Serieux Part 2

by SASundance

Despite the smoke and mirrors, it's obvious Tony's a highly flawed and complex individual who has secrets. No one had a clue that he hides a MOAS, one though, that could rip apart the fabric of society if it were ever to come to light. After almost 2 decades though Tony feels like his secret is fairly safe, which only goes to show that he shouldn't let his guard down...not ever.

2. Chapter 2: The Shovel Talk

A/N:Thanks to people who have left feedback. Like all writers I thrive on comments. This story isn't beta'ed and I haven't had time to do my dozen rewrites so hopefully there aren't too many boo boos.

So glad that people got my irony about fixing the timeline that TPTB have created for Tony. I also want to explain that there won't be any ships in this story despite what takes place in this chapter. IMHO Tony is far to fragile to pair up with anyone without it inevitably falling apart. First thing is for him to get himself out of a toxic environment so he can begin to heal.

Chapter 2 The Shovel Talk

Tony didn't come back that night. They sat up 'til the wee small hours waiting to see if he'd return but he never did. So Tobias decided to use the time to begin interrogating Hermione about her rather obvious attraction to DiNotzo, which she didn't deny.

She admitted that her opinion of him as a teenager had been complicated. She'd been terrified of him at first when he escaped from Azkaban, the notorious magical prison that Tobias had learnt, made the toughest Super-max prison or the worst jails in third world countries look like a five-star hotels by comparison. That was when she still thought he'd betrayed her best friend's parents to Voldemort and was a mass murderer who'd killed a bunch of muggles and his school friend, Peter Pettigrew.

Then they'd discovered the truth, that he'd somehow managed the impossible feat of escaping completely unaided to try to protect Harry from a murderer, aka Peter Pettigrew who was responsible for Lily and James Potter's murder. Obviously at this point, her feelings about him and for him had begun to transform. Then when he'd offered to let Harry live with him instead of his abusive relatives she'd been so happy for her friend which had clearly made her revise her feelings for the wild looking escapee even more.

The next significant factor in the evolution of her attitudinal change occurred on the same day after Sirius had saved Harry, herself and Ron from his best friend (a werewolf) by transforming into his animagus form to stop the werewolf attacking the teenagers on the full moon. Hermione explained that he'd been wounded in the process of defending the three friends, which had made him vulnerable and was a contributory factor in him being recaptured.

Not surprisingly, after such a terrifying experience and Sirius' heroics she'd admitted that she'd been very grateful and her feelings had morphed into more than a little hero-worship. Tobias knowing teenage girls, surmised that it was also more than likely, where her teenage crush on the wizard developed.

Meanwhile they'd managed to save him from being put to death with literally moments to spare, thanks to her Time-Turner and her familiarity all year in manipulating time so she could attend extra classes. Sirius had been grateful and more than happy to protect Buckbeak, a hippogriff who'd helped him escape. She and Harry used the Time-Turner to save the hippogriff from an unjustified execution for supposedly attacking a student.

So then Sirius had lavishly praised her before disappearing into the night with the fugitive magical creature. Fornell could well imagine how all that adrenaline and high excitement of riding on the back of the huge beast would impact on the hormones of a teenage girl. Hermione had already shared with him that she'd been a highly studious type. Not the sort to have a lot of experience with matters of the heart. Throw in a lifetime of being looked down on by magicals and muggles alike, it must have been a heady experience for the impressionable and unworldly teenager girl to have Black notice her and acknowledge her attributes - the ones she valued so highly.

"I practically melted into a pile of goo when he said I really was the brightest witch of our age. Plus, I was all tingly from where his body had been in contact with mine as we flew through the night," she admitted somewhat bashfully.

"He was such a heroically tragic figure…like something out of a romance novel or a Victor Hugo novel. Plus, he was wounded; both in body and spirit. I wanted to take away all his pain and make him whole again." She flushed, embarrassed as she revealed her emotions from that night so many years ago.

