! COCAAAAA COLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAA! JE T'AIME, COCA COLA!
-AZELMA!
Thanks!
-Gav
RED.
AND THE FLUFFING KING ISN'T HÈRE. WE WANT TO GUILLIOTINE HIM.
-Enjolras
Um, please excuse Enjolras...he has had à bad day...he got a letter that was...bad...
-Combeferre (who NOBODY writes to...)
No! I REFUSE.
-Éponine
Why? Why does EVERYONE hate us just for falling in love and not dying? D'YA THINK MARIUS WENT TO THE FLUFFING BARRICADE WITH THE INTENTION OF LIVING? NO! BLÂME PAPA IF YOU MUST! :(
-Cosette and Marius
Dear Enjy,
That was my one time, wasn't it?
Anyway, I'm sorry about spelling your name wrong and all. I am on a mobile device (which I won't bother explaining, because if you are in Heaven, you would know such things.) and that impairs my writing by a lot. Also, regarding your reply to someone else ( believe it was someone names Elodie) but France is a democracy now. And by the way, I know you aren't romantically involved with Eponine, and more people should accept that, but are you guys at least friends?
Sincerely, Meredith
P.S. Tell Javert to shut up about the law, and if he doesn't he admits to liking Jean Valjean in a romantic fashion.
Dear Meredith,
Yah. Democracy ROCKS! And we're friends, because we had to BAND TOGETHER against all the people who WANT US TO DATE (You have turned our friends against us, Enjonine shippers! Our closest friends!) And, um...we hang out a lot...and sometimes eat dinner together...but that doesn't mean anything! No, it does not.
-Enjolras
P.S. Javert thinks that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard, and I agree. The law and Valjean represent completely different things to him. He wants me to tell you, "LAWR, LAWR, LA-A-A-LAWR," (MUST STOP BEFORE I START SINGING 'POPULAR') Um yeah. Bye.
Dear Gavroche,
THERE ARE GIANTS IN THE SKY!
(submitted by Om)
Dear Om,
Dude. I know. His name is Lamarque and he speaks for the people here below!
-Gavroche
Dear Eponine and Enjolras
I will not accept it. Not until you sing a heart full of love to each other and kiss and get married!
Love K
...um, I don't know what exactly it was you said, but it must have been bad as Enjolras shot it to bits with his carbine and Éponine didn't try to stop it...
-Combeferre
Dear Enjolras,
Is your name pronounced:
Ahn-jol-rah
En-jol-ras
Ahn-jol-ras
Or En-jol-rah?
Peace out!
Mina (:
Dear Mina,
Sorry...Psycho and the other half of RainWillMakeTheFlowersGrow have been having a debate...PSYCHO'S opinion THAT SHE LOOKED UP AND HAS EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT is that it's Ahn-jol-rah, but if you were French you would pronounce the 's' very softly, the way French people pronounce the 'bluh' in 'Miserables'...any French people out there to confirm or deny this?
-Enjolras
Dear Azelma,
I think your sister really hates me now, so I'll just write to you for a while... sorry éponine! I still looooooooooooove you! What were your thoughts on Cosette? Did you try to be nice to her when your mom and dad weren't around? Did you look up to éponine? Do you think éponine changed the most once you had lost the inn? Did your voice get horse like hers from drinking to much brandy? I hope you didn't follow her in doing that? Did you and éponine get along or did you have a lot of spats about things? Why did you lose the letters that your father wanted you to bring to the people that you were told to bring? Why did your father send éponine on more erronds then you? I'm talking about the time she went over to see marius. She seems much bolder then you, but I could be wrong? Are you and éponine a lot a like? Azelma, please tell the authoress that the way to do the "é" is you turn the numb lock on your number pad on and while holding down both the incert key and the alt you press on number and that makes the "é"! Then she won't have to keep coppying the é anymore! Oh, she doesn't have to type the e cause when you do that step, it makes the é all on it's own!
(submitted by EponineJondrette)
DEAR EPONINEJONDRETTE,
YOU WROOOOOOTE TO ME! MORE AND MOOOOORE PEOPLE ARE WRIIIIIIIIIIITING TO ME! I'M SOOOOO POPULAR! VERY, VERY POPULAR (DANG, I REALLY HAVE THAT STUCK IN MY HEAD, DON'T I?) KEEP WRITING TO ME, GUYS! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU ALL!
-AZELMA
Dear Bossuet,
It's okay, you can tell me about your worst case of bad luck. Or second worst, or third worst, or fourth worst, etc...
Darci
No, I really, really, don't want to talk about it. My therapist says I'm not allowed to.
-Bossuet
Dear Jehan,
Can I have a poem? Please? please please please please please please please please please please please please please please?
Darci
P.S. You're awesome!
Dear Darci,
Aw, you sure can, hon!
What kind of poem? Um...
There once was a reader named Darci
who asked for a poetical...farce-y
Jean thought and thought
but all for naught
For ideas,
he found
were sparse-y.
-Jean Prouvaire (I WILL NOT START GOING BY PEANUT BUTTER, COURFEYRAC! I WILL NOT!)
Dear Derek,
I TOTALLY buy your existence and everything, that is one of the great things about Les Mis, I totally would believe the Amis de l'ABC were actual people in the revolution. Well... I buy everything BUT the police inspector with the horrible priorities (seriously Javert. Get. A LIFE!) But I digress, I don't seem to recall when you saved the barricade. Please point this out so I can accurately write you into my fanfictions.
Much love, Snow WhitexPrince Charming
Dear SnowWhitexPrinceCharming,
OoO, I'm going to be in a FANFICTION? Besides this ridiculous one? That would rock. Um, anyway. I saved the barricade right after 'Bring Him Home'. The camera panned up so there was a wide shot of the barricade and that creepy eye on the Café Musain at night, and then suddenly it was morning and I'm, like squatting on the barricade, whistling to tell everyone about the National Guard coming.
-Derek
I have a question for Enjolras and Eponine. Simply, why? Why wouldn't you date? Do you not find Eponine attractive, Enjolras? (I know Eponine does) plus, Grantaire, you ship em, haven't you tried to get em together?
(submitted by muftimuffins)
Dear muftimuffins,
Oh, I've tried. They just...refuse. Of course, we're antagonizing them so much they're being forced to spend time together to get away from us, so...well...*crosses fingers*...we can hope...
-Grantaire
And now, some notes from Psycho! Like you didn't get enough of those inserted randomly into the letters.
EponineTheJondretteGirl-You are Eppy Liz! I didn't know! I didn't figure that out until this chapter! Awesome!
Om-We must fangirl together ASAP. Was that Cinderella not amazing?
JCBoLt-I just squeed when I saw you reviewed. It's always exciting when an author you really like enjoys your work as well.
Everyone-I love you guys. I love you guys so much. Who will be the lucky 200th reviewer, hm?
Keep calm and Mizzie on!
-Psycho