AN: Long time, no update, I know. I'm a terrible fanfiction writer. :( I have, however, started a new 'plan' to help me work on my stories. So far its ten-times better than all the other ones since I've updated all but two stories this week. I'll be aiming for two week updates, but I can't promise anything. I've got a lot of RL crap too, which takes away from all my fun, but I'm still working on this! Promise. :) Now, read and enjoy! Oh, if you find any mistakes let me know, I read over this without my glasses so I'm bound to have missed something.

Chapter Seven

Attempting

So, my best friend is a bit of a traitor. Claire showed up with Quil half an hour after I got home and Rosa let herself get roped into helping Claire make pasta from scratch, while Quil forced me to make half a cup fresh lemon zest with nothing but a cheese grader. My fingers now have geometric patterns. Apparently, Claire spent a few months with an Italian babysitter when she was eleven and taught her how to make pasta the old fashioned way and when she was at our grandfathers she found a pasta maker and now we're having a good 'ole Italian meal. Even though we're Native American and whatever the hell our Dad is made out of… Can we just call him a mutt and get over it?

"You're not a vegetarian, are you?" Claire asked Rosa as they worked next to each other.

"No, why?" Rosa asked confused.

"Three kinds of sausage, that's why." Claire said as she pulled out the Ziploc bags of meat from the freezer.

I snorted a laugh before I could stop myself. Quil rolled his eyes and smacked me upside the head.

"Your head is so far in the gutter, it's almost amazing." He said blankly.

"I know," I sighed proudly. "Are we finished? We have things we need to do." I asked Rosa irritably.

"Like what?" Claire asked curiously.

"Her hair is going back to her natural color." Rosa answered before I could come back with a snide comment.

"Oh, and what color is that?" Claire asked excitedly, making me gag and roll my eyes.

"It's a little darker than yours." Quil answered instead of Rosa. Which made me feel a little better that my supposed friend wasn't spilling all my deep dark secrets. It was just my big-brother-figure.

"Well, Quil can help me with the rest, go make her look normal." Claire said shooing us up the stairs.

Of all the things Claire had said in her time here, that one probably hit me the most. For most of my life I have been the definition of chaos. I've never done anything the 'normal' way. It was my choosing of course but now I was doing this almost automatically. I wasn't the same person anymore and it really scared the shit out of me.

"You don't think I'm turning normal, do you?" I asked Rosa fearfully when we got to my room.

"What are you talking about?" She asked confused.

"I've had some strange color in my hair since I was thirteen. I haven't worn jeans that weren't black, torn, or drawn on since I was ten. What am I doing?!" I demanded frustratedly.

"Aren't you a little young to be having a mid-life crisis?" She asked with a raised brow.

"This isn't a mid-life crisis!" I shrieked, stomping my foot.

"Sure sounds like one." Rosa mumbled annoyed.

"I've seen this before. I'm changing into someone else, and it's because of Seth." I said with wide eyes, dropping down to my bed.

"Why are you saying it like it's a bad thing?" She asked becoming increasingly confused by the second.

"What if I like who I am?" I snapped.

"If you're going to have this identity conundrum, could you at least start putting this on my dry spots?" She asked tossing me a bottle of moisturizer.

I threw the bottle back at her with as much force as I could but she just caught it easily. "Rosa, I'm serious!" I bellowed.

"Willa, you've done nothing but talk about this guy all the time I've known you, so if you want him then get the fuck over it, but if staying a bratty bitch means more to you then drop him like a hot cake." She told be simply.

I let the tiniest thought of going back to the way it was between me and Seth cross my mind and it felt like my chest was going to implode. I didn't want to lose who I was but if I ever lost Seth again… Let's just say, no good thoughts come to mind.

"I can't do that." I said firmly.

"Then put this on my dry spots then sit down so I can start on your hair." She demanded, pushing the bottle into my chest again.

I rolled my eyes and globbed the cream she had given me on her face and then dropped down in front of her so she could start on my hair. She smacked the back of my head like I imagined she would and then the ammonia from the hair dye filled the air.

It's strange to try and work through a pivotal point in your life while getting your hair dyed. The fumes don't help either.

I hated to admit it, but Rosa was right, I couldn't have it both ways. If I wanted to be with Seth, in every sense of the word, I was going to have to change. Again.

I've been this person for half my life. The other half I spent as a sad little girl. What was I supposed to become now? Is there a special person I have to turn into to be the significant other to a werewolf? Emily would know. But if I go to her Sam will more than likely listen in because he's a nosey bastard and then Seth will find out and think its all his fault. Which it kind of is, but for this once I don't want him to know that because I don't want him to know that.

Oh Jesus, its started. I'm already nicer! Six months ago I would have told Seth without a problem but now I'm all considerate and stuff! I want Dana…

"Time to rinse, unless you want your hair to fall out." Rosa said nudging my shoulder.

I followed her to the bathroom in autopilot and let her rinse out my hair. I thought about everything that was keeping me this person, that wasn't allowing me to move along in my life and I stumbled into the same thing every time. The root cause of everything that made me a surly bitch and a sad little girl.