Fornell grimaced at the patently colourful teenage prose, thinking this could very well be his own daughter speaking. God he hoped that she never saw Jethro that way because he would have to kill him. Although he wondered if DiNozzo wasn't a more likely candidate for Emily to crush on. He had an aura of despair around him lately, that even he'd picked up on. It was why he'd felt compelled to drag him home for the holiday and he was a hetero as they came.

He shook his head as he contemplated his relationship with his daughter. Teenagers were sent to break their parents' hearts; of that he was certain. Especially teenage girls on the cusp of dating for the very first time. Emily needed her mother now more than ever, hell he needed Diane now more than ever. He wondered if he'd survive her teenage years without committing murder when she started dating for real.

Mind, if any of this sort of crap ever happened at the Maryland Academy for Magical Studies where Emily attended, he'd raze the whole fucking place to the ground. Then he'd round up the staff and rip out all their entrails and force them, at the point of his trusty Glock, to eat them. Thank goodness that sort of shit had no place in the US – not the blood snobbery or using outmoded stuff such as quills and parchment designed to keep the population all backward looking.

Nor the idea that it was perfectly acceptable for teenagers to mess with time or have to slay deadly snakes roughly the same dimensions of King Kong because the adults who were supposed to be educating them were too damned useless to protect them. Hell if he found out that his daughter had been attacked and spent months petrified AND even worse, was never informed about it, suffice to say they would never find the bodies. The whole situation was just WRONG!

From what Diane had told him, the magical Brits were all rather backward thinking, like a bunch of sheep, biddable and under the thumb of a few power mongers. They were trapped by the past and in the past; unable to move with the times – unable to make critical decisions or adapt to change. It sounded like some third world country ruled by corrupt despotic dictators.

By contrast, in the US, most magical teenagers chose to go off to regular colleges when they graduated from high school, like non-magical kids, then pursued careers, not married off the moment they finished high school. They were encouraged to think for themselves and not accept what they were told and if Emily ever started acting like a sheep he'd have her out of there so damned fast her head would spin like in the Exorcist. Not that there was much chance of that happening. Emily was her mother's daughter; you couldn't tell her anything.

He sighed, refocusing his attention back onto the young witch who was talking about her road to Damascus. "It was a painful realisation that the people I looked up to the most in this new world I'd found myself thrust into, had stood by and knowingly let an innocent man rot in jail for 12 years without a trial. So yes, Sirius became a highly romantic figure initially – one that had held me in his strong arms as we raced through the night." She sighed and it didn't take a federal agent to figure out she was reliving that night through rose coloured romantic glasses.

Then her dreamy expression changed, became closed off. "As I spent more time with him at No 12 Grimmauld Place, the Black Ancestral home, I suddenly started seeing all his flaws. That he was juvenile and impulsive – he had an explosive temper. I thought he was trying to relive his youth through Harry, Ron and I. Plus, I hated the way he treated his house elf, Kreature.

"And then Sirius was dead, coming to our rescue, again. So of course I felt horribly guilty about all the faults I'd picked with him. I was so judgemental as a teenager," She admitted sorrowfully. "Rigid in my thinking, quick to judge what I knew nothing about and too damned smart when it came to book learning for my own good. Plus, I was totally lacking in real life experience since I spent my life with my head in a book and was so incredibly stubborn. I thought I knew better than everyone else, just because I had a high IQ."

Her expression was woebegone and Fornell recalled how self-righteous Emily could be. Once his daughter made up her mind there was no changing it and her temper if you tried – watch out! It was definitely a case of like mother like daughter in terms of her disposition and temper – or maybe it was the redhead thing. But regardless, she sounded a lot like how Hermione had just described her teenage self.

How quick she was to rush to judgement, the infuriating belief that she was right and everyone else was wrong. How no matter how inexperienced or ill-informed she was, Emily still had opinions, unshakeable ones, on just about every topic under the sun. He'd been assured that it was normal teenage behaviour and that she'd grow out of it, given time.

He smiled gently at Hermione, observing the miserable body language as she hugged her torso, her long legs drawn up underneath her. "That sounds just like Emily. Sounds like you were a typical teenager."

"Yeah…maybe Toby. But I was also such a goody-two shoes. I believed absolutely in authority figures – believed that they were infallible. And magical Britain is so insular, so backward thinking. It is so easy to pull the wool over people's eyes – even me – especially me.

"Honestly, half of the wizards and witches are barely educated, unable to think for themselves and ready to believe everything they're told, despite evidence to the contrary. There is a complete absence of critical thinking and analysis with the magicals. It's why I accepted the position to reform the education system when Rose and Lily started at Hogwarts." She confessed, referring to her daughters attending the magical boarding school.

"So what changed, Hermione? Because clearly you have a vastly different opinion of Sirius now," he observed sardonically. "Is it misplaced guilt because he died and you felt like you owed him?" Fornell probed, his inner interrogator firmly entrenched and determined to find out what was motivating her actions towards Tony.

She smirked at him. "Not at first, Toby. After Harry told me he'd found out that his father, James Potter and Sirius had teased and bullied Snape during their time at Hogwarts, I really despised him for a while. Combined with his casual cruelty to his family's house elf it confirmed my previous opinion that he was a childish, selfish um…"

"Dickhead? Deadshit?" Fornell proffered helpfully.

Frowning slightly, she sighed. "Yeah I guess that's one way to put it." Her expression suggested it was a piss poor one.

Fornell smirked, having previously noting her aversion to cussing. Stretching out his lean form in the chair and crossing his legs, he sipped on his drink, the smooth cognac caressing his palate as it delicately danced across his tastebuds. He smiled at his guest, "Okay so what made you change your mind? Because clearly you have."

"A lot of stuff…a lot of years growing up. When I finally located my parents in Australian and brought them back home again, they encouraged me to continue my formal education in the muggle world. Sure I was a mother but that didn't mean I was destined to turn into my mother-in-law.

"Frankly, the idea of popping out babies, year after year and becoming an interfering know-it- all, spoiling my kids rotten and interfering in their lives was anathema to me. I wanted to make a real difference in their lives…in every child's life. That's when I became enamoured by psychology and the more I learnt about the subject, the more I started to understand Sirius' behaviour."

"How so?" Fornell queried.

"Well for a start, I came to see how his background impacted upon him. He came from a horrendous family background with no positive role models to emulate. Apart from one cousin and her daughter, his immediate family were all Death Eaters and Pure Blood Supremacist who would fit right in in the Ku Klux Klan. Yet as a young child he had the strength of character to resist their example of savagery, hatred and bigotry. Sure he might have been cocky and arrogant, done wrong…bullied Snape and treated Kreacher badly, but no one is perfect.

Tobias nodded. "Sadly, I have to agree with that statement."

Hermione looked glum. "As I pointed out, I was a real pain in the neck, know-it-all. I had a pretty idyllic childhood, had wonderful parents as role models and grandparents who told me I was wonderful, smart... could be anything I wanted. Sure I might have been picked on and bullied at school but I can't begin to imagine how it would have been not to have had the love and support of my family. And even with my family's love and support and being victimised by other kids in both worlds, while I never bullied her, I was still an unkind b…"

"A bitch?" Tobias supplied helpfully.

Pulling a face, she groaned. "Yeah…that to Luna Lovegood – a girl at Hogwarts - just because she was different from me. She used to irritate me since she was totally illogical and yet she didn't do anything to deserve my contempt. She was a brave and a stalwart supporter when we needed her in the war and since then, she's become my best friend." She paused, looking guilty and took a sip of her Irish coffee.