"Rosa, I think I might need your help with something." I said quietly while we waited for the two minutes to pass so the conditioner could soak in.

"I thought we were trying to avoid jail time?" She asked bewildered as she filed her nails.

"I have a plan, to help me sort all this out. But I'm going to need you do to something." I told her taking a deep breath.

"What?" She asked suspiciously.

"Help me find my mom." I muttered under my breath. It felt so strange to say it, and to ask for help. I've never really done that before.

"Why don't you just ask Claire? Wouldn't she know?" She asked confused.

"I doubt she'd help, she hates her." I said shaking my head.

"Okay, but you can still try. She's your sister." She pressed.

"Are you going to help me or not?!" I snapped, frustrated.

"Not until you ask Claire! I'm not going to do the run-around if we know someone who already knows!" She yelled right back. Its why Rosa is my friend, she will yell at me when no one else will.

"Fine!" I yelled. I could tell she didn't like my tone because she grabbed my hair and dragged me back to the shower.

After Rosa roughly rinsed my hair out and put it up in a towel to dry, we started deep cleansing masks and manicures. I was still working out how I would approach Claire on the situation of our mother. No one was blind to her resentment toward our mother, hell I shared it, but I still need to talk to her about everything. I had a lot I needed to get off my chest to carry on with my life and all, which only made me angrier because I realized she's still screwing up my life.

I can't even move into my own future without her. I wanted to focus on the anger and cling to it, but the scared little girl was resurfacing and Seth wasn't around to send away the monsters. Have I mentioned how this sucks?!

After we were officially beautified Rosa dried my hair and told me it looked great but I couldn't look at it. I wanted to remember my hair as it was. Rosa jumped on my bed and took my copy of Dracula and started reading.

"Go ask Claire." She ordered from behind the pages of the book.

"She's busy." I told her as I started organizing my shoes for no reason.

"Do it." She pressed with that tone that made me want to leave the room before something was thrown at my head.

"Fine." I huffed then left my room, making sure to slam the door.

I went downstairs in the same huff because if I didn't I'd just go lock myself in the bathroom. Quil was leaning against the counter next to Claire, watching her like she was building the eighth wonder of the world right before his eyes. It was almost sickening.

"Claire," I said easily interrupting whatever moment was going on before me.

Claire started putting down what she was working with. "Yeah?" She asked as she wiped her hands and walked toward me. She looked up at me and her eyes went big and her mouth dropped. "I like the hair, it makes you look more… you." She said thoughtfully.

That one statement sent me for another loop. Someone who doesn't know anything about my past or who I may or may not be, already knows how to make me feel comfortable in changing into someone else. She reminded me a lot of our dad at that moment. "Can we talk for a second?" I asked pointing to the hallway at the top of the stairs.

"Sure," She said with a nod and followed me up to the very end of the hall.

"I need to talk to Mom." I said firmly and seriously.

She paused for a long time. Agonizingly long. Then sighed and spoke. "Okay,"

"Look, I know you want to keep me away from her, but I need to talk to her." I pressed, starting to pace as I walked through the argument I planned out.

"Willa-" She said confused.

"It's not your decision to keep her from me." I told her slowly and sternly.

"But I-" I stopped her again.

"You don't think I know how much of a bitch she is for what she did?! I need to yell at her, and get all this out or I'm going to make my life hell and Seth's life and I don't want him to suffer anymore!" I cried sadly, trying not to pout.

"Willa!" She yelled once I stopped for a breath.

"What?" I yelled back.

"I already agreed." She said quietly.

"Oh," I muttered dumbly.

She smiled a little and went into her room for a moment then came out with a piece of paper. "Here's her number, I'm sure she hasn't changed it. I don't know where she might be though." She said with a small shrug then looked at me pleadingly. "Can you promise me something?" She asked desperately.

"What?" I asked confused.

"At least do it with Seth." She said gently. "Have him drive you to her or something, I don't want to you go alone." She added, sounding just like Dana and saying the same thing she would in the situation. I'd have to tell her about this later, it would make her day.

"Fine," I agreed, having to feign my begrudging stare.

"Tread lightly, she can drive you to do something you'll regret." She warned me seriously before going back down stairs.

"Nothing I haven't already done for myself." I mumbled to myself then went back into my room.

I stayed in my room with Rosa until Dad came home and we had dinner together. No one minded that Rosa stayed, which surprised her more than me. She had known my dad and even Quil for a while, but she still wasn't used to the fact that they were decent human beings. Unlike myself.

While I picked through my dinner, I thought about how I would bring this whole thing up to Seth. How I could make him understand why I needed this. And how I could get him to let me do this somewhat alone. I'd let him come along fine, but I knew deep down I needed to face her alone. The things I was going to say to her needed to be said in private. I knew he would understand, that he would agree and that he would give into my every whim. Because Seth was just flat out perfect.

AN: Review!