"And," she resumed her musing. "By the time I'd earned a Masters in Educational Psychology, I started examining my old girlish assumptions. I mean really truly, examining them, which was painful but necessary.

"I saw the figures I'd looked up to…the people in authority who made choices and sacrificed principles of common decency and innocent people for the greater good or in reality, for their own agendas. It is easy to tell yourself it is for the greater good but truthfully, they were afraid that they lose their job, respect or power.

She yawned and looked at her watch, before stretching like a cat. She was lithe and possessed a sensuality that made him fear for what this witch could do to DiNotzo's very fragile heart. Tobias figured the vulnerability crap that Hermione had already mentioned about Tony or was it Sirius, was getting to him, since he now felt weirdly protective of the NCIS agent. Weird since most of the time DiNotzo bugged the holy crap out of him but lately, even before he knew about their shared magical link, he'd started experiencing almost familial stirrings for the guy.

Unaware of the concern she had provoked in the FBI agent, Hermione continued to speak about her feelings toward their wayward wizard. "I continued to compare and contrast the people I knew and how they dealt with traumatic situations. For example, Severus Snape might have had a terrible childhood and been bullied by Sirius and James but he chose to deal with that by making choices that hurt many others who were innocent. As a mature adult, he continued to make choices that affected so many innocents, influenced them and their families in life changing ways."

Tobias was curious. "How do you mean Hermione?"

"He chose to teach and I use that term advisedly, since there was nothing didactic or altruistic in his approach to his job. He used his position to scare little children, to belittle students and ruin the hopes and aspirations of untold number of individuals who were prevented from pursuing valuable careers. Individuals who would have benefited our society as healers or aurors, but failed to get the grades that they needed because Severus never bothered to teach them.

Scowling, she took a deep breath. This was obviously a sore topic for her as an educationalist.

"Dumbledore justified letting him teach because he was a spy for the light side and had to maintain an act. It was supposed to be for the greater good that we and hundreds like us suffered from his terrible teaching and abusive attitudes over the years. But what gave either of them the right to decide what constituted the greater good? I mean, who's not to say that one of the many witches or wizards that he effectively prevented from becoming healer might not have gone on to find a way to overcome the unforgivable curses and saved untold lives?

"What if someone was destined to become a gifted mind healer and could have found a cure to heal Tom Riddle's insanity or the parts of himself he split off to make him immortal. Who knows what is truly possible? Maybe the war wasn't necessary at all if Hogwarts students had received the education they were paying for…the education they were entitled to. What gave Dumbledore and Snape the right to take away that possibility?"

Hermione had jumped up and started to pace as she began to rant about a topic most dear to her heart – education. She'd clearly been giving it a lot of thought over the years. Not that surprising, since her job was to oversee the education of all witches and wizards in the UK – it was also her excuse to come the States. She was supposedly checking out magical educational facilities including Emily's school that was considered somewhat experimental and cutting edge.

Fornell couldn't help but think that she was not only very eloquent in her argument but also made a very convincing case. Finally, she seemed to realise she was pacing and using her hands as she held forth and she looked somewhat bashful. Blushing, the witch sat down on the chesterfield again, one leg under her butt as she continued to speak.

"Severus Snape knew that Sirius was innocent, that he'd been unjustly imprisoned yet did nothing to free him. Then when Sirius escaped from Azkaban he gave him up, knowing full well that he would be killed by the ministry. He'd committed heinous, abhorrent crimes as a Death Eater, Toby, and been given a second chance by Dumbledore yet he had absolutely no qualms about sending an innocent man to his death. One who'd already served over a decade in the worst prison possible for something he didn't do, all because of his hatred of him when they were schoolboys.

"Dumbledore thought Death Eaters like Snape should be given a second chance yet an innocent man, an auror – a magical cop, didn't even get get the right to defend himself against a charge he was innocent of. How was that right?"

Fornell fumed. He doubted very much that magical cops were any better paid then their non-magical counterparts. To not even get the opportunity to defend himself was an unforgivable situation for any reasonable person, let alone a cop to accept. He couldn't imagine how he would have dealt with what had happened to Black. He suspected at the very least he'd be filled with hate and want retribution.

His houseguest had ducked out to the kitchen and poured herself another coffee while he was brooding. She'd returned with a second cup in case he wanted to switch from liquor to caffeine. He decided to take a break from alcohol and took the cup with a grateful nod.

Hermione smiled as she settled herself back down again and sipped her coffee to keep herself awake. "Severus was so filled with hate, yet Harry Potter had an absolutely horrendous childhood, more than likely as bad, if not worse than Severus and he didn't go to the dark-side, unlike Snape. Yes, okay, James Potter and Sirius played a stupid teenage prank on Severus that went wrong…badly wrong and he could have died. Sure they teased him during his school years, yet he had no problem inflicting terrible mental abuse on James' totally innocent son when he was supposed to be preparing him for his showdown with Voldemort. And yet, Harry hasn't turned into a bitter, vicious monster who takes out his pain on innocent children."

"Perhaps he'd been perverted because of the trauma of being called Severus by his parents. Seriously, who would do that to a kid…especially when your last name was Snape?" Tobias quipped facetiously.

Smirking she acknowledged the joke before becoming grave again. "Harry was also bullied unmercifully at school by Draco Malfoy and his minions, as well as Snape, who wasn't a teenager I might add – he was an adult, a teacher and knew better…he just didn't care. All he cared about was himself and his grudge. Harry was betrayed by friends and school mates and more than once. Yet Harry didn't become a cold blooded murderer like Severus did when he decided to become a Death Eater.

"Even the headmaster betrayed Harry for the so-called greater good, time and again, and still he didn't turn dark. He chose to serve and protect others, even when they didn't deserve his sacrifice. Harry was still prepared to die for them because Dumbledore told him it was for the greater good.

"They'd turned their backs on him and accused him of despicable things, being the Heir of Slytherin or a lying murderer when Cedric Diggory died. For most of our fourth year prior to Cedric's death and Harry being tortured by Riddle, the whole school thought he was a liar and a cheat – interested in self-aggrandizement. I was the only one to publicly support and believe in him. I believe that his treatment in school and home trumped Severus hands down, but he never became obsessed with wanting revenge, unlike Snape."

"Turn the other cheek." Fornell commented sotto voce.

"Exactly!" she nodded emphatically. "He isn't bitter or twisted…Harry Potter is the most forgiving person I know. So finally I've realised that no one is perfect including Sirius but it didn't necessarily make them a bad person. And by the same token, no matter how terrible a life you've had, at some point you have to stop holding grudges and draw a line in the sand."

Fornell thought her friend, the so-called saviour of the magical world, Harry Potter sounded a lot like DiNozzo. The NCIS agent was pathologically incapable of bearing a grudge, he forgave everyone - except himself. Personally he thought it wasn't always such a good quality to possess since people always took advantage of it.

"Shades of grey, Hermione. No one is all black or all white but some individuals are much closer to black-grey than the other extreme." Fornell mused, thinking of his earlier contemplations of Tony and Jethro and how they chose to do their job.

Gibbs was definitely a 'the end justifies the means' kinda guy and probably would believe in the 'greater good' philosophy too – well as long as he was the one who got to make decisions regarding what constituted the greater good. While Tony had long been the moral compass of the team and given his stubborn determination to observe the law, it was a miracle that he'd managed to last on Gibbs team as long as he had. He was definitely much closer to the grey-white end of the continuum than others in his so-called family.

"And studying psychology," Hermione was saying. "I learned how traumatic events could arrest development and cause post traumatic injuries. Twelve years of unspeakable horror with no hope of being released, it must have had a profound effect on Sirius - on top of his family upbringing. It's a miracle he survived without becoming incurably insane or malevolently evil.

"Emotional immaturity, impulsivity, lack of anger control – they seem like a pretty minor trade-off for all the terrible stuff he'd been forced to endure. He was also generous to a fault, courageous, willing to stand up for what he believed was right. Despite the personal cost, he was loyal friend and a dedicated auror. I guess I finally realised that a few flaws were, in the scheme of things, pretty minor. Like I said, no one's perfect but all things considered, Sirius could so easily have been turned into a serial killer or mass murderer by his experiences and yet he's chosen to spend his life serving others."

It occurred to Fornell that everyone referred to DiNotzo as Gibbs' loyal Saint Bernard, which was actually pretty damned funny, knowing what he knew now about Messrs Black and Padfoot. Of course, he'd never thought that a massive, ponderous Saint Bernard fit the image of the mercurial, athletic senior field agent particularly well. He thought perhaps a golden retriever with its goofiness, endless enthusiasm and in-your-face personality was more apt. Or perhaps an elegant and athletic Irish Setter with its stunning good looks, flightiness and boundless energy for work or play.

Even a Maremma Sheepdog fit him better, since they were fiercely protective of the flock, just as he was extremely protective of people he regarded as his flock - team mates, partners, family. Although of late, Tobias conceded that Tony's mien was more like a lugubrious basset hound or a doleful blood hound. Mind you, he was a blood hound when he caught the slightest sniff of a clue, refusing to give up until he'd tracked it down or the trail was finally frozen solid.

Once he had his quarry in his sights, no matter how fleeting, he reminded Tobias of an annoying terrier running it down and once he'd caught it, wouldn't let it go. The case of Michael Rivkin and the dead ICE agent sprang to mind as one such example. Even after Vance had ordered that the case be closed, no doubt hoping to avoid embarrassing Director David with revelations that his Mossad assassin killed a US federal agent, DiNotzo refused to let it go with a terrier-like tenacity.

In fact, Tony often joked that his hand-to-hand combat wasn't necessarily very scientific or technical; he described his style as scrappy. Having seen a bunch of terriers scuffling together over a bone or how one fought to drag its prey out of a burrow when he was a boy, scrappy was the adjective that came to mind. Plus, DiNotzo's constant chatter was somewhat reminiscent of those damned yippy yapping terriers, too.

He chuckled. All those canine qualities made a lot of sense now that Fornell knew about Tony's MOAS which included his animagus persona, Padfoot. Even his blind, dog-like loyalty to team mates who abused him horrendously over the years, in little and not so little ways made more sense than they did before.

Oh, what wouldn't he give for Gibbs et al to see Tony's alter-ego, but Tobias knew that would never be. Still he would use that fantasy about him transforming into Padfoot in the bull pen to help him make it through interminably boring meetings or stakeouts. Sighing philosophically, he tuned back into Hermione's musings and realised she fallen silent. He guessed it was his turn to respond.

"Okay, so with education and insight you've been able to realised that everyone has flaws, that no one is perfect." He told the brunette lounging tiredly on his couch. "I can see that you've grown up, matured emotionally and mentally, Hermione. Which is to be expected, of course. You understand that no one is without sin or flaw. Thankfully, most people have at least some good qualities if your prepared to look hard enough, but where does that leave Sirius. You seem to be very friendly towards him."

She shot him an amused look before she stretched out her kinks again from all the sitting around. Her yawn soon had him yawning too as the hour was late and there was still no sign that Tony would return tonight…or actually it was now the early hours of the morning. Giggling tiredly the witch was surprisingly forthright with him about her intentions.

"If you're concerned that he's twenty odd years my senior, I'll point out that such an age gap is not considered to be all that large in the magical world where our lifespan is much extended. Besides I'm a mother of two; not like I'm an ingénue, so if you're asking if I'm interested in him, attracted to him… then yes, Toby, I am. Is it a crush? No I'm not a silly teenager – I've dated since Ron's death, so you don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself."

Fornell grinned. "I know all that Hermione. Actually, it isn't you I'm concerned about. I have a feeling that you can be a handful, that people cross you at their peril." Seeing her smirk, he quailed momentarily, remembering who she was…what she was… before he refocused on the subject at hand.

"No, it's actually DiNotzo that I'm concerned about. He hasn't had good luck in the romance department. His fiancée dumped him just before their wedding. Then he fell in love with someone he wasn't supposed to, while he was under cover and he never really got over her. He ran into her recently and it was traumatic for him, opened up a lot of old wounds that had never healed. And if that wasn't bad enough, he also split up with his girlfriend a couple of months ago."

"Did he get together with his old flame?" Hermione wanted to know.

"She's married and Tony has a strict moral code about breaking up marriages." Fornell explain, sadly. "So anyway he's been through the ringer emotionally and he's quite vulnerable at the moment." He snorted rather loudly at his ability to state the bleeding obvious.

Seeing her expression of confusion her elaborated. "What you need to understand is that law enforcement has a high burn out rate, Hermione. Enforcing the law and protecting others is a bit like having an unforgiving and selfish mistress. She uses you and when you have nothing left to give her, she'll spit you out, broken and defeated," he explained to his guest, cynically.

"But you can work past the burnout - if you have support from your colleagues and family. Partners watch each other's back and are there for each other through thick and thin. But Tony's boss, his mentor and partner, the man he depends on has essentially told him to take a hike, after 15 years together. So he's feeling lost and adrift. He's fragile and very much alone."

"Okay, Toby…I get the not so subtle shovel hint. I won't break him. I won't take advantage of him and if I do pursue him, I'll go slow. Satisfied?" When he nodded, she smirked. "Now tell me about Sirius' partner who is causing him all that pain. Tell me everything about him."

Fornell looked worried. "Why? What do you want to know for?" Seeing a protectively maternal expression on her face, he groaned, experiencing a sense of foreboding. "I thought it was against the rules of international magical law to use any non-sanctioned magic against non-magical people?" He asked, nervously.

"That's true, Toby," she replied coyly. "And someone in my position can't afford to get caught flaunting that edict in particular…"

Fornell heaved a sigh of relief…until the beautiful, sexy witch laughed cynically.

"Although, there is also a certain amount of wiggle room for someone with my connections, if you catch my drift. Especially if you don't get caught," she chuckled evilly.

"Besides, that doesn't mean I can't make him wish he'd never been born for hurting someone that I care about. I'm also a very intelligent muggle-born female and there's absolutely nothing to say I can't teach him a lesson…sans magic."

It was unfortunate that he chose that moment to take a swig of his smooth single malt which he'd unfortunately switched to drinking instead of coffee, which went down the wrong way and left him choking for several minutes. Staring intently at Hermione, he had a feeling that even without magic this sassy, smart woman could and would cause absolute mayhem.

"So, spill!" she ordered authoritatively with the merest glimmer of a grin on her lips and tiny little crinkles between her eyebrows that suggested deep concentration.

Tobias almost felt sorry for Gibbs…almost! But he brought it all on himself, the miserable, tyrannical curmudgeon. Clearly he'd decided a long time ago, if Jethro Gibbs wasn't happy then no one close to him deserved to be either.

End Notes:

Okay, so clearly Hermione has her sights set on Tony/Sirius but like I said, there won't be any ships. It was necessary so I could examine the parallels between these two characters. It occurred to me in the process of writing what is supposed to be a parody, that these two share a lot in common. Including that they are both incredibly complex and very flawed characters who have still managed to retain their essential goodness in spite of what has been thrown at them, which I find fascinating. And yet, the author/writers seem to actively despise their them and trash them every chance they get. They seem to prefer characters who are less complex, with a chip the size of the Titanic on their shoulders and not exactly moral, viewing them as heroes